Xena felt the warmth of the sunlight on her eyelids. She opened them up and was greeted with a sunny beam of light entering from the small window of the room. The light shimmered on every surface it could latch on to, and one of them was Xena's bed.
She placed her hand over her eyes, preventing herself from staring at the intense light. She sat up, looked around her surroundings and realized that it's a brand new day. The birds were chirped and hummed a sweet melody that signified the morning. Xena noticed today was a rather peaceful day, but…
The positive energy that the weather gave off didn't match hers. What Xena felt was gloom, who wouldn't be after what occurred yesterday. She let out an exhausted sigh. Even after a long slumber, her exhaustion remained. She stood up and slowly made her way into the quiet living room. There, she saw Steven sitting on the couch that faced the hallway. His eyes were closed, and she assumed he was napping. Xena remembered what happened last night when Steven was drowning himself with his tears while chugging a bottle of beer. It must have exhausted him.
She stepped foot into the kitchen, which caused the floor to let out a slight creaking sound of panic. Xena winced at the sound since she didn't want to wake the poor man up. Unluckily for her, Steven's alertness caused him to wake from his drunken stupor. He looked around, scanning for any threats. He seemed surprised at first but quickly realized that it was just the small girl, Xena. Steve got up and stretched his arms. A yawn escaped his mouth.
"You don't have to sneak into my kitchen to get food," he stated with his arms crossed while he smiled kindly at the little girl.
Apologetically, Xena lowered her head and mumbled an apology.
"Why are you apologizing so much? Come on, I'll make your food."
A faint smile appeared on her face. She felt his kindness was something she had not seen in a long while. The last time was when she and her mother ran out of food to eat. Luckily, one kind neighbour offered them a small sack of potatoes to feast on for the night.
Xena remembered her town. It was often peaceful and comfortable to live in, although it was one of the poorest in Arkenhill. Everyone in there was calm. Now, Xena does not know if Mirefield remained with the peace she felt it had.
She followed the man into the kitchen. It wasn't too big, nor was it too small. It was a comfortable size, good enough for three people to be in it at the same time. The counters were a sleek and clean look made of marble. There was a medium-sized window on top of the sink, which was probably the major source of light during the day. The refrigerator was an odd one. It didn't look like the ones she always saw on the television. The one with a built-in television screen so you can watch the news or tell the time. Beside the fridge stood a medium-sized table, enough for three people.
Xena was told to sit on one chair, and so she did. As she sat patiently, Steven whipped out a small pan from a kitchen cabinet. He then made a simple dish out of two eggs from the refrigerator.
Observing Steven reminded Xena of her father: how he stays serious while doing chores, how his expression remains poker until he talks to her and how kind he was. The more Xena stared at Steven, the more he resembled her father.
It was painful. It's like a constant reminder that Xena's father had passed away and that all she could do was find comfort that there was someone like her father. Her mind went into a never-ending train of thought; she thought about her parents, where her mother could be, and what really happened to her father. It was too much for the twelve-year-old girl to handle.
Those train of thoughts immediately severed. Xena looked at the plate in front of her. It had two perfect looking sunny side up eggs with the right amount of salt and pepper sprinkled on top.
"Don't just look at it. Eat it," the corner of Steven's lips lifted into a smile. Xena's confusion about the meal seemed to have caused him to chuckle. "Do you not like eating eggs?" he asked, and Xena quickly denied the question.
"No, I enjoy eating them. Thank you."
Not long after, Xena began digging in. She carelessly enjoyed the delicious yet simple food that Steven had made. He added another dish, two toasts with butter on top of each. It surprised Xena to see him add another plate.
"Two eggs won't be enough to fill a child's stomach. Eat some toast," Steven explained. He seemed to have read the girl's expression. Xena couldn't help but thank the man. She bowed down gently and showed him an appreciative, gentle smile. While she ate, the man looked outside the window as if he was deep in thought.
