I am Ryu Takeshi. 21 years old. College student.
Or that is who I was.
I clenched the edges of the warm fluffy blanket in disbelief. My heart filled with anxiety, fear and doubt. The bed I was laying on, in the castle of the kingdom 'Freya'. All my previous doubts and feelings cleared up as it finally made sense, and at the same time, it didn't make sense at all.
It seems to me I have reincarnated into this utter nonsense novel, 'Do you love me?' as the second male lead after dying from a heart attack in my previous life.
As 'Ryu' I had a very weak constitution. It was a surprise I even lived long enough to get into college. This game 'Do you love me?' or 'Doki Doki, My Heart Beats Only For You' - even remembering the name makes me nauseous- was a famous game adapted into a novel even that my younger sister fawned over when 'I' was in high school. She made me play it over and over again while she fell in love with the main lead that is, now, my stepbrother, Robert Regale Georgia. Smoky black hair, cold grey eyes and a sharp tongue. He is that repetitive version of CEO-types cliche made into a prince that is warm only to the female lead. Honestly, that explains his bastard attitude. The way he ruled over me, I feel my pride took a great hit while I was my naive self, 'Ray'.
Ray... Ray... Ray
Ray Rune Georgia. The Second Prince of the Kingdom Freya. 'Ray' lived in the shadow of his perfect all-rounder brother. How much ever he tried, he couldn't surpass the 'greatness' of his brother due to him having the main character cheat shit. Ah! fuck this. It's that irritating lovesick cannon fodder character that just gets used up as a stepping stone for character development of main characters in the book! And I am that useless second male lead who fell in love with the female lead made only for the first male lead. Even when 'I' knew my love won't be paid back, I kept on loving her, ultimately losing my life in the war.
Wait.
Losing my life...in the war? 'I' who has now become 'Ray' will die in the war... I sighed exasperatedly.
Why? Why must I die? Even after suffering more than in half of my previous life, once again I am here to suffer.
In the novel, the only reason, Ray died was for his stepbrother, Robert to shine by defeating the enemies and winning the war on the pretext of 'avenging his fallen brother'. A mere character development.
In the novel, the only reason, Ray fell in love with the female lead, Eliane, was for her to realize that she is in love with Robert. I clearly remember reading the scene that caused annoyance to the point I almost threw the book unless I realized my sister would kill me if I do that. It was the confession scene where Ray expressed his love for Eliane and Eliane who was as ignorant as ever asked 'What it feels to be in love?' and when Ray described his feelings for her, she cried like an 'innocent bitch' she is realising she is in love with Robert. Hence, she left in tears to pursue her only love, Robert leaving behind Ray in distraught.
Ray exclaimed, 'Oh, you even beat me in love' or something and said 'I will die for you' before he left to fight for the country and 'her' to prove that no one would love her more than he does. He died in vain. Though his popularity in the real world hit higher than any of the characters in the novel as many of his fangirls went 'kya~' over his overly-cliched dialogues.
Such a pathetic character, according to me. I get he is the tragic element the heroine and hero must overcome in the path of their love. But this is just unfair. Why must you sacrifice your own happiness for someone who won't even notice you much less appreciate your feelings?
And now I have reincarnated into the same despicable character I cursed on in my previous life. Already on, with the death flag.
I was brought back to reality as I heard a knock on the door. Shortly after, Luca entered.
In the game, he is also one of the male targets. However, he was omitted from the novel because his character 'did not' fit anywhere. As a miserable fellow male target, I smiled at him.
"Are you alright? The first prince found you in the garden unconscious." He asked.
"I am fine. I just got self-aware. Nothing much." I said truthfully and bitterly of the life I have to face.
He looked at me sadly, "L-Look don't take it to your heart. Maybe her majesty was drunk and..."
'Oh, he thinks I am worried about her'
Ah, that extra character.... who I thought as of my 'mother'. I wonder why was I so attached to her. Maybe because of the fact, I didn't have one in my previous life too. Maybe, I was craving for motherly love I am never destined to feel. Obviously novels never write stepmothers as loving or kind as they are in real life occasionally. That's why I felt strange whenever I spent time with her...From the pain I am feeling, I know 'Ray' loves her dearly even when she is hurting him.
Well, it's not the time to feel depressed over her when I have greater miseries ahead. First of, the death that is looming over me.
"I understand, Luca." I smiled. "It's alright."
I am not 'Ray'. I will not waste my feelings over someone who regards me as a mere pawn even if she is my 'stepmother'.
"No, it's not." He moved towards me as he wiped off... tears of my face?
I am crying? Wait, I didn't intend to.
He pulled me into a hug, "If you are not okay, then just say so! You don't have to act mature with me."
It must be stress. Right. There is no way I would cry over such .... a silly matter. It's an obvious fact that 5-year-olds can't control their emotions. It must be that.
But I swear on my name, this will be the last time 'Ray' will ever cry.