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The Strongest Snack Salesman!

Mirrond
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chs / week
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NOT RATINGS
4.8k
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Synopsis
Chris was one of the top players of Royale of Romance, a top western MOBA game. His analytical skills were second to none, his reaction speeds the fastest. The only thing he was better at than RoR was snacking. Reborn in another world, he chooses his cheat skill knowing he has no reason to live without corn chips!
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Chapter 1 - Chapter 0: Loaded up and trucking!

"What!? Damn you Sun Wukong!!!" Chris shouts into his monitor, watching his character be struck down by the Ruyi Bang. Furious, Chris begins typing a message in all chat.

'Yare yare! bullshit fucking legend! who plays sun wukong?! he is blatantly op!'

Chris lifted up his can of Mountain Mist™, slamming back the lemon-lime soda. His pulse pounded in his head, his vision nearly red as he chugged back the soda.

'Ha ha! You are truly courting death, talking about sun wukong while you are playing assuo!'

Chris crushed his soda in his hand as he read the reply, firing off his own in challenge. 'If I do not crush your pitiful team, my name is not xX_CKilla_Xx!'

He reached down to his side, into the bag of chips... that was empty! He stood up and his head swiveled around like an owls. He scanned the room. "No... none!? None left!?" He was out of Boritos™! His XDRACER™ chair slid backwards as he stood. "Its... 21:49!? The store closes at 22:00! Its at least 10 minutes away!"

Chris pulled his jacket from his coat hanger, rushing out of the door and into his apartment buildings hallway. Fuck the match! He could gain his RP(Romance Points) back later!

He dashed through the halls, through dim hallways lit by ancient lightbulbs. It was quiet; the street lines glared through the only windows at either end. It made his heavy foot falls all the louder, each one thumping over the sound of the coil whine that flooded the hallway.

He dashed down the stairs.

Through the door.

Into the street!

Well, onto the side walk, where he stopped, and checked both ways, letting a truck pass before very carefully crossing. Even at night, in a city this large, the street traffic was busy. It was jumping. It was hopping. And he was sprinting to the store!

Chris easily arrived with minutes to spare. Not wanting to be the dick head that held the store up, he dashed through the aisles, picking up several of his favorite snacks under the dim florescent light.

"Gomensai!" He apologized to the cashier, earning a face palm and condescending look from the cashier.

"Y..yeah. Its no problem, Chris." The cashier knew his name because of how frequently he shopped here.

"Thank you thank you thank you!" Chris said, laying his favorite corn chips, "One of The Deliciously Crunchy™ Nacho Cheese™ Boritos™ chips please, and thank you!"

Inspecting the contents of his Kwik-E-Mart brand bag, he admired the beauty of the simplicity of the design of modern snacks. Truly amenities; the ability to open a small plastic or foil pouch and instantly munch down. A far cry from the days of old, in which you would have to hunt, for yourself, an animal, and then skin the animal, and then bleed the animal, and harvest the meat, and then cook the meat! Not to mention procuring seasonings, or sauces, and preserving those things against the elements, and the animals!

His enjoyment of modern snacking is why Chris constantly worked volunteer hours at the local foodbank— helping families snack just as hard as he did. No one deserved to be snack free, especially with the joys that capitalism can provide. Chris was a good guy. You would probably like him. Feel empathy for him.

Chris left the store, more at a meandering, leisurely pace this time. He licked his lips as he looked forward to drinking the Cherry Gamerfuel™ in his bag. He couldn't wait for the shocking flavor that—

"HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORN SOUND EFFECTS"

Chris jumped, dropping his bag to the ground and clutching at his chest. The adrenaline and caffeine in his blood mixed, his eyes nearly popping out of his skull. He could feel the vibrations of his heart beat bounce around inside of his head, threatening to batter and break his skull as the bus screeched to a stop. He panted as he realized that it stopped in front of him. Still, his heavy breathing wouldn't stop.

He felt pain radiate from his chest to his arm as he fell to the ground.