The crystal layers lined an empty pathway. Trees were around him, the soil an unusual green color, as opposed to dirt brown.
Takabi sat in the middle of a field, picking at the grass absentmindedly. A baby Brachiosaurus slowly approached him, lowering its head and nuzzling against his sides. His hand slowly reached up and carrassed its face, the dino making a sympathetic sound with its throat.
"So, you can tell I'm upset huh," He said quietly, before chuckling. "Thank you, but I'll be okay. Go get your food." The Brachiosaurus moved aside, Takabi's eyes falling on Nana as she approached him. When she got close, he turned away.
"Wanna talk," She asked him gently, brushing her skirt flat before sitting down.
"Not really." He muttered, then sighed and said, "You're not gonna leave me alone despite that, are you?" He didn't see, but he was positive she shook her head no.
"What's bothering you so much? Really. Are you actually upset you protected yourself, because those guys were actually going to kill you." She asked carefully.
When he gave her no response, she took a deep breath and hugged her knees against her chest. "Honestly, I don't agree completely with how far you went, but I understand. Still, I feel guilty. If I never put you in this situation and left you alone, you'd be fine now."
He bit his lip, hair dropping in front of his eyes. "Don't pull that."
Nana looked at him, listening to his words and tone.
They were breaking. Weakening, like a shell was finally breaking down after years of use.
"You can't say it's not though. I got it, let me make it up to you and get you something to eat. You need the rest. You pushed yourself really hard adjusting to this atmosphere and must be exhausted."
His grip tightened on his arms and he kept his face hidden from her. "I lost control again.."
There was a silence before Nana turned her gaze to him.
"I hurt someone again because I couldn't keep myself in check."
"Okay… But they're all going to live. As far as we're concerned it was self defense."
"IT STOPPED BEING SELF DEFENSE WHEN I WAS READY TO KILL THEM!"
His outburst made her stop, and turn away. Takabi took a breath to calm his nerves. His hands shook visibly, a lingering self-loathe glowing in his eyes. His tone was full of anger and disappointment.
"I can't… Take this. It's always been this way. I would fight back and end up really hurting someone. My mind, my soul would just let go of all sense of reasoning and care for life and just.. Want to kill.."
"It is a part of your nature. You shouldn't feel guilty about things you can't control."
"You wonder why I left the orphanage?"
"Weren't you Adopted?" She asked, and he shook his head, tightening his fists. Takabi looked her in the eye, his previous broken composure replaced with a false calm and low tone.
"I killed one of the kids there when I was younger," He said bluntly. He used Nana's stunned silence as a sign to continue speaking.
"We got into a heated argument.. The kiddy shit. He threw the first punch and that's how it started. That stupid tussel.. I can still remember everyone trying to pry me off.. Telling me to stop and let it go but I kept swinging my fists. I kept beating, and beating, and beating until he couldn't take anymore. By the time they pulled us apart and called medical attention, it was too late. He died on the way to the hospital.." Takabi breathed in, the tears running from his eyes flowing like a small, slow moving river. His throat was parched, and voice shaky. Even with that, a twisted smile threatened to creep onto his face.
Part of him loved the memory. A part of himself he hated so much.
"When we all found out, that's when I actually felt the weight of my actions for the first time." He shut his eyes, feeling the gazes of the other kids and adults. The fear, the hate and anger. "I did so much there to be called family, and they just tossed me out, just like that. Told me it wouldn't be good for the other kids if I stayed around and they'd do what they could to make sure I wasn't just on the streets. They feared me, but wanted to help me get better. I understood how they felt. I mean, I was-" He caught himself and shook his head, "No, I AM a murderer." He looked at her, Nana's eyes full of shock. Takabi watched her for a long few moments, observing Nana's different movements to keep herself in check. There was no anger, but something in her looked as if she had a revelation.
Things weren't as good as she thought they were. She assumed he had been living quietly and comfortably, but that was far from the truth.
"I took an innocent life because I lost my temper. I killed that criminal and those cops that day at the bank. Who knows what else I must've done when I blacked out. My friend, Carrie, died, and I didn't give a single fuck." He got to his feet suddenly, the tears coming out full force.
"I was ready to kill them. Kill those guys and bathe my hands in more blood and not care in the slightest. What's worse is that I was aware this time. I knew what I was doing and didn't care."
"That's.. That's just…"
Takabi narrowed his eyes at her. The quiet anger peaked and he began yelling, "Just what Nana?! Normal!? Because of this damn mental instability I'm just NOW beginning to understand?!" He paced back and forth, running a hand through his hair.
"I stay out of the spotlight for this very reason! Whenever I'm in the center of it all, I end up hurting people!" He stopped talking, watching Nana's eyes well up with her own tears. He stepped back and turned away. "I'm a fucking monster."
"Don't say that." Nana stood, walking around and grabbing his fleece tightly. "You are NOT a monster."
"And how would you fucking know? We haven't seen each other since we were kids. I had no clue you even existed until school started."
His words hurt, but Nana refused to let it phase her.
"I know you're not a monster because you never were. What you do when you lose control is not your fault. It's everything you hold inside that comes out."
He turned away, but she grabbed his face and made him look down at her, directly into her eyes. "You are Takabi Yamishito. My best friend and the person I trust with my very life. No more, no less. I don't think of you as a monster, and never will."
"Bull. Shit. Everyone looks at me like I'm a freak the second I snap. Friends I've had in the orphanage turned on me when I killed that kid, Nana. Those last few days were an absolute hell." He chuckled, pulling away from her. "Not that I could expect kids to want to hang around or be friends with a killer like nothing happened. Having friends only goes so far."
She kept her eyes on him. "You're wrong, and I know you know that." When he didn't respond, she finally broke their eye contact and placed her head into his chest. "You're strong… I don't mean physically, I mean emotionally. To carry all of that and still be yourself. That toll must be so much…" Nana paused to exhale, then resumed, "You're not alone to deal with it though."
She closed her hands and exhaled. "Next time this happens, If it happens, I WILL be there to help you."
He shook his head. "I don't get you," Takabi said. "Why do you care so much about me?"
"That… I have no clue honestly. I just look at you and my heart skips beats." Her arms relaxed. The tension in her body slowly eased away. "I get lost in those eyes and wander around for days in my head. I feel the pain you go through, the happiness you feel and everything in between." She took a step back, holding her hand out for him. "Please, Takabi. Come back with me."
There was a strong hesitation. He wanted to trust her, to go with her, but felt like he was still a danger. Still a freak. Instinctively, he took a step back, his mind dwelling on her words and the possibility that he could hurt her. Hurt anyone else he came across. "Nana, I don't think that's a good idea."
The Brachiosaurus brushed its head against Takabi's back, raising it to place on his shoulder. Nana laughed a little and took Takabi's hand, slowly tugging it until he started walking with her.
There was silence.
Utter silence even as he squeezed Nana's hands.
Utter silence as the Brachiosaurus turned and moved away from the two.
Utter silence as Takabi's mind raced, then calmed and he could feel something bubbling in his chest.
Something warm, like a chain that was attached to Nana. He muttered a silent thank you to her, easing his mind and allowing her to guide him back. The crystals illuminated their path, and for once he truly felt at peace, even as he came to the idea that he wished that pinky promise they made as kids was really a life long promise.