Calm and peaceful is how I feel right now...
3am and the cherry blossoms look amazing as the fresh pink petals fell along with my feelings. I couldn't control my emotional feelings sometimes, especially when it came to anger. My parents ended up sending me to therapy for 2 years in hopes of 'curing me'.
Therapy did shit for me...The white walls, soft talks with people who pretend to care and the pills you were forced to take just so you could get 'better'. It was all crap fed to you in hopes to get you on there good side. I knew how this shit worked. It was like a ticking time bomb for every time I stepped foot into the silent rooms.
I remember the first time I went to therapy. The glum faces of workers who faked a smile just to make themselves look like they don't actually want to die. The white torn walls that had the odd painting just so you wouldn't run.
The whole thing was bull shit, and they knew it. I always wondered when their facade would crack and they'd finally snap at someone who walked through their rustic doors.
I don't know why I hang on to the memories of everything. My past, therapy and now.
Why was I even here right now and being graced by these beautiful trees.
My mind and body worked like clockwork. Wake up, eat, work, come home, eat, wash, watch tv, walk at 3am and fall asleep at 5am just to wake back up at 7am for work. I was always the workaholic because I didn't want to have enough free time to actually allow my mind to consume me.
I only ever allowed my mind to consume me once I went out on walks in the ice cold. The cold felt amazing every time it caressed my skin. My mind was opened to every possibility running when it hit 3:00.
I thought of everything: death, life, the living, past, future...soulmates...
I always wondered if they would except me or push me away like everyone else.
Was I born to be nothing or was I born for more...maybe someone will help me find who I am... maybe 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 will show me who I am and help me find my way...