Hearing Xander apologize to me when he did absolutely nothing wrong made me feel bad, like I have finally brought another person into the mess that I've come to realize is my life. He didn't deserve it and I knew that having me as a mate must feel like a punishment somewhat now.
But I needed him, now more than ever before and it might be selfish of me but I wanted him to stay with me.
"Xander don't apologize for anything", I said quietly. "You did nothing wrong". "Then you also stop apologizing when you've done nothing wrong", he replied immediately, sweeping me into a hug as he rocked me quietly in his arms. The love of my life, the one I'm about to put through trials by fire.
We stayed that way a little while longer and then he whispered gently, "whenever you're ready to talk about it, I'm right her for you". I simply nodded in reply since my mouth was suddenly feeling too heavy to speak.
I have never spoken to anyone about the horror I went through, not even my therapists and most especially not Aunt Maia. The thought of talking about it now when it seemed like my past just kept popping out like pills left and right, was beyond scary for me, but I also knew it was absolutely necessary.
If the witch could locate me so easily than that also means the bastard that thinks himself my father would be here soon and that also means I might be dead soon. If I had any chance at staying alive, it was with Xander but he had to know what he was expected to deal with to make the most of the situation.
Aunt Maia had told me that he was one of the oldest and deadliest lycan to ever exist but I guess hearing about something and experiencing it are two different things and that would explain why the thought of Xander getting involved with that monster to save my life was not comfortable not even a little. But my options were few and I have to make the most of what I have. Like Xander and my family for now.
Realizing that my mom was cool with that woman had opened up raw wounds from my past, wounds like the days when I felt my mom didn't care and that was why she had not come to rescue me when I had gone missing for days. I had lost track of time then but that bastard never really let me forget time, since he kept reminding me with terrible information about what was to come next.
Those days I had questioned the love my mom had for me and it had taken years to finally come to an understanding of her situation during that time, but what I saw today just brought up those doubts again in my mind and I couldn't get rid of them no matter how hard I tried.
My own mother holding hands with the woman that set me up literally on this crazy path called my life. That picture couldn't fade out of my mind and even if I tried to desperately, my wolf held onto that shit as a pure reminder of how her existence had been scrapped to the back of my mind when she could have been free for so many years now. Today was just a horrible day.
"Hey", I heard him say softly and my heart drew comfort from the fact that he was still here with me despite the crazy things he must have heard about me. He stayed and as much as I felt terrible that I was the kinda mate the goddess blessed him with, I was also happy that he was my mate and he didn't reject me or hasn't yet.
"I can almost hear the wheels turning in your head you know", he finished lightly. Despite how I was feeling I couldn't help but smile a little at that. "I know", I replied gently. "Maybe I should turn up the speed so you can hear it loud and clear".
He laughed heartily at that. "I knew my warrior was still in there somewhere", he replied jokily. "At least then I'll know which direction the wheels are headed", he added, moving back from the hug to gently caress my face.
"Thank you", I whispered gently as warmth flowed from his caress and straight to my heart. He gave me a smile and replied in the same tone, "no need to be thankful. I'm here for you always, whenever you need me���.
Being that close to him made my heart pound and my blood heat. He was too good for me and I never thought I would be the one to say that about a person. "Now, come on", he said softly as he gently pulled me to my feet before moving to get rid of the dirt I had comfortably accumulated.
"Let's get you home, before your mom goes crazy with worry", he finished. I wanted to argue with him but then thought otherwise. As much as I hate my mom right now, I also know she'll be regretting every decision she took that brought us here and she won't stop blaming herself till she knows that I'm safe again.
Xander had been waiting patiently for me to make up my mind and when I finally gave a nod in agreement he smiled, held my hands and made the walk with me back home a better experience than my initial outraged run.
The walk took a longer period of time, mainly because we were both in no hurry to return home. In my case, I still dreaded having to face my mom and I guess in his case, he wasn���t ready to let go of me yet, I guess.
He made me laugh with silly stories of Justin and Nat, I even got to find out that Canaan was his brother. That was a shock on its own. Having been crying earlier, the laughter was a wonderful distraction and I embraced it whole heartedly, laughing all the way. I didn't want the walk to end but as all good things in life, they all surely come to an end.
