Two years ago during the summer before the beginning of ninth grade:
It was a Friday, summer school was just finishing for the week for my best friend. I had my usual plans to hang out with him. He was a great friend, but dealt with depression. I was there for him no matter what. He was depressed because he was constantly bullied by his peers. Hence why he went to summer school because he didn't finish the remainder of his eighth grade in class. Due to his depression taking a toll.
Aiden had came out as a trans male. A lot of preteens wouldn't understand, but I did. The Aiden I first met was a girl, but there was a boy trapped inside. He's been struggling really hard with his body and dysphoria. I've been supportive through every step of the way. Doing what I can to be a safe space. We usually hung out after school on Fridays. Just playing video games, staying out of the public's eye. As we're both introverted and preferred the indoors anyways.
Plus, he was deeply self conscious about going in public as it is. He wasn't in the body he was meant to have. And didn't 'pass' with ease as a male. Staying out of social areas was something Aiden often did.
I waited by the front doors, waiting for Aiden to meet up with me. Which he did. I greeted him with a smile. He had recently cut what was once long red hair, into a standard short, masculine haircut. That hair cut helped him a lot in ways I'll never understand.
He was wearing a white Nike cap backwards. Was wearing a baggy grey hoodie, trying to hide his feminine figure. Somewhat loose fitting jeans and white Nikes matching his hat. Of course his square, black eyeglasses would never change. Until he needed new prescriptions.
His brown eyes lit up when he saw me. Aiden rushed over towards me. I instantly held my hand up for a high five. "So, do you want to pick up any snacks from the convenience store on the way?" I asked.
Aiden smiled at me. "I'm down for that but, I actually had an idea for something a little different then what we usually do on Friday nights." He noted.
"Oh? I'm sure any idea of yours is good. Do tell?" I question in surprise.
"You're always encouraging me to be proud of myself and just ignore hateful people. So I was kinda wondering if I can attempt to face that fear at a party I heard about? It's not really our crowd but, I want to try something different. Change is good." Aiden whispered his suggestion.
I was genuinely surprised by his idea. But, I adored the glint of confidence that shined in his brown eyes. "That's not an issue with me. Who's party is it? What's the other details about this party?" I asked, wanting more information for clarification.
"It is Rocky Allan's party, at his house. It starts at 7;00 pm and ends at midnight. We'll stay clear of any alcohol if there is any. Which will probably be the outcome, as Rocky is a friend of Charlie's and all. We'll also leave if I feel really uncomfortable too. I promise." Aiden explained.
I looked at him sternly. "The minute you hit your peak, we're out of there. Besides that, I guess it could be fun?" I say, more like a question than a reply.
I was questioning if this party would be fun or not. I didn't care for that stereotypical teen crowd. It also turns out Rocky's house was only a block away from where Aiden lived. Close proximity was good, if things turned too much for Aiden and if he needed to get home quickly.
Rocky Allan was also another unique case. He was the only friend of Charlie's that wasn't an athlete. He was popular because of how sociable he was with everyone. Also just a bit of a joker. Overall was a lot more real than the rest of his popular kid crowd. He wasn't an asshole to people. So Rocky held my respect.
Aiden and I just sat at the local park in their neighbourhood. Swinging on the swings and just chatting away about anything until 7pm rolled around. We walked up to Rocky's door and knocked, It was clear that some people arrived earlier than us. There will be others that arrive later.
Rocky was a generally decent guy. Greeting people with a handsome smile, that met up to his blue eyes. He also had chocolate, caramel swirling hair that reached his tan forehead. Despite not being an athlete, he remained fit and was tall.
Our eyes locked longer than I was expecting as I walked in. His smile also became different from his usual friendly one. It was still friendly, but more directed at me specifically. Different then a smile he'd share with everyone else he came across.
It was probably the first time he ever noticed me because it was the summer and highschool hasn't started up yet, being it was the middle of August. Rocky was also a year older than I. While I would be going into the ninth grade, he and Charlie would be going into the tenth grade.
