Peeking out of the window of my room, I noticed Mr. Heartwood doing some morning 'exercises' in the backyard. In his right hand clasped a thin, long steel sword, as he gracefully danced and manipulated the blade around his body in swift slices. He was practising his sword techniques, even though it is against thin air, I can tell every move is carefully honed through effort and skill, each brandish carrying not only strength, but precise timings and directioning of the blade as well.
"Daddy's good at that, isn't he?" Rona asked from behind. We were talking in my room about the little bits and pieces of what this world holds. Its thorough history, its geography, the creatures that inhabit it and with that came along the magic of this world.
"Uh-huh," I agreed half-heartedly as I was captured by his precise movements. "Say, is Mr. Heartwood an adventurer? I don't think any normal stall-keeper would have those sword skills," I said.
"Yeah, daddy always tells me about his adventures!" Rona nodded. "They sound so fun, I always wished I could join him too, but he never lets me!" She pouted.
"Why's he a stall-keeper now? Looks like he's still got it in him," I said, curious about James Heartwood's backstory.
"Oh, daddy never said why, but I think I know," Rona inhaled to start explaining. "I think it was two years ago, when he was in another country to the west. He mentioned something about a monster invasion happening in the city he was staying at. It was all dark and stuff, and a big fight happened between the people in the city and the monsters. Daddy joined them as well—I remember he said those invasions usually give the people fighting a lot of high-grade material to sell, and a lot of money can be made from that. Sigh, typical daddy chasing after gold," she shook her head almost disappointedly.
"Monster invasions? What type of monsters exist in this world?" I asked.
"I've never seen any myself," said Rona, "but apparently there's a lot of different types. There are big ones, small ones, ones that live in water, ones that can fly, ones that can use magic, and a lot more. I read about a few in my books, you know? They really are fascinating."
They have flying monsters? And they can use magic?! This new piece of information jumbled up my mind, trying to imagine what havoc these creatures can bring. They really sound menacing; group them up in large hordes and send them to invade a city—no wonder there's such high bounties for their materials.
"Anyway," Rona continued with her explanation, "during that fight, daddy got injured badly. I overheard his friends talking about it when they were visiting. Apparently, an abnormally large skullori boar rushed at him and one of its tusks impaled the lower right part of daddy's body, just above his hips" —Rona described the injury to me, creating an 'O' shape with her fingers near her lower abdominal region— "it was really bad—he could've died!" She shuddered.
"Is that why he stopped going on adventures? Because of the injury?" I asked.
"Yeah, part of it was due to the injury, but another part was from mommy's persuasion. She hates seeing daddy always risking his life in those adventures. Daddy listened to her and stopped going on big journeys around the world. He still does go on adventures every so often, but they're not as grand as before anymore," Rona sighed.
"Oh, well, he's okay now, isn't he?" I tried cheering her up.
"Daddy's fine now," she said, "but the injury will never go away. I sometimes see it when he isn't wearing a shirt. He always puts on one quickly when I'm near, though. He probably thinks I wouldn't like seeing that, and honestly, he's right," she added.
"So it really is that bad... I'm sorry for making you think about it," I said sympathetically.
"Oh, no. It's okay. I wanted to share this with someone else for a long time anyway..." she trailed off.
I only nodded silently. We continued to look at Mr. Heartwood training for a few more minutes in silence, I occasionally muttering "Ooh" or "Whoa" unconsciously when he does an impressive move. Rona broke the silence all of a sudden by asking, "Hey, Ernie, do you want to be an adventurer like daddy?"
I turned to look at her, not yet digesting what she said. An adventurer? I thought, it does have a nice ring to it... Aside from the thrills of having to discover new places and meet new people, there are a lot of risks involved in actually being one. I would naturally choose not to become one if the risks outweigh the enjoyment, but... it definitely sounds enticing.
"...I don't know," I replied. "I never really thought about what to become in this world."
