Kira POV
Dear Diary,
My life is a complete mess.
What i've come to notice is that, nobody really cares about my feelings... because if they did, they wouldn't keep asking me about it.
I don't expect many people to really understand me. Nobody never did. Honestly... I'm not even sure if I understand myself.
The only person who does is um.... Well it's complicated.
Christian is literally the only thing that keeps me sane around here. He's probably the only person that doesn't think I'm completely crazy. Which means a lot to me because I kinda am.
Do you ever feel like, you're mind is your worst enemy, Or is it just me?
Well, majority of the times I feel like I'm trapped between my mind and my body.
Sometimes I feel like my mind and my body is in some type of battle. My mind is thinking this, but my body is doing something completely different.
The worst thing about it, is that I'm a combination of three different species so I don't always think and act the same. Sometimes I wanna travel to a restaurant and order three full course meal and sometimes I wanna make the blood of the people in the restaurant my meal. Then other times I just to sit all by myself and think about fucked up I am.
When I'm around 'white boy' it doesn't matter how I feel. It doesn't matter how fucked up I am because he's twice as fucked up as I'll ever be.
When I'm around him, I feel... normal.
I have never been this attach to someone... never.
It's not entirely the physical aspects, I'm more attach to him mentally because I always feel like he can read my mind, which I definitely hope isn't true because I can't have him know what I'm thinking... all the time.
All my life I've been distant because I was never sure where I belong.
Now I know why, it's because I never did. I wasn't meant to fit in like everyone wanted me to. I've always been different
Expecially from my parents, or should I just say my adopted parents?
No, adopted doesn't really work for me. I don't feel comfortable referring to them as my 'adopted parents' because they're the only parents I've ever known and the only one's I care about.
I wonder if they miss me?
Does they still care about me?
Only them can answer those questions and who knows... maybe the answers I want aren't the truthful answers I'm supposed to get. What I want to hear, may not be the truth and whether I like it or not, I'm gonna have to deal with it... and I don't think I'll be able to.
Deep down I know I have to try to let go of those thoughts and questions because the more I wonder and think about it, the more it bothers me. But it's still hard for me to let go, always has been.
I feel guilty for leaving them behind but I think it's what best for them. I can't control myself around humans or anyone at all for that matter. And as much as I feel alot safer like this, a small part of me wants to be human again. I don't wanna live a life, I cannot control...
I'm a murderer.
And i'd be lying if I say 'i hate it'.
I don't really give a fuck about what people think about me... I really don't.
Yesterday, I totally ruined things with Christian... that's basically one of the only things i'm good at. 'Ruining things'.
When he hug me... and he told me, I was safe with him, I believed him. At that very moment, I trusted the grey eyed, spanish boy... and that's what scared the shit outta me.
That's why I ran.
Yeah I know, stupid.
I literally fled from out his arms. Not sure how I reached back to my room so quickly... but I did.
Well it's now 4am and I can't go back to sleep. I'm gonna have to leave this room soon. Who knows how long it is gonna take until I go all blood thirsty ripper.
~End of diary chat~
Awight so I'm hungry... as always.
I'm actually in the mood for some real food this time though... like real food... like popcorn.
I cannot explain my sudden crave for popcorn, all I know is that my stomach wants what my stomach wants.
There's absolutely no way, I'm going down to that kitchen alone at 4am especially after what happened last time.
Ha. Tf, You think I'm scared? Lol no, I just dont wanna kill anymore people. I'm actually in a good mood at the moment, which is kinda weird.
Fuck that shit.
I'm about to watch 'Kissing Booth' for the thirteenth time and I need my popcorn. For some reason... i'm just in the mood to watch romantic movies, I don't know why... I just do.
Besides, it used to be one of my favourite movies when I was human. Guess I just wanna feel human again.
"Aiite let's do this," I sigh to myself as I walk out into the hallway. The same hallway that led me to my death. God I hate this place.
Is it weird that I can still smell my blood?
Is it weird that this place really makes my blood boils?
I'm not scared. I just have an awkward feeling when I'm around here. Everywhere I look, I get a flashback to what happened and they're sure as fuck not making me any saner.
My heart rate completely change the moment I approach the exact place where he attacked me. That greedy piece of shit, his face is forever stucked in my crappy mind.
I have this strange feeling that my mind is trying to tell me something.
Something bad is gonna happen.
Before I knew it, my fangs and claws are out and I am met with a very angry young lady. The same girl that was with the others out in the backward. She looks a bit older than me but still... She's a vampire so she's probably twice or thrice my age. Well well well, to what do I owe the pleasure... again.
"Why do I feel like, you're not here to congratulate me for killing your friends?" I ask raising an eyebrow.
Instead of answering me, like a decent young lady would. Little Miss Vamplady decides it's best to try and rip my head off... Keyword, try. Well that's not very nice now is it?
I grab her hand and push her up against the wall. This girl obviously have no idea who she messing with.