Rocky kept his gaze on me a little longer until Aiden and I found a spot on one of his couches. The party didn't have as many people as we expected. There weren't hundreds of people in one house. So, it wasn't as overwhelming as we assumed.
Aiden and I just sat next to each other, chatting away again until Rocky entered the room. His eyes searching around the room for something in specific. Those pair of blue eyes landed on me, and that's when I knew he was searching for me. I was confused, but reminded myself I was probably a fresh face. I gained the curiosity of Rocky.
He walked over towards us and sat on a seat that wasn't too far from where Aiden and I sat. Rocky would talk to other people, but would sneak a glance at me. When our eyes locked, he sent me the same warm smile.
I told Aiden to observe what was happening. He looked at me amused. "I swear by the looks of it, he's secretly flirting with you a little." Aiden snickered.
I glared at him playfully. "Don't just assume things that are way off the radar." I say semi jokingly. Though, I wouldn't lie to myself and say that I didn't necessarily have an issue if that was considered flirting.
I knew at a young age that I had an attraction to both girls and boys. I was a closeted bisexual kid. Aiden didn't even know to the full extent. He thought I was bi-curious but, I know I am more than just a bit curious about men. Rocky was peeling off my attraction hit list.
Eventually, Rocky made his way towards us. "I know it's an early start to the party but, are you two enjoying yourselves?" He asked. His voice was deep.
"Yes we are. As you can tell, we're both wallflowers so we're out of our normal zone." Aiden spoke. Which surprised me because he's more shy than I am.
Rocky's eyes softened. "Well, I'm glad you came then. I could tell you two were more of the quiet crowds. I can guarantee this party is safe as well. There's no bullshit here. Like bullying or anything. You let me know if you get harassed and I'll escort them out. There is alcohol, but it's brought by people. Not provided by me. If people get too drunk they are gone." Rocky explained.
Which made the two of us feel a lot more comfortable. Especially Aiden because Rocky knew of Aiden being trans and was giving him his word that this place is safe for him. If someone does something transphobic, he'll remove the hatred.
"Teens can have fun and party without depending on getting piss drunk. I would prefer to remember what happens then be hungover the next day." I admitted.
Rocky's blue eyes met mine. They were warm and gentle when they met mine. With a hint of curiosity too. "You're exactly right. Another note to Aiden, who I know is Charlie's brother by the way. I have friends that are LGBT+ and they are here too. So you're accepted here. Charlie's my main son of a bitch." Aiden grinned at that. I did too.
He looked at me more intensely. Still showing genuine friendliness. "I know pretty much everyone in here. Except for you. I've come to know Aiden through Charlie, but he's extremely quiet and I talk to him at times. When I've over at Charlie's. Who are you?" Rocky asked.
I raised my eyebrows at his observation. "I'm Zeke Jensen. And you're Rocky Allan. I'm more of a shadow then Aiden is. Plus, it's the middle of summer too. I'll just be starting high school this fall." I introduced myself.
"Zeke Jensen. I'm Rocky Allan. Nice to meet you. I hope you feel welcomed here too. It's a shame that we've never encountered up until now." Rocky rolled my name off his tongue.
Aiden cocked an eyebrow of his own. Surprised that the two of us never encountered either. I knew of Rocky Allan, but that was all. I was definitely impressed by his presence. My respect was well earned.. As the night went on, we actually ended up talking to a few different people. Aiden found his way in a group of other LGBT+ people. Where he could feel a bit more himself. People who could relate to him more than I can.
I wandered off playing truth and dare with a circle of people. Rocky had other friends and other kids come from other schools because he was that well known. They seemed pretty cool and decent too. Rocky himself was playing.
It was a girl's turn and she was daring one of her friends. "Natalie, I dare you too..." She paused and looked quickly at me.
"...too kiss Zeke!" The group did the 'ooo' sound. The girl Natalie went beat red and screeched at her friend.
"I do not want to kiss Zeke! No offense Zeke. You're cute and all but, I'm not kissing you." She hissed at her friend and apologized to me.
