In which there is contemplation, conversation, and persuasion.
Thorin sat on a rock twisting a cord of leather in his hands aimlessly. He had found sleep difficult that night and so had relieved Nori early from his time on watch. The evening had been filled with much to give fodder to his active mind but adding more to ponder was certainly not helping his state of rest. Thorin knew what was truly keeping him awake and he was reluctant to examine it further for his feelings have been growing in strength and frequency. The chief occupant of his thoughts was of course, the girl, Sara Miller. The girl who had joined the company just over two months ago as no more than a mere nuisance, had grown to be something else entirely. True, he had only allowed her to join them because of Gandalf's threat to abandon the quest, and in the beginning Thorin had been determined to ignore her; hoping that giving her the cold shoulder would send her scampering back to where she came from. The Valar could keep their girl, he did not want her.
At first the company had followed his lead in the matter, save for his nephews who had always been strong willed and unruly, but then as the days turned into weeks the others too had begun to warm to her. First and most surprising Dwalin, followed by Bofur, and then one by one they had all fallen under her sway, and Thorin had despaired of ever being rid of her. When Oin had brought the news that the girl was pregnant, Thorin was sure that he now had a way to be shot of her, but that encounter had not ended as he had intended. The next few days of silence had been promising though. But then, Sara Miller had done something he could no longer ignore, something that forever altered his perception of her. She had risked her own life to save Fili and Kili. After diving into the river after them and making it possible to extract them from the angry water, she had also brought Fili back into the world of the living. Thorin had realized then that perhaps Gandalf had been right about this girl sent by the Valar. Had she not been there that day, the Kings line of Durin would have ended with him, for he had never intended to produce an heir, but instead to pass the throne to Fili when the time came. He had begun to watch this girl from another world more carefully after the incident by the river, and he no longer looked for ways to be rid of her. She had grown closer to his nephews and to the others as well, and as time went on, she even seemed to draw the hobbit into the group with the help of Bofur. Bofur that meddlesome dwarf.
Thorin rubbed a large hand over his face remembering the events of the night they had been captured by the trolls. He reached into a small pouch he kept on his belt and rummaged until he found what he desired and withdrew his hand. He opened a small tin and let the object inside drop into his palm. The silver teardrop shaped sweet rolled back and forth in his hand glinting at him in the moonlight. He was not sure why he had not simply eaten it, but he felt for some reason a reluctance to consume the small thing. Perhaps the name held him at bay. Who named a sweet a kiss? It seemed too intimate a name for something eaten so casually. Sighing he tucked it away again. He was altogether aware that his feelings regarding Sara had grown and shifted from outright nuisance, to grudging gratitude, to concern and curiosity, and now this. He turned to look back at the girl who lay tucked snugly between his nephews. Bofur's accusation of jealousy from the other night came to his mind and he ground his teeth unconsciously.
Ever since he had found Sara that night in Elrond's kitchens, he had found himself no longer avoiding her as he had been before. Instead he had been almost seeking out opportunities to be around her. He had been aware of the way her eyes followed him in the passing days, especially when he was with the boy Estel. At first he thought she watched the boy, but as the days went on he had caught her eyes on him when he was alone aswell. He had been particularly conscious of her attentions during the spar with Elrohir and his keen ears had not missed her tiny gasps and breaths which he found pleasing to the ear but altogether very distracting. Indeed, had his opponent been Elladan, he feared he may not have fared quite so well. He had to admit he had been somewhat preoccupied and he knew he owed his victory more to the elf's agitated state of mind more than anything else. Bless Balin for insisting they switch partners.
Sara had not been the only one with wandering eyes. He observed her doings more and more as the days passed and he was not entirely sure that his scrutiny went unnoticed. Kili could be annoyingly observant at times. His nephews notice, however, had been nothing compared to the Lady Galadriel's probing. When she had come to dinner that last night, Thorin had been leery of her, though he was not sure why. He had been shocked and irritated to find a voice that could only be hers echoing in his mind. The white lady had been particularly interested in Sara and Thorin had been hard put to drive thoughts of the girl from his mind during dinner so as not to give away any hint of her origins. He had been relieved to finally leave the table and follow Lord Elrond and Gandalf out of the dining hall to inspect the map. He only hoped the others of the company had schooled their thoughts as well, but apparently it had mattered little in the long run as Gandalf had revealed Sara's story to the council anyway.
Thorin felt that Lord Elrond and Lady Galadreil could be trusted to keep the girl's secrets to themselves for elves had always put much store in the will of the Valar, but it sat ill with Thorin that the White Wizard too should possess Sara's secrets. He had seen the way the wizard had looked at Sara when he finally found them in the gardens and the wizard had looked anything but wise or benevolent as he held the girl in his painful grip. Recalling the encounter made Thorin's blood boil. He remembered the small crescent cuts on Sara's arm. He had insisted that Oin tend to her after their assent from The Hidden Valley and the healer had assured him she would be fine as the cuts were not deep nor serious.
