"Knowing Oneself"
Manila, Philippines
September 11, 2013
I wonder what brought me here again. This place depicts memories- memories which I really like to forget. Nobody wants to see that old man's face again. Not Ryan and me either. Goddamn that old brute, long before Columbus discover this new world. If only there's a chance to back out, but hell no! He already planned everything, just to assure that we will come. If only I had found about it earlier, then there is no problem. Okay, it's too late for a protest. That man had booked a flight for us three, two months before I received his invitation. Exactly, that is how he works things out. And I also knew that he is always on top of his game. Fine, I admit that half of me want this to happen, not just because of my only darling Julienne, but also because I want to save my heart. I want to free myself on the hatred of the past. That man, no matter what he is now, or how much he had changed since the last time I saw him, had made a terrible mistake on dumping me and my brother. I had already proved him that he is the one who was really wrong. He can't direct my life according to his will, as long as he wants all the time. I'd already done my part as his son, once and for all- and that chapter of my life is the thing that I really regret the most. That time, he had the power so we can't resist him, but now, I am on my own.
My brother Ryan, my four year old Julienne and I reached the NAIA Airlines at exactly seven-thirty in the morning. It's really been a long flight from Washington to Manila, Philippines. I know, Julienne haven't get enough sleep since it is the very first time that we left States ever since I had her, but to my surprise, the little girl never show any sign of stubbornness or being irritable, but instead, I can see on her glowing face the easiness and overwhelmed that I once saw four years ago. "She really is pretty, Nat," Ryan said behind my back. I smile. Ryan also noticed it. No everyone notice it- that I always admire the little girl's innocent charm and often smile, though she seldom talks. I mean, ever since she was born, I always had my sight on her and watch her as she grows up. I am not sure what exactly the problem is, but Alfred Rothstein, my so long friend, and now a pediatrician, told me that the little girl had a problem on speaking due to a complication on her birth. Of course, I didn't believe him. No matter what others are saying, she's still my daughter, and I can't take the fact that she is retarded or what others may call it. I knew she can speak for she did it once, when I let her to see the picture of her mother and she began saying, "Mommy." Maybe, she really don't want to do it and it's her choice and perhaps she only need a counseling, so I even tried to search for second opinion, third, and so forth. I even hired a private tutor. I couldn't say that nothing happens for every time I saw her, she improves little by little, and her development became too fast more than what I had expected before. Yes, she can speak, but still, she rather not do it and always prefer to be silent. I know she is lonely and she misses her mother so much. I pitied the child because of that, and I always wonder what's on her mind. She is a smart little girl so I knew that she had the I.Q. much more than those children of her age. That is the thing that really worried me lately.
"She really is," I said to my brother as I approach my Julienne. "Cherie, you really want this tropical place, huh?" The little girl only smiles for approval.
It takes quarter an hour for us to reach the Villarta Mansion at Quezon City. I couldn't bring my car possession from Washington to Manila through means of a private jet, so I need to hire a car. Good for the three of us for we got an SUV luckily reserved for no other than my dad's only two sons, and one and only granddaughter. Meaning, this is another part of his orgy again.
"I couldn't remember how much this place had changed since we moved to U.S. bro," Ryan said as he keeps on scanning the roads and streets that we pass by. "Neither I," I answered from the driver's seat. "I wonder if Dad is really grateful to see the two of us. Nat, what do you think?"
"Why don't we find it out for ourselves?" I smile as I park the car on the front of the driveway of our ebony mansion. That mansion is already one and a half century years old. Meaning, this house was built during the time of my great, great, grandfather. Despite of its age, this house was still standing strong and still beautiful with its mixed modern Spanish style and French Style. The veranda is composed of a sofa set and a small table, all built by the most expensive narra branches and yantok garments, and it is facing the fish pond with foundations made of marble and onyx stones. It is surrounded by small garden of bonsai plants imported from Japan. The dining area seems like a French style resto with fine dining. All the rest of the house were specialized so it will be much more like a palace of a European royal clan. In summation, this mansion had a total cost of billions of euros. No wonder how rich this poor soul of his, because he owns the biggest airline corporations here and abroad. Hopefully, he's happy to live in this house alone.
Dinah Minchin, our governess, opens the main door for us. I can see in her eyes that she looks surprise to see Julienne on my side. "Is this she?" she asked. I turn my sight to Julienne. "Cherie, she is Dinah. She is my governess when I was just a little just like you." The little girl only stares at her with a confusing look, and then she smiles. "Yes, Dinah," I said as I turn to her. "Oh God, you're so pretty and . . . . you are now grown up," she said between tears as she hugs the girl.
