Chapter2:
[RENEE's POV]
JOHN F. KENNDY INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT
The busiest airport in New York. Standing there, I shivered at the thought of travelling alone, as I have never been to anywhere this far before, all by my self. Reaching out for my luggage my father asked me with a concerned look in his eyes.
"Do you really wanna do this? Hon, it's ok if you don't wanna go. Don't push yourself too hard. "
My heart shrinked like a paper. It wasn't my idea on going to study abroad. But running away from the people I care, from this place,... from the truth, was what I needed for time being. That's why I had agreed to go by myself. My reply to him was just a faint smile.
Before leaving me, he held me by my shoulders and glanced at me from head to toe for one last time. He gave me a warm hug and told me, "Honey, I just want you to be happy, no matter what. So go, live your life. Cherish every moment. Don't worry about us. Gimme a call when you reach there. You know that I love you right? Bye. Take care. "
I walked away without saying a word, too afraid to speak. I could hear Stella saying, " Now that's what you earn for being a considerate father. " My father didn't say anything but I could make out his mind voice reaching me. "Renee, please be safe and happy dear, wherever you are..... ". Again, I blocked out all the thoughts around me as I moved ahead.
* * *
Sitting in the plane, I looked out of the window. It was a dark clear sky with a big white full moon at a distant corner. I looked around me inside the plane. The crew members were getting prepared to take off. A passenger was struggling with his seat belt (maybe it's his first fly) , another one was enquiring something to the airhostess (as if he is in a great hurry) , yet another person trying to flirt with an airhostess (are-you-free-after-the-landing type of a guy) . Some of them were having their meal, while some were already asleep. Some were busy with their phones ,while some were reading magazines or books.
A beautiful, elegant airhostess with a highlighting red matte applied to her lips approached me ,offering me my meal. I rejected it politely as I was not feeling hungry at the moment. I could hear the thoughts of almost everyone around me. The man who was flirting with the airhostess, his thoughts were getting more and more kinkier as he observed each airhostess in a nasty way (Atleast he should stop drooling. Gross). I could hear the growing impatience of one passenger as the flight was still on the surface. I could hear the plotting of vacation plans from behind me. I could hear business related thoughts. Soon every thought started colliding with each other, turning into a loud noise inside my head. My ears started ringing. I quickly blocked all the thoughts and tried to keep my mind blank .
I closed my eyes and started thinking about the past I'm trying to run away from. My father, Raj, is an Indian software developer; working in one of the IT companies of New York. Stella is an American citizen, who worked in the same company as my father did. They claim their marriage to be a love marriage. But I have never seen such a lovey-dovey relationship existing between them in these past 18 years.
Well, however, one year after their marriage, I was born and they named me 'Renee'. A year later, I was left under my granny's care in India. My granny is the most wonderful person I have ever met. She is a traditional Indian woman. She is a good cook, storyteller, singer and a neat freak (not an OCD patient but somewhere near to it). Her house is located at the foothills of a mountain. A stream flowed past the side of her beautiful house. The mountain behind the house was a home for so many wild animals and plants. She took care of all those creatures. She knew every plant in the forest and it's uses. She taught me to sing. She taught me to love every creature in this world. She taught me to respect every culture and tradition. She taught me how to use wild plants as medicines. She taught me many things. I loved growing under her nurture. But then, 7 years later, Stella came back for me. She resigned from the job at the company and managed to be a housewife. A 7 years distance makes any child crave for it's mother badly... So did I. There was never a day I had not enquired about my parents in those 7 years. So finally when they showed up I was on my ninth cloud. Beyond the matter that they didn't even care to turn up in these 7 years, I really loved them. But as soon as my maturity and understanding skills started growing, I realised many things about Stella. She was not the woman I believed she was. It was just a mask she used to cover her nasty character. She... She was a bitch, a flirty woman. She used to flirt around and even go a step ahead than that with many men. Whenever papa was on a business trip, she invited strangers to our home. Papa never knew about this. He loved her... really loved her. He was such an innocent and forgiving person that she managed to take advantage of it. Once, I decided to confess to Papa on all about this. Stella stopped me beforehand and threatened me that she will turn my father against me if I dared saying anything to him. She told me she will make my life a living hell. And she did what she said. She gained his sympathy and tried to turn him against me. Hopefully, he dint go that vile or repulsive against me, because he loved his only daughter too. But from then on, Stella's behaviour towards me changed. I started keeping my distance from them and even everyone else. I was too afraid that the things I'm hiding inside me will slip out if I talk. I ended up being a lonely, non-social girl. Slowly being around human beings scared me, made me tense. Loneliness and books became my best friends. I loathed that woman. I despised falling in love or marriage. I didn't believe in any sort of human relationship. But then, Daniel came into my life. He changed everything. He wiped out all the darkness from my life. His love had the power to melt down every sorrow in my heart. Inshort, he taught me to live...to live for a cause... And that cause was him. I started mingling with my classmates, gained a bunch of friends. I started becoming social. My fear of people reduced. Infact, I became more bold. Everything... Bcuz of him. I was madly and badly in love with him ... And he with me.
Everything was going well, until when I started having some strange dreams... Or visions as i call them now. Whatever i used to dream, it would happen in the next few days. In the beginning I wasn't worried about it at all coz i mostly dreamt of my routine life or a conversation with a friend or a place where Daniel planned to take me. But then, once I saw a dream where Daniel met with an accident and lying dead in a pool of blood. My heart skipped a beat. No... Not him... I cannot lose him... I told about this to him and he promised me to be safe. But he broke it... He broke his promise. He met with an accident and i heard him die. He was on a call with me while riding a motorbike. A truck from the opposite side suddenly lost control and hit him. I heard the very last breath going out of his body. I was broken yet I managed to hold all broken pieces together. I stood stubborn not letting one drop of tear coming out. I locked myself in a room for nearly a month. I barely ate forget about speaking to someone. Its me... Its all my fault. Slowly my body lost its immunity. Head ache. Panic attack. Dizziness. Numbness. Depression. Anxiety.Father made me consult a psychiatrist. It was of no use.
I shut myself again scared that I'll hurt somebody again.
Stella never gave a shit about any of my condition. The only thing she was worried about was the money that was being spent on me. When father told her about sending me to a far off place to study, so that I could have a change of atmosphere she made a big fuss about it. But then, when she learnt that someone is sponsoring my entire expenses she finally gave in. I mean why wouldn't she? When she got a perfect chance to get rid off me without spending a single penny why wouldn't she!?
Finally, here I am, on my way to an anonymous university in an anonymous place for the sake of my studies.... Or for the sake of my mental treatment. *Sigh*