She understandably nodded, inching closer to the window to look closer at her father. "I'd love to be one," she said. "I always enjoyed daddy's stories about his adventures. They sound so exciting, going around Elhera's continents and getting to know so much new things." She sighed distantly, breaking her sight to the backyard.
"Elhera? What's that?" I asked.
"Oh, you're not from here, are you? Silly me, saying things you don't know yet," she cackled.
"Yeah, I'm from Earth, for your information," I replied snidely. Rona laughed again, then getting about to explain what this Elhera thing is.
"You said you're from Earth, right?" She asked.
"Technically yes, but if you want to be more precise, then I'm from Nottingham, England," I said.
"Right. So, basically, Elhera is the name of this world. Just like how you call your old world "Earth," this world is called Elhera. Easy enough to understand?" She explained.
"Mhm," I nodded. So, this world is called Elhera... Aside from the similar naming scheme to Earth, I wonder what else is similar? Have they got seven continents and five oceans as well?
"Different languages call it different things, of course, but the one I use calls it Elhera," said Rona.
"I see," I said. "So then, what language do you speak, aside from English? I want to learn it, you know, so that I can go around town without any language barriers."
"Ah, the most commonly spoken language in this country—which includes this town—is Phrycillian. Named after the ethnic majority of the land, the Phrycillis. I'd say it's somewhat similar to English, so it won't be too hard for you to learn," said Rona.
"Perfect," I said, full of motivation. "You can teach me Phrycillian, Rona. Every night, how does that sound?"
She pondered on it for a bit, slightly reluctant that she'll have to spend most of her free nights to tutor me. Perhaps due to her love for being around people, she agreed to help me—only if I tell her some exciting stuff from Earth as well. Honestly, what's so fascinating about Earth? Maybe I'm biased due to my tragic past, but Elhera seems to hold a lot more wonderful secrets than my old world. Perhaps that's a natural thing—places we're not familiar with tend to sound more fascinating than the ones that are.
A sudden aching feeling made my heart skip a beat. It was painful, yet I felt no physical harm done. It was all inside, both in my heart and mind. Those regrets I left behind on Earth... have they been transported here as well? I suddenly remember: my mom and dad, those stinking swines comparing me to someone superior, and my sister... my sister...
"Ernie, Ernie— Are you alright?" cried Rona. Her voice echoed distantly in my head, taking me several seconds to take it in.
"O-Oh, yeah. I-I'm fine, what's up?" I lied, fooling absolutely no one.
"Ernie, you don't look fine. I was asking if you wanted to learn how to write or understand Phrycillian words first... but you kept clutching your chest, and your face looks awfully pale. What happened?" She explained in a very worried tone.
"I told you, I'm completely fine. I don't know what you're talking about." What is with me? Why am I trying so hard to hide the fact that I had an emotional and mental breakdown just then? This feeling—it's awful. I want it to go away. I can still feel it stinging my heart. Cold sweat formed on my forehead; a chill went down my spine. I looked pleadingly at Rona.
"No, Ernie, you definitely don't look fine. Tell me what's wrong. Maybe if you let it out, you'll feel much better. Come on," she urged me. Yet, I refused to speak up. I was afraid... afraid of reliving what hurt me most, what caused me to have such a terrible childhood. Or maybe I'm exaggerating, maybe it's not as bad as I imagined... But the thought still haunts me—all those years spent in solitude, neglect, isolation...
But I was never abused. I was never threatened, at least not physically. Do I have the right to be so afraid? All those other people, probably suffering from worse experiences than me, yet I get the right to leave it all behind by coming to this world... I felt like a cheat. Like I had it better than those who actually suffered this whole time. Like it was unfair from the beginning. This stab of emotions... does it truly hurt? Is it even worth considering it as a trauma?
Thoughts of doubt flooded my mind, each emotion contradicting my thoughts... things don't align at all; I was in utter confusion. My eyes darted around the room, from the window looking out at the backyard where Mr. heartwood is honing his sword skills, to my trunk containing those things from Earth I brought here with me, to Rona's face, worried sick as she tried to call out to me—
The door to my room suddenly banged open. Both heads turned, my fears almost being frightened out of my body, ironically. Standing under the door frame was Arianna—Rona's mother—in all her angelic beauty and elegant posture, though tainted by the distressed expression on her face.
