"I was in the computer lab and Benji was in English on the other side of the hallway. My teacher locked the door, and kids frantically hid under the tables. My teacher made some calls on her phone and a few moments later, the lockdown was officially in place. Everyone was scared and on their phones, either texting the loved ones, or gossiping about who the shooter is.
We heard shots every two or three minutes. More people dead. It was a reminder to stay as quiet as possible. Three distinct shots were fired on the other side of the hallway. These sounded different, less random. Like the gunman had found his target. Everything was quiet for a moment. We dared to hope the worst day of our lives was over.
I texted Benji, 'Are you okay? I love you, please be okay.' Then we heard him.
It sounded like the shooter was reading something: 'Are you okay? I love you, please be okay.' I almost didn't recognize the voice, but I did. "Sorry Nandita, but my stand-in is dead!" Zach yelled. He was laughing like a maniac as he walked down the hall, calling my name.
Everyone turned around and looked at me with pure hatred, like I had done this. And then I realized, I had done this. It was my fault Zach was shooting up the school. It was my fault people were probably dead. It was my fault that Benji was probably dead.
Zach was still calling my name when he said, 'Oh, I'm so stupid. I'll just call her." Before I had a chance to react, my phone starts ringing in my hands. It was from Benji. I look around and realize I've just given us away.
Zach shoots at the lock and was about to kick the door open when we heard a loud thump and one final shot. We were confused when Zach didn't bust in. There were feet scuffling outside the door. One of the kids mustered up the courage to open the door. There was a dark red pool of blood. People wearing SWAT uniforms surrounded Zach. He was lying slumped on the floor. We almost didn't see it, but there was a bullet hole in his head. One of the SWAT guys closed the door."
Naya was now visibly shaking. Dante pulled Naya into a tight embrace, allowing her to cry into his shoulder. "I didn't know. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I forgot," Dante whispered, slowly realizing he was crying too.
Dante remembered watching the story on the news with Mami and Manny. His mother almost hadn't sent Manny to school the next morning. He realized why Naya had been so startled at the sound of his nail gun, why her name had felt so familiar on that first day they met when her step mom called her down from her room. He'd heard it a couple times on the news, not enough for him to recall it at the drop of a hat though, considering she was a minor at the time.
The details of the case were harrowing. Eight people had died, not including the unborn fetus of one of the teachers. He even remembered the stupid joke he's made about the incident: "That's why you gotta be careful who you reject."
"It was my fault," Naya sobbed. "Police found out that he texted me his entire plan, including going after Benji, but they didn't deliver because I blocked him. I shouldn't have blocked him. I shouldn't have dated Benji. He'd still be here if it wasn't for me. I should have never broken up with Zach. He might have hurt me, but that's better than eight of my classmates and teachers, including the nicest English teacher ever Mrs. Stevenson, and her unborn daughter, Daisy Stevenson, paying for my mistakes."
"Naya, you are only responsible for your actions, not the actions of others," Dante stated firmly as he stroked Naya's hair.
"You don't get it. Everyone looked at me like it was my fault. At the memorial, Benji's mother, who once said she loved me like a daughter, told me she wished her son had never met me and spat at my feet. And she was right. I should have never been with him. Maybe I had absent parents for a reason. Maybe I don't deserve to be loved, because bad things happen to people who do."
"I turned myself into a social pariah after. My friends never outwardly blamed me, but it was hard to ignore the spot in our circle where Nora used to be. Zach killed her for talking me out of dating him. Jason and Russ got shot trying to stop him. They say he killed Molly because she looked like me from the back of the head. It's my fault they're all dead."
Dante cupped Naya's wet cheek in his hand. And said. "First of all, it's hard to be mad at dead people. Trust me, I've tried. So people tend to go for the next best thing. And second: did you pull the trigger?"
Naya shook her head no. "Bu-"
"Did you kill eight, sorry, nine people?" Dante continued. Naya shook her head.
"Did you walk away from an abusive relationship?" Dante asked.
Naya hesitated before nodding her head yes.
"Then it's not your fault," Dante reiterated and added, "Zach wasn't right in the head. I saw the news stories. He killed his own parents to get access to those guns. His counselor had been trying to get him on meds for a long time. If he hadn't seen you that day, it would have been some other poor girl. Or maybe something else would make him break. Also, I don't really care if you deserve to be loved or not, because I'm falling in love with you. I don't care if that means I'm gonna be barreled with a shit ton of problems, as long as I get to hold your hand through it all." Dante gingerly kissed her fingers.
"It's not… my fault?" Naya asked in a whisper.
"No way in hell," Dante said.
"It's not my fault." She repeated. "It's not my fault," Naya kept repeating through her sobs until she fell asleep on Dante's chest.
Dante gently laid her down on his bed and carefully tiptoed out of the room. Once he was out, Dante put his back against the door and slid down until he was sitting on the floor with his arms wrapped around his legs. Dante tucked his head between his knees and cried.