Catherine's POV
The crap thing about floating on a cloud is that eventually the cloud dissipates and there's nothing left to keep you up there, suspended above a life you no longer recognize. There's only the fall and the hope that nothing gets hurt on the way down.
I'd been falling since Wednesday night, and so far the ride down had been gentle enough, but this is my life we're talking about, so I should have known things would get rough.
Friday started okay. I managed to score the last of the strawberry freezer jam for my toast. Win!
The sun was shining. Double win!
And the kiss that rocked my world was still percolating in my brain, summoning sighs and smiles when it wasn't exactly appropriate. Case in point. The night before dinner, while my parents went about their charade, Mum making small talk and Dad looking like he cared, my mind drifted to the old mill. I closed my eyes and could practically feel the heat of the sun, Jason's sweat-slicked skin, and the ache his kiss had left me with.
"Why is your face all screwed up?" That was from my little brother, who was in the process of making an epic smiley face out of his mashed potatoes.
"It's not."
"It kind of is," Dad said.
"No," I said, digging into my food. "It's hot." My tone said "don't bother me," and I tuned out the rest of their conversation. The good thing about all the tension at home is that it was a lot easier for me to get away with being a bitch. Mum was afraid to say anything because she was guarding her secret and didn't want me to spill, and Dad was just confused. I guess he thought if he left me alone, I'd eventually morph back into the girl he knew.
Funny how lies do that to people.
But now it was the Friday of the long weekend, and there was a world of possibilities before me.
Jason hadn't asked me to go to the fourth of July celebrations with him. Or the cookout down at the park. Or the overnight trip to Noah's parents' cottage Forum Vern. There was still time...right?
Dad had already left for his part-time gig at the appliance store. I know. But he was surprisingly good at it, and Dad was always about doing what you love. I just didn't think that it included doing people you love outside your marriage.
Mum came down for breakfast already dresses, which surprised me. She'd take some time off work since her episode, and as far as I knew, she wasn't due back at her office job until the long weekend was over.
She didn't say a thing about the crumbs left on the table or that I'd put the empty jar of jam back in the fridge. She even overlooked the coffee grounds smeared across the garbage container.
Something was up. I wasn't sure it was a good up or a bad up, but when she took a sip of coffee and cleared her throat, I knew right then that I wasn't going to like what she was about to say.
"I hear they're calling for rain this weekend."
Okay, opening with the weather wasn't a good sign at all.
"What's going on, Mum?" I so didn't want to play games with her. Not now. Not when I knew that she played by a whole set of rules I knew nothing about.
She opened her mouth to say something but sighed instead and took a sip of her coffee, her eyes settled on me over the rim of her cup. She looked tired. Sad and maybe a little scared. She finished her coffee and set her mug on the counter, pushing at it with her forefinger until it was a safe distance away from the edge.
She was starting to freak me out a little bit.
"Mum?"
"The weather looks good in New Mexico," she said softly.
Wait. What?
"For the long weekend, I mean."
I stared at her so long that she shifted, her eyes sliding away from mine.
"Maybe longer."
I shook my head. "No."
"Catherine...I can't...I need some time away to think things through."
"I'm not going with you."
"I thought I could stay here and things would just go back to the way they were before but--"
"I'm not going with you." My heart beating nearly out of my chest, and I took a step backwards, leg crashing into a chair and sending it skittering across the linoleum floor until it rested against the pantry door. New Mexico? With her brother and his five kids? No. Way.
"I just can't. I need to be away from your father because I can't breathe when I'm around him. I can't function. I can't think."
"You seemed to do a good job of it last night." My voice rose as anger clogged my throat. "Both of you. Acting as if everything is great and wonderful and, you know, normal."
"Yes, well, pretending is hard."
"No kidding. I've been doing it for over four hundred days. It's like an eternity. My entire senior year was a big fat lie."
She smoothed her hand down the front of her skirt and tightened her ponytail. Was that grey I saw threaded through her dark hair?
"I understand this has been hard on you, and I can't apologize enough for my lapse in judgement, for what I put you through, but..." She frowned. "You never did...the other day...you didn't tell me how you knew." She sniffled. "About your father, I mean."
"I didn't tell you because you didn't ask. You didn't ask because you'd just overdosed on sleeping pills."
"I didn't--"
"Fuck it, Mum. Cut the crap. You can lie to yourself all you want, but don't lie to me." I shook my head. "Not anymore. I mean, what else is there for me to know?"
Something in her face changed, and my stomach dipped at the look in her eyes. I was cold, which was ridiculous because it was hot in here. So. Freaking. Hot.
"What else is there?" I asked angrily.
But she was all closed up tighter than a locked box. She cleared her throat again and grabbed a rag from the sink. Guess my crumbs were finally getting to her.
"You will not swear again in my house. Do you understand me?"
Unbelievable. That's what she was going to focus on.
"I need you to pack your things," she said briskly.
"I'm not going with you," I said again, the tears in my eyes sitting heavy in my throat as well. "Jason...he needs me."
I need him.
"I need you." She looked at me like she was trying to tell me something with her eyes. I wasn't having it.
"You need your husband," I shot back, and if I could have taken the words back, I would have because she looked small. Defeated. And I knew I had done that. "I can't fix this for you, Mum. I just can't, and it's not fair of you to expect me to."
Her bottom lip trembled, and she leaned back against the sink. "Catherine, I don't know how long I'll be. Billy will be at camp for two weeks and then we'll be at my brother's place. Right now, our plans are indefinite."
"You're just going to run away?"
She didn't have an answer for that one, so I pressed on.
"Are you getting a divorce?"
Wow. Imagine the scandal. Mayor Moss cheats on his wife and drives her out of town. That wouldn't win him any votes in the next election.