A few hours later, the two returned to their regular activities. In Xena's case, her activity was to stay inside the room and rest. Boredom didn't become a problem for her, because her mind was busy thinking about dark thoughts that she lost track of time.
It was ironic--boredom had consistently been Xena's problem back at home. She couldn't play with the kids outside even if she begged her mom. Thus, her solution to her problems was to watch the television. Day and night. She learned quite a few things from viewing the same shows. It always used to entertain her, no matter the genre. As long as she could have fun with watching them, she forgets the hunger she experiences during the trying days.
Recalling the times, Xena had forgotten that those days were no longer possible. She's a runaway now, with no loved one to run into.
Time seemed to have passed by as Xena was deep in thought. She looked outside the window and observed that it was already midday. The sun was close to setting. Its bright roundness turned into a semi-circle as the sun hid behind the mountains. Xena sat up, disoriented after spending too long lying on the bed.
She heard a few voices beyond the bedroom. It wasn't just Steven's voice--there was also the voice of a middle-aged woman. Xena carefully tiptoed her way toward the noises. Just as she did last night, she hid behind the wall. Eavesdropping wasn't her thing, but a child's curiosity was inevitable.
"I don't understand. Why can't you just live in our old neighbourhood?" the woman said. Her voice sounded modulated. It was pleasant to hear. Xena guessed the woman to be in her late fifties. The way she spoke reminded her of the old shows she used to watch.
Steven let out a grave sigh, "Because I don't want to. How hard is that to understand, Eve?" the woman gave Steven half a shrug. She looked at him with pleading eyes.
The woman let out an exhausted exhale, "I don't know, Steven. Maybe you should stop being hung up on the past. It's already been ten years."
Xena creased her brows. She assumed the woman named 'Eve' is someone Steven knew well. Xena began to worry. If Eve finds out about her, she might end up sending the poor girl away somewhere else.
Steven raised his arms to chest level, showing his confusion. "Really? She was our daughter, Eve!"
"Our daughter!"
The little girl eavesdropping flinched. Xena's heartbeat pounded at a faster pace after hearing the abrupt peak in Steven's tone. It was scary, so scary that her memories of what happened yesterday resurfaced. It reminded her of when her parents were yelling and begging the soldiers to spare them another chance.
"Yes! I know that. It pained me too, Steven! But ten years have passed already. It's time for you to let go. Please." Eve had tears welled in her grey eyes, those tears were threatening to fall down any minute. Her voice became brittle the more she talked to her husband.
"I can't... I really can't. No matter how fucking hard I try."
Steven glided both of his hands over his hair. His eyes were almost bloodshot red from the tears that streamed down his face. He felt a lump in his throat from holding it back for too long.
"But it wasn't your fault," said Eve.
The two continued while Xena stood quietly behind the wall. She questioned if she still wanted to listen in. Her mind was telling her to stay put, but she felt deep pity for whatever it was Steven was going through. Xena realized one thing: even the kindest of people hide their pain behind their gentle smiles.
"Yes, it was..." Steven argued.
"It was all my fault…"
"Please, Eve, just let me be. Let me go through the pain and suffering. It's what I deserve."
"Steven…." Eve looked at her husband in pity. It disheartened her to see him suffer like this. Their daughter had died ten years ago. Though it wasn't anyone's fault, Steven forced himself to believe that he was deeply responsible for it. Ten years later and the grief still pained Steven. Years upon years of suffering, Steven thought he deserved the pain.
Eve showed Steven a sad, close-lipped smile, "Okay..." She whispered sadly.
The woman gave one long last look at Steven. With her hands in her pocket as she tried to come up with another reply. "Just.. please remember to come home to us. To our children."
The man nodded his head gently, and one last drop of tear fell down from his eye.
"Bye, Steve." Eve cupped his cheek into her palm before she left for the exit. He was left alone in the living room, distressed. When Xena tried to peek, Steven was already down on the couch chugging another bottle of beer. Xena's brows lifted in worry. She felt as if Steven was drinking too much. His dangerous drinking habit might be the only thing that made Xena differentiate between him and her father.