"Mommy?" Rona said, in a clearer voice than before. "What is it?" She most likely also noticed the concerned look on her mother's face, but her expression swiftly changed to that of understanding, like all the stars have aligned or something. "Oh," was all she said, as she turned to look at me, her face impassive.
"Ernie, dear, come with me to the kitchen. You can come too, honey," Arianna said, switching her gaze from me to her daughter. I was genuinely terrified—what has happened? Why did Rona's mother come barging into my room looking all worried and that? Right in the middle of a breakdown of mine, no less.
"I'll come," Rona nodded with full certainty, her face looking more serious than ever.
"W-What's happened? Why do you all look so concerned?" I asked with pure confusion.
"Just come," Rona held up her hand, asking me—no, leading me to where her mother asked. I hesitated for a few more moments, my heart skipping a beat as I yielded to her and took her hand. She pulled me up from my bed and we walked slowly to the kitchen, our hands still tightly holding each other's.
Everything looked ordinary as we entered the kitchen, Arianna already sitting on one of the chairs by the dining table. "Sit down," she softly invited us to the seats opposite her. We sat down accordingly, me directly across from Arianna, and Rona to my left side.
"Mrs. Heartwood, what— Ouch!" I yelped as something nudged my stomach—it was Rona's elbow. "What was that for?!"
"Just listen for now," she said, not answering any of my questions.
Arianna sighed, then looking directly at my eyes, her azure ones glinting as she stared deeply at me. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't help staring at her, so comforting, so warm...
"Ernie," she said, breaking my trance as her eyes addressed my whole face instead. "Ernie, something is troubling you, is there not? I can see it in your eyes," she added.
"...N-No, everything's fine, what are you on about?" I tried to retort, but it just came off as rude. Still, Arianna looked at me reassuringly, her gaze not wavering in the slightest. I wanted to applaud her for that—whenever I counterattack those fiends who dare criticized me, they would all snort at me and lose their interest, choosing to look away instead. But Arianna was different, she didn't stop looking at me, observing every movement I make.
That's a given, since she didn't insult me at all from the start, but I still felt the same numbness, like she was trying to pry open my heart and see its contents... maybe it was different because she was targeting something unlike those people who compared and talked down to me—the former was perhaps trying to make me let it all out, so that the weight I carried on my shoulders would all go away, purely out of goodwill; while the latter wanted to build up that agony, that hatred inside of me, so that when I reach my boiling point, they can all snort at me and look away, making me all annoyed and frustrated at the end...
"Ernie, just spill it out," Rona pushed me on. "My mommy knows you're hurt," she added.
"Rona, darling, there's no need to rush him," Arianna defended. "Doing this slowly is the best way, especially if Ernie is experiencing quite a hail of emotions at the moment."
A hail of emotions? How did she know? I thought to myself. I looked at her, dumbstruck, but all she did was smile softly. Her warmth encompassed me, making me want to stay still and never let go. But I was never holding on to anything.
"Ernie," Arianna addressed me, her voice sharp, but her face warm. "Tell me, what are you thinking? Do you have any regrets?"
"I— I'm fine, like I said. Why are you so desperate?" But the real question is... why am I so desperate? Why am I trying so hard to hide it all up? I thought I could trust this family, I thought they were the key to filling up that hole in my heart... yet, why am I trying so hard not to tell them my worries? Do I not trust them as much as I thought? Truly, a hail of emotions is going haywire inside me.
"Ernie, just tell me. Why do you feel what you are feeling right now? Do you know the reason why is it that those thoughts are troubling you?" Arianna said.
"I-I don't know... Please stop, Mrs. Heartwood. I just can't say it..." I said.
"I believe that you can, Ernie. You must muster up that courage inside you, and spill it out. Face it head-on, so that you can look at it without faltering back. Think, slowly, the reason why you are troubled, why your worries reside deeply in your heart," she said.
