Prakriti P.O.V
We started living in the Dwaitavana, serving saints and rishis available there, changing our routine from being Royals to sages. We spent months in that Vana, I could see Krishne getting anxious day by day remembering the time of game of dice. I consoled her so many times but you can not just erase the memories. One warm evening, after finishing our work and serving the sages we were siting around the house, Elder Brother and Twins sat on the step of asrama. Brother Bhima was sitting under a tree few distance away in grim silence. Arya sat beyond Brother Bhima and skimmed flat stones across the placid lake. I was in the asrama getting our bed ready for the night time. I saw Krishne walking towards Elder Brother and sat beside him, suddenly she started crying, her body raked with sobs. I looked at her in alarm and stop my work. "What is it, Panchali? Why are you crying?" Elder Brother asked in concern while I stayed in my place and listened on the conversation. "How long must I bear seeing you like this, Arya? The lord of the earth living in the forest like a hermit. It breaks my heart, every day, each moment it breaks my heart! And I marvel that you can be so calm. Have you forgotten who you are? Or perhaps you think no misfortune has befallen us? Oh, how do you deceive yourself like this? I cannot stand it any more" she said, pain pouring from her voice in waves. Before Elder Brother could respond to her, she started again.
"Look at Aryaputra Bhima. He hardly eats or sleeps anymore and doesn't say a word to any of us. All day, he sits with that hopeless look on his face. His listlessness is despair wearing a mask; bit by bit, it consumes your brother. I fear he will die if he goes on like this. Every moment he is just waiting for revenge, he thinks of nothing else" her form trembled as she spewing all the pent up anger and frustration out. "Look at Arya Arjuna, my lord. The Kshatriya who has no equal in the world sits skimming stones across the lake. For hours, he sits like that. Perhaps you haven't noticed, since you are so busy gleaning wisdom from the rishis" she said, tears streaming down her cheeks, I sighed, I know she is upset for what happened and on our fate but Elder Brother can't do anything about it. I stood up from my seat and walked towards Krishne and stand before her. "Krishne, I know you are frustrated with the situation but letting your anger out on Elder Brother is not justified" I said in soft voice, she looked at me "Then who should I talk to if I can't talk to my husband" she said, I took a long breath and stayed there in silence, she is right, if she can't share her problems and dilemma with her husband then where will she go.
She turned her gaze back to Elder Brother "Look at our fruit-pickers and water-carriers, Arya Nakula and Sahadeva. Look at Prakriti, she is the General Secretary of Indraprastha and she is here making beds of straws for us. Yet, Arya Yudhishtira you go about wearing a smile, as if none of this affects you: not the loss of your kingdom, your brothers' sorrow or Prakriti or mine. You are quite content in the jungle, why, you seem happier here than you were in Indraprastha. No thought of revenge moves you, or even of taking back what they stole from us. You are a kshatriya, but this isn't how a kshatriya behaves" her eyes blazed with anger she cries those word out. Elder Brother remained calm, for a while he didn't respond to Krishne, he just looked at the front towards the nature. "Precious Panchali, do you really think I don't see how you suffer and how my brothers suffer, how Prakriti is suffering? Is that what you think of me: that I am insensitive to your pain, when you are dearer to me than life itself? Do you think I feel no anguish at what happened in Hastinapur? That I feel no anger, no shame. Then, surely, you feel I am heartless: worse than our enemies" he responded finally without losing his calm. "I gave my word in Hastinapur: for better or for worse, whether I was cheated at dice or not. Draupadi, to break my word is against my dharma. I will suffer if I do and those dear to me, no one else" he said trying to make Krishne understand but she was not consoled, from the look on her face, it looked like she is getting angry than before.
"Oh, fate is more powerful than anything in the world! Here I am, trying to show you how wretched your family are in the jungle and all you can talk of is dharma. Was there dharma in Shakuni's hands when he cast his loaded dice? Or dharma in Dusasana's, when he tried to strip me naked? Or dharma in Duryodhana's heart when he called me to sit in his lap! And for this dharma that rewards you with exile, you will gladly sacrifice your family. Yes, I know it, Arya Yudhishtira. Your obsession with dharma is stronger than your love for us" she cried. I closed my eyes and sighed in desolate. "Krishne, it is not like that, it will be foolish of us just to march on the gate of Hastinapur and attacked them, we have lost the game, even if it was cheating but we have accepted it and now we have to control our emotions and make use of the time" I said trying to make her understand, she looked at me, her eyes shining with unused tears. "Use of the time! we are sitting here in this asrama for months now, doing nothing, we are not even preparing for the war, do you think after the exile they will gave us our Kingdom back, NO! they won't, War is inevitable but are we preparing for it?" she questioned me, I averted my eyes away from her not having the response right now.
