Severus waited for Lily in the Front Hall when she arrived with her Herbology items and a packed lunch.
He said, " We should sit somewhere different today, so we're not predictable."
Before she had time to consider this a good idea, Lily was already making a face. Severus was not being unreasonable, just cautious. They knew Remus Lupin saw them together last week. He probably wouldn't be back till Sunday or Monday because that would give him an extra two days with his family.
Today they walked past the greenhouses to find a more secluded spot, but Lily insisted they stay in the sun. It would be too chilly in the shade to sit on the ground.
Severus laid out his cloak again, and they both sat down. Lily took the food out and offered Severus first choice of what she had brought along.
"What do you want to visit in Hogsmeade tomorrow, Sev?"
"The quill shop. I need more ink and parchment."
"You waste a lot of parchment on Arithmancy."
"Waste?"
"Well not waste, but you use a lot of it up."
When Severus didn't reply, Lily continued, "Anywhere else?"
"No. Wherever you want to go is fine, Lily."
"I think the girls were talking about lunch at the Hog's Head. It's not as nice as other places."
"Lunch? I thought they were going there to either get in some heavy snogging and groping, or even a shag."
"Shag?" blurted out Lily.
"Perhaps. Drinking leads to shagging."
"Maybe we should go along just in case."
"In case of what?"
"Helen and Mary don't want to do that."
"Can't they say 'no' for themselves?"
"Well yes they can, but what if your friends don't act like gentlemen?"
"Why wouldn't they? If you said 'no' to me, I'd listen to you."
"You aren't typical, Sev."
"If they said 'no', and Wilkes and Rosier did not listen, there wouldn't be any dates after tomorrow. I think they want to see more of MacDonald and Parkin."
"They won't base that on whether they say 'yes' or 'no', would they?"
Severus shrugged, "They finish up in the library quickly so I think it's been 'yes' all week."
"Not 'yes' to that."
"I wouldn't know."
"You don't talk about it?"
"Others ask, but Wilkes and Rosier don't go blurting out answers."
"I should hope not."
"Then why did you ask if they talk about it?"
"I thought maybe they said something to you."
"Not details. Just that the two of us might be more comfortable going somewhere else."
"But you weren't told expressly that we couldn't?"
"No, but why would we?"
"We're going to eat lunch too, and I'd feel better if I knew Mary and Helen were … I don't know, comfortable with everything before we left."
"If that's what you want."
"We can go to Scrivenshaft's after lunch then. It's close to the Hog's Head."
"Herbology?"
"You didn't kiss me yet, Sev."
Without complaint, Severus leaned forward and brushed his lips against Lily's for a moment before pulling back.
"Perhaps when we get back from getting your ink, we can use that room on the sixth floor tomorrow before everyone gets back."
"Don't you have homework?"
"Same as you, but I think we can get a bit done tonight and tomorrow morning, so we'll have plenty of time."
"We'll see."
"Yes, we will. And I'll be cracking the whip to keep you from dawdling."
"With homework or in Hogsmeade?" Severus asked as he stood up.
"Both, Sev," Lily teased, holding out her hand for Severus to assist her.
Lily was surprised that Remus Lupin was in Herbology. He was alone at the table they shared last week, and looked unwell.
"What are you doing back, Lupin? Thought you'd stay out till Monday."
"Didn't want to miss Hogsmeade, Evans," Remus kidded.
Lily stared at him. He could miss school for a critically sick relative, but rushed from their bedside to visit Zonko's? Lupin was as big a toerag as any of the others. She hoped his Filibuster thing blew up while it was still in his pocket.
Severus joined Lily, even though Lupin was here being an idiot. Hogsmeade, yes, of course, with Potter and Black throwing their galleons around, no one would want to miss out on the bounty they bestowed upon all their fawning admirers.
While they were setting up, Lupin stuttered, "Uh, Snape … do you … well, could I borrow your Ancient Rune notes from class?"
"Hell no."
"But uh …," he looked imploringly at Evans for a moment, before explaining, "I'm the only Gryffindor in the class."
Annoyed, Severus said, "Still reviewing Cuneiform and its evolution. It's in the text." Lupin didn't offer to give him any notes when he missed a whole month. Probably asked to make him look bad in front of Lily, and then if he relented, Lupin would wipe his arse with his notes. What kind of fool did Lupin take him for?
Like the week before, Lily directed the two boys on what they were doing once Prof. Sprout gave them their instructions.
