The four corner room is filled with laughter and joy. His classmates from college were teasing and throwing silly jokes. But amidst the happiness and laughter, I can't feel anything but nervousness. It's a pleasant sight to see-- the joy, but my mind is throbbing and my heart wavers from time to time. I easily get chills creeping on my insides every time there's silence in between their laughs.
"Hindi ka pa rin nagbabago!"
The man at the center of the crowd said with a smile on his face that I wished for this moment on, he won't wear it off.
He's happy. I can see that from my seat. Hindi siya magkamayaw sa paglipat-lipat ng tingin dahil abala ang halos lahat na makausap siya. But that didn't hinder him from glancing my way before he faces someone.
I always wanted to see him smile because it puts my heart at ease but seeing him smiling and laughing now, my heart is tearing into pieces, bit by bit.
"We're happy that you're back," Deliah, a close friend of him from College said with relief.
Revi squeezed my hand and secretly glance my way before smiling at her friend, Deliah.
"I'm happy that I'm back too."
I saw how Deliah's eyes pooled with tears but she immediately looked away before a tear escaped her eye. Hinagod naman ng kanyang boyfriend na si Cleo ang kanyang likod.
Naluluha naman ang halos lahat ng babae sa silid at may iilang mga kaklase niyang lalaki na tahimik na naiiyak.
I saw Revi looked away and I heard his soft sob. He doesn't want anyone to see that he actually sheds a tear because he wanted everyone to see that he's a strong man like what everyone anticipated.
He didn't change at all despite the world he chose to came back had already experienced its changes a long time ago.
I know that it's hard for him to see that all of his classmates in college are now having a better life. I know he yearned for a life like theirs too. He was supposed to live like that but... life for him was cruel.
"I... I am an attorney now Rev," Noel, his classmate said. "If you want legal counseling in the future, come to me."
Pilit pinapagaan ni Noel and bigat na nararamdaman ng lahat sa silid kaya natatawa na rin ang iba, natatabunan na and halinghing ng iyakan kanina.
"Ang bait kong tao!" Revi jokingly screamed after wiping his watery eyes with the back of his hand.
Laughter then roared inside the room.
"I am happy of what you've accomplished, guys." Revi tried to hide his bitterness but it is still evident from his tone.
"And we are happy that you're now back, Revis!" Masayang sigaw ni Anthony bago tumayo sa kanyang inuupuan at kaagad an dumalo kay Revis sa kama at kaagad itong niyakap.
I shifted on my seat when I remembered Revi stitches pero hindi naman siya nagpakawala ng kahit among reaksyon na nagpapahiwatig ng sakit kaya napanatag lang rin ako kalaunan.
"Baka magselos si Mario nito ah!" Pabirong sabi ni Revi habang hinahagod and likod ni Anthony.
Kaagad naming kumalas sa pagkakayakap sa kanya si Anthony at ngumiwi kay Revi. Nagtawanan naman and mga kaklase niyang nakapaligid sa kama ni Revi.
"They broke up a year ago, Rev." Someone mumbled from behind. Revi's eyes widened upon hearing and carefully looked at Anthony.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Akala ko kasi... kayo pa," nahihiyang sabi nito.
Anthony shook his head. "That's fine. Nakamove-on na naman ako... siguro," mahinang sagot ni Anthony.
Anthony is gay inside and out. Simula noong ipinakilala siya ni Revi sa akin noon ay sila na talaga noong Mario. Matagal-tagal din sila pero dahil hindi natin alam and takbo ng panahon ay naghiwalay rin sila noong nagdaang taon.
"We should go, Rev. May trabaho pa kasi pero babalik naman kami dito sa susunod na bukas," Cleo said before standing up from his seat beside his girlfriend, Deliah, who's eyeing me suspiciously.
"Yeah. Babaunan ka namin ng maraming chika," a woman in her corporate attire said before giggling.
Natatawang tumatango naman si Revi. Bago sila makalabas ng silid ni Revi ay nagpaalam muna sa akin ang iilan na nginitian ko lamang. I know all of them. After all, they witnessed how Revi and I exchanged our love then.
Nang naramdaman kong may nakatingin ay bumaling ulit ako sa pintuan at nakitang seryosong nakatingin sa akin si Deliah habang pasikreto naman siyang kinakalabit ni Cleo para lumabas na ng tuluyan.
I controlled Revi's bed at binaba to para komportable siyang makahiga at makatulog na. When he's comfortably lying on his bed, he smiled at me.
"What a beautiful view," he mumbled as he caressed my cheek dearly.
I missed his touch.
Hindi naman ako makangiti sa kanya kaya umiwas na lamang ako ng tingin at yumuko para matingnan ang ilalim ng kanyang kama at baka may hindi nahigit na gear o ano.
"You should sleep, Rev," I muttered after standing up properly.
He smiled and slowly nodded. "Will you be here when I wake up?"
I smiled at him, assuring. "I will be here when you sleep and when you wake up, Rev."
Nang nakatulog na siya ay lumabas ako para mag-fill ng tubig sa aking lalagyan dahil naubusan na ako pero laking gulat ko nang nakita si Deliah na ganoon pa rin ang suot at nakaupo sa katapat na upuan ng silid ni Revi.
When she saw me, she then stood up with her hand bag on her front.
"Akala ko nakaalis ka na," gulat na saad ko.
"I want to talk to you, Amelia."
I nodded before glancing at the door of Revis' room before closing it completely.
"Let's talk in the lobby," sabi ko at iginiya siya papuntang lobby ng hospital.
I filled my bottle with water before going Dehlia's way who's now sitting at the table far from the crowd. Whatever she will say, it seems confidential.
"Uhh... you want to talk. What is it?" I said upon sitting across her seat.
Dehlia transferred her bag from the table down to the floor.
"About Rev and your relationship with him."
I had a feeling that what she wants to talk about is this... my relationship with Revi.
"I know that everything was hard for you. And I know... we all know that you're with someone now but Amelia, Revis finally woke up after 15 long years. What are you going to do?"
Bumaba and tingin ko mula sa kanya papunta sa lamesa sa gitna naming dalawa. She's right, everything was hard for me. But that doesn't justify that I'm with someone now while my boyfriend was asleep for that long.
But what can I do?
"I... I don't know, Dehls. Revi's mom thinks that I should just keep it a secret from him until then. But-"
Kaagad namang inabot ni Dehlia ang aking mga kamay na nakapatong sa lames at mahigpit itong hinawakan habang nagbabadya na ang kanyang mga luha.
"I... I don't think so, Amelia." She said while shaking her head. "You should tell him. You should tell Revi that you're with someone now. Don't let my friend hope for you when there's nothing you can give anymore. Please... please... tell him now-"
Kaagad kong hinawi ang aking mga kamay na nagpagulat sa kanya. I looked at him in shock too, hindi inaasahan ang sariling aksyon.
"You're selfish, Amelia! What are you planning to do, huh? Will you still keep Revi even when... even when..."
Dehlia's chest lifted up and down because of her sudden outburst. She looked at me with piercing and bloodshot eyes.
"I... won't, Dehlia! I won't tell him that for now. Maybe if he is completely healed then I will but... Revi! Revi-- just woke up a week ago!"
Telling him that now made me afraid that it might put him to sleep again or worse, maybe he'll never wake up again! If I will tell him the situation now, I am afraid of the certainties that he'll hate me.
Revi never hated me. Revi loves and cherishes me. But the image of Revi lashing out his anger on me made me scared to death.
I am grateful that he finally woke up. After a deep slumber, after being in a coma for 15 long years, after almost losing hope that he'll ever wake up... he woke up!
It's a miracle!
Napatayo naman si Dehlia sa kanyang inuupuan habang tinatapunan ako ng nakakamatay na tingin. The case is, I won't die from that stare but maybe I will if Revi, the man I once loved and the man I don't wanna hurt will look at me with his eyes in rage, I think I will die.
"You don't really intend to tell him, do you? Amelia, he's a great friend and your boyfriend who you spent half of your life then but here you are, hiding all your secrets because of your selfishness!"
I clenched my fist, trying to suppress the anger and desperation I am now feeling. I know that I don't have the right to be angry because what Dehlia said is not out of pure emotions but she spoke to me with rationality. I know that she's right. I should tell Revi but I just cannot take the risk and sacrifice him again!
Revi deserves every right to know but goodness gracious, he just woke up a week ago! What could he possibly feel if I will let him know now?
I know Dehlia's right and that I am just afraid of the certainties that he'll hate me but I care for him. That is why I am not telling him even if that means that I will fool him.
"I said, I will not tell him Dehlia! I will wait for the perfect timing-"
"Why wait when you could just tell him now that you're now fcking in love with someone not him?! Why? Do you still love Revi?"
I pursed my lips tightly as I clenched my fist under the table harder that it might bleed my palm any time soon.
"Answer me, Amelia! Do you still love Revi?!" She asked, desperation and anger are evident in her tone.
I closed my eyes as honesty rummaged through my head.
"Y-yes," I stammered. I lift my head to meet Dehlia's eyes blazing with anger in fire.
"I love Revi, Dehlia-"
She closed our distance and I then felt the heat of her palm on my cheeks that made my face turn to the side. I can taste blood on my lips as I breathe heavily.
I heard gasped and indistinct chattering from the crowd. Ang malakas na lagapak na hatid ng kanyang malutong na sampal sa aking pisngi ang nang-agaw ng atensyon sa mga taong nakapaligid sa amin.
"What did you say?" I heard Dehlia asked with seething anger.
Nang ibinalik ko ang tingin sa kanya ay sumalubong sa akin ang galit na tingin niya na may pinaghuhugutan.
"I said I love Revi--"
Hindi pa nga ako nakatapos sa pagsasalita ay sinampal na niya naman ako ulit sa kabilang pisngi sa mas mabigat na intensidad kumpara kanina.
When I looked back at her, her chest is lifting up and down every second and I can hear his hoarse breathing, showing that she's having a struggle to breathe at this moment.
If this is not a heavy conversation but a normal one, I would feel her heartbeat's pace and recommend her an appropriate medicine but it's not.
"I always wanted to say this, Amelia."
My breathing is ragged now too. Both of my cheeks are hot and painful but I cannot put my mind on that because Dehlia is dead serious now that she's close to killing me.
"Even if Tita approved of your relationship with someone not her son, my opinion regarding that differs. You're in a relationship with a man sleeping on his hospital bed for 15 years and the man you saw that you'll spend this lifetime with him and the next yet you fell in love and had a relationship with someone. I don't know what else to call you but you're a cheater, Amelia."
My eyes widened and my lips parted in shock. Dehlia is a very close friend of Revi and mine since then. She rooted for Revi's relationship with me and she was there, supporting us every step of the way but hearing this from her now, struck my chest through my heart.
"You're a cheater, Amelia. You cheated on Revi while he's asleep!"
As much as I want to discard the thought and deny that I am indeed a cheater in love... the situation says so. I cheated with someone I loved while he's on his death bed. I know that my loneliness and emptiness doesn't justify my actions but with Revis sleeping for that long, leaving me alone ,made me feel empty. I held on to our memories together but seeing him every day on his bed, sleeping, where no one knows if he'll ever wake up or not anymore, made me lose hope.
Dehlia's right. I cheated on Revi while he's asleep.
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