Hypocrite
"Go ahead. Judge me. Just remember to be perfect the rest of your life."
Ashley's POV
I walk down the street. The street lights shining bright, like there isn't darkness to dim it. Like people in life. I silently laugh to myself. A group of junior teens pass me, giving me a bizarre look. They probably think, I'm crazy. Or just very, very sad. I reach for my meds, in my pocket. I take it out and so the lighter.
I light my cigarette.
My third in a day. That's not a bad record.
Place the drug and inhale. For just a minute, I stand still and breathe in the poison. It's not like, it'll kill me. Life is too precious. I'm too precious. And then, I let go blowing it out. Feels calm. I put my face close to the puffed out smoke and use my nose to do its thing. Waiting for seconds to choke, yet I never feel bile rise in my throat. Though this time, water pools my eyes.
As I recall, what acquisition, I faced today.
The daughter of a mother, who walked out.
Who left her eight year old girl.
Who didn't try hard enough.
"How's your mother, Ashley?" Patricia The Demented, asked me. Making my footsteps halt and my heart beat increase. Not this again. Like usual, the idea was to never stop and keep walking. To keep running from the acquisitions, they throw at me and my mom. But, instead I turned in her direction. Smiled and said,
"She's fine. Very happy with her husband." Turning to walk away again. But.
"You mean, your stepfather? The guy, she left you for?" She giggles.
And I'm left with no choice but to keep walking.
I pull up my hoodie and sit down at the pavement. Puffing in and out. My silent cries drying with the cold wind as it passes through me. I close my eyes to the passing strangers and the flashbacks return.
Nine Years Ago..
"You don't love me enough!" Mommy shouts. I hear the sound of glass clattering. Stomping is heard. Daddy shouts at mommy and I hear a bang on the wall. I press my back to my bed room door. Even if, I want to run to mommy and console her that daddy loves her. To stop her from crying loudly. But, I know I can't just turn the door lock and leave. Mommy and Daddy hate it, when I see them fight.
They blame each other for being a bad influence. But, I love them. I don't hate them. I make a promise, as I sniff and hiccup. I will never fight.
Something hard hits my door and it vibrates terrifying me. I look here and there. Outside my window, it's raining heavily. I hear the loud roar of thunder. I gulp and another hiccup escapes my throat. I don't like rain. Suddenly, the light is switched off. It's dark. I gasp. Hiccup. I hate the dark. The monsters will eat me.
I turn towards the door and bang the door with my balled hands. It's the thunder again. I scream,
"Mommy!"
"Daddy!"
"Open the door!"
But, they are shouting too loudly to hear my screams. I see lightening. No!
My heart has a different pace. I hear, something crash the floor outside. "I'm scared!"
They can't hear me. I'm crying and mommy and daddy are fighting. As my cries become louder. I think of the monsters that lurk in the dark. They will hear me. I put my hands over my mouth and sit down close to the door. I try so hard to stop blinking so much. I have to save myself from the night. I grab my teddy from the drawer. And hug it very tightly.
I whisper to myself, "Don't be scared, Ashley. You have Mr. Crumbles. He won't let the monsters eat you. Mommy and Daddy will be okay in the morning. Don't be scared. The thunder will stop. Don't be scared. Ashley. Don't be scared."
Those were the prayers that made me fall asleep that night.
The morning came, in a few hours. I got up from my bed. Daddy must have put me to bed. I yawned and ran towards the door. I was very happy to hear no one fighting and the door was unlocked. I went to mommy and daddy's bedroom. It was empty. They will be in the lounge. I ran down the stairs. Not paying attention to mommy's rule, to never run on the stairs. I was happy this morning.
I saw Aunt Kathy sitting beside Mommy talking to her on the couch. I squealed and hugged her. "Aunt Kathy!" She grinned, picked me up and hugged me. Kissing both my cheeks and placing me on her lap.
"Aww, I missed you too. Muffin." She smiles.
I look at Mommy and she smiles seeing me. But, her eyes have tears. She was crying till now. I get up from Aunt Kathy's lap and move to mommy. She kisses my forehead. I hold her hands and she kisses both my hands.
"I'm going to miss you so much, my angel." She says, looking in my eyes. Mommy is crying again. Why? Is Mommy leaving me?
"Don't go, Mommy. I love you. Daddy loves you." I plead. She smiles and shakes her head. Saying, "You love me. I love you too." She pauses and pulls me close.
"Now, listen. You're Mommy's big girl. Aren't you?" She asks. I nod eagerly.
"Then, you understand me. You stay with your Daddy five days of the week. School days. Then, on Saturday and Sunday, you come to me and we have lots of fun. Okay?" She says, grinning for me.
Why won't Mommy and Daddy stay together? I want both of them. But, I don't say anything, because Mommy is sad. If I don't understand, she will be more sad.
So I smile and say, "Okay, Mommy."
She grins proudly and says, "That is my big girl. I love you so much." Mommy then, kisses me all over my face and I hug her for the longest time.
My amateur mind thought, Mommy will come back home one day. Yet, it never knew how wrong it was.
That was the day. Mom and Dad got divorced.
Present Day.
Walking back to my house, didn't take that long. After, I crushed the cigarette beneath my feet. I ring the doorbell and keep chewing my peppermint gum.