"Ahm, Dinah, where is he?" Ryan asks to cut the sobbing of the old woman. "Uhh, sorry. He is waiting for you on his office. Come on little girl, I will show you your room."
Dinah leads Julienne to the little girl's room while Ryan and I head our way to see Dad. After all these times, he's still my Dad and I want to see how he's doing or whether he is happy seeing those sufferings.
"You go first, Nat," Ryan said as we reach the doorstep of Dad's office. I stare at him for a moment then I knock the door twice. "Speak," the voice said behind the door. "Dad, it's me, Nathaniel. Can we go come in?"
"Get in," he said with a cold tone.
I go first then Ryan right after me. I stare at him for a moment as I scan his place. Everything stayed the same except for him, who aged ten years older from his original age. I understand that aging is the natural enemy of man but I never expect that it will happen too fast, especially to a bad grass like him.
"Have seat sons."
Ryan and I stare at each other. This is the very first time in our entire life that he calls us 'sons.' We decided to sit in front of him, facing each other.
"It's a pleasant surprise that you've finally granted my wish and accepted my invitation, Nathaniel. How long was it? Eight years? And you, Ryan, my son, you're now a cruise captain. How was it to serve in the marines before you reach these heights?"
"Cut the pleasure folks," Ryan said as he looks at me. I can see the flames of anger and astonishment in his eyes. I wonder whether he is begging me to finish this up. We both knew, all of us, that we really hated this man. I look at Dad straightly in the eyes. For the very first time, I saw the sincerity- the shame, the disappointment, the truth on the way he looks. I never imagined that there comes a time that a proud lion will became a humble sheep.
"Julienne is with me. Now, what do you want?" I asked.
"Why don't we try to have a row before we start our short talk?" he said as he changes the subject. "Johannes, bring us the brandy."
"Dad, not this time. We didn't travel from Washington to this old house of yours just to drink brandy with you. I have so many deals on the row. I'll let you to have a bond with the girl for a week, and that's it. I had already booked a flight for Texas. I'll leave before noon. So what's this all about?" I throw a sharp look at him but he only ignored it and instead, he just considers taking charge of the arrival of Johannes with the brandy, of course.
"Ahhh, dear Johannes, finally! You really are on the right timing! Now, Johannes, fill up the glasses and give your señoritos a try!" he said with so much pleasure. I wonder if he is only doing this nonsense just to prolong our stay.
"That brandy is one of the most famous of all tequila and vodka in France, Italy, and other parts of Europe. Try this one. . . ." Dad continues discussing about the alcohol thing, which is really nothing of my care about. Such a waste of time, that's what I thought. At the corner of my eyes, Ryan caught my attention. He seems more uninterested and bored. He looks at me with sincerity and then he takes his glass and sips the brandy. I didn't hear much of Dad's chit chatting. All I know is that, he already brings the topic on my personal life.
"Now, Nathaniel, I heard that your settlement was on Washington? Oh boy, I know you really hate the environment of the city, and I don't really understand why you chose such a state?"
"Dad, actually, Washington is not the ideal place for a home. It's the city of business, money, transactions. Actually, I am at North Carolina, but my business is on Washington."
"Oh really," he said between surprise. "Interesting. I never thought that you left this country to start a business in abroad. Why, I have so many works for you here?"
Once again, I turn my look to Ryan but he still remains silent. "Actually, I'm on shipping line business."
"I heard that you write? In Reader's Time if I'm not mistaken?" I give him a timid smile. "Just to spend my leisure. I also write novels, literaries, short stories, and editorials."
"Oh you really did change. Both of you." The old man gives a sigh again. No, you are! I thought silently. It's really been a long time since then, when I first saw this man. That time, he's still strong- a man in middle forties. I guess, forty-seven. He is tall with broad shoulders, nice body, fair complexion, and handsome looks. I can feature a strong personality as I look into his eyes. That is twenty-three years way back.
