Karsyn walked down the dark hallways.
The dinner had drained her. Too many people at the same time. The chaos was worse than normal. Most prominent of it all were hers and Shalom's.
Her emotions and his were entwined to be one. Her emotions could be sensed with his and tonight they were desperate and in anguish.
Tomorrow they would bury their wee little girl. They would watch as they smear turmeric and rose oil across her forehead and then, Karsyn will have to ink the burial traces across her back. She will have to bless her child and then let her soul free to travel to the lands beyond.
Karsyn looked up. She had reached her door.
She entered the room silently. Her treads were soundless. She looked at her Tavaryš. She felt the pang of guilt that she always felt when she looked at him now. Her grief had made her blind to his suffering. She couldn't fall through the cracks right now. Shalom had moved heaven and Earth to be with her. He had gone through months of constant rejection and distrust to be with her. She couldn't let him lose her too.
With slow steps, she walked up to him. She laid a careful hand on his shoulder wary of his reaction. He breathed in a deep breath. Like a weight had been lifted. He lifted his head to look at her. She smiled. A small, broken smile. He furrowed his eyebrows in response. She smoothed the skin between his brows with her fingers, her palm resting against his jaw.
"Kars..." He breathed, pulling her down onto his lap. His nose ran along her jaw and rested to a stop to the sensitive skin under her ear.
"I keep getting bombarded with memories of her. Everything I do or say is linked to her. Bound forever, and it hurts so much." Her voice was small and wavering at the ends.
He shuddered. His eyes filling with tears that were never shed.
"I can't let her go. I keep remembering her nightmares and how she used to scream in fear. Then I wonder if she felt the same when those creatures killed her." Tears dripping down her cheeks in a continuous surge.
Shalom hugged her tighter. She tucked her head in the crook of his head.
They stayed like that in silence. He kept silent because that's what she needed. For him to listen, not console.
At last, he spoke-" I love you Karsyn. And I love our daughter. I wish I can bring her back, but I can't. So please, let me in. Let me hold you and let me listen. I feel it too you know. The emptiness. I've already lost her I can't lose you too." He said in a pleading voice.
She nodded in compliance, her tears streaming down her face freely.
She could feel his love. A continuous torrent that never stopped. It overwhelmed her. His heart was bright. It was a little darkened at the edges but still bright. The pureness of his feelings left her gasping for air. His love was a living, breathing thing. It expanded to envelop her and wrap her in a cocoon.
Shalom leaned back and laid down on the bed. Cradling Karsyn close to his chest they both slowly but surely fell asleep.
Their dreams were filled with sunshine and Jenny. Happy and alive.
...
He watched and waited. The darkness in him was like a film of oil. His life had been hard. Unfair. His soul had been tainted at a young age by the age-old battle of survival. He remembered those days where getting a single scrap of food and an isolated footpath was a blessing.
No more.
He was now at the height of his power. He was finished being weak. Afraid of his own shadow, and whoever challenged it would be struck down. Nothing could come between him and what he needed anymore. He craved control and power. It was the only thing that kept him away from his demons wholly consuming him.
His subjects thought of him as heartless and cruel. He wasn't heartless or cruel. He was real and his heart had turned to stone a long time ago. He melted it a long time back, for a girl. She was everything to him. He left her to save her. From himself.
He still managed to ruin her. Left her with a child.
That child was a part of her and me. I kept him away to remove me from him.
I am damaged, broken, tainted. I can never change and I won't.
Let the world rot and know that I was the cause of it. It deserves it.