"That was amazing, Mary. I loved every bite." John complimented the food.
"It's left overs silly! You ate them last night too!" I scoffed at his honeyed compliments.
"I wasn't talking about the food....." John winked at me from across the table and I flushed and began to squirm in my seat.
"You're so bad." I laughed at him my gaze fluttering up in exasperation.
"Ah, but I'm good at it. Besides you love it." He smirked with confidence.
"Damn straight. What's your point?" I got cocky confidently leaning to one side, resting my chin on one hand with an eyebrow raised in question.
He just chuckled to himself shaking his head, "I love you, Mary."
"I know."
He feigns shocked disbelief scoffing, "Oh... 'I KNOW'.... I see how it is. I give you my love, my body, and my life and all I get is... 'I KNOW'. Thanks."
It was just a joke... I know that but it struck a chord of pain in me hearing him say he gave his life and I shake my head trying not to let it get to me.
John notices my change in demeanor and is quick to say, "Whoa, Mary it was a joke, we were joking baby. I won't joke like that again.... Hey..."
He comes around the table and holds me close.
"Typical male idiocy, I say the wrong thing at the right time." He mutters and I push away.
"Gotcha!" I laugh as he purses his lips in frustration trying to hold back the smile threatening to surface. I push the hurt feelings down knowing it was just a joke and smile up at him.
"Now, about that amazing thing you enjoyed every bite of....." I batted my eyes up at him playing with his shirt buttons.
"Oh yeah? What would you like to know?" He grinned.
"I have dessert if you're interested?" Coyly I cocked my head up at him as I undid his buttons slowly.
"I always have room for dessert." His grin never left his face even as we kissed, stripping each other of our clothes.
......
"Oh my ... that little idea with the egg dear.... I must say was ingenious...." I gasp breathless after another hot and heavy roll in the sheets.
We had used it after "dessert" and she became a wild animal after using it on her.
I'd had a burst of memories come back right before dinner and I was still trying to process what point in time some of them were. I rolled on my side remember a few things.
"Mary I understand if you don't want to talk about it, but before I remember times when we didn't need to always be gentle at first. I am not complaining, I'm just trying to understand because of the gaps in my memory. What changed and when?"
She looked wide eyed at the ceiling and closed her eyes and just said, "When you remember you'll really understand when I say, it was part of the reason you came to rescue me."
She sat up quickly and added, "I can't talk about it anymore than that." She took off to the bathroom and shut the door.
I was walking over to the bathroom when I heard her vomiting into the toilet.
Damn it John! You idiot! Of course that's when and why.... when she was being tortured..... she was probably raped....FUCK! I'm an inconsiderate asshole....
I open the door and she washing her mouth out in the sink.
I wrap my arms around her and just hold her. She pushes me off her and tells me, "I'm okay now. I just felt sick thinking about it for a second. Let's go put something on the T.V." She pulls on a robe and gives me a forced smile.
....fine....she doesn't want to talk about it..... "Okay honey. I just want to say I'm sorry, there's still some more gaps then I care to admit. Please though, I'm not saying your emotions are equal or less than mine, just remember I have guilt still in me over the whole situation too."
I walk out past her and grab my shorts and pull them on and walk over to her and pull her into my arms.
"Now are we going to watch a movie and relax or am I going to have to make love to you till we both pass out in the morning again?" She wraps her arms around my neck and I swoop her up in my arms.
"In this position it could swing either way." I tell her. Holding her close to me cradled in my arms starting to sway her gently.
"Movie first.... Then you can make love to me as long as you want to, Mr. Lacroix."
"That sounds like a plan, Mrs. Lacroix."
"You remember I didn't change my name dear." She says to me.
"OH? Well I can still call you that since you are my wife."
She nuzzles my chest and neck. I rest my head against hers before taking her to the couch and plopping her down like a load of laundry making her bounce slightly up.
"John! You're still an asshat some times!" She huffs indignantly.
Asshat? " HA HA..hahaha.. Asshat? Really? That's what you're going to call me?" I laughed and then started feeling dizzy and my head began to ache.
"John!?" I hear Mary calling my name but I can't form words right now and my vision goes black.
........
"IS there ANYONE we know we can trust to take him to? Cass I'm sorry I know you've been working hard on that scanner but we're just very limited on being able to order or even make certain things with out raising suspicion and attracting attention. We need to find out what's wrong with John and make sure we know what we are looking at not taking educated guesses."
I'm pacing trying to think of something, anything, to get John the help he needs or at least to find out what's really wrong right now. He fainted about 2 hours ago and hasn't woke up yet. His vitals are still within safe ranges even though his pulse is higher than I care for it to be seeing as he's not awake.
"We can't snap in and out of hospital.... they're too busy and without identification or insurance he'll get flagged in the system which can raise an alert for anyone still searching for us... Even a fake ID and papers will not work because they can scan medical cases and look for all the signatures that would be the same as his..." I'm rambling trying to think of what we can do.....
"SIN! Sit down please. Let me check with a few people maybe there is a private hospital that if we pay them that nothing will be documented or said. You pacing and letting your mind go all over the place is only going to make you have an attack. WE do NOT need that right now."
Cass motions for me to sit and I take a few breaths and nod, "I'll be in the room with John. Talk to me immediately if you find something."
