Dammit, this is the sixth time this week. I raise my head in annoyance at the sound of another timid, greedy human trespassing my cave. They're tiptoeing as if I can't hear the crunch of dead leaves and twigs beneath their feet. And that stench. Gosh, that stench. How long has it been since this thing bathed? Like, I understand that my cave is high on top of a forest-covered mountain but there's literally a stream about 5 yards down. It's not that hard to take a shower before breaking and entering.
The foul human creeps closer, approaching my leathery wings. He (I think it's male) attempts to peer around my scaled body. His back is turned to my face so I tentatively prod him with a claw. With humans, one has to be careful. They're incredibly fragile creatures. An ounce of extra strength on my part could accidentally skewer him.
He jolts at the nudge and whips around with a yelp. Or a whimper. It could've been a combination of both. His pebble-sized eyes widened as he took in my horns, spikes, and scales. I think the biggest shocker was my golden eyes. I dare say they're my best feature. The other dragon aunties always said I had the most glorious eyes.
The human freezes, mouth agape, as he takes in my magnificent image. I wait for his tiny mind to generate a plausible excuse as to why he trespassed my cave. But I get impatient.
"Well, what's the excuse human?" I prod.
"Huuhh whaaa..?"
"Why are you in my cave? I surely don't recall having invited you. I feel I would remember if I did."
"Uuuhhh, I'm just visiting. You know, to offer tribute to Your Great —Your Great Dragoness. Um, I've heard so much about your magnificence," he stammers, rubbing his undoubtedly sweaty palms together.
"The truth. If you were here to offer tribute, you wouldn't be approaching with that gosh-awful stench radiating from you." I scrunch my nose in distaste.
It seems my exposé of his little lie gave him a boost (of courage or fear, I couldn't tell). He pulls out this ratty toothpick-looking thing and waves it in my face.
"Cut the crap! Just give me the gold. Or—or I'll slay you!" He jabs the toothpick thing toward me.
"Gold? Why would I have gold??? I'm a dragon. I have no use for human money." I swish my tail in annoyance, knocking the puny sucker off his feet.
"What dragon doesn't possess gold? Quit trying to trick me." He jumps to his feet.
"Well, I don't know what dragons you've been hanging out with but among my whole family and everyone I grew up with, none of us have gold."
"Well, the stories—"
"Stories? So, you trespassed my cave and disturbed my rest because stories told you dragons have gold."
"Well if you put it that way…"
"You are a moron. And so is whoever wrote those damned stories. I am a dragon. I don't buy food; I kill it. And also, I live in a cave. In a forest. On a mountain. Why on earth would I possess gold?"
"Um I never really thought about that.."
"Well, if you have the time to trespass my home, you have the time to use your brain. Leave! And grow a brain while you're at it!"
I curl back into my nest, huffing. It's a miracle that such a fragile, stupid species hasn't gone extinct yet. What a wasted use of my morning nap time.