I shrugged. I didn't want to show that I never kissed anyone before. I was secretly screaming inside at the fact someone was dared to kiss me. A girl also thought I was cute.
"Then you gotta find someone to trade the dare with! Or you get a bloody turkey! Zeke is cute so there has to be someone. I would, but I'm not trading." The friend taunted. The girl Natalie looked around for hopeful eyes and no one was interested. While I blushed at being called cute.
"I'll do it." A straightforward repose was given by Rocky. Which made my and everyone else's eyes just pop.
"You're serious?" Natalie asked, not completely buying that Rocky would do it.
He looked completely serious. "Meh, it's ust a dare. As long as Zeke is fine with it, I don't have a problem taking someone else's dare. It's not even that bad Natalie. You'll just have to take one of mine later on." Rocky said. And asked me.
I shrugged. "I guess. As long as it doesn't bother you that you're kissing a guy?" I replied quietly. He didn't seem to have a problem with it.
He scooted closer to me. Rocky's blue eyes staring deeply into mine. My heart was racing. As if it was about to burst through my ribcage. He leaned closer as his warm breathing hit my face. Rocky quickly placed his warm lips on mine. I sat there frozen. It was quick and swift, but felt like the longest 3 seconds of my life.
My eyes were wide and open. I quickly masked my surprise. Rocky Allan had stolen my first kiss. He smirked at me a little before redirecting his grin elsewhere. Things calmed down after that for the rest of the game. Except I was still running that kiss through my mind. I definitely knew I liked both men and women after that too. Even feeling giddy that an attractive and nice guy willingly volunteered to kiss me. I sounded like a girl. While wondering what the fuck he was up to for doing that. His friends probably dared him too over some bet.
When those games ended, I went over to the table that had a bunch of snacks and drinks. It was a quieter area with no one around. I opted for a Ginger Ale. I heard the pop of the can being opened and took a refreshing sip.
After a few minutes of minding my own business I heard footsteps enter the area. I turned around to see it was Rocky again. I knew he wasn't purposely following me, he was clearly needing a refreshment. He also hadn't noticed me here either.
Just my luck as I stared at him, he felt the burning sensation of my eyes staring at the back of his head. Rocky turned around looking for the presence he felt lurking. I quickly looked away, focused back to drinking my pop so we wouldn't lock gazes. From the corner of my eye, I saw all of that. It'll make me seem weird for staring. Even though I didn't stare at him for that long. Plus, Rocky took glances at me often too, heck they were purposeful.
"So that's where you disappeared too? It seems we both like Ginger Ale as well." Rocky points out the common interest we had in pop.
I replied and smiled. "I guess so." Attempting to not sound awkward. Or uninterested in this chat. I was definitely interested in talking to Rocky Allan. He had successfully peaked my interest.
He noticed my awkwardness and knew it wasn't directed at him. "I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable with taking that dare or anything." Rocky was sincere.
I scratched my head. "It did put me on the spot a little but, not because of you. Or the girls. It wasn't my intention. It was just my first kiss." I explain. He nodded, partially understanding. Rocky thought it was because it was my first kiss with a guy.
I stare at him and back to my drink. "My first kiss with anyone." I empathize. Rocky's blue eyes widened in realization.
"Oh. That would do it then. You're first kiss getting stolen by a dude. Just the idea of a guy would ruin it." Rocky chuckles sadly and sips his pop.
I leaned against a wall. "I guess it doesn't bother me that much. Since I um, swing both ways. Not to seem like I'm praying on you or anything. I didn't want to back out the dare like a wimp." My voice was less than a murmur as I admitted to someone for the first time that I was bisexual.
Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw his blue eyes shot up more. "I'm also closeted about it, and you're the first to know fully." I add to my confession.
He smi led at me kindly. "I'm glad I didn't completely ruin it for you then. It's great that you know who you are. I'm certain it's a struggle coming to a conclusion. Don't be ashamed of yourself." Rocky told me.
I smile back. "Same with you." I quoted him back.
