Now you may be wondering what caused me to suddenly yell out what I did. I know in some cultures doing that may be considered rude, especially when indoors. But you see, I was perfectly justified in what in my actions!
The angel who just entered the hut was definitely not from the same planet I am from. She was just a little shorter than me with pure black doe shaped eyes, long black hair that was somehow perfectly maintained, and beautiful long lashes. She was also extremely fit, I mean...really fit. I could easily see her well toned muscles just from the way she was putting up her hands in a fighting stance for some reason.
Girl? Check
Shorter than me? Check.
Black hair? Check.
Black eyes? Check.
Fit? Check.
Yep this girl is an angel, I just proved it. Although this angel seems to be a bit violent as she just tried to give me an uppercut, good thing I have my secret technique of dodging and running away like a little bitch.
Such a technique turned out to be extremely useful as my angel threw several startling quick jabs my way and even naturally transitioned into a roundhouse kick. Of which I flawlessly dodged all of them, as expected of me of course.
"Woah, woah calm down there angel. While anything you do is holy and just by default, I only have so much stamina to expend" said the great I, who was definitely not quickly getting tired after using my dodging technique a few times.
My words seemed to have an effect on her, of course all my words have an effect on ladies. Although usually they run away in the opposite direction but this time it was clearly different!
With slightly rosy cheeks, obviously she was infatuated with me, and a look of disgust, she's tsundere, the angel said...
"Who is this creep? Why is he calling me angel and why is he drooling...is this the newcomer? Ugh, is it another drug addict...those guys always end up dying after trying to get high off the mushrooms that grow in our waste disposal area."
It appears she misunderstood me, mistaking my piety for a drug induced hallucination. Also what drool? This is simply how I express my adoration for the fairer sex, not drool. Tsk tsk, one must be careful to not mislabel things.
"Angie, dont worry its not another drug addict. He is just a foreigner, he is from Other. They are different over there you know. His odd behavior is just due to the difference in culture, just pay it no mind and you will get used to it. We have to be tolerant of other cultures, although the rest of society does not agree with that idea sadly."
Yeah, go gramps. I always knew you had my back...uh..Ted, yeah that was his name. Wonder what his last name is though, hope it doesn't rhyme with dundy else that would be a little awkward.
"Oh I see gramps. People from other cultures sure are weird huh? Now that I have met one in person I can understand why it was so easy for people to come together in hatred of the Other. Say gramps, I guess you want me to give him a tour right?"
After the angel said such words she finally stopped trying to familiarize her fist with my face. Which of course allowed me to continue marvelling at her. Is that a little birthmark on her neck? How cute.
"Correct you are Angie, introduce him to everyone he needs to know so that he can live here in peace. It would be pitiful if he starved to death, fell into the incinerator, died to not so magic mushrooms, disappeared in the man eating cavern, got mauled by a swarm of bloodsuckers, or drowned in the rapids."
I noted all of these various ways to die down, which was a surprising high amount considering how it was supposed to be in a prison of sorts. Which now that I think about it, is not very prison like. I mean, this is basically a full blown separate society from the rest. There is not really much pain or suffering or whatever as everyone looked happy enough when I saw all the 'prisoners' when I first arrived. Not only that but all of them looked well fed. How mysterious.
"All right...Mr Other guy, follow me and I will show ya around" said the angel, clearly not knowing my name but not wanting to come off as rude.
"My name is John, John Smith" said I, letting the angel know my name.
She laughed in response though and simply took the lead, which is weird since I don't remember making a joke. Mmm, angels work in mysterious ways.
I was led through the town and introduced to each of the major and most important buildings one after another. I met bob the baker, hannah the hair cutter, larry the lazy bum, frank the farmer, elm the engineer, and dave the digger among others. Noticing the obvious I asked Angel why all the villagers happened to have a job that's first letter was the same exact as their own first name. To which she replied,
"It just happened?"
I accepted the explanation, as an Angel can do no wrong. Instead of asking pointless questions that probably would not have a satisfactory answer for me I instead decided to focus on the surrounding area and the crimes that every person was put in here for.
One guy had the gall to dance in public, while another had the audacity to dance in the privacy in his own home. Apparently most forms of entertainment were banned, unless it was the state song or one of the many songs that praised the Glorious Leader.
Asking questions, refusing to lie, praying to someone other than the Glorious leader, not watching the daily news(propaganda), and refusing to turn someone in who had dissenting political views from the approved majority.
All in all my guess as to the nature of the society I had found myself in was being proved right with each conversation I had, that this was a bona fide dystopia. Of course so far I had only heard the tales of an oppressive government that liked to lock people who thought differently up, with nothing else that was common to other dystopian fiction I had read about. While that was slightly disappointing, when I considered the fact I was now living it in reality...perhaps simply being imprisoned is not so bad.
"And that over there is the cave where we get our water and soil from, but don't go too deep in or go in at night since anyone who does one of those things ends up disappearing forever" said an angelic voice, which pulled me from my thoughts.
Putting on the air of a scholar I rubbed my chin and said, "I see, thank you for the tour angel. I now get the jist of how everything works down here, thank you for showing me around."
Ending with my signature smile, I could just imagine the arrow that I just shot through her heart. Oh, how sinful I am. The twitching of the angels lip and the single raised eyebrow, all signs of my attack having great effect.
"No..no problem," began the Angel who tripped on her words for some reason, "surviving down here is not too hard so long as you are careful, let's go back before night arrives though. Sometimes the guards return during the night to start some trouble, if we get caught out the consequences could be devastating."
With such ominous words said, the Angel tugged on my sleeve and started to lead me back to the village head's hut.
Ah, this must be what heaven is like. Such intimate contact, it appears that I have already wormed my way in to her heart slightly. Oh...I am such a sinful man.
As I was dramatically flipping my hair with my hand a thought came to me...
Devastating consequences? That sure sounds scary and also what an unlucky thing to say. It's almost like asking for something to happen, like when someone says:
"Oh, I hope *specific bad thing* doesn't happen. That would be really bad and totally screw us over if it happened right?"
Then of course, it immediately happens.
Good thing this is real life and not some cliche novel.
Right?
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Right...?