Dear Diary,
Dwayne stayed nice to me.He still joins me when I'm eating lunch or snacks.He also often asks for my help when he has outputs and projects.Kaycee and Chenna told me not to help him always for he's already taking advantage on me.
I saw Dwayne at the hallway with his other friends.I approached him.
"Hey Dwayne." I said but he just ignored me.His friends noticed me standing behind Dwayne.
"You know this looser,dude?" His friends laughed.Dwayne looked coldly to me.
"I don't." He said.His friends laughed at me saying that I'm just a desperate lady who wanted to be noticed by Dwayne.
I was hurt when Dwayne denied me.I immediately ran away because of shame.How could he?I've been so nice to him but why did he do that?Because he's friend said that I'm just a loser?Is that the reason?
My phone beeped so I took it from my pocket.It was a text message from Dwayne.I opened his message and read it.
"I'm sorry...I only used you.I've never been true to you,Zarine.My grades were failing that's why I befriended you.I know you can help me retrieve my grades and you did so thank you.I don't mind if you forgive me or not...but never forget that I said sorry."
My tears came out from my eyes.I'm always hurt,damn it!
I immediately ran to a place where no one could see me.I cried hard.I also remembered how Harvey hurt me with his words.Why does it seems like I'm hated by men?I've been so nice to them but they did nothing good to me but to hurt me.
I was still in my dramatic state when somebody handed me a handkerchief.I insensibly took it and used it to wipe my tears.
"I told you to stay away from him." Somebody said plainly.I gently rose my head to see who it was.I'm shocked when I realized that it was Harvey.My anger suddenly risen.
"What are you doing here?" I plainly said.My fists were clenching because of anger and pain. "You're saying that to me without being aware what really hurt me?" I laughed with sarcasm.
He looked at me with guilt and confusion in his eyes. "You're confusing me,don't you know that?Sometimes you're there to save me but you're also there to hurt me!" I cried.
He looked at me with pain in his eyes. "Are you even aware how I suffered in pain everytime you mistreat me?Everytime you tell me damaging words?Are you?!" I wiped my tears. "Yes,I'm hurt because of what Dwayne did to me but do you know what pained me more?" I looked at him while smiling bitterly.
"It's you!" I cried. "Do you think everything were nothing to me?Do you think I like the idea being your enemy?" I forced a smile.He stayed silent while looking at the ground.
"To tell you...I don't really like it.I don't really like how you treated me because it breaks me.Everytime I see you flirting and kissing with other girls,my heart breaks into pieces.But do you know what hurts the most?" I looked at him with teary eyes.
"It's when I'm hurt but I couldn't even tell you...It's when I'm jealous but I have no rights...and it's when I'm dying to confess that I already fell inlove with you but I'm afraid of rejection." After I said those words,none of us tried uttering words again.But after a minute,Harvey looked at me with a playful smile on his face.I could also see his eyes smiling.Because of that,I felt embarassed.
"Really?" He uttered while giving me a smirk.
I flushed. "I-I don't care what you'll think or what you'll say anymore.What's important is,I already confessed.It's okay if you'll reject me.Just do whatever you want!" I uttered. "B-but don't you ever play with my feelings.If you don't like me,t-then show it like the way you used to!"
I was flabbergasted when he held my cheeks and caressed it with his thumb.I also flushed. "W-what are you---" My heart throbbed and my eyes went bigger when he desisted me by a kiss on my lips.I didn't know what came to my mind but I responsed.We were both winded when the kiss ended.
"W-what just happened?" I said while phanting.He smiled at me genuinely and kissed my forehead.I didn't know what to feel that time anymore.My emotions were mixed.Excitement,joy,confusion,tingle...I didn't know exactly!
"I guess...I don't need to explain anything furthermore." He chuckled. "Or...you still want an explanation about what happened,don't you?" I pressed my lips and nodded gently.I was still shocked.I heared him sighed as he leaned his back on the wall.
"If you're not aware,I always want to get your attention.I thought that bullying and mocking you were the easy ways." He looked at me with guilt in his eyes. "I'm sorry...I've been so selfish.But believe me,it was never easy for me to see you hurt." He said.I could feel the sincerity in his teary eyes.
"I already know before that Dwayne was only using you.I heared how he insulted and belittled you in front of some of his friends." His face darkened. "That's why I told you to stay away from him...I didn't mean those words I've said to you.My jealousy overpowered me that time.I was really planning to talk to you in a friendly way but those things suddenly flashed in my mind." He forced a smile.
"How you laughed with him...how you seemed so happy with him...and your closeness that made me think of how weak and stupid I was because of not being able to confess what I truly feel." He uttered.I was shocked hearing his explanation.We became silence for a while until he started talking again.
"I...I'm very sorry for all I've done to you,Zarine." He said sincerely.He's tears started falling again.My heart melted.I hate seeing a man crying!
He walked closer to me and held my hands.My tears came out again. "Please,give me chance.Give me a chance to prove my self to you,Zarine.I promise that I will make up for my mistakes.I will better for you this time." He knelt and cried. "Just please...please forgive me and give m-me another chance." He uttered between sobs.
I smiled at him and held his cheeks with my left hand.My other hand held his arm to help him stand. "Stand up first.You don't need to kneel at me,you silly." I chuckled.He obeyed me while smiling a little.Aww,cute. "You don't need to beg for another chance,Harvey.You know what kind of girl I am." I said.
"Well,I don't wanna take advantage on your personality." He sighed and smiled genuinely.I could also see the joy in his eyes. "But thank you, Zarine.I promise that I won't hurt you again this time." We hugged each other.He burried his head on my neck making me feel that electrifying sensation.
"Let me court you,Zarine." He whispered. "I can't waste this chance anymore."
I smiled. "Okay." I chuckled.
He didn't have any idea how happy I am.
-Zarine