Joe's POV
It's been a few days since the nightmare of a tutoring session. Whenever I pass David in the halls or we catch each others eyes in class he looks away and pretends I'm not there. I honestly don't understand why he hates me so much. I let out a loud and long sigh as the wind gently brushes against my face on my walk to school.
"What's wrong Joey?" Rosa asks me pulling one of her AirPods out of her ear. I kick a rock that's near my foot and watch it hit a tree and turn to Rosa.
"Is there something wrong with me?" I ask and she frowns at me.
"What do you mean?" She asks, her light brown frizzy hair flying in the wind.
"Do I look like a bad person? Do I act like a bad person? Do I just have a bad aura?" I can't explain why it bothers me so much that David doesn't like me but it does. I just have this need to be liked by him and I want to pull my hair out every time I have to think about having to sit through another hour of that torture next week.
She rolls her eyes so hard that I'm afraid she's going to hurt herself.
"If this is about David I'm going to grab that rock and throw it at your face" I pout at that.
"Joey just forget about it, he's just a jerk. You're a good person you already made new friends who are actually nice. Let. it. go." she says and I nod and try to push it far from my mind. There's something else that I need to worry about anyways. I want to come out to my friends. I just don't know how they're going to react. I thought coming out to people who barely knew me would be easy but even after a few days I care about them and I don't want to loose them.
Once we finally make it to school Rosa leaves me for a group of her new friends and I walk to my locker. Ally isn't there yet but that's not surprising she's usually late. I take a deep breath in and exhale slowly. I'm going to tell them today, at lunch. I can't keep running away. I grab the books for my first two periods and then try to locate Josh. On the way to Josh's locker I see David he glance at me and rolls his eyes. At least he acknowledged me this time, I clutch my books closer to my chest and try to push David out of my mind once again.
_____
The bell rings and after waving good-bye to Ally I begin to make my way over to my Italian class. On the way to class I notice a couple girls are walking behind me and when I hear the gossiping I can't help but roll my eyes. I will never understand girls, ever. Why do they feel the need to spread everybody's secrets around like it's their business and their opinions on other people's lives actually matters.
"Oh my God" says a scratchy high pitched voice "Did you hear Brian is a fag?" I almost freeze and I feel my heart beat begin to increase.
"Ew that's disgusting I hope he doesn't come near me" the other one says in an equally high pitched voice.
I try to keep a neutral face but I feel like I just got a punch in the gut, I thought people wouldn't care about those things here. That's the exact reason why I got my parents to enrol me in a state school and not a catholic school like back in Sydney.
I keep my head down as I walk into class, I sit down at my usual desk near the front and try to hide my face with my hands and my long hair curly hair. I take a few deep shaky breaths and try to keep the tears that formed in my eyes from spilling onto my face.
The rest of the class was horrible, I hardly notice the look of concern on David's face when we locked eyes for a brief second. I keep my head down and try to focus but the only thing that's swimming through my mind is the conversation that took place between those two girls. I defiantly can't come out to Ally and Josh now, they'll think I'm disgusting just like everybody else. They're probably right, I am disgusting. I take a shaky breath and raise my hand.
"P-posso a-andare in b-bagno?" I ask but it comes out very shaky, Ms. Banci gives me a questioning look before letting me leave. I rush out of the room and head straight to the bathroom. I lock myself in the closest stall and try to steady my breathing I let out a sniff and rub the one tear the slides down my face. I try to tell myself that I'm normal and not disgusting but my mind is swimming and I feel like I can't breath. My heart is pounding so hard and the blood roars in my ears and I question if I'm going to pass out or not.
Once my breathing has calmed down and I splash some water on my face and make my way back into the classroom. The bell rings just as I walk back into the room so I snatch my books off my desk before anybody can ask questions and head back to my locker. Ally and Josh are already there so I silently grab my sandwich and hope they don't notice my slightly red eyes. We head to our usual tree.
I zone out for most of their conversation, I can���t bring myself to each my lunch so I push it away from me and rest my head in my hands. As hard as I try I can't get that word out of my head fag.
"Isn't that right Joe? Joe? Joeseph!?" Ally yells and my head snaps up to her I know she means business when she uses my full name.
"Huh?" I ask rather lifelessly and she gives me a sad smile.
"Joey you've been upset about this David thing for the whole week." She says sadly and I can't tell her the real reason I'm so upset today, that's it's not David. It's that word, it's the fact that I'll never be able to be my true self around them.
"Alright you need cheering up. I'm going to take you out to a movie tomorrow" She tells me and I see Josh's face drop and I can't help but feel bad for him. I'm pretty sure he has a crush on Ally but she has no idea.
"No, take Josh" I grumble and she chuckles "Josh is coming too, right Josh?" She says and a grin makes it's way onto his face and he's nodding so hard I'm afraid fro his neck.
"Yep" he replies popping the 'p'.
"I don't know…." I say skeptically and All chuckles again.
"It's funny that you think you have a choice in the matter" Ally says still laughing and I look towards Josh pleading with my eyes for him to help me.
"Dude this isn't a fight you're going to win" and I huff out a sigh and then look back up at their smiling faces.
"Fine" I relent "I'll go"
"Great" replies with a large grin.