The minute I saw my house come into view, that dread crept right back into my stomach and Xander could tell too, because he held my hand tighter trying to comfort me and give me strength but deep down I knew, the only reason I was dreading this was because I would end up hurting my mom worse if I return home now.
We walked through the front door shortly after and what we found, well, disorder is all I can call it. Nat was on the couch consoling my crying mom, Aunt Maia on the other hand was arguing loudly with Nixa on the other side of the room, wait Nixa? Hmm, hmm, hell nah. I could see Keith in a heated discussion with the witch who ruined my day and then there was Canaan, observing all of them from his position leaning on the wall.
The minute we stepped in, everyone paused to look at us and maybe it's just me but I almost felt all of them breathe out in relief before they all recovered almost all at once and then boom questions everywhere.
"Asha, where have you been?" "Oh thank God… were you trying to kill your mom?" "… Asha are you okay?" "Xander why isn't she saying anything?" "Do you know how worried your mom was young…?" "Where did you go?" "… and why didn't you answer my calls?"
"Okay ENOUGH!!!!!!!", I screamed. Suddenly everyone went quiet and remained staring. "Jeez, is it so hard to ask questions one at a time", I asked instantly. I could feel anger coursing through my veins again for no reason whatsoever and I hated it.
"And what is she doing here", I asked pointing at Nixa. "Don't think I'm blind and I didn't see her and for your sake and mine mom", I directed at her, "let this better not be another one of your friends or I swear we're…"
"Don't you dare complete that statement", Aunt Maia warned immediately. She began making her way towards me and if not for the rage and pain that was simmering right in my veins, I would've recognized the warning and fury in her eyes and kept my mouth shut.
"Or what?" I fired back. "Why should I consider her feelings when she didn't consider mine?" "Asha…" she warned again but my ears were no longer listening. I could see my mom crying harder now but the sound of her cries just swept past my ears unheeded.
"What did you expect uh, that I would accept her with open arms or what?" I asked bitterly. "Did you think I would be happy that you've forgiven the creator of my woes when it wasn't your place to do so? Answer me ma", I demanded.
"You didn't think about me for one second when you were doing all of that did you? Because if you did you���d know I would never and will never be okay with that and yet you kept it from me… why didn't you just keep it as your dirty little secret forever?"
"Asha…" Immediately, Xander stepped in front of me shielding me from whatever Aunt Maia would have done to me. "Hey", he said softly waiting for me to lift my eyes to his. When I finally did, he placed one hand on my face and whispered softly with a shake of his head, "don't do that to your mom. You'll regret it later. So just go upstairs, grab a bag and come with me."
Without waiting for my response, he called Nat and made her escort me upstairs with a simple command, "make sure she gets everything she'll need and keep her up there until I say otherwise". Then he gave me a hug and whispered in my ear, "I'll just sort out what's going on here and then we can go, alright."
I knew he was trying to save me from causing more damage but I didn't like it either way. I walked up the stairs with Nat quietly, no one making a move to say anything. When we finally got to my room, I had no energy to pack and so Nat stepped up and began shoving clothes and any other necessities she saw into one of my backpacks.
I stayed seated on the edge of my bed as I watched her move about my room with purpose. My mind was finally blank and I simply felt drained, mentally, physically, emotionally. It felt as if the day was turning out to be the start of a horrible week, because if Monday was like this what would Tuesday turn out to be.
When Nat finally finished packing my things, she made her way to the bed and sat beside me. Without a word, she placed her hand on mine and squeezed gently, offering comfort the simplest of ways. We remained seated like that until, I noticed her freeze up a little, a sign she was mind linking with someone, most probably Xander. My guess was correct, since she stood up shortly after and said gently, "it's time to go."
With a sigh I stood up and followed her down the stairs and found the sitting room area empty. I was shocked to say the least. I was about to ask Nat what had happened when Xander walked in from the kitchen with a small covered basket in his hand and a smile on his face.
He walked right up to me and placed his hand in mine, "I spoke to your mom and she said it was okay for you to stay the week". I couldn't say anything to that, just stared at him and gave a small nod as I held onto his hand tighter and walked out the door with him, not realizing that in that moment my world had become shackled to his and hell was about to break loose, sooner than I expected.