Lil Miss Vamplady is stronger than I thought because she spins around and push me down the hall. Well well well... this is going to be interesting
"That girl you killed..." she growls walking over to me. "Damie. She was my sister".
I quickly stand up and yawns brushing off my pajama, "And?"
Okay, so maybe I shouldn't have said that... that wasn't very nice of me.
"You took her away from me!" She screams. Whoops
"I'm confuse. Is this the part where I apologize and pretend like I actually give a fuck?" I laugh.
She grab me by the neck and before I can react she inject me with something. Vervain
"That's unfair," I mumble realizing that she now has an advantage.
A vampire using one of vampires weaknesses to weaken another vampire is just fucking silly and unfair. I might be the one who's weak inside because she's the weak ass bitch, now the fight is going to be boring as fuck.
"Tell my sister 'hi' when you see her in hell, bitch" and with that, she starts hitting the shit out of my not really defensive body.
Hell? Me? Nuh uh, I like Earth too much to say goodbye and I have a feeling Satan doesn't like anybody, so I ain't going no where... nopee
"That was for Damie!" She scream. Boo hoo
I'm weak. Not weak enough to be completely defensive, but weak enough to not give a fuck about what's gonna happen next. I like the pain a little bit too much.
Besides, I have no fear for death... Life sucks anyway.
"And this..." she growl backing me up on the wall. She plunge her hand into my chest. I can literally feel her fingers around my heart. "This is for___"
"I wouldn't finish that sentence if I were you Chica,"
...
"Now what the hell do you think you're doing," He grit his teeth pushing her up against the wall. He's wearing a black hoodie and a black pants that fits his body perfectly. He looks so furious... and hot, but mostly furious.
Seeing him like this really turns me on.
Heeyyy!! Not like that, I mean umm... whatever. Honestly though, this boy can look good in anything.
"Why are you defending her?" She screams trying to release herself from his grip. As if
"Listen up Demi.." He smiles and whisper in her ear, "I admit you're kind of good in bed, but it still doesn't give you the right to question me".
Damn. So he slept with both sisters, that's nasty. Naaaaaassssstttyyyyyy
I have a feeling it was a threesome. Damn, It makes sense, neither of them could have him, so they shared the d-
"Now what are you still doing here?" He ask a little louder this time. Like it ain't obvious.
She wants revenge for her sister's death, duhh, like I give a fuck about that... it wasn't my fault.
As far as I can see Christian was the one that put them in that position anyway so he's the one to blame... as always
"You know what, Don't even answer that question... You're really lucky I don't hit ladies," he scoffs.
"I do."
Payback for what this lil bitch just put me through. I really don't understand my body because right now i'm fine. One second i'm down, the next, i'm in murder mode.
"All I wanted was some damn popcorn!" I growl grabbing her from Christian.
I throw her hard down the hall and speed over to her before she regains her strength. I grab her by the neck, sitting on top of her and delivering back the same treatment she gave me.. Only bloodlier.
I begin to claw the living shit outta her not giving her the slightest chance to move. I really really wasn't planning on killing anybody today but ofcourse she had to come in and ruin my whole 'trying to be nice period' and now I have no choice but to ruin her.
This is all her fault not mine.
"You have absolutely no freaking idea how much you're turning me on right now," He breathe out leaning against the wall. Is he kidding me right now?!. Incest
I roll my eyes and slowly slide off her nasty looking body. "You're nasty," I growl at him.
"Did you really have to do her like that?" He said looking at her body in disgust... and a little bit of amusement. I'm pretty sure he've done way worse than this.
He looks a little bit too proud for a guy who just lost both the sisters he was fucking.
"You knew didn't you?"
He only looks at me in confusion.
"You knew I was gonna kill them," I growl. "That's why you didn't try to stop me".
"Ofcourse I knew darling, I'm not stupid," He shrugs.
"I didn't expect you to go all crazy and kill them all like that though."
Oh so now I'm crazy, wooooww
"I didn't exactly kill them all... The Jackson dude is fine."
"Now because of you, i'm gonna have to hire new people to train you again," He scoffs. Woooow!! So now it's my fault.
"When you say hire, what do you mean?" I ask raising an eyebrow.
"Well you know.." He smirks, "threatening some werewolves and vampires until they agrees. They obviously rather being killed by you than me so it was a simple threat". This boy.
I doubt he's ever spend money in his life and he doesn't have to use compulsion or threat to get what he wants either because people always fall for his Spanish charms and his bad boy smirks.
"Are we gonna get popcorn or what?" I sigh walking off. What happened 5 minutes ago is the least of my problems, a girl still has needs.
"Oh and i'm a little blood thirsty too so could you like ya knw," I wink. I don't know where they keep the blood bags around here but i'm pretty he does.
