A mindful soul once wrote It takes sadness of life to appreciate the beauty of death.
My thoughts were colliding over one and another that create tsunamis of anxiety. My mind was everywhere as I towered over the unconscious body of my Bella. My heart was racing as I felt my eyes getting wetter for each second as my palms became sweaty and as slippery as the ice road on a cold December day while the rain and snow were hurling outside as the ship was swaying from side to side. My head was dancing and on its tippy-toes on the brink of insanity.
The loud thumps and voices of all languages outside the small and quite thin door almost leaves me in awe over what happens behind a closed door. I guess that it is true what they say, behind each closed door lies a deep secret. I cannot fathom what my eyes are gracing over, did I manage to knock my Bella unconscious?
Did I pressure her or hurt her in such a manner? Similar to what the poles did once we jumped over the loading dock of the ship? Was I just as bad as those men? Am I, Frank, this monster? No, you are just overthinking again, Frank. Calm down! The love of your life is just stressed out. Your behavior was not of much help. No, shut the fuck up. My actions were innocent its she who is the weak link!
I am the king of the world that she must fear and behold the king that towers over her frail body resembling a lamb that is to be sacrificed, on a full moon.
I could choke her here and now and kill her in a split second if I desired. It is best of me to spare her she doesn't deserve to die. However, she is a woman, and all women deserve death upon themselves. The mind of theirs, seemingly innocent and pure when they shout they are the hurt and that they are the ones treated terribly in the patriarch of society as Jane Austin wrote. Yet they are just as bad as men even worse, in my humble opinion.
Bella is different since it is Bella, my angel. Yet she is just as bad as the rest of the bleeders. No, what am I saying? This seems unright? Maybe I should sit down and gather myself? Because now it is like I am overthinking beyond human capacity.
However, what shall I do? I contemplated as I jumped on the bed that felt like jumping on the ground that was one turn away from hers. The pillow felt like there was nothing more than the cover, and the duvet was decent compared to the rag I used to huddle up in before.
The small window which divides our sides of the room had turned foggy making it impossible to view the outside. However, I put all my manpower. Got one hand stacked over the other pushed the lock up and finally jerked open the window.
As I fell backward a screaming, sweating, and wide-eyed Bella arose from her slumber filling the room with a scream which can cause tinnitus as the vibrations of her voice filled the somewhat quiet atmosphere of the humid and quite smelly suite of ours.
"I do not want to, I do not want to" keep Bella shouting as she covered her ears and curled up into a small ball on the squeaky pull-down bed which has turned yellow from the excessive smoking that happened in this room probably.
I sat down across from the bed-shaking, yelling and sweating Bella had turned red and wet the sheets below her arse.
"Bella my darling, it is me, Frank" I laid my hands on her leg softly to look her in the eyes yet, she did not bother to stop. It got louder. And even louder. The sound filled the room that echoed with the child-like screams of a little girl who did not get her way in the mall when she left with her parents.
"Daddy, I do not want to, please do not touch me" her feet began flying all over the bed, hitting me at times as if I was her father.
Before I realized, I felt warm tears trickle down my right eye. Almost as if they were bullets hitting the cold surface of my face, and not shards of water escaping my eyes. In desperate need to stop feeling chocked every second by a world that grips one and smooshes them against the cold and rainy pavement of a grey October day that left them alone and hurt.
"Bella!" I shouted at the top of my heart she would look over and realize that I am Frank, Franklin, not her disgusting rat-faced piece of shit of a father.
Suddenly as if the world turned upside down, the echoing sound of a screaming little girl with a soft and faint voice disappeared, nothing, aloof, peace. The squeaking bed even shat up.
I hear a loud sound of a body rising as I was looking left ashamed of my unmanliness by betraying the masculine non-emotion showing part of my gender.
-Frank.
I did not bother to reply my tears began flooding my hands as if they could fill a bathtub with water to take a long and relaxing bath in I feel a cold and shaking milky hand grip my jaw turning my face toward the right.
There I see it, the face of a broken angel. Red puffy eyes almost as if they were closed when they were wide open. A runny roman nose and pink plump lips resembling two strawberries on top of one another chewed on and golden hair that was flying everywhere.
As I closed my eyes, I heard loud breathing inching closer. Shaking hands resting on my lap and Bella's swelled up lips resting upon my cold and plump lips embracing each other, in a war of cold against hot trying to create a middle ground, a truce, a peace agreement.
Bella moved her frail and trembling body that cannot keep itself up falling on top of mine as our breaths collided into one heavy breathing. Our lips eating each other up, our hands intertwining at the end of each side of the yellow sheets under the on-and-off lightbulb, dangling over my vulnerable head, as the ship was moving from the side to side similar to the beat of our lips that were feasting upon the feast they were starved from.
As her small five-feet-two body was gracing itself on top of my rather large and bulky figure I felt her upper breasts touching my nipples making hers hard and something to poke her right leg in response.
Before I could taste the fruit cocktail inside her, she pushed herself off of me "Frank this is wrong"
I observed her body language which spoke a different language. Her hard nipples pocking through the dress, her legs closed in on my hips, her hands resting on my chest, her puffy eyes shaking from side to side, and before I knew it the graciousness herself took off her dress and unbuckled my belt...
To be continued.