I groaned in annoyance as I reach for my phone on the table to stop my freaking alarm. I got home late last night and yet I need to wake up early. Drowns into making my requirements in half of the tiresome day and now is my free time. Library time though! Badly need to study!
I don't have class in the afternoon and so, I have to divide my time. I always do that, instead of making things that may lead to my parent's wrath. With my weak hands, I stand and pick up my bag. Hugging my books and notes, I leave that room full of party people without making a sound. It's irritating to stay and spend my time with them! I can't afford to waste it for such nonsense things.
Becoming busy with my requirements--- I dint had the time to check on my phone. Here if you want to fit in, you have to make everything to be on top.
The library is my safe haven; its obscure silence gives me the freedom to do my task without getting irritated with my environment. And I spend most of my free time here too, reading alone as my mind wanders through the places with my eyes wide open.
Books have been my GREAT ESCAPE. Not only from the painful reality, but it also allows me to procrastinates my thoughts from suffocating me, even in just a short time.
"My thoughts were like dangerous toxins. It can asphyxiate my mind, it unfurls through my veins, and reach the deepest of my heart." Sabi nya sa mababang boses. I opened her novel. Its Magnus Chase and the sword of summer, by Rick Riordan. I was about to flip its page into the next one when I notice the paper that had been clipped into it. I heave a sighed when I realized what is that was. It's an application form---An application for the Writing Club Organization. Napailing nalang ako. Ave, and her stubbornness. Sya siguro ang nag-lagay nito tsk!
"Wag ko na ata ituloy," I utter out of nowhere.
"You didn't pass your application last year, right? You're so gulo! napag-usapan na natin to last week diba?" Nakapamewang na tanong ni Cloe sasaakin. Without minding her presence, I shifted my look at the scattered coloring pencils above the table.
"Halla!? At kailan pa kayo natutong mag-salita?" I asked the pencils nonchalantly. As if Naman mag sasalita sila pabalik.
I automatically received a glare from Cloe.
"What?" I smiled sweetly. "Didn't I tell you? Don't apply heavy makeups, saan bang birthday party punta mo at ba't sila nag hire ng clown?" Pagtutuloy ko pa. Taunting her has always been my hobby. It's funny to see her weird face when I do that.
"Arrghs! You're so annoying Jansy! Aren't you aware that you make me feel so stressed out? Ang pawis-pawis ko na! lakad ako ng lakad! My feet are so tired kayaa! And also, don't you dare to scrutinize my make up! Nasira yan dahil sayo like duh."
And there she goes whining and ranting on me. Nag sabi bang hanapin nya ako?
Napailing sya 'kaconyohan' nito. But I already made up her mind.
"I won't pass my application Not now. Not soon. Never" I fix all my stuff and put it inside my bag. Why is she here? Where's Zack anyway?
"Hey, Jansy! Wait!" rushing through the door, I leave her hanging there. Whatever clown!
The bell rang. Nag-uunahan na ang mga studyanteng lumabas. I stop and look at everybody passing me by, they were happy, loud, and carefree, like how they use to be.
" I just hope I could be like them. Kailan kaya ako ulit muling makakatawa? Yung Hindi ko na iisipin ang susunod pa? Yung wala ng pipigil pa? Kasi hanggang ngayon... wala paring nangyayari." I sighs and leave.
It's like there's no progress at all. Nothing changes. The pain is still there lingering as its slowly killing me.
It's been a long tiring day for me, all I want to do is lay down on my soft bed. And I knew from the very moment, I needed to write.
Mang Gilbert pick me up again, just like the usual. I run in the grand stairs, paving my way towards my room.
I reached for my everyday journal and write what I feel. Pouring out my dinking heart as my pen continuously moves.
'Buhay raw ay parang pelikula
Napapatawa nalang ako ng mapakla
Kailan kaya babalik ang dating sigla?
Kailan ko kaya ulit sila makakasama sa sala?
Maaring bang humiling sa mga tala?
Bakit lahat ay naglaho na parang bula?
Bigat sa damdamin nalang ba ang lagi kong dala dala?
Ibalik nalang ulit natin sa simula,
Ng bigat ng narama'y mawala'
Napangiti ako ng mapait, this is my stress reliever--- my comforting habit.
Yung isusulat mo nalang lahat ng nag lalaro sa iyong isipan sa kadahilanang, walang handang makinig.
"I cant get it. Bakit sa tuwing pag-uwi ko ng bahay, unti unting linulukob ng sama ng loob ang aking damdamin? Hindi bat dito ko dapat mararamdan ang kaginhawaan at katiwasayan? Sabagay what makes a house a home? I cant even call this as a home." I wiped the tears rushing down my cheeks "I wish I never lived here," I heave a sighed once again. Ilang beses ko na bang sinabi ang mga salitang yan? Wala namang nangyaring ikagaganda ng buhay ko.
Mahirap bang maglaan ng oras para sa mga taong mahal mo? Gaano ba nila pinapahalagahan ang oras?
This has been my usual routine, kung hindi isusulat, itutulog mo nalang yung sakit. Kung may gamot lang na pwedeng maka pagpawala ng sama ng loob..... I would be very willing to take and drink it.
"I told you to call me, why do you always have to be stubborn?" I heard someone scoffed. Napapantastikuhan akong napatingin sa direksyon na pinangagalingan ng tinig.
Suot-suot ang kanyang puting uniporme, nakahilig s'ya sa hamba ng pintuan ng aking silid.
My heart instantly fluttered because of his presence. Without having a second thought--- I run towards him, clang my arms on his nape and feel his warmth. He wraps his arms on my waist pulling me more closely, making me smell his manly scent that I got addicted to.
"What's bothering you this time?" He asks, obviously being concerned.
"Nothing, I just kinda feel lonely," I whispered, that's partly the reason. But I couldn't admit what I want, maybe because I was raised following my parents without saying NO as an answer.
He sighs and snuggles his head on my neck, resting for a bit.
"I'm home, Azra." He whispered.
home, I never felt it on this huge dull mansion. I find it on River Aiden Fabregas Arms.