"The reason...? Of my worries...?" I muttered; my eyes wide with disturbance.
"Yes, think now. Do you have any experiences that may have caused this? Any sort of situation that has injected terror inside you?" She placed her soft hands in mine, smiling reassuringly that everything will, and always had been okay.
I thought, long and hard, about my painful past. All those times I couldn't achieve what my sister has done... her near-perfect grades... her outstanding athletic performances... her unrivalled leadership skills... it all burns. Hatred rushed through my head, but it quickly subsided and was dominated by pure awe from her show of skill. Then the urge to surpass her hit me, the longing to be superior than her in at least one field. The motivation rushed through me—I felt alive again. I was ready. Ready to face what I have feared most all these years.
"It's... my s-sister..." I said, in such a small voice that whispering would be louder.
"Yes, what about your sister?" Arianna said slowly.
"She... she was always better than me. She always beats me at everything I do... academics, athletics, relationships... her achievements always outshone mine, and I always hated that... I was... inferior."
"Tell me, Ernie, why is it that you kept trying? Even though you knew she was better, why did you still go on?" Arianna asked.
"It was because of her... it was because she was better than me, that I had the motivation to move forward, so that I can show her, once and for all, that I'm better... better than my sister," I smiled pathetically at the thought of defeating her.
"I see. So then, what is making you worry? Why is it that you have all that anger stored up inside you?"
"It was them, those degenerates, those swines, monsters if I have to say... they all said I was useless, a weak person compared to my sister. They laughed at my failures, laughed even when I achieved something, all because it wasn't as good as what my sister did. Whatever I've accomplished, my sister's done it better. No matter what I say, they all snort at me, ignore all my frustrations, and continue to bash me. They talk down on me, saying I'm not worthy of being the little brother of her," I explained.
Arianna nodded as I spoke, her face still as passive as ever. "And what did you do? What moves did you make to cope with those remarks that tainted your mind?"
"I... I would go to my bedroom, destroy everything inside it, obliterate everything to pieces... then I would sit in a corner, cried my eyes out, as I thought about all those painful things that they said... and when I'm finished, I'll tell myself to suck it all up, that I'll just try again. Because I know they're wrong. I know, somehow, that I can prove to them I'm not always chasing after my sister's shadow."
"Good. And what did your loved ones think of this? Did you ever ask them for help?" Arianna continued to urge me on, even though I felt absolutely pathetic, telling them all about my traumatic childhood memories.
"My parents tried... but I never saw how hard they did. I just thought they didn't care for my well-being. I thought they saw me as a lost hope, so I despised them. I never asked them to help me... they neglected me so that they can focus all their attention on my sister. They only cared for my sister—no, they did care for me, I learned that just before I left my old world, but most of that care was towards my sister. I felt empty, alone, like there's nobody else I can turn to anymore.
"I had no friends, at least that's what I think. They are all scared away by those people who love to talk down on me, saying they'd rather not hang out with a loser like me. I hated every second of school, or just generally going anywhere around other people, because I was so scared," I added. Rona winced at those words, but Arianna nodded understandingly.
"So, you know why it pains your heart, yes? But I still sense doubt inside you. What is it that you feel unclear about, Ernie?" Arianna asked.
"I... I feel like I'm being unfair," I said.
"Unfair?" Rona repeated my words unconsciously.
"Yes," I nodded, "unfair. I thought that my trauma was nothing compared to what some other people have gone through. Those abused, starved, enslaved and orphaned people—they all have it worse than me and my measly inferiority complex, yet why is it that I was able to escape from my fears, and not them? I doubted if what I have gone through is worthy of being released from, and that other people deserve it more than me. I thought... I thought I was cheating them..." I trailed off.
Arianna nodded a few more times, as if she is starting to get the bigger picture. Rona looked at me with sympathy in her eyes, despite her disturbed face of hearing my past. I shrank as I thought of how selfish I was for letting them take away the weight on my shoulders and instead placing it on theirs, so as to help me cope with my problems.
