Raelynnn's POV:
Darkness surrounded the room.Every nook and corner of the room is filled with darkness except the small light near the window.I am sitting on the edge of the window gazing into the darkness outside, listening to the sound of rain hitting on my glass window.I kept wondering how the darkness swallowed everything as if it is an endless vortex.I wish if darkness could also take me from everything.I wish if I could vanish into the darkness as if I wasn't even there.
I glanced at my phone.3:00 AM.
I let out a long sigh and glanced at the notes in my hand.I am trying to write a new song,but it's like my mind is blank.I couldn't get anything out of my head.Whenever, I wrote a song in the past,I didn't even need to think.Words will come out of me naturally as if it is flowing from my hand to the paper.But now a days,it's as if even if I go to my head with a search party,I couldn't even find a word.Writing songs was only my solace.Now I feel like everything is falling apart.
I know it's pretty late and I should be sleeping,but my sister told me that the song overdue is tomorrow.....no,today since it's already way past midnight.I stared at the paper as if words would come magically out of nowhere.
I don't know how long I sat there just staring at the paper until I fell into a deep slumber.
********************************************
I woke up with a startle from my sleep.I glanced at my phone.8:00 AM.
oh!shit.
I am late.
I hurriedly went into the bathroom and rushed my morning activities.
I went to downstairs so fast that I got tripped on staircase.But, I didn't care.All I was thinking at that time was my mom will be up and awake right now and it will be the end of me.
You see,it's a weekend.So it shouldn't be a problem waking up late,right?
But it's not the case in my home.
I got into the doorway of kitchen and saw our maid,Mrs Lane, cooking breakfast.
Phew,mom is not here.
I start to make my way slowly into the kitchen before my mom notices.But, of course today is not my day..
"Raelynn,Do you know what time is it?How many times I've told you a proper lady should not oversleep?"
"I am sorry mom.I was working on the song.So I slept pretty much late."
"Excuses won't take you anywhere Raely."I could almost hear the anger dripping from her voice.
This is where my hatred towards my mom increases.Even though she is living in the 21st century,her dumb head is living in the 18th century.For her, being a proper lady is important for a woman.A proper lady should never oversleep,should never rise her voice against elders,should avoid unnecessary talks and ′unnecessary′ friends,should only marry the person who the family chooses for her,....and the list goes on and on.In short,a woman does not have any rights in my family except my sister,Emily.
My parents was always considerate and kind towards her.When I was young,I thought it was maybe because my little sister is very pretty.But as I grew up,I realised,it's not only that.Emily is everything who I wished to be.I am super awkward and very shy and I had a hard time keeping up a conversation even with my relatives.But Emily is very easy going.She is confident,brave,she can even start a conversation with strangers as if she had known them for too long.
And not to mention,she is gorgeous,with her straight hair and slim figure.Everyone loves her because of her easygoing personality and her popularity as a singer.While, I am the ugly,fat one in my family.I know everyone is beautiful in her own way and I should not degrade myself like that.But it's very hard to love yourself when you are reminded of how ugly you are each and every day by your own family.
*****************************************************
I made my way quietly to the dining table where our butler,Mr Richard is setting our breakfast.He is a very sweet and kind man in his 50′s.I always loved helping him,even though he refuses my help.
"Good Morning Mr Richard."
"Good Morning Raely.How can I help you my dear?"
"Actually I am the one who should be asking that question."
Without letting him answer,I started to arrange the plates and cutlerys on the table.
"Raely,you know how much it will get you into trouble."
My mom doesn't like it when I help Mr Richard or Mrs Lane.She always told me it's an unlady like behaviour.Her and her lady manners can go to hell!
Just as I was starting to argue with him more,I saw my dad coming from the corner of my eyes.Immediately,I stopped everything what I was doing.
My dad is a person of very few words.Only voicing out his opinion when necessary.He is a very strict person.He doesn't tolerate any mistakes.He seldom gets angry,but when he gets angry,It would be a day you can't never forget in your life.
I clearly remember the day he got angry at me.
I was in 3rd grade.All my cousins had come for a visit.I asked my mom for letting me play with them.But she refused since I had a test the next day.I was so angry at her that when my mom called me to eat dinner,I didn't go.I was so stubborn that even when she shouted my name many times,I still refused to go.My mom got so angry and she told my dad about it.He came barging into my room and shouted at me for not listening to mom and when he still couldn't hold his anger,he slapped me across my face.I was so terrified that day and stayed all night crying with a stinging cheek and busted lips.
From that day onwards,I was always scared of my dad.It doesn't mean that I don't love him.It's just that my fear for him overpowers my love for him.
My dad sat across from me and greeted me.
