"I will pack my bags tomorrow, Ma." I tried convince her with my sweet, innocent & little annoyed voice. It works like charm.
"Ok sweety, but remember to pack your laptop & chargers. And don't stress yourself. And pack your tiffin for dinner. And don't forget to call me before leaving. And if my cellphone is not reachable then call Papa." She said adding, "Did you have a word with Nitu? She said she will be with you at railway station."
"Yes Ma. I talked to her. She will reach by 6 here." "Don't worry. I'll be fine. And if I forget something, Nitu will collect it from my Apartment." I assured her.
I was leaving for hometown today. And never to return this time. I resigned a month ago. Everybody was shocked with my decision. I don't care what people think. That's my one of the personality traits. But my family's reaction made me a bit worried. Because they were worried that something was wrong with me. Or who else leaves well paid, hard-earned job and come to the hometown? But that's there perception. Considering my feelings, I was handling myself pretty impressively.
I couldn't tell my parents what I was going through. I wanted tell them, I wanted to scream out as loudly as possible that I fu****ing screwed up and couldn't take it anymore. It was unbearable to even think about what was going on. He was getting married. My all other friends were getting married. In short, the whole world was getting married, except me. And believe me, it sucks.
Actually being single had its perks. I didn't need to chat anymore, didn't need to think before going anymore, hanging out with anybody. But the problem was, I wasn't interested in anything anymore. So I decided to leave that life, starting something new. I had some plans. I didn't know at that time that anything was going to work out or not. But once I decide anything, I do it no matter what others say. My another personality trait. Plus everybody was mad at me for leaving such an opportunity of well settled life which they couldn't get. But I had decided, I didn't want to go with the crowd anymore. And there was no any reason to be in that crowded city either. I was lonely & miserable. It was enough for me.
So I had packed my half the bags. And I was really ready to leave it all behind. But I was still feeling heavy. 'That stupid piece of shit left me to marry that dumb girl.' I talked to myself and rolled my eyes.
'Let's leave him behind and start a new chapter.'
I tried to cheer myself. And a personalised message tone rang. It was his message. My heart sank even more. 'Now what he wants to say?' I irresistibly opened the message.
'Happy Journey'
The message said happy journey. My heart felt a tiny little bit of joy after reading those words. I don't know why but still he was the only who can successfully cheer me up. I stopped moving for a moment. A lot happy memories ran in front of eyes. I smiled to myself, locked my phone and stepped towards emptiness. Looking for light.
"Don't stay awake, look out for bad guys and call me when you reach. And don't sleep too deep." My sister instructed me carefully. She was the only person who had vague idea of what was going on with me. She didn't ask me anything. She knew, if I wanted to share, I would've. But this was my obstacles to overcome. She understood it well and always tried to protect me without disturbing my privacy or space.
I rested my head back on the seat and closed my eyes. I tried to analyze the situation. It was still hard to process everything. I prayed God to give me strength.
'He has left me and he really has accepted his fate even though he is not happy.'
I tried not to think. But only thing I could think was he and his stupid fiancé.
Suddenly the earth stared to move. It was the train. The journey to the light had officially been started. I said goodbye to my sister I tried to hide my face. The hot tears rolled down my cheeks. And those were not pouring down because I was leaving. It was my disappointment towards my life, towards love.
'How can world be so cruel?'. I thought to myself, wiped my tears and closed my eyes to forget about it all. At least for a while.
'When the crowded roads seem empty, and music makes you mad,
It's time to realize you're miserable and your life is sad,
Sad enough to make you vomit your favorite meat, lose tastes and you starts to look at the stars.
Soon stars stop shining for you and darkness fills your heart.'