Would you still want me if I was wrinkled and old or if my stretch marks were in more places than one? Long lines wrap around my body as I continue to grow, bearing children with my womb and creating life within a few moments.
The pain of the mirror as it sees what I do to my stomach, and then the widened uterus that comes with this new decision of mine. The life that depends on me as its growth scares me, breasts becoming heavy with my legs almost immobile. Fear blooms in my side as that part of me starts to scream, loss of beauty and layers upon my face.
The seed you planted in me is growing like a sprout, and I can't wait until it's out of me. Sickness has become my nature as food is regurgitated and my voice becomes smaller.
Darkness deep within me as buried pain flows up from untouched cracks, my body parts feeling foreign as a part of it yearns for you. The loneliness inside as the realization of your absence hits me, the clawing of my skin, and the burning of the past.
The ripping of my soul as the power I had given to you, was a trust that was undoubtedly used. The insecurity of raising a child that disdains me wanting my blood for the devil and regretting the life that I gave it. Taking any chance it gets to take me out, killing the very womb that gave it purpose. Smiling at the death that it fills when I'm gone, and not sorry for the action that it took.
There is fear within and regret with every action I take, realizing that no penny can satisfy the hatred for what we created, for what's coming into this world. A piece of you and me that I would never forgive and never truly love, all because of you.
It was a mistake in every way to give you all of me, to give you everything I tried to hide. Thinking you could fix it but you were as pathetic as me, a sorry excuse as a lover and a disgrace to your mother. I wish she never gave birth to you, that you never got to see your twenties or your thirties, and never got to meet me.
That stupid smile of yours haunts me as you realize you don't have to carry it and be burdened with the messed up body that it will give me. The mental issues that will stay with me forever as you go on fucking every bird and cranny. Women seem to be a new fantasy to you as you go on and have your fun. Forgetting about the copy that you left in me, letting every morsel of anger stir in me, as all the kindness is taken for granted.
Every word that my skin implanted on me wasn't enough as the eyes of others haunted my young body, twenty with child. Twenties wasted with no education to show, no career, and no money. Body dysmorphia was implanted when I was eighteen and no self-esteem since my dad left my mother as the side-bitch, 'Single Hoe', she would say with a drink in hand, he didn't even say goodbye as he left the house. Showing up for every other birthday with a new hoe to show for his lost, new one every year. Making me think his insecurity was deeper than mine, yet still not avoiding fate by repeating the same mistake, curly hair with bright eyes making me forget.
Touch unlike anything I ever had as his smile was as bright as the sun, a scheming son of a bitch with a good heart. I wish it would have lasted that way, and ended up differently than the stories, wicked witch and a Wolf with a fucked up Tale. Paces of tracks with our name on it and cherries tasting bitter than Calypso. Obsessed Goddess with no real love and the ocean being her only friend, lost Ody in the sea and I'm the one who isn't saved. Your wicked wrath sending me in tongues, casting spells upon my heart as your brokenness mixes with mine, making a tainted glory.
Raspy voice pouring on my neck as the feeling sends shivers down my spine, regret in the church at my faith. Regret in the worst at my taint, cigarette ash pouring on my now barren womb, blood leaking from my fresh wound. Nor doctor or soul could heal, the ripped peal, from a gorged organ, a thin tube passing through my body. Filling it with hope that was taken, tired eyes making rest seem like the best, fainted limbs on a dying husk.
Day by day seemed like the worst, tales of the past feeding empty delusions, years passing like seconds, and my child surpassing my own age. Her face looks like yours yet her passion was once mine, tears pour from my sunken eyes and she goes on to have one of her own.
A daughter that grows up to have ginger hair, eyes blue like the ocean, and the same type as me. She will fall into the Wolf's pawn, the village spawn of demise and the loss of empathy. Crawling from her own bones, messed up and ripped as I will watch from the sky. My life is nothing but a moment as the past no longer will affect my being yet it will hers and my own child. My young years predicted the downfall and my history became a twisted folklore, human cruelty set upon my future descendants. Making the class taught be a waste, empty promises made amongst acquaintances and backs stabbed at the ill.
The crazy-making the sane seem bashful with the war in our minds ending lives quicker than I did myself. The poor grandchild of mine was doomed to a life of misery as her own mother skipped the generation of hate, my own selfishness squashing their success.
Empty as it so, I couldn't change it anyway for the stone was set when my own birth was put in play. Making the wheel of life start its course of spin, bringing impossible routes of a win.