><><><
"Alright so let me get this straight... " Christian explains looking at my laptop, "this movie is about a girl who has a crush on her bestfriends' brother, whom she's definitely not suppose to have a crush on because her and her bestfriend have some type of rule or should I say bestfriend code, and then one day her crush aka her bestfriends' brother magically catches feelings for her too and then poof... They fell inlove?".
Well if you wanna put it that way. "I thought you said you never watched it?" I ask sipping my bloodbag while he throw popcorns in the air and catches it with his mouth. He's really good at it.
"I haven't. I'm just good at guessing,"
"So you're trying to tell me that you've never ever in your lifetime watched a movie?" I ask in disbelief. "Nope."
"Damn. What kind of things did you even do for fun during your thousands years of life?" I ask throwing the empty bloodbag in the trashcan and continue scrolling through Netflix.
"Well... Apart from killing and ofcourse sleeping with thousands of women" He said adjusting the pillows on my bed. "My life is very private".
Makes sense.
We turn our attention back to the movie, commenting here and there as well as other things, this is actually fun, for me that is.
"Just kiss her already!" I scream at the laptop like a total mad person.
We're at the scene when Elle and Noah has their first kiss at the booth. I like Elle and all but she talks too damn much.
"I can't believe you really enjoy this," he scoffs rolling his eyes and I ignore him locking my eyes on the screen. This boy is lucky he's hot.
That weird moment when you've watched a movie so many times, that you can actually predict every word.
The way I see it, That movie was bomb.
"So.." I smile shutting my laptop, "do you still think 'the kissing booth' is stupid?"
C'mon!! What's there not to like?
Noah Flynn is one hot piece of cotton candy and Elle is um, annoying but okay.
"Well..." He breathe out. "I'm actually kind of impressed, it's not a terrible movie I suppose." That's what I thought.
"I'm just kidding, the lovey dovey romance shit made my skin crawl, ew."
Atleast he's honest, I was too caught up in the movie to pay attention to him so I couldn't tell if he was enjoying it. He enjoyed the fights though, romance obviously his thing, feelings overall isn't his thing.
"Moral of the story.." I mumble, "The good girls always fall for the bad boy".
Guess I don't have to worry about falling for Mr Remoné here, because he's definitely worse than a bad boy... and I'm certainly not a good girl.
><><><
"I cannot understand you," I scoff at Christian.
"Can't say I'm surprise, I'm not a very understandable person," he reply lying down beside me.
"Some days you're bad, some days you're awful and some days like this you..."
"Some days like this I what?" He ask raising an eyebrow.
Some days like this, you make me wanna strip you naked and rape you.
"Some days you make me feel like, i'm not completely alone," I breathe out.
He turns to me and rub my cheek with the back of his hand, "No estas solo," (You're not alone).
Chills run down my spine every time he stares at me like this.
Not that kind of chills though.
I don't like him...
I don't have a crush on him...
This is different... And no it's not love.
"There's something I wanna show you," he said taking his phone out of his pocket. Nudes?
'I'm only one call away..
I'll be there to save the day'
Oh my gosh!
"What is this?" I ask as the lyrics of one my favorite songs starts playing.
"This is my way of helping you escape."
"Escape from what?" I ask staring into his compulsive grey eyes.
"Your demons," he whisper.
"Forget about everything up to this moment," he said standing in front of me. "Forget about Vanessa... Damie and the others... Your real parents... Don't think about vampire Kira or werewolf or even witch Kira. Focus on one person... The kira, who's sitting in front of me right now.. Kira Williams."
Not sure if I can do that with you standing in front of me, looking like this.
"I can't," I whisper. Can't? More like don't want to.
"You can..." He smirks coming closer to me, "and you will. Dance with m,". What the hell is he up to?
He winks stretching his hand to me. I breathe out hesitating at first but accepted his gesture anyway. He's lucky I'm barefooted because if I wasn't, his toes would suffer the consequences of the fact that I cannot dance.
"Why are you here Christian?" I ask resting my arms on his shoulders as he place his around my waist. "For about ten Centuries, everyone referred to me as a monster. That's what they see, so that's exactly what they believes. At one point, I was hurt and torn by it ... But overtime, I came to accept the fact that I'm really and truly a ruthless, cold hearted bastard."
True.
"So to answer your question Kira." He said swirling me to the tune.
'And when you're weak I'll be strong...
I'm gonna keep holding on'
"I'm here with you because, you're the only person that makes me feel like I might have a little humanity left".
This is my life now. I'm not human anymore, maybe everything is like this for a reason.
"Thank You" I breathe out.
"For what?" He asks looking at me in confusion.
"Protecting me all those years."
'And when you feel like hope is gone'
"Happy Valentine's Day," he whisper and kiss my temple.
I won't stop until I find out the real reason my aunt took me from my parents. I won't stop until I find out the secrets that Christian is keeping from me about my real parents. I won't stop until I find the woman that sent Vanessa and I won't stop until I find the answers to all my questions.
Not because I want to, but because there's no telling the person I'll become if I don't.