Let's just say, I'm not very keen on telling my family and friends of my "This Habit".
Call me a Hypocrite to the world.
Because that's my true self and the cheery, sweet Ashley is just a distinct part of me.
Dad opens the door. Keeping his eyes narrowed.
"You snuck out again?" he's being protective daddy. Again. I smile innocently, because I know, it will make him melt. I shuffle inside. He sighs.
"Ashley Hayward, what am I ever going to do to you?" He wonders, while closing the door. "Just keep on loving me, the way you do." I say, giving him a peck on his cheek. I sit down near the fireplace, rubbing my hands for warmth. It was really cold outside.
"You know I do." He says, as he emerges towards the kitchen. Did I tell, he's wearing his apron? Something's up in the kitchen. Curious, I get up.
"Omigosh! You made fish curry!" I squeal in delight. "And rice. Your favorite." He completes and grins satisfied with himself.
"Daddy, you didn't have to do it." I say, frowning.
"Why? Is it wrong to make my daughter happy? Did I mention, I love that smile on your face?" He says, grinning. I just run for a bear hug. He laughs, kissing my forehead.
"Careful, careful." As he notices me getting close to the stove. Protective daddy is back again. "I love you, Daddy. You know?" I say, looking at him. He smiles his old man grin and says, "I know."
"I'll set the table." I say. "That would be great help." He laughs. I roll my eyes, smiling.
After, we settle down. He opens the lid and the aroma is intoxicating. Like usual, he serves me first and then he serves himself. I take the first bite and I'm done for. It's the best thing, I've tasted. He hasn't took a bite and looks at me expectantly.
"It's Delicious!" I utter, my mouth full of food. He has a smile so wide and then he starts eating.
Did I mention, I stayed with my Dad? Even after what happened. I was grateful, I stayed with my dad. Mom never did come back. Every weekend, till I turned fifteen. I used to visit Mom and her new husband. Dean Yale. Mom's lawyer said, they will file for my custody, when I turn sixteen. But, I said No. I wanted to live with my old man. Because with him, it felt like home. It's not like, I don't visit mom anymore. Only for a month in my summer holidays. And it's not about Dean too. He's a good man. I have a little six year old step brother too. That I adore so very much. But, Dean isn't my daddy. Because, there is no one like him. And Dad never got married again. So, he only has me.
I can't be the one to leave him, after what he has done for me. He's been my mentor, grounding teacher, caring mom and yeah protective dad. He's the best.
"How was your chorus class?" He asks, snapping me from my thoughts.
"It's Choir class, daddy." I laugh. "Whatever you say, sing-song bird." He's such a sass.
I raise an eyebrow. "It was okay. We rehearsed for the play." I tell him, skipping Patricia's part. "That's good." He nods. After dinner, I clean the dishes. Bid daddy, good night and head towards my bedroom.
When I enter, I'm surrounded by the ringing of my phone. Damn it! How could I forget, that I had to call Edward. I'm dead. I check my phone. Messages hijack me,
Ash, whatchu doing?
Baby, you there?
Baby? Where are you?
Why aren't you responding?
Are you okay?
Ashley, where the hell are you?!
F**k it! I'm coming over.
Oh no. No. No. No. No. Dad's home. He'll murder any guy in my bedroom. I dial his phone to refuse him. He picks up gasping. My doubt kicks in. What's he been up to? Suddenly, there is knocking, I hear.
"Your window." He says, breathless. I literally rush towards the window. I open it and he jumps in. He bends breathing heavily. He ends the call.
"What the hell!" I shout at him, my arms folded. "You made my window, your entrance? How did you reach it, its two stories up?" I pause, thinking.
"The tree." He squeaks, still breathless. "You climbed the freaking tree? Are you freaking crazy?!" I scream. He shakes his head, still sitting on the floor. "You're freaking insane."
"I'm romantic." He says and deviously smiles, getting up. I just stand there. He's still crazy to me.
"This isn't 18th century." I argue.
"So what? People who love each other are present in every century." He argues back, to which I roll my eyes. "Don't you roll your eyes at me. Not after not receiving any of my calls. Where were you? What were you doing? You didn't smoke, did you?" He asks, worried.
"Nope." My tone, obvious. And to make it convincing, I tell him, half the truth.
"I was spending time with my dad." I say, matter-of-factly. He nods.
"Hmmm so." He prolongs. "Hmmm so?" I question. I know, where this is leading.
"I can't leave without getting anything in return." He says, giving me that innocent look. I refuse, "My dad's home." I still smile. Why am I smiling? I should be serious.
"Your daddy likes me now." Edward says, giving me a lopsided grin. Oh, whatever.
I pull him closer. "Really? What should be your reward for that?" He grins. I trace my hands from his abdomen to his chest. Feeling his heart beat faster and his breathing heavily. I smile, I like my control. I push him onto the bed. I crawl over, as I straddle him. "Shhh, don't say a word." I place a finger on his lips. As I unbutton my shirt, from my free hand.
"You're the boss, baby." Eddy whispers. I shake my head. "Uh uh. Quiet."
"Make me." So, that's how he wants to play. Okay then. I bend down to give him. Mind numbing kiss. But, pull back before he can kiss me back. He makes a displeased sound.
"How's that for breaking rules?"