I was in a black room.
I fully remembered everything that happened.
I looked at my stomach.
It was fixed.
The only thing I realised was that I was in a Black world. And in this so called world, I was sunshine, I was casting light from my body.
And there was a door opposite me. The door was the shiniest thing in the world. In the deep, black, world.
"WHAT HAPPENED!?" I screamed into the void. "WHY DID I DIE. WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT. WHERE AM I? WHY DID I FUCKING DIE?" I hoped that my throat would start to hurt, but it didn't. I hoped something would stop my anger, something would stop me, but nothing did.
And I realised I could scream for eternity and nothing would change.
So, I walked towards the door. There was only naturally one thing waiting for me on the other side, I thought.
I opened it, to find a red world, where the only thing was a blue light. The light looked like an eternity away. I began to walk towards that blue light.
The God, the black creature known frequently as Erebus, was a child of Chaos.
If my life was over, then it didn't matter, and it didn't matter, but I realised the pain of loneliness. Rosemary's life had been lonely hadn't it?
I remember her in Year seven, she was quite a happy and sociable girl. The type one would look up to. Then in the summer of year eight, she disappeared. The memories that came to my mind, were so extraordinary, so vivid.
So dreamlike.
"Hang on, speaking of dating, what do you think of Rosie's boyfriend?" A friend once asked me.
"Isn't he the guy in the year above? I've heard he's dangerous…"
I was such a timid child.
"Yeah, that's what I've heard too. But lets be honest, if you believe it, you gotta have a crush on her, don't you?"
I probably did.
Then she disappeared for two years.
A gossip spread around the school saying she was being home schooled, and that she was an insanely rich girl, something none of us had ever heard of.
I guess this wasn't the first time she disappeared.
Two years later, she did return.
Last year, that is.
Her hair was always short, but it had grown out to her back, she looked a lot more feminine, but it was as if she was a new student. She didn't hang out with her old friends; they had changed as much as she had. She didn't participate in any sports, and she was always in the library. I saw her a few times, but unlike the old Rosemary, this person, she had an aura of damage around her.
Something telling people, 'I'm not worth talking to, please don't waste your attention on me'.
But it took me until my death to realise that.
Maybe other people had realised it sooner, she had probably become so unpopular, that nobody even bothered making rumours about her.
She wasn't an Ice Queen, she wasn't special. It felt like she was washed out dust. If that makes sense.
The blue light was another door.
I opened it.
A yellow world this time, and I slowly felt a sting on my stomach, where I was stabbed, or maybe where I was killed.
Then, I saw a Green light, half the world away. I could only assume it was another door. I kept walking.
She said that she spent her time reading Greek books. I knew a few classics, like the Iliad and the odyssey, but I could only imagine what happened to her in those two years.
Did she spend all her time alone? She must've had friends… unless her personality changed at the same time as her 'home schooling'.
I then changed my thoughts to the murders.
From what Isabelle told me, Rosemary was innocent, so what would a girl like her have in common with a stabbed high schooler, a rich high schooler, and a drowned high schooler?
They were all male.
I also imagined the third death, the river one, as a suicide. If Rosemary isn't harmful, no reason to paint it as a murder.
So one was stabbed and the other killed himself.
I couldn't think of anything.
I'm just useless.
I let Isabelle prove Rosemary's innocence, something I couldn't do, or imagine, myself.
I let Marrs save her.
And all I did was die.
I died.
I died on the 29th September.
Somewhere around 22:30 PM.
I died in a Church building.
Cause of Death… I couldn't think of one.
…Divinity?
That was an option.
Where do these doors lead me? Am I in a hell where I constantly look for freedom?
Wouldn't that be the ultimate hell? A world where you keep walking, you never get tired, and you are left alone with your thoughts, imagination, and a world with two colours.
The Yellow world reminded me of a desert, but it was more like an eternally, never-ending, coloured room. The floor was perfectly even, it was just yellow.
The amount of yellow made my eyes hurt.
XX:XX AM/PM
I've probably walked for an eternity now, when I finally reach the green light. My body was not fatigued at all, other than a never ending, sharp pain in my stomach, but my mind was slowly going insane. The colours were hurting me. It was killing me.
The green door, looked like a safe haven, even if I knew only pain, misery and suffering laid on the other side.
What colour now, huh?
Are we going for Purple and…?
…what colour was purple?
The shock had hurt me. I stood outside the door, and tears began to fall off of my eyes.
I'd forgotten colours. I'd forgotten memories of colours. My memories contained them, but to point them out and say their names would hurt.
Why did I die?
Why didn't she die?
She didn't exist anyways!
I had my parents; I had my older brother in University and my younger sister in Year 9.
I hated it, my screams and tears proved it.
But for some strange reason, I accepted it.
I opened the door, the bright, baby, green door.
A black world. Just like the start.
A dark, empty, black world.
A world so quiet, so dull, so empty, that it made my heart break.
But more so, my body hurt. All the years of fatigue I had built up, had released. I was in agony.
Without control, I fell on the floor, screaming. There were still tears in my eyes.
Worst of all, there was a massive hole, where my stomach should be. A black hole around my colourless body.
The white door was right in front of me too, probably ten steps ahead, as if I could walk.
"Someone, anyone. Please…" I bit my tongue. Everything hurt. My throat was killing me, it felt like someone had opened it up, cut it all up in tiny, tiny bits, and sewed it back together. My legs were spasming, and my arms were powerless.
I thought about all my memories. When I became a delinquent, when I would beat people to death for respect, when I had my first crush, when I defeated my rivals. The times I dodged my sister's attacks, all the times I argued about silly and nonsensical things with my brother. The time my parents taught me powerlessness, and happiness. The silly strategies I came up in Chess, that always failed, the time I met Isabelle, and saved her life, and when I met Rosemary, again. But most importantly, I remembered the Angel that saved my life, it wasn't an angel, I always knew, but still believed. Metis, a God of Greek wisdom. A legendary God, with Black wings, a beautiful God with paper-white skin.
"Metis, save me."
Those were the last words I could get out.
I felt a motherly figure behind me, she picked me up. The God was a beautiful thing, it held me in its giant arms and embraced me.
I looked at its eyes.
Great white eyes, no, it was inconsistent.
And momentarily, we became unified.
Its right eye was wrong, it was dark brown, my eyes.
In its reflection I saw myself, I had a white eye. My right eye belonged to a Gods.
All my pain ended. I felt it telling me 'everything's fine now, you did well', but it spoke no words.
The world gained beautiful colours.
The hole in my body was filled, so was the hole in my mind and heart.
"Thank you, Metis." I finally said. "I love you." Those words left my mouth. I never felt my heart warming up as much. "Thank you for everything. Please continue to help me, because I love you."
Yes, I am bitter about it, the God.
I hate it.
I am mad that I had to live my childhood in sorrow, in loneliness because of it.
But I also loved Metis.
The god put me on the floor, and when I looked back, it was gone. I was on my own again, in that world that was black again.
But there was a door ten steps away from me, a door that promised light, and a world that was beautiful. I was sure of it.