Thorin's fists clenched involuntarily and he looked at his hands when he heard a pop. The leather cords in his hands had snapped. Sighing heavily he let them fall to the ground at his feet. His mind wandered to the other events of that night and inexorably he found his thoughts turning again to the moments that he and Sara had shared behind the curtain after Estel's departure. She had been pressed so close to him, standing on his toes, bringing her level with him. He had never before allowed himself to study her face so openly, but as she stood almost nose-to-nose with him he had to admit she was very pleasing to look at, and he would be a liar if he said he had not enjoyed her small frame in his arms as she flushed under his gaze. He had not wanted to concede it at the time but in retrospect he could now accept the truth; in that moment as they hid behind the curtains, he had desired the girl Sara Miller. He had entreated her to call him by his given name and when she had done so there in that quiet space he had been achingly close to giving into his desire for her. Thankfully her words had called him back to reason, allowing him to shake the spell, or so he had thought, for it became clear as they traveled in the days after, that she would not be so easily disregarded.
He had tried for several days now to come up with reasons why he should simply forget the girl; why he should smother the feelings he knew were growing in him. But though his mind knew it was unwise, he could not, and admittedly, would not, stifle his waxing desire to have her in his arms once again. The training from the other day had almost done him in. It havd been Kili's idea to send Thorin to capture Sara while he and Fili distracted the others, and it had surprised Thorin how readily he had agreed to this plan, though he did not miss Kili's subtle gratification. When Sara had used her trick to flip him into the snow and then taunted him for falling into her trap, it was all he could do not to reach out for her and drag her down into the snow beside him. Thankfully she had been just out of reach. This however, did not stop him from chasing her down and when he had caught her, he reveled in holding her tightly against him... that is until she had slipped from him once again. He had fallen for another of her tricks, and so easily. She made it very difficult for him to think clearly. Thorin let out a long breath and leaned forward, his hands in his hair as his mind swirled around in circles, his thoughts and emotions battling for dominance.
Sara's eyes snapped open, her heart racing as the faint sting of panic ebbed and the sneering face of the white orc faded. Though she could not see very well in the gloom she could feel Kili pressed close to her left side, his forehead brushing her shoulder. Fili was on her other side his hand resting on her arm. Slowly the events of the day returned to her consciousness and her hand found the familiar weight of her necklace under her shirt, bringing her a sense of stability. Sitting up carefully, she slipped her hand into her pocket and pulled out her phone. The only person she could see who was awake was Thorin on watch, but he was near the edge of the ledge, his back to her, sitting on a rock. She was a bit surprised when the screen lit up, for her battery was much lower then she last remembered. She pulled up the word file and looking around to see those nearby were asleep she began to read. There were small differences in the book and the events she had lived through. She snorted at the descriptions of the dwarves as they arrived at Bilbo's house. Kili was most definitely not a blond, but she was supposed that these little differences meant nothing. There was no mention of a girl joining the quest, but she was not overly surprised. She did however, recognize the song that the dwarves sang in the book as the one that Thorin and the others had sung the night Fili and Kili had first pulled out their fiddles. It was a shame that all the instruments had been lost with the ponies. She had almost finished the first chapter when her battery expired and her screen went black. She sighed, at least the book had confirmed the death of Azog before her phone had died. Gingerly she got up to put her phone in the box Bifur and Bofur had given her. As she was zipping her pack closed once again Thorin's voice reached her.
"You should be resting," he said quietly, not turning to face her as he spoke. "There are still many hours till dawn." Sara looked up and quietly made her way over and around the others in the dim light of the stars and the thin sliver of a moon. She came to stand at the edge looking out over the mountains, shivering slightly as the wind whipped around her.
"With your poor night vision you should not stand so close to the edge," he admonished. "Come away." She took several steps away from the cliff's edge coming closer to him. "Why are you not sleeping?" he asked gently. "You were overtired today."
"I have not been sleeping well lately," she replied softly. "My brain won't shut up at night and even my dreams are…" she trailed off.
"I can imagine you have lots to think over," he said. She snorted softly.
"That's a nice way to say my mind feels like it is home to a hive of bees," she replied, crouching to drag her fingers through the dirt. "What about you? Weren't you on watch last night? Why are you up?" He grunted noncommittally.
"It would seem sleep is elusive to us both." They were quiet for a few minutes and Sara sat down in the dirt cross-legged gathering small pebbles into her hand. He watched her out of the corner of his eye. She turned to look behind her when she heard Fili give a particularly loud snore. She tried to suppress her snicker.