Suddenly Brother Bhima stood up from his seat and came near us. "Of what use is your great dharma? Where has it brought us? We never strayed from the path and look where we are today. While those that lie, cheat and would kill to get what they want, live in a palace, without a care in the world" he cried, his anger showing on his face. For the first time he was directly speaking to Elder Brother. "Still, you rave about dharma. Did we fight a war of dharma with the Kauravas, that we are banished for thirteen years? Did they vanquish us at a battle or arms? No, Brother Yudhishtira, it was a game of dice and everyone on earth knows the dice Shakuni throws are loaded. Everyone except my brother. And my brother gambles away a kingdom at a game of loaded dice. Then he talks of dharma!" he snapped, his voice loud and echoing in the forest. Afters months, he showed this much emotion to us, he was always quiet and stayed in the corner talking to no one.
"When we stood wretchedly in the sabha in Hastinapur, when Draupadi was dragged in like an animal, did Arjuna not have his Gandiva with him? Had Bhima lost the strength of his arms? No! But Arjuna and Bhima forced themselves to remain quiet and not lift a finger to defend Panchali. Because it was their dharma to obey their older brother, do whatever he decided, go after him on whatever path he chose to tread, even if it led them straight to hell. Yes, for dharma Arjuna and Bhima kept quiet. So later Draupadi would tell Prakriti that all her five husbands did nothing when Dusasana tried to strip her, when Duryodhana dared call her to sit in his lap.
And all this for what? For dharma! And where does your dharma get us, but into the jungle for thirteen years? Now think of Duryodhana for a moment. He has lied, he has cheated and often enough, he has tried to kill us. And what has all that got him? Well, my brother, while your dharma has fetched you exile, our cousin's sins have rewarded him. He has another kingdom to show for his daring, a kingdom with all its wealth and subjects" he raged, his chest heaved up and down, his eyes blazing with fire for revenge. Elder Brother said nothing for the long time, he gazed out at the lake looking at the sun setting in the sky.
"Brother Bhima, you are accusing Elder Brother for the past, Your words are like livid needles in his heart, he is not showing it on his face that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt him" I said in the middle, I know the time is not good for us right now but we can't lose Dharma. "What he did was in the name of Dharma and now in rage we can't lose it, you are thinking that Duryodhana is enjoying the luxury right now with Adharma but remember one thing brother, No man who breaks dharma and escapes the consequences, his time will come soon because his path is not right" I said, everyone fell silent at this and I saw Brother Bhima sighing as he glared at the ground while Krishne lowered her head. "We must wait these thirteen years out, patiently. When they are over, if our cousins are still adamant, we will face them in war. That I promise you" Elder Brother said decisively, I nodded my head agreeing with him. They know Elder Brother is right and it is the time we show patience.
Just then we saw Lord Vyasa coming to our asrama, the tension atmosphere lifted from the asrama and all of us went to him, touching his feet and taking his blessings. We invited him inside our Asrama, me and Krishne served the meal to him and Pandavas. After the meal, we all sit on the steps of our asrama as the golden moon rose over the forest. "Bhima you are like a child, impulsive, impatient. It is never wise to follow someone like you. Have you thought how powerful your enemies are, before you want to rush at them without an army? They have strengthened themselves immeasurably since you left. Bhoorisravas and Sala have joined them and Bheeshma and Drona have sworn to fight for Duryodhana. Regardless of right and wrong, they decided to cast their lot with Hastinapur and its king.
Have you considered Aswatthama and Karna? Those two by themselves are enough to raze an army. Karna, Drona and Bheeshma all have the same guru. Bhargava has given them astras that can consume the very earth. How will you fight these three without dharma on your side? If you attack them now, every one of you will die. But you did not pause to consider this possibility, did you Bhima? Or you, Draupadi? You were so angry. And you wouldn't have been the first ones to lose your lives because you let anger rule you" he said calmly giving his advice. He wanted Brother Bhima and Krishne to understand how dangerous their rashness had been. They both lowered their head.
"The time has come. Send Arjuna to the mountains. He must perform a tapasya to Siva and receive his Paasupata from the Lord. Then, Indra will give him all his astras. You will have need of every one, for the war will be a harder one than you can imagine" Lord Vyasa said to which Arya nodded grimly. Then Lord Vyasa eyes turned to me, "You have stayed here enough, Prakriti, now it is time for you to discover yourself" he spoke, he is right, we have been here for months now, it is time we choose our different path and prepare ourselves for the war.
"You seem certain there will be war" Brother Yudhishtira wondered.
"There will be war, it was written before you were born. There will be a war to end all wars: the Mahabharata yuddha, the war on the crack of the ages, you all have to get ready for it, Nakula and Sahadeva, you have to made your way to worship Ashwini kumara and Bhima, you have immense strength that no one can beat but you still need more because the war won't be easy so you have to worship Lord Hanuman" Lord Vyasa said grimly, I could see brother Bhima eyes shining with delight when he hear that there would be a war. We all sat in silence watching the lake which was shining from the reflection of stars gathered in the sky.
"You have stayed long enough in the Dwaitavana; this place has grown stale on you. It fills your spirits with melancholy; it fills Draupadi with sadness. The vapors of the lake have this effect. Go back to the Kamyaka now" Lord Vyasa said all of a sudden. I do feel that as well.
"Yes, Elder Brother, we should move back to Kamyaka now, it would be better for us" I said liking the idea. Elder Brother nodded his head "We will leave tomorrow."
We sat there in silence for sometimes and then finally turned in for the night awaiting for the new morning with new motive.