Every writer has a hidden emotion behind those mysterious words they wrote. Most of the time, writing is their way of expressing the happenings and different scenarios that they've carved into their hearts. To voice out their untold feelings and thoughts. And it's the only way to temporarily remove the mask they are fond of using. Well, that's what I believe, that somehow writing my thoughts.... would keep me alive. It's my way of reminding myself to BREATH.
What you write, mirrored what you feel. It is a reflection itself.
I wasn't used to swimming in the ocean full of fishes and bewildering catches. I wasn't used in trying to fit herself in a large group of folks with different personalities. I just wanted to be alone, to write to prevent my thoughts in keeping me drown. But even if it's against my will, I'm surrounded by an inexplicable type of people.
writing my thoughts always served as my life-vest to keep my short lifespan last longer, but how could I survive in this sea of people with an environment I couldn't even understand?
My so-called-friends are as loud as a megaphone. My smug schoolmates always expose their wealth in public. And my classmates, my party geek classmates! They couldn't get enough of attending events and galas that they even have to bring their ambiance to our classroom. It's been 4 months since the class started----and my 4th and last year to my school. Yet, I'm never going to get used to it.
I just attended the WRITE-YOUR-THOUGHTS Competition at our school. It's a privilege for every writer on our campus----the instructors and proctors gave us allotted time to write everything we wanted on our paper. Anything... It's either through the poem, essay, or even position paper if we want, just to express everything on our mind. Whether you are a journalist, a reading club member, Writers League member, or any organization on the campus that involves writing.
As for my case, I'm just a normal student without any background when it comes to "competing and winning" who was drag by Averose and registered my name without giving me an idea of what I was going to enter. Unfortunately, I wrote a poem that even me, myself has no idea where it comes from. And right after passing my paper, I left the place, I didn't care about the Ranking of Champions anyway.
Until now, my temple is still troubling like it has been drained. Hindi 'ko alam 'kung ilang oras na akong nakadukmo sa aking mesa. The disco-like atmosphere is still there. Hindi na ito humupa.
After hearing the bell, I immediately fix my things and get out of the room. Averose, handed me my spectacles, making me frown and raise my brow.
"Be there, and don't wear that! Or else.." She seriously said. Fine! I needed to hurry up.
I run towards the gate, not minding the different groups of folks blocking my way. I waited at the parking lot for a few more minutes before seeing a BMW approaching my way. Making everybody looked at me, whispering words I couldn't understand. They are maybe talking about my existence. Right! That's why I NEVER WANTED TO BE PICKEN, IT'S GETTING ALL THE ATTENTION!
Just by hearing my surname screams wealth and power----but I never wished to become prominent. I never wanted any special treatment from people just because of my lineage, I never wanted to feel their doubtful eyes laying intact one me----observing every little thing I execute and how it'll go.
I waved my hands and fake a smile for the driver to distinguish that it's me. Pinag-buksan ako ng pinto ng kotse ni Mang- Gilbert
"Saan po tayo, Ma'am? Sa bahay nyo po o sa Ospital?" How I wish I'm sick for you to drove me to the hospital. But sadly, I'm not...
"Sa bahay nalang po," I shortly answered. Remembering everything that I have to do. And let my mind wander for a long time. Absorb by my thoughts, that I didn't even realize it is consuming my time.
"Ma'am, andito na po tayo." I caught my driver looking at me with concern in the rearview mirror. Kanina pa pala kami tumigil sa harap ng aming bahay. I'm too preoccupied to notice. Napatango ako at tumakbo sa loob ng bahay. Not minding the maids who keep on greeting me. It sucks living in a huge mansion when you only have your maids with you.
I climbed the grand stairs and rush towards my room. Isang knee length formal white dress ang nasa aking kama na may kasamang puting pouch. I rolled her eyes and ready my undies to take a shower. I shouldn't have a rush, I wanted to be there late.
After taking a bath, she goes out of the bathroom with her robe.
"Hurry up! Janinah, your Mother texted me, Pronto!" Natatarantang utos ni Asia saakin. Napairap ako at umupo sa harap ng Vanity mirror. I knew it! I hate makeup!
Asia is our family's personal makeup artist and designer since then. She's a transgender and a kind-hearted human. I remember, when I was 9 years old, I asked what should I call her? A HE? or A SHE? Of course, Asia said I should call her A SHE! She's a woman now, after all.
Asia blow-dried my hair before tying it into a messy bun. Then she puts a lot of things on my face too, making me feel disdain, I'm not even aware of what are those. She keeps on glancing at me in the vanity mirror but I remain quiet. I don't want to start a conversation anyway. Asia sighed and leave me into the room for me to dress up. Umiiling akong tumayo at sinuot ng ang lacy dress. I paired it with a three-inch pump before running downstairs. Sinalubong ako ni Asia at napapalakpak sa tuwa.
"You're so pretty since ever! Why don't you become a model too? Like Cloe?" I smirked with the thought of that. Either a model or anything else, I was never allowed to.
Mang Gilbert drove me and Asia into the venue. Tahimik lang ako habang kinakalikot ang aking cellphone samantalang salita naman ng salita si Asia. She's reminding me about the details and the guest. I have to know, in case things go south. I'm not only representing my name here! My family's a damn business too!