It wasn't until they were walking back up to the castle after class that Lupin realized that there was a new breeze blowing at Hogwarts. He had taken his robe off to cool down after the warm greenhouse, and was walking with the others, like he did last week. One of the Hufflepuff prefects commented, "You missed a belt loop, Lupin. Five points from Gryffindor."
"What?" Lupin asked, stopping and feeling around the back of his waist.
"You did, Lupin," Lily said. "Don't bother arguing."
"I wasn't, but it's just a belt loop ..."
"Too bad."
"Can't you …?"
"No."
The Hufflepuffs chorused, "Have a happy detention."
"Detention?" Remus asked. How did he get detention for missing a belt loop?
"Oh, you were in such a rush to get to Herbology, you don't know the deal your buddies negotiated for you? That's just so sad that you missed their brilliant new jinx that they cast on me," Lily said, without the least trace of sadness in her voice.
Lily's intent was punctuated for Lupin with Snape's smirk. What had the rest of the Marauders been doing now? Didn't James tell them to not cast anything at Evans?
"So you don't need to cast it yourself, Lupin, I'm wearing light blue knickers today. Yesterday they saw my pink ones."
Snape's eyes dared him to cast anything, rather than expressing surprise at Evans choice of conversation. Why would James cast a jinx to show off her knickers? Lupin may not be wise to the ways of women, but any dope on the street would know that is not the way to woo them. How could Prongs be so stupid?
"Well, I guess I ought to get to the bottom of this then," Remus muttered. "I'll see you later, or whenever."
"I'd rather not be seen by you and your pack of animals. Have a good time in detention."
Once he was out of earshot, Severus asked Lily, "They got detention?"
"Yes, Dumbledore was out yesterday and they had to face Prof. McGonagall. By the way, I don't think they'll be sneaking out of detention tonight, Pettigrew was caught last night, and it wasn't pretty."
"Mr. Filch doesn't do pretty."
Lily smirked back at him. She didn't feel like correcting her friend. Bullying Pettigrew still sat uneasily on her conscience. There wasn't much she could have done since he was already caught and stripped by the time she saw him. She doubted Potter, Black, Pettigrew and Lupin had any such pangs about doing that to Severus.
James and Sirius were able to get an appointment to see Dumbledore now that he was back at the school, and the four of them went to his office after dinner to straighten out this detention thing that they had negotiated with McGonagall. She had been totally unreasonable, and they weren't gaining points fast enough. The magical placard under their empty house hourglass now had them at negative 65. This keeping track whenever they went below zero was going to be the death of them.
Old sourpuss McGonagall came to fetch them. They didn't need her there. She was such a downer, and a stickler for the rules.
"Well while I was down in London, it seems you fellows were busy again, even though you are still on probation. Due to your house's lack of points due to you and your fine example, Gryffindor does not care that Hogwarts has rules. Rules that are in place for a reason."
"It wasn't us," protested Sirius. "We didn't cast anything at Evans."
"We were framed by Slytherins who just wanted a reason to gang up on us," Peter added.
"That's not quite all you did yesterday. Prof. Slughorn confessed that Black and Potter took advantage of him being distracted to attack Mr. Snape in Potions."
Prof. McGonagall sternly added, "Then Black attacked the nearest student that tried to render him aid after Potter set him on fire."
Remus had not heard about this. They had told him about Evans and how Mulciber, Avery, Wilkes, Rosier and Snape beat up Black and Pettigrew, pretending they hadn't set the whole thing up. And then, how Pettigrew was caught last night by some angry girls in the hall that dragged him into the second floor ladies where they stripped him, but then Wormtail ended up seeing a little hot action because they couldn't stay mad at him once he was naked. The rest of the meal was spent talking about their plans for Hogsmeade, since only Remus could be seen there.
James shrugged, "He wasn't on fire long. Snape put himself out."
Laughing, Peter suggested, "If he wasn't so greasy, he might not have been on fire in the first place."
Prof. Dumbledore illuminated them, "Mr. Snape was injured enough that St. Mungo's has brought the treatment of students, or at least one student, at Hogwarts to the attention of Magical Law Enforcement. The school's under investigation, and it seems St. Mungo's knew exactly which student to focus their spotlight on. Madam Pomfrey and Prof. Slughorn are trying at this very moment to reconstruct what miscommunication has led to Hogwarts being under these allegations."
"Who gives a shit? It's Snape," Sirius said dismissively.
"Yeah, he's a liar. Make him drop it or you'll expel him," James said. It was that simple.
"St. Mungo's is authorized to report any injuries of minors. Mr. Snape did not file the complaint, nor can he drop it."
"Who told him he could go to St. Mungo's?"