"If you want, we can just sit and chat on a couch in a quieter area if you want? I know crowds are a struggle for you. Plus, I'm curious about you." Rocky suggested.
"Sure. You're not going to bite." I chuckled and followed him to a more isolated place. Away from the sea of teenagers enjoying the party.
It was just a bare room with a few chairs and a couch. We sat on the couch. With at least a two person gap between us as the couch was huge. The two of us just chatted about random things. Turns out we had a lot more in common then I thought.
We were chuckling and having a good time. Without really intending too, we had scooted closer to each other as we were both really drawn in on the conversation. Our knees were almost touching. We were probably a little too close for a pair of strangers. Or two random dudes talking and hanging out casually.
"So, is there anyone special in your life? Or like a crush or something. There's got to be some lucky girl that has caught the attention of Rocky! Look at you!" I ask while being honest about how lucky anyone would be to be liked by him.
He became silent. And scratched his ear. "There isn't anyone specific yet. I'm still...figuring myself out." He replied. Rolling his thumbs shyly.
"Oh. Well I'm sure you'll figure out what type of chick you like Rocky." I attempt to be uplifting. It was my turn to be oblivious too.
Rocky stared at me and back to his hands. "But, what if it's more than one type of person? Not just women?" He whispered.
My eyes shot up. At first I wasn't taking it seriously, but the scared, pained expression on his face couldn't be faked. It was one I shared with him because I was in the same position. I was still closeted myself. Only I accepted the fact that I liked men and women. Rocky here was struggling with that fact in trying to accept or find himself.
"Then, there's really no problem with that. To me, men and women are beautiful in their own ways. If either one ends up being the love of my life, how could I pass that up? If I am going to love someone, I'm going to love anyone who is willing to love me. Whether you're black, white, Asian, or purple. I don't care and what about anyone else thinks of me." I was confident.
It was also the type of thing Rocky needed to hear. While triggering another response from him too. He grabbed my face and placed his lips on mine. I was hesitant to respond because I knew it was a spur of the moment thing. Before Rocky could pull back and drown in regret, I responded back to the kiss.
Hoping that I wouldn't regret it like Rocky would feel. It was clear that we had an attraction for each other. All the staring, and smiling. I was attractive in some way to Rocky Allan. I was just too naive to notice it. So was Rocky. The kiss felt right, at least to me anyways.
Rocky pulled away, staring at me with many emotions flying through his mind. "Sorry, I was out of place with that." He mumbled.
I kept the eye connection. "I'm sorry that I indulged in it too." I made it well-known to Rocky that I was a willing participant too. His blue eyes widened. I was hoping that even just a small kiss like this could help Rocky get one step closer to figuring himself out. Sometimes even experiencing helped. I didn't mind being his test subject.
Before I Rocky could say anything to put himself down, I grabbed his face first this time. Being hasty as I kissed him once more. He was taken by surprise this time. Rocky quickly responded back, finally letting go of the fears he had when we kissed the third time. The kiss grew deeper and more intense. Things had escalated, but nothing too extreme beyond kissing and maybe a hint of tongue and pressing close.
Rocky was currently resting his head on my lap, as I played with his brown locks. Twirling small strands between my fingers. I never would have known how soft another male's hair could be. We were acting like a cute couple cuddling on a couch with the type of affection we were giving each other.
"I was missing out on this all this time...and I never knew affection was such a precious thing." Rocky mumbled.
"Why do you say that?" I asked gently.
Rocky looked up at me sadly. This was a different type of sadness, besides just figuring out the type of people he liked. This was a type of sadness he had carried for a long time. Rocky Allan, one of the most popular kids in school had suffered in his life.
"I...came from a bad background. A really bad one. I'm not a bad kid or anything, but my home life on the other hand as a kid;" Rocky stopped. He wanted to continue, but chose not too.
I caught into the hint he was giving me. "Was your family abusive?" I questioned. Rocky gave me a knowing look that meant yes.
"I would pack you up here and take you with me." I say half seriously.
