Is there a word game
Somewhere on my phone?
Because all I really
Wanna do right now
Is type but my brain
Doesn't seem to want
Anything in particular.
There's so much nervous energy
And then to top things off
It increases 5-10 fold
Once the latest hours of
The night start approaching
I get real antsy during the day,
Random bursts, needing to do something.
But when it gets dark it's like
I'm a whole new person of
Must move, need to move,
Move move move!
I could be sore, or mentally
Exhausted and still have the urge
To get it out of my system.
Mom said it was anxiety, which
It probably was mostly that.
But I also have small bits
Also in there, still unidentified
Sometimes I wonder about
Hereditary traits in my family
Both the known and unknown ones
Can someone grow into ADHD?
Have I actually been an
ADD/ADHD child all along
But it was outweighed?
I Know I've had depression
Starting to rear its head
Since the early days of middle school
Before that there was a lot of
Anxiety and fear, socially and work related
There were strict rules adhering
My behavior to certain structures
Because how intolerant most
Public schools are towards anything
What if I was just pressured into 'normalcy'?
What if my excess energy was
Worn out everyday and then
Any other symptoms were regulated
As something else entirely
Just tallied as being in a mood
Or simply acting out due to
My gender, my age, my social class
I think that I may have had slight
Bipolar tendencies but I have no idea
What that is supposed to look like
From person to person
I know my mental strength
Is a solid hard core because
Of the conditioning it has been through.
So did I just... Pull my shit together
Intimidating myself into agreement
With each possible part of my disorder?
Is that why I talk to myself?
Speaking of, I seem to be in
The habit of switching languages
When I talk or argue with myself.
I question and argue in Spanish,
I respond and explain in English,
And I snap in some variation of
Mixed languages along with
An entirely unknown, fictional one.
Complicated but I would have it
No other way, aside from fluency maybe….