I gazed up at the stars above me seeing a part of the night sky that looked like white paint had been thrown across it. I was at conflict with myself. Even with trying to freeze her out today, it had been hard to hold my tongue. Why couldn't she just stop being stubborn and be so blindly in love with her dragon like Eve was with her mortal? I sighed. I wished more than ever that Hassan, Bane, or Ishtar were here to give me advice. I ran one hand through my hair in frustration. Why hadn't I told her no?
I took my axe off my side and began sharpening it. I had really upset her tonight. She had made my skin boil and anger, but I had the same effect on her. She frustrated me. I was torn. I wanted to make her happy, but the only time she was happy was when I wasn't trying to push her away. When I was open and having fun with her, but the only way to keep her safe was by freezing her out. I threw my sharpening tools down in frustration, tightly tugging my hair. The she wolf had gotten under my skin more than expected. More than I cared to admit. She had done it in record time as well. I had never been drawn to someone so quickly. That realization hit me like an arrow in my chest. I didn't realize how much she filled my thoughts until now.
****
It wasn't long until she came out of my tent rubbing her eyes and coming to sit by me.
"It's not your watch yet," I said quietly keeping my mind on sharpening my axe.
"I can't sleep," she said.
I looked at her from the corner of my eye. She looked at me with hurt as well as well as confusion.
"You haven't even tried for very long," I said teasingly.
She looked at me in surprise.
"I can't stand you freezing me out, Jaspen," she whispered. "The world is cold enough without you adding to it."
I sighed, rolling my tools back into their holder, and propped my axe up beside me. "I'm doing it for your own good, Sasha. Why can't you understand that?"
She said nothing for a moment.
"Because you understand me as much as I understand you. The string is pulling us together, Jaspen."
I put my head in my hands. "I'm hoping, if I shut you out enough, I can break it."
I could see her reaction through my hands and it tore at my heart. Why her? Why her of all people?
"Sasha, people close to me have a way of dying because they know me. Do you think I could live with myself if you were to die because of me? I'd rather you were with Sebastian and wanting to pull his horns out on a daily basis and living a long life than be near me- being mine for a brief time and then dead because I'm a monster. As much as it pains me to say it, Sasha, I'd rather you be Sebastian's and live."
Tears welled in the corners of my eyes. The thought of losing her tore at me. Before I even knew what was happening, her head was resting on my shoulder, her arms curling around my upper forearm. Just knowing she was there comforted me. It made me feel whole, but I had to stay strong. I'd rather be half dead then her not be in my life. I tried to brush her away, but she wouldn't have it. She was a feisty thing to say the least.
"Fine," I growled.
"Stop acting like you're the only one who gets to decide who I love," she whispered. I gave her one last shake and stood up as soon as I was free.
"I'm doing it because you're blinded by your feelings."
She looked at me in hurt and before I had a chance to apologize and be the gentleman that I had been taught to be, I walked into the forest. It took everything I had to walk away, not to look back and not to apologize. It was against my nature to be so rude to a woman. I sighed and slammed my fist into a tree. I hated my luck.
All I could hope for was that she would grow tired of me being cold and want the simple life that Sebastian offered her. A life that wasn't as risky as being mine.