Rocky gave me a sad smile. "Where I live now is my foster family. They are great, but not affectionate towards a teen boy. I have two younger siblings I need to take care of. As well."
"I'm glad that you and your siblings got justice and are safe." I added.
"No one would believe that I was getting abused myself, but my siblings, yes. As they are only 6 and 8 years old. I should be capable of over power anyone as a man. They only took me too due to the living conditions and neglect. Not the physical abuse. Plus, keeping all the siblings together was preferred. We have a tight bond."
I stroke his hair some more. "You'd be surprised how much things have changed. A male victim of domestic abuse is taken more seriously now. It needs to be higher, but there is improvement. Be the voice for YOU and your siblings. I believe that you can. I hope one day that official people believe you. " I supported Rocky.
Rock's eyes sparkled at the kindness a total stranger was giving him. He smiled warmly as he looked up at me. "Thank you." He whispered.
"You're welcome." I copied his smile in return.
Rocky sighed in relief. "I think I can almost confidently confirm to myself that I like men too."
"All in honesty, when I saw you appear at my door it couldn't help to be entranced by you. I've never met you before and have really gorgeous green eyes. You're also on the attractive side of things. I hadn't felt that way towards a guy as strongly before. I definitely like girls too, but there was a stronger response when I took that dare." Rocky opened up. Being honest with me.
I could feel my cheeks blushing. "I was suspicious because you kept glancing at me and smirking in a flirtatious way. Aiden even thought you were flirting with me. I also couldn't keep my eyes off you either though. Your eyes are the perfect shade of blue. Oh so vibrant that they hypnotized me. How could I not stare back?" I responded. Doing some flirting of my own.
Rocky sat up and was a few inches away from my face. "Oh really? You can't really stare back when I'm this close. Your vision begins to blur."
I chuckled. "I already have a clear picture of you in my head Rocky Allan. That first image of seeing you will never escape my mind now. No matter if there's an extreme close up or not."
Rocky never hesitated to grab my face again. Assaulting my lips with his fuller, warm ones. I had never felt a spark like that with anyone before. Rocky Allan had me swooned.
Eventually we had to return back to the party and act as if we were new acquainted buddies. When really we were borderline romantics. Throughout the night we would send each other smiles that were only meant for us.
Aiden was confused and luckily didn't understand the full extent to why I had clicked so well with Rocky. I left the party with Aiden. Noticing he was quieter than he was when we arrived at the party. I assumed it was due to him being drained out from socializing so much. When I attempted to ask, Aiden brushed it off and said he was tired. I bought it. I left giddy as well as Rocky's phone number. What I didn't know is that more bullying went on when Rocky and I left. Aiden was left alone to deal with the harassment. Luckily, the LGBT+ group backed him up.
For weeks, Rocky and I would meet up, continuing to hang out in private and re enacted what happened at the party. Flirting, kissing and fooling around. On my part, I was a young teen smitten and in love. Taking every opportunity to see Rocky. Even going as far as becoming so focused on him that I began spending less time with Aiden.
I was the source of Aiden's support. We slowly drifted apart. Aiden didn't exactly try as hard to keep tabs on me either, but I essentially abandoned my best friend who was suffering. I don't regret spending time with Rocky. Though I regret not spending my time equally with both of them.
After I heard the news of Aiden committing suicide, I had realized I abandoned my best friend and allowed him to spiral down that path. I didn't want to have the same effect on Rocky so I wrote him a letter. Every time I was close to someone, they ended up dead or left with life affecting issues.
Ending our love fest. Writing a lie to guarantee that Rocky would stay away and sticking it in his locker. I lied to him, saying our love fest was just for my experimental purposes. I realized I never could date a fag, etc… Some really horrible things were said. He even moved schools shortly after receiving the letter. We weren't close for too long, but I fell quickly for him. I broke his heart. Losing my best friend and my first love are my two greatest regrets.
I was cursed with everyone getting hurt when being friends with me. I wouldn't risk it with Rocky, so I abandoned him too. That's when I shut down until Pattie came around. Reminding me what life truly could be.