"Has he always been so loud?" she asked, looking to Thorin.
"Yes," was his immediate answer. She turned and watched Kili role closer to Fili grabbing his arm in his sleep.
"And Kili," she asked. "Has he always been so … clingy?"
"Thorin chuckled softly. "Yes, he's always been, as you call it, clingy. His bed seldom saw him sleep through the night as a child." She looked around at the others in camp. Ori was tucked between Dori and Nori; Bilbo was beside Bofur who were sandwiched between Bombur and Bifur; Oin and Gloin sat back to back leaning on the side of one of the ponies and Balin leaned against Dwalin who was resting his back against the other pony.
"Do dwarves often sleep in family groups like this, or just when it's cold?" she asked gesturing behind her.
"It is not uncommon to sleep with one's kin," he said reaching for the leather cords on the ground at his feet. "Dwarves treasure their kin." She let out a long breath and began to rather forcefully flick pebbles over the cliff.
"Does something trouble you?" he asked, noticing the particular vehemence she used to empty her hand of the apparently offensively pebbles. It was a moment before she answered.
"I guess I'm jealous," she said finally.
"Of what do you have to be jealous?" he asked curious. She looked up at him and he saw a familiar glint of silver fall over her left shoulder.
"This," she said waving at the group behind her. "You have family."
"Have you forgotten my nephew's earlier words to you so soon?" he asked, turning to her.
"No," she said looking at him. "But…"
"If you do not believe his conviction," continued Thorin over her. "Perhaps you should check behind your left ear," he said pointing. Confused she lifted her hand to her hair and her eyes widened when she found a small braid hanging from just behind her left ear. She pulled the braid forward and was surprised to find a bead clamped on the end.
"Is this one of Fili's beads?" she asked examining the silver thing but not being able to see details in the dark.
Thorin nodded gravely. "You understand its significance?" he asked.
"Yes, I do," she replied. "The others told me about it." She sat thinking and it was quiet for many long minutes. "Does this bother you?" she asked finally as she tugged at the braid. He could not hide his sigh.
"I do not oppose the bond you have formed with my nephew's," he rumbled. "They genuinely care for you and it pleases me to see them happy." He was twisting the leather cords in his hands again. "What I challenge is your place in my family and the title that would afford you," he said, not looking at her. "My people would find it difficult to accept a human as their princess." She nodded thinking.
It was quiet for a moment until she spoke again. "You know, despite my name, I don't want to be a princess," she said.
"What do you mean despite your name?" he asked confused.
"Do you know what my name means?" she asked looking up at him grinning slightly.
"I have never heard of anyone being called by such a name until I met you," he admitted turning to face her fully now. "What significance does your name hold?"
"Well on Earth, Sara means princess," she said smiling at him now. "Kind of stupid really, princesses are not supposed to be left on doorsteps."
"But they are often told of in great stories," he countered. She snorted softly.
"I suppose you're right," she said. "At least Mr. Disney would agree with you."
"Who is this Mr. Disney?" asked Thorin smirking. Sara chuckled slightly.
"He's a very famous storyteller in my… well back on Earth," she said. "Lots of his best stories are all about princesses." She was quiet for a moment. "It still has not really sunk in that I'm probably from your world," she said stretching her legs out in front of her and leaning back on her hands. "I don't know if it ever will."
"What if you should find them?" asked Thorin after a moment. She looked up at him confused.
"Who?" she asked.
"If you should find your family would you feel as though you belong in Middle-earth," he clarified.
She thought for awhile before she spoke. "It's hard to say," she finally replied. "I grew up my whole life on Earth, and there are so many things I would miss, the least of them being pizza, but I don't really have anything or anyone to go back to." She sighed sitting up straight again. "I will have lost my college scholarship and my apartment is probably leased out to someone else by now. Who knows what they did with all my stuff. My few friends probably think I'm dead in a cave somewhere. No one will really be missing me, at least not for long. I had no boyfriend to speak of. Not even a pet." She looked at him now. "Sounds pretty pathetic doesn't it?"
He was quiet for a few seconds before her replied. "It sounds … lonely," he said quietly meeting her gaze. Her eyes fell to the ground her cheeks faintly flushed. "If you found your kin," he asked. "Would you stay here in Middle Earth?"
"I don't know that I have a choice," she replied. "If you are right and I am from Dale or wherever, I don't think that the Valar will send me back to Earth." There was silence for a moment and she drew in a long breath. "But given the choice," she continued quietly. "I think I would stay. Even if I didn't find my family. I would miss Fili, Kili, and Bilbo too much to leave."
"Only them?" he asked watching her closely. She looked up at him.