"Madam Pomfrey. She mistakenly did not examine Mr. Snape herself earlier in the day, based on your story Mr. Potter, when you showed up injured and claimed that you were the only one hurt in Potions. When the healer from St. Mungo's was here for Miss Evans and Mr. Snape's dragonpox exams, he was concerned about the untreated injuries."
James racked his brain. Did he tell Madam Pomfrey that? He couldn't remember, but why would she not examine Snape? He probably spent more time in the hospital wing than anyone else at the school. She probably knew every disgusting greasy inch on his pimply body.
"Oh Merlin! How long is Snape going to milk that dragonpox thing?" asked Sirius. If he had known then what he knew now, he never would have cast the stupid spell.
"Mr. Snape is not the one in detention, gentlemen." Prof. McGonagall reminded them. "It's you. Yesterday you negotiated with me that you would attend detention every evening for at least two hours, even on weekends, until Gryffindor house was able to maintain some points for over a week. You also agreed that any points that could not be subtracted due to our house being at a near constant zero, would be tracked. Isn't that why we are here?"
"Yes, we'd like to renegotiate with Prof. Dumbledore present," James said pleasantly.
"And to contest some of these point deductions," Sirius added. "The whole school is unfairly singling out our house."
"Hmm, well Prof. McGonagall came prepared with a listing of the Gryffindor point additions and subtractions for the past week. Let me take a look at it." Prof. Dumbledore looked down at the last entry and asked, "You didn't miss a belt loop, Mr. Lupin?"
"No, I did," Remus replied. It was silly to lie for five points, and might warm them up to the rest of what they were here to talk about. Remus wasn't even there to get assigned this detention. He'd serve it with his friends, but it was unfair.
"Do you see how Mr. Pettigrew was losing points last night when he was supposed to be serving detention?" Prof. McGonagall asked.
"Quite an accomplishment to be simultaneously working for Hagrid and race around the Gryffindor common room," Dumbledore said, while fondly remembering his own antics when he was a Gryffindor himself. That was when streaking was an art form, and he was the artist. Ah, those were some good times. Perhaps he'd recreate one of his greatest performances using a giant pudding to show today's students how it was done. Much simpler times then, when no one was getting hurt, and house rivalry was friendly, not this open warfare. It was no wonder that Madam Pomfrey claimed this afternoon that she was overworked and couldn't keep up with all that was going on in the school with all the students constantly getting hurt.
Flipping through the pages of parchment, mostly of deductions, Dumbledore observed, "Gentlemen, it seems you did not gain a single point for your house during this period of time. Have you gained any at all this year? It seems a lot of these deductions are for you four. There's others, so I'm not necessarily singling you out as the sole problem, but if you are not gaining any points for Gryffindor, why would you expect the rest of your house to cover all your losses?"
James proudly said, "Prof. Kettleburn gave me five points twice last month."
"Oh yes, that reminds me," Dumbledore said while holding up a finger. "Student complaints regarding your lack of concern for the safety of others. Any more accidents in Potions, and you will be suspended from the class until Prof. Slughorn allows you to return. Also, any acts deemed intentional by the instructor during any practical practice, and you'll be removed from those classes also.
"We need those NEWTs," Sirius protested.
"Yeah, we're going to be aurors and Potions is required," James agreed.
"Can't you kick Snape out of Potions? He's the clumsy one," Sirius falsely accused.
"The rest of your NEWT level classmates are concerned about themselves. Once again, it was not Mr. Snape lodging the complaint, nor is he the student that dropped out of a class due to you," Prof. McGonagall explained. It would be so much simpler to expel these four, rather than waste time with this charade. "You also attacked him, yet continue to deny it. Five prefects are in your Potions class from all four houses. All of them presented themselves as witnesses to protest his detention."
James was puzzled. The Gryffindor prefect was Evans. Why would she back Snape over her own house?
"He must have threatened them," squealed Peter. "He's a death eater and can cast the killing curse." Seeing everyone look at him like he was crazy, he added, "Snape cast it at me."
"I guess when he saw your naked double last evening, when he knew you were in detention, Pettigrew, his natural instincts must have taken over," Prof. McGonagall replied sarcastically. Albus better get to the point soon. She had better things to do then spend an evening listening to these boys' lies.
"That's neither here nor there. Mr. Pettigrew has miraculously recovered. We're here to discuss this detention deal since you expressed a preference for possibly unending detention over getting expelled, gentlemen? So let's see, two hours still gives Mr. Pettigrew too much time on his hands obviously. I think it should be at least three hours a night, and we should stick with it including weekends. That'll give the house elves a chance to stay caught up