"Honey we are here! Smile, okay?" Asia reminded me before opening the door of the passenger seat. I sighed and get out of the car too. Asia clings her hands on my arm as we walked into the red carpet. I was welcomed by the flash of cameras from a different corner. And the media reporters who keep on asking me questions. I smiled widely and wave my hands on them. Never did I ever wish to have this fame linked with my surname
A woman wearing a golden shinning gown with a high slit stare at me. She is standing in front of the huge double doors, with her hand on her waist. Slightly upset with her thick brows raising, and her bloody red-colored lips purse. Her aura is screaming sophistication and authority.
"You're almost late, Janinah. It's never a good practice." Umiling sya habang hindi inaalis ang tingin saakin. I wanted to raise her my eyebrow too, but I respect this woman after all. Nagbaba nalang ako ng tingin.
"I am sorry, It won't happen again..." I whispered. Napatango ito at sinenyasan si Asia na umalis na. She places her arms at the top of my shoulder and held my chin up.
"Remember, Never disappoint me... Act elegantly as you are. You are my heiress." She's looking straight into my eyes that gives me a penetrating feeling. Napatango ako ng dahan-dahan bago nag-iwas ng tingin. My mother opened the huge door, revealing a group of busy people.
"Dra. Junica, where's Dr. June?" Bungad saamin ng lalaki malapit sa entrance. He's wearing a tuxedo with a white polo underneath. He looks young with his clean-cut and gray-colored hair.
"Oh! Hello, Mr. Nuevaz! Thank you for having us... My husband has an emergency... You know him and his work." My mother shook the man's hand as he laughed with her remark. I smiled at him too before my mom dragged me into the other tables.
The whole area was filled with an enormous number of people. Everybody has their own business to mind. Some used to chit-chat while walking. Some are holding their wines while sitting in their designated sits. Some are just there, Standing and roaming around the place.
The noisy hallway suddenly became quiet when a lady in her gorgeous black dress stands at the center together with a woman on her navy blue gown and a man wearing again a tuxedo. The way she waves her hair to say hi to some people who were used to greet her was done gracefully.
The way she walked like a model on a ramp can catch a lot of eyes and nailed them stuck on her. She frustratedly wiped the sweat on her forehead. Bahagya itong luminga linga sa paligid na parang may hinahanap. Her captivating pair of orbs seems worried. Ilinapit nya ang telepono sa tenga at bahagyang napa padyak padya. She dialed someone.
my phone rang inside my pouch making me excuses myself from the people my mother was talking.
Dali dali akong naglakad papuntang entrance at hinablot sya papuntang gilid na table.
"Jansy! I thought you're not coming! Tatakas na sana ako, e! You're not answering your phone naman." Bulong nya saakin . Afraid that someone might eavesdrop.
"Who's with you?" Makahuluguhan 'kong tanong.
"Si Vic, we need to hurry up!"
I roam her eyes all around the hall. Everything seems perfect. With the mini stage decorated with shiny things. With the lights and the chandelier into the ceiling. The tables and chairs with their cloth too. And the people smiling towards each other as they discuss things. Hindi ko man lang maisip na pag-papanggap lang lahat.
Cloe dragged me into the table with their mothers.
"Oh! Here she is, Meet my daughter. Janinah Scieryle, "I awkwardly smiled. All eyes are laid intact with me, smiling while looking at me with suspicion.
"O my God, Junica! She looks exactly like Alesyehia!" The women on her red gown said. Making my smile dropped. Averose is standing on the women's back, smiling on me apologetically. It's her mother!
"I know, right? I'll be enrolling her on Med. School soon! She'll be great like her sister!" Nakangiting sagot ng aking ina. Cloe holds my hand, signifying that I have to calm down.
"Yah! I heard her hospital in the U.S is doing fine!"
"That's why Janinah will be handling our hospitals soon.." I can hear the hint of smugness on my mother's voice. Making me wanted to leave already.
"That's good! My Averose right here will be a pediatrician too, just like me... They'll be business partners too in the future! Dear, introduce yourself to this beautiful lady," Bahagya pa itong bumulong sakanyang tenga. I can see how reluctant she was to do what her mom wants.
"Hi, I'm Averose Amelei. I hope we can be friends.." Nakangiting sabi nya saamin sabay lahad ng kamay. I smiled back. We have to pretend we didn't know each other, or else we knew what might happen.
I can still remember what Averose did to her, but I knew it somehow helped. I'm just afraid that her mother might found out.
"That's good! My Averose right here will be a pediatrician too, just like me... They'll be business partners too in the future! Dear, introduce yourself to this beautiful lady," Bahagya pa itong bumulong sakanyang tenga. I can see how reluctant she was to do what her mom wants.
"Hi, I'm Averose Amelei. I hope we can be friends.." Nakangiting sabi nya saamin sabay lahad ng kamay. I smiled back. We have to pretend we didn't know each other, or else we knew what might happen.
I can still remember what Averose did to her, but I knew it somehow helped. I'm just afraid that her mother might found out.
"The name's Janinah," simple kong sagot sabay tanggap ng kamay nya. I face my mother after that.
"Mom, Cloe, and I were just going to roam around. Excuse us,"
"Sure, bring Aeverose with you," napatango sya at tinitigan si Averose. I dragged Cloe at the back exit, she knew Ave will follow us too.
"That was close! Woshh! " Cloe exclaimed as she brushes her sweat away.
"Fuck! This gown is damn irritating and itchy! " habol naman saamin ni Averose habang kinakamot ang binti. She's wearing a gray fitted gown, groaning at its finest.
Umiling ako habang tumakbo papuntang Parking lot. Welcome to the world of business-minded people! The realm of fraud, artifice, and fakeness where I was born.