"No," she said, shaking her head. "I mean, I don't know. I love your father, you know..." She shrugged and tried to smile through her tears. "Even if we don't end up together, I'll always love him. I just hope that he can find his way back to me. I hope he can forgive himself and find a way to fight for us." She blew out a long breath. "That's why I need you to hang on a little longer, and please keep this to yourself. It's not as cut-and-dried as you think. If word get's out, he'll be destroyed. We'll go on and survive, but your father won't. He won't come back from this."
Holy. Cow. I so didn't understand adults, but then again, I guess I wasn't supposed to.
"I'd better say goodbye to Billy."
She tossed the rag into the sink. "I told your father you'd be coming with me."
Huh. So that's why he'd lingered in the kitchen this morning. He'd been trying to say good-bye without saying good-bye.
"I'll send him a text later. Give him the heads-up."
For a moment I thought mum was going to force this issue. Her lips thinned, and if she kept frowning like that, she was going to have perma lines between her eyes.
"You're sure?" she asked.
"I am."
"Okay, I'll leave some cash for groceries, and there's always your dad's debit card." She worried her bottom lip and attempted a smile. "It'll be good for you and your father to spend some time together."
I snorted.
Her frown deepened. "He's your father, Catherine. When all is said and done, there is still that, and he deserves your respect."
I wanted to shout at her. To scream and tear out my hair, I wanted to tell her that respect is earned. That just because your an adult doesn't mean you get to break the rules and get away with it. That being a liar and a cheat is nothing to look up to.
I got what she was saying. But love and respect are two different things. I would always love my dad, but right now, the respect thing was more than a little iffy. It was pretty much nonexistent.
"Okay." She pushed away from the counter. "I think it will be good for you and him to have some time alone."
"Sure."
Not a chance in hell, but I wasn't about to tell her that. I had plans for the weekend, but they sure as heck didn't involve my dad. I was contemplating doing something so out of character that I was surprised Mom didn't see it plastered all over my face.
I let her hug me. Kiss the top of my head. I said my goodbyes to Billy, who looked confused as ever, the poor kid.
"You're not coming?" he sniffed into my neck.
"Buddy, I'm too old for your camp."
"I don't mean camp."
I knew what he meant. When had mum ever gone away without all of us?
"Not this time."
"Dad's not either," he whispered.
I hugged him. Hard. "I know, but you'll have a blast at camp, and just think of all the fun you'll have with your cousins."
He wrinkled his nose. "They're all girls."
"I know." I gave him one more kiss. "You won't have time to miss me, and I'll see you before you know it, okay?"
I watched them load bags into her car, and after one last hug, they drove down the street and disappeared.
And then I dug out my cell, scrolled past my dad's name, and called Jason. He answered on the first ring.
"Hey," he said, all husky scruff that told me he just rolled out of bed.
"It's Friday," I replied.
A pause.
"Yeah. I think you're right about that."
I smiled at the teasing note in his voice.
"Friday, July 3."
"Huh. You're two for two."
"So are you taking me to Noah's cottage for the long weekend or what?" Holy Cow. What was wrong with my mouth? Run-on much?
A pause. A long, painful pause as my cheeks flooded with heat. I sank to my knees and pulled a pillow off the sofa to cushion the fall. Oh, God. What had I just done?
I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to stop my heart from beating because it was making me dizzy. Or maybe it was the stupid that was making me dizzy. The stupid that ran through my veins. I wasn't good at this whole seduction thing. If that was even a thing.
"Are you offering to be my roomie?"
"Maybe." I barely got that out. "I mean, I suppose I could be persuaded." That was an epic line.Epic. Gonna have to remember it for future use. Not.
"Are you flirting with me, Catherine Moss?" he asked so softly I had to strain to hear him.
"The fact that you have to ask reiterates my lame attempt, but yes."
"Good to know."
Another pause.
"Cat?"
"Yes?"
"It's working."
"The flirting?"
"The flirting," he replied.
I exhaled. "So that means..."
"It means that we blow off the study session. It means that Noah will scoop up his girl, and I and him will be there to pick you up at noon. Are you sure about this?"
I was off the floor and already heading up to my room, so yeah, I was pretty sure.
"There are only two bedrooms up there, and Luke has already claimed the couch."
This was his way of warning me that we'd be sharing a room, which was sweet. But I was kind of done being sweet. I want something more.
I thought of my father. Of how he was living a lie. Pretending to be happy when all he was doing was destroying the little bit of happiness his family had. What was the point of living like that? What was wrong with being true to yourself and being honest?
I wanted Jason. That was my truth. That was my honesty. I wasn't exactly sure how far I was willing to go, but I trusted him enough to know that I'd be safe. He was the one who'd pulled back at the old mill, not me.
"That's okay," I said when I reached the top of the stairs. "You can sleep on the floor."
He laughed, and I felt a bit of the heaviness in my lift. "Now you're being cruel."
"See? I suck at flirting."
"You don't."
"Don't what?"
"Suck."
"At flirting?" God, Catherine. Just. Stop. Talking.
"Yeah." I could picture the grin on his face. "At flirting."
Good to know.
I went in search of luggage and tried to ignore the little voice in the back of my head. The one that kept asking me if I knew what I was doing because I was pretty sure that Jason Smith does not go away for a weekend with a girl and not expect foe things to happen.
Namely sex.
I knew Beth and Noah had already done it. They'd barely waited a week after the drive-in, but then Beth had never been the kind of girl to wait for something she wanted. I kind of admired her for that.
Besides, no guy was ever going to turn down sex. They're not wired that way, So where did that leave me? Where did that leave Jason? I wasn't even sure what we were exactly. Was he my boyfriend? Did he think of me as his girlfriend? Could we spend the week together and not do anything? Like anything naked?
I reached into my closet for my weekender bag.
Guess I was going to find out.