Not long after, Arianna started speaking again. "Ernie, you have all the right to escape from that suffocating past of yours," she comforted me. "There's no fair or unfair play involved here, not at all. You were traumatized, and you deserve to be let go from that cage. All those other children going through equally bad or perhaps worse times deserve to go as well, and I understand why you feel bad for stealing their place, but remember this: You are here now. Not in your old world, but here, in this world. So, I suggest you be happy that you were able to come, instead of dwindling on your past or other people's worries. What matters most now is your happiness, not theirs. You got this chance, so use it to your advantage. Don't waste it, Ernie. Wasting it will only make it worse; the children who could've gone here but instead was out-raced by a person who fails use their reward properly—they wouldn't be happy, would they?
"What I'm saying is: Don't waste your chance. Use it to your advantage, and find success through that little boost. Then, when you're successful enough, that is the time when you can be their ray of hope. Save them with what you've got when you've won, and fix what you couldn't when you didn't have the chance in the past. Win, Ernie, not only for yourself, but for us, your parents, your sister, and all those children who are suffering—show us all that not all hope is lost. Ernie, do you understand now? It's okay to dwindle in your past—but you should, first and foremost, get your priorities straight if you ever want to leave those fears, doubts and regrets behind. Can you see a clearer path now, Ernie?"
My mouth was hanging open as she finished her lecture. Tears formed in my eyes, but I held back enough to avoid crying my eyes out. I see now. Maybe I was wrong for worrying about other people's business. Maybe I should take what I got, and use it like how I'm supposed to. Maybe, just maybe, through that and a lot of extra effort, I can surpass her, surpass even the highest of walls blocking my way to glory.
...Yeah, I think I'll do that. I won't waste this chance given to me —I promise.
"Ernie, how do you feel now?" Arianna asked, and I was snapped back to reality.
I closed my eyes, genuinely smiled from ear to ear, and cried, "Perfectly fine!"
Arianna nodded with content, and got up without another word for a glass of water. I turned to look at Rona, and she was beaming. I felt rather whole again, like a big chunk of that hole in my heart was filled. I could never express my gratitude for Mrs. Arianna Heartwood, who has changed my outlook on my past, present, and future. But I wonder... how did she know that I was suffering? I wanted to ask, but Arianna talked first, as if reading my mind.
"If you're still feeling gloomy," she said, her back turned to us as she poured water out of the kettle, "then I suggest you go find James out in the backyard. He might be able to cheer you up." I could've sworn she smiled slyly.
"Alright," I said. "Mrs. Heartwood, thanks for letting me talk about my past... I've never talked about it to anyone else before... really, thanks—you have my gratitude."
"No need for that, Ernie," she replied, turning around to face us once more. "Doesn't it feel great? All that burden, suddenly vanishing? It's refreshing, isn't it?" She smiled.
"Yeah, I feel so much lighter now," I said, as Rona and I turned to leave the house and make our way to the backyard. "Hey," I said to Rona, whilst walking out of the house and out of earshot of Mrs. Heartwood. "How did your mom do that? Like, she knew I was worried about something without even looking at me?"
Rona smirked. "That's because she's a Soneris," she said.
"Soneris? What's that?" I asked, confused and curious at the same time.
"A Soneris is a person who can sense the waves emitted by the hearts of any living creature. As long as that person or creature has put their trust on that Soneris, then they will be able to decipher the invisible messages of the heart. You see, you placed your trust on my mommy, and thus she can sense your heart's distressed waves. That's how she knew you were worried about something and came rushing into your room," Rona explained.
"Wow..." I gasped at this revelation. "Your mother's incredible."
Rona cackled, skipped ahead of me for a few steps and turned around, grinning. "That's just my mommy for you," she said.
I smiled, catching up with her as we finally reach the backyard, where James Heartwood had been practicing his swordsmanship this whole time, unbeknownst to my newfound desires and motivation.