I have a splendid collection of vinyl records.
Half of them I purchased from thrift stores. Two of them I got from my dad for my fifteenth birthday. And the rest I grabbed from his room. My dad was very fond of vinyl records. He would buy a vinyl record at least every week.
The one I like the most is 'The Freewheelin' by Bob Dylan'. It is indeed a nice one.
It has been six years since I lost my dad just two months after my fifteenth birthday. Now I'm twenty one. How fast time flies! He was a nice person, no doubt in that. A cheerful person.
We used to walk in the park every evening. Then one day, while coming back home he met with an accident. He went on the other side of the road to buy ice cream for me. Suddenly a truck came and hit him. I was so shaken by his death that I couldn't even move from my spot. People were approaching him. And there I was, standing, watching with my dry eyes, dad getting all covered in blood.
I watched as the ambulance came. They picked him up in the car. Two men came forward and grabbed my hand. They were asking for my mother's number. But I could barely spit out something. I passed them my phone and stoically slid into the car. I didn't move an inch and stared at him for the whole way.
His white shirt got covered in blood. I held his hands. It was cold.
When we reached the hospital I saw my mother already standing outside the hallway, sobbing.
The doctors took him to the OT room while I stood outside with mom. She looked terrible.
After a while, a doctor came outside. He said sorrowfully that they couldn't save him. It was too late. There was nothing they could do then.
My emotions were all mixed up. I was downhearted. I didn't know how I felt or what should I have felt. I looked down. My hands were covered in blood.
I was scared.
But disappointed.
I couldn't save my dad.
Why him? Why not me?
My mother looked at me with disappointment. From that moment I knew that I'm the reason of his death.
I reached my home and went straight to my dad's room. I grabbed some of his belongings. His clothes, some packets, a photo frame and of course his vinyl records. I went to my room to grab my belongings and stepped out of the house. I came to a new city. I didn't even attend his funeral.
I didn't even delivered a eulogy for him.
After a year I found that Mrs. Azalea was married already. She was happy with her another family. She didn't care about me even though she knew about my whereabouts. It didn't bother me though. What bothered me mostly is that she moved on from dad. From then I don't like her anymore.
Today is my dad's death anniversary.
I don't have the right to be in tears over his death.
I go downstairs to the spare room. I step in. I sit straight into the chair and stare at the frame kept in the table. It holds a memory of us. He gave me those vinyl records and we took a photo of it.
I hold up the frame.
His smile...
I wish I could see that again.
I slide open the drawer. There are some packets. I never opened them up in the past five years. I go through the packets. Some are from his office while some others are vinyl's receipts. I notice a red packet. It's different from others though. I open up and take out the paper from inside.
It's a letter from my dad!
Why didn't I notice this before?
I start to read it.
'Hey my little boy. Haha sorry I know you're not little anymore. But you are little to me though. I didn't know how to talk about all these to you in person so I'm writing it all. I know when I die one day, you'll find this. You can't just abandon your dad's belongings, right? I just don't want to have any regrets left in my life so this confession would be the last thing you get from me. You're mom and I divorced a long time ago. We kept it a secret from you as we didn't want you to get hurt. Things weren't going well between us. She has a new family now. I don't mind it though as long as she doesn't forget to take care of you. Though she seems little busy with that family of hers. I just want you to be happy. Do you remember there was a woman named Amber Ellen? You know who she is. She always cared for you like her own child. She is a nice person. You know when you were at summer camp, I was sick. I had severe fever and cough. That time she was the one who took care of me. I fell in love. I was scared and ashamed to tell you how I felt for her. I wanted her to live with us. I know things are hard for you to consume. But things are like this. I'm telling these now because I can't find her. She disappeared somewhere. I searched for her everywhere possible. She was tensed for the last few weeks. She was scared to leave us. She always mentioned about a man who wanted to marry her forcefully. She always talked about saving us even at the cost of her own life. But I just want to meet her for the last time. And I don't know how. I need one thing from you son. Please find her and tell her that I love her so much. And I'm sorry that I couldn't help her. If possible, I want you two to live together as a family. I'll be glad. I'm sorry, son. I couldn't tell you all these in person. Don't hate your dad please. I love you. I just want you to have a mother. I love you so much my boy. I love you...
Your superhero DAD'
I place the paper on the table. My heart is aching. I can feel tears falling down my cheeks. I couldn't hold it back anymore.
Dad was worried about all these things? He was always lost in thoughts because of these? Everyday he would go out in search of her?
He just wanted me to have a mother. To have someone by my side when he won't be there.
My superhero. My dad. All he was worried about me having a family. Only if I had seen this letter six years back, I would've been living with Aunt Amber now. That was his last wish for me, right? To have a mother.
I should do this for him. For me.. I must.
But how am I going to find her? I don't know where she is...