Little Brothers Orphanage
September 11, 1989
This is only a normal day, that's what I thought, wherein all the children in the orphanage are all busy on their own worlds. Of course, everybody bond in cliques for they are already with each other for a very long time, while me, I am not one of them. Anyway, I am Nathan. That is my name and I am seven years old as of today. My surname? Well, I don't know. I already forget about it together with my birthday. I can't even remember if me and my parents ever celebrated it. Actually, Mother Abess, the Head Nun, told me that it's been a year now since my mother left me in front of the gate of 'Little Brothers Orphanage.' That is September 11, 1988. Yes, a Sunday afternoon in the middle of autumn, my mother left me. She left me with a promise that she will return. I don't remember her name, but at least, I can still remember the way she looks. I was six years old then and I can't understand why she needed to left me. The memories are blurred and all I knew is mom and Dad had a fight and mom hit him and the other woman, then there are the police. All of a sudden, I am already on this place. Yes, I am here again, sitting on that old bench in front of the gate, September 11, 1989. Mother Abess told me that I should be happy for this is my birthday since I have none. I smile. She's kidding for honestly, this is really not my birthday. I am just here for I am waiting for her. That is the greatest gift for me- if she came. You know what, since the first time that I came here, the nuns taught me about so many things- about God, about heaven, the reality about man and everything. Also, they always tell me that always focus on the positive aspects of life. Honestly, it is really hard to understand those things, but somehow, I realized that everything happens for a purpose, and there's always a good thing behind the odds. Also, I should be thankful that I am here, for at least, father can no longer beat me, or punch me, and hit me, until I am almost dying. He is always that way especially when he is drunk. I think, that were all started when our business got bankrupt and life became not easy. Daddy suddenly changed on the way he treated me and my mom. He kept on womanizing, not until that night of September 10, 1988, when mom and dad had a fight and then mom hit them- dad and his other woman.
"Nathan!" Someone called me behind my back. I look at his direction. "What?" I ask the child in white t-shirt and khaki shorts. Actually, he is three years younger, but we are almost on the same time when we are brought here. To be exact, I was brought here one week in advance, then that is the start of our friendship. We are both loners, so I guess, that's when we hit the closeness as if we are real brothers.
"Mother Abess is looking for you. Father Escalante is already here and the preaching is about to start minutes from now!" Ryle said.
"Okay, tell her I'm coming," I answered back.
I give a short glimpse on the gate once again. There, I can feature the face of my mom and she's smiling. I give a timid smile then I head my way on the convent.
Mother Abess and Father Escalante are best of friends. Many says that they were childhood lovers but they both find their one true love in God's image. So, Mother Abess became a nun and Father Escalante, a parish priest.
The bible study usually last for two and a half hours. To be honest, I'm not that interested for usually, I only want to read those books by myself alone. During these random times, I just manage to stay there for a while- half listening, and then I will escape and go to the library and suit myself on reading different kinds of books. Sometimes, I'll borrow the bible and read about the stories of Elijah, Noah's ark, and my most favorite, the book of John. Actually, I am contented with my limited number of friends, for I have only Ryle and these books. I really love books and I always consumed myself on reading them.
I am already about to finish reading a sonnet from Shakespeare when I heard a small voice from behind the shelves
"It's better to view the world from above
For there we can see what future will awaits
On a small voice like me
For the entire world's journey is too far from my sight
Still I am a part of the world. . ."
I look at the direction where the voice came from. A pretty little girl, I thought. She has a shoulder-length hair and pretty long eyelashes. Her cheeks are pinkish and slightly plump and she has a fair complexion. I head my way towards her and gave her a timid smile. "What's that?"
She looks at me in surprise, but she easily changes the direction of her gaze. She frowns then back on her innocent charm again. "Don't look at me that way. I'm not a trespass if that's what you think. Base on the way you look, you're one of the kids right?"
I blink a little in surprise, and then I smile. "I'm not saying that you're a trespass, and yeah, you're right. Got a problem with that? Anyway, I'm just reading a sonnet when I heard a murmuring puppy so I get here."
She gives me an astonish look. "Puppy huh?" She rolls her eyes which is a funny mannerism.
"What's funny?" she finally asked after the long silence.
"Uh, nothing. Anyway, I am just wondering, where were you from? How did you get here?"
"Father Escalante."
"Huh?"
She smiles. "He's my uncle which turned to be my foster father now."
"I see. I bet you escape his lessons."
"Then why you, an exemption?" she asks frankly and in my surprise, I finally burst out into laughter. She also laughs with me.
"Wait, stop. I'm out of air," I said.
She looks at me again. She smiles. "Can I join you?" I ask. "Sure, why not?"
"Anyway, I'm Nathan. You are?"
"Julia," then she lends a hand. "Friends?" she asks. "Sure, friends," I said as I accept hers.