"Well no, I would miss all of them. Even you," she grinned. "Though I doubt you would miss me."
"Why would you assume that?" he asked a bit taken aback. She raised an eyebrow at him.
"You have hardly kept it a secret how much you didn't want me to come along," she said. He sighed heavily.
"Perhaps when you first joined the company," he admitted. "However," he said after a pause. "Many things have changed since then." She looked up at him a bit surprised and he cleared his throat looking away from her quickly.
"Like what?" she asked carefully. There was a soft snort from behind them and they turned to see Dwalin standing behind them. Thorin inclined his head to his friend, perhaps a bit relieved, and Dwalin came to stand beside Sara's other side.
"You should be asleep," chided Dwalin, pulling her hood over her head when he saw a shiver crawl up her spine as the wind picked up.
"I was," she defended. "But…" she trailed off.
"Dreams again lass?" he asked. She nodded. Thorin studied her intently.
"Well that, and I think Kili has stolen my spot," she said turning to look to where the princes lay.
"Surely ya don't need help taking yer spot back from him," he snorted. "Yer feisty enough to face any dwarf lass, let alone ones that are completely smitten with ya."
"I suppose you're right," she conceited smiling at him.
"As for the dreams," he said digging in a small pouch at his waist. "Put this under your tongue before you lay down and it may help." He held out his hand to her and she took what felt like a leaf of some sort. "Now go on," said the warrior helping her to her feet and sending her on her way. "I don't like those dark circles under yer eyes."
"All right," she said brushing herself off. "You win." Thorin stood and watched her return to Fili and Kili. She nudged Kili, and grumbling softly, he made room for her between he and Fili. She lay down again pulled the blanket up to her ears as Kili rolled back towards her, resting his head on her shoulder. Dwalin stood studying Thorin for a long while until they could hear Sara's breathing even out.
"Bofur is right," said Dwalin quietly. "Jealousy is a bad look on you."
"I do not envy her the place between my nephews," said Thorin turning away.
"I know," said Dwalin. "You envy them their place beside her."
"Watch your next words carefully," warned Thorin scowling at Dwalin who folded his arms across his chest and stared down the king.
"Can ya honestly tell me you have no interest in the girl?" asked the warrior skeptically. Thorin was silent. "I thought not." Thorin looked at him balefully. "Ya best figure out yer own mind soon," warned the warrior. "I'll not see her harmed by yer indecision." It was silent for several minutes and then Thorin sighed.
"Even if I should harbor such feelings for her," said Thorin quietly. "It is an impossibility." Dwalin snorted.
"I've never known ya to admit to anything being beyond yer capability," scoffed the warrior. "And I fail to see why this should be any different. It's plain to any who care to look that the lass likes ya. If a lout like Bofur and yer own nephew can spot it, surely you can. And ya need not fear the Valar whisking her away now. She belongs here." Dwalin paused to let Thorin think before he added, "She could belong to you if ya had the good sense to persuade her of it."
Thorin contemplated his words for several moments and then shook his head. "Our people would never accept a human for their Queen should anything come of it," he said unfolding his arms and sitting on the rock again.
"Do ya not still intend to pass the throne to Fili?" asked Dwalin.
Thorin looked up at him a bit startled. "Of course I do."
"Then I fail to see why she should ever need to be Queen."
"Fili is not yet ready," said Thorin simply.
"He may be more ready than you realize," countered Dwalin. "He has matured much since the onset of the quest, though you may have been too distracted to notice. Have you any other objections?" asked the warrior smirking.
"Two," said Thorin. "I can't afford the distraction currently, and even if I could, there is still Fili's offer of heart sister to contend with. I cannot cort her if she is legally my niece." Dwalin chuckled.
"Now yer just making excuses," he accused. "I have no doubt ya will trounce Fili when the time comes, though it would not hurt ya to train more," he said seriously. "Fili was getting pointers from Elladan during our stay with the elves. He means to have his way." Thorin raised an eyebrow at the warrior. "As for yer state of mind," continued Dwalin. "My friend, I feel honor-bound to inform ya that I have never before seen ya so abstracted in all the years I have known ya. Getting it all out in the open is only bound to improve yer concentration, not hinder it further."
Thorin sighed running a hand over his face and into his hair. "Perhaps you are right on that count," he said. "I do find it incredibly difficult to think clearly when she is around. I fail to see how that could get any worse."
"Of course I'm right," scoffed Dwalin. "On that and every other point." Thorin just shook his head. Dwalin came to rest a hand on his shoulder. "Rest, think it over. I shall take the watch for now."
"Very well," said Thorin rising. "I will think about it, though I make no promises."
"You don't have to," said Dwalin as Thorin found his bedroll. "I know you well enough to by now."