"Good Morning, Raely."
"Good Morning, dad."
"How is your studies going?"
"Good,I guess."
He just hummed in response."Hmm....Then keep up your good work."
"Yes, dad."
And that's the end of our conversation.This is how me and my dad talks.Pathetic isn't it?
I've always wanted a friendly relationship with my dad where I can talk to him about anything.But alas,I guess this is my life.
My mom came and sat near dad.He greeted her with a kiss on her cheek.My parents were always a loving couple.They love each other dearly.Sometimes I am envied of their love.How I wish I have someone to love me.But I guess that dream'll never come true.I am destined to be single forever and to grow old by raising cats instead of raising kids.
We ate in silence until Emily sits next to me with a loud thud.My parents looked at her with a smile that reached their eyes.How I wish they smile at me like that.
"Good Morning Em,why are you up so early?"Mom asked with concern.
Early?It's 9:00 for god's sake.
"My friends will be here to pick me at 9:30.We are just going to hangout.Dad,I can go right?"
Of course you can.After all, they will never say no to their little princess.
"Of course dear.You don't even need to ask."
I mentally rolled my eyes.
"But still,you need to rest my dear.You must be exhausted from all the singing this week."My mom told her.
"It's okay mom.I am not that tired."
She turned to me as if she finally notices I am here."Morning Raely."
I smiled at her and continue to eat my food.
I don't hate my sister.But, I don't have a good relationship with her either.I never envied of her looks.popularity,attention she receiving.I am just envied of the love she is getting.How I wish I can get half the love she receiving.
They start talking about her new song,about her friends,fans,.....I occasionally nodded my head here and there.I looked at my parents and their happy faces conversing with her.It's as if she light up their world.They never smiled at me as they have no reason to.
Emily is 2 years younger than me and currently a senior in high school.She is very popular as a singer.It all started when she heard me singing to myself a song I had wrote,when I was playing on my piano.She stole the song from me and sang it in a singing competition held by her school.She won the competition and attracted many sponsors.My parents learnt that I had written the song and they practically ordered me to write her new songs.From that day onwards,I wrote her songs,which she takes credit.It really hurts,when you do all the work and someone take credits for it.But,I couldn't do anything.I have a hard time saying no to people.All this time,I have been raised to keep my opinions to myself.So,I have a hard time to voice out them.
"Em,I wrote your new song. You told me the due date was today,right?"
She looked at me with an I-am-not-so-sure face.Then realisation struck her face.
"Oh,...I am sorry Raely.I must have forgotten to mention. The due date has extended to next week."
How could she be so calm when she knew that I had rushed to complete it.I didn't even submit my projects so that I can complete that stupid song.I can feel my blood boiling with anger.I am so angry right now that I want to smash her face in the soup infront of her.I want to tell her how much I have worked for that song.I wanted to yell at her how many nights I had stayed up to complete that song.But did I do that? of course not.
"Oh..."was all that I replied.
I zoned out of their conversation,no longer interested in what they are saying.
I lost my appetite for breakfast and I just moved the food with my fork to convince my parents that I'm still eating.
Who am I kidding?
They would be happy that I didn't eat.They will just tell me, it's good that you don't eat, you have to lose weight.
After finishing our breakfast, Emily said goodbye to parents. Her friends were waiting outside,probably with their new shiny car.
She go out as usual and as for me,my weekend is projects and songwriting.
*************************************************
It's 2:00 PM.
I completed most of my projects.I just sat there hearing songs.
I listen to a lot of songs as they help to clear my mind of everything and help to escape from reality even if it just for a few minutes.
I really want to take a long walk right now.I feel suffocated inside my room.
I went to downstairs and saw my mom going through her fashion magazines.
"Mom,Can I go to the central park for a while?"
" Why are you going?Are you meeting someone?"I can hear the scoff in her voice.She knew that I don't have any friends.
I was bursting out of anger inside.She didn't even ask where Emily was going for a full day.
I couldn't hold my anger anymore.I shouted at her."Mom,I am bored. I just need to go for a walk."
Her eyes widened slightly as if she couldn't believe I am shouting at her.
I was scared she wouldn't allow me.But she didn't say anything on it.
"Fine.But be at home before six."
I hurriedly went outside,not wasting any more time.
I was about to open the door,when I saw my dad coming.
"Realy, where are you going?"
Oh,not again.
" I'm just going for a walk."
"Don't be late."
"Yes,dad."
I get out of my house and take a long deep breath full of fresh air.
Ha...It's so nice to finally get out of the house.
Now,off to park.
Actually, I am not going to the park.If I told my parents where I am going,they wouldn't even let me out.
Before I am going,I need to buy a bag full of chocolates.
*********************************