"Mumma..."
Since cancer took her, she is skin and bones, pale as a ghost but always smiling, her face always masking her ordeal.
Her mouth twitches into something of a smile, placing a hand shakily on my cheek. "I'm afraid I don't have long."
"No," my voice cracks as I let out a sob.
"No," I repeat more firmly this time.
"Y-y-you p-promised you'll always be there with me."
I sob into her chest unceasingly, hands clutching at her blanket. She holds me in silence, rocking me silently as my tears soak her chest.
"I'll always be there with you, princess." She kisses me softly on my head.
I pull away, blinking lashes heavy with tears. "I'm not a princess, I'm a-"
"You'll always be my princess." She raises a hand and wipes the tears pouring from my eyes away from my cheeks.
She bites her tongue, trying to hold the tears that are threatening to leave her eyes but a lone tear traces down her cheek. She quickly wipes it away, trying to hide it from me.
Even in her dying moments, she's trying to be strong for me. That's just who she is.
My warrior. My strength.
I wipe my nose with my sleeve and glance her way, "Only yours."
"Yes," she says as her bottom lip quivers, "My baby."
"You said she'll have more time," I whisper, looking at the doctor who averts my gaze.
"Cancer has spread to other organs as well. I'm sorry I can't -"
"Please," I fold my hands as I beg him, "Please save her."
My father bends down in front of me and gives me a soft smile. "She's in pain, Sasha, do you want her to live like that?"
I shake my head no as wet hot tears fill my eyes. He smiles at me, "You're my strong daughter, aren't you?" I nod my head and whisper, "Yes."
He signs the form, giving the doctor permission for morphine infusion.
"Sasha," she refuses to cry, instead gives me a cheerful smile - as cheerful as she can muster - "Promise me you'll be happy."
When I don't answer her, she repeats it, "P-promise me."
I nod my head as I take her cold fingers in my hands, "I promise, Mumma."
Dad kisses her forehead as he says, "Rest well."
Doctor increases her morphine, sliding her into a long dream. Faint traces of her smile stare right at my face as her body stills.
"I promise, Mumma," I whisper again, assuring myself more than her.
...
I wipe the pool of sweat that has gathered on my forehead as I wake up with teary eyes. I squeeze my eyes shut as I bite back further tears from spilling.
There's a knock on my door and Dad enters my room. I smile at him as I hug him.
"Sasha," he says uneasily, "I... uh... have to tell you something. Introduce you to someone as well."
I nod at him when a woman appears at the door. Her face is made up but not over done. She has hair so black against skin so white. Two adorable grey eyes peek at me from behind her and I grin, waving slightly.
"Who are they, dad?" I look up at him, waiting for him to answer.
"They're..." he takes a deep breath, "my wife and daughter."
"But... I'm your daughter..." I glance at him, unsure of what he's saying.
He looks away, his face red with shame. "You both are."
"How old is she?" I murmur as his words sting and my fists begin to clench.
"Four," he replies, shame and regret clouding his eyes.
Realisation dawns on me and my throat tightens. "Y-you cheated on mom?" I ask in a thin voice.
The woman places her arm on his shoulder as he refuses to meet my eyes.
A father who is so shamefaced that he can't even meet his own daughter's eyes.
I purse my lips and say coldly, "When she was fighting for her life... when she was fighting to stay alive...
"How could you do that to her? She loved you. She loved you so much." My voice breaks as I think of all the time they spent together.
"You were her whole world." I slam my fist on my desk making everyone wince.
The woman tries to take her child out of the room when I stop her. "No, you stay here. You didn't know he had a family?" I ask, shutting the door on her daughter's face.
She doesn't need to witness all of this.
"I am sorry," she mumbles as I roll my eyes.
Burning rage hisses through my body and I narrow my eyes at the man who I don't even recognise anymore.
"Did you ever love her?" I stare at him as I stand my ground. I refuse to shed tears because of this man - no a stranger.
He rests his head in his hands. "Of course I did, Sasha, I loved her very much." He steps closer to me but I step away.
And yet, you cheated on her.
I swallow my retort and smile at him. "Please leave."
He opens his mouth but stops when the woman shakes her head. "Give her time."
I sneer at her as I roll my eyes.
"I wish...
"I wish you had died instead," I spit it out, "Dad."
He holds my gaze and I stare back at him, indifferent to his false vulnerability.
As soon as he shuts my door, I fall to my knees and hold my head in my trembling hands. I rake my hands in my hair and shut my eyes.
I feel empty. I can't cry even if I want to. There's just empty unhappiness surrounding me, the one I can't lift no matter how hard I try.
I stare at the ceiling as I whisper, "I miss you, Mumma."
"I miss you so damn much."
Please come back, I'm not happy.
I don't add the last part, afraid of breaking the promise I made to her.