"Of course Sin." He nods impatiently and gets on his computer and begins working making phone calls as he starts checking around.
I make my way upstairs and look at John laying in my bed sleeping, Grier watching over him.
"He's not moved or woke up at all. What do you suppose is wrong? Or what do you think is causing problems?" Grier asks as I take a seat on the edge of the bed and take his pulse again.
"I'm not sure, Grier. Before when we thought he died he had a brain tumor. I'm not sure if it's the cause of it or even if he still has one, what size. Nothing.... I just got my love back." I started and Grier held her hand up to me.
"Do not worry about the things that might be, worry about the things that are. You'll realize you lose half your worries child. In some cases you'll lose all your worries. Now, why don't you lay down with him and I'll watch over you both in case Cass comes up with news. I don't want him scaring you half to death either." Grier suggests and I nod in agreement and lay there next to John and try to get some sleep.
.......
"Asshat? HA HA... HAHA... Really? That's what you're going to call me?"
The echos of what I said kept ringing ...
ringing in my mind....
Mary? (echos of 'Mary?' are heard reverberating all around as if he was in a large empty symphony house.)
I turn to look and all I see is black nothing, a void with no light.
Where am I?
"Hello?"
'ello? ello? ello?' can be heard echoing out across this vast empty void.
Then.. A light.... it's coming toward me and it's coming fast.
I start to wave and yell when I realize it's barreling straight at me.
Fuck! I start to run and it doesn't matter because it hits me before I made what I felt were a few steps out of the way.
Suddenly my memories are playing out in front of me like a movie reel...complete full memories.
My 5th birthday, graduation, college, my training for the CIA, Officer Sin... no Mary..... our first night.... when she said she liked me....
Our first date, man I was so excited for that ...too excited.
I made up for it later that night and then others.....so many nights.
Saving Cass, my proposal, some fights, lots of great sex.....
The Viola case....More fights...The damn psychiatrist at work...
Mary helping to heal me the mental scars from Viola.....
Cass and me hanging out working on the car in secret....
Our wedding and our honey moon...
The car crash, the doctor telling me about the tumor.....
My decision to keep it from her.....
Her mission that Rivera kissed her...My blood boiled over that...
Our fight before she went on the trip with Alex...
ALEX..... HER AND ALEX.....
The sound of her voice when she begged him to take her...
My heart was broken... I broke my promise and went out and immediately got divorce papers when the feed was cut. I thought she had cut it....
Her lousy text message and then phone call where she actually tried to not tell me anything at first.
The gut wrenching and agonizing feeling of packing up my stuff and then Hawthorne calling about her going after Ortiz...
The text message from her telling me to go be happy, that she failed me...
Finding out Ortiz had her. Ortiz giving us a private show of his torture of her.....Raping her....
OH DEAR GOD... My Mary, my favorite Sin.... No wonder you have panic attacks.....
Going to Alex for help after the council denied after giving Sin their word...
Alex stepping up and helping also telling me that she was drugged and almost died. I had messed up and made a huge mistake, I could only hope she was broken beyond repair and she would still give me the chance to make things right if there was still time.....
I had made so many mistakes.....
I found her and saved her only for Ortiz to get away and me to get shrapnel lodged under my rib cage in my liver... I broke my promise and I left her way too soon.
........
I open my eyes and light is streaming through the windows... I notice we're not at the other house.
We're at Temples....
We're back at Temples? Ah damn it. I groan and stretch and Mary immediately pops up.
"John! OH MY GOD JOHN! You're awake, you're awake! Thank god you woke up! I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't of woken up! We've been trying to find somewhere we could take you that would be safe for scans and tests. Oh John. Please try not to scare me like that again."
Mary is talking a mile a minute and begins to tear up throwing her arms around me and I squeeze her back tightly. Oh so tightly. Tears starting to come out of my eyes as her screaming for me to stay, to come back, that she loves me, begging for me to stay with her.
I burst into sobs myself and hold her so damn close. "Mary did you really forgive me for not keeping my promise, even though I didn't stay the first time?" I ask her holding her like she was my salvation.
"John,." her voice was filled with warmth and concern. "I forgave you before you even took your last breath, I will always forgive you for anything."
I pull away from her, "My memories came back, all of them."
Her eyes grew wide and then she nodded, "Well at least now we don't need to worry about your memories..." she caressed my cheeks softly.
"Seriously though Mary..... ASSHAT? What the hell is that even supposed to be?"
"LACROIX! I swear all those memories and me calling you an ASSHAT is what sticks out in your memory the clearest?!" She muffles her screams in frustration and goes to stand.
I grab her pulling her down and swiftly detain her from getting up.
"No, that I am absolutely and completely in love with the most amazing, beautiful woman, who is my best friend, my soul mate, my eternity and the fact that you love me just as I love you, well ...
"I'm the luckiest man alive and I don't know what I did right to be blessed like this but every second of everyday for eternity doesn't give me enough time to express the depth of my love and gratitude for you. I love you, even though you say you're broken, I think you are a masterpiece and wouldn't have you any other way."
I lay out my heart for her and she's speechless nothing but love is being conveyed between us as we stare in to one another eyes.
"That was absolutely beautiful! No wonder you love this man Sin. I think I'm in love myself!"
I look and see something sitting on the couch in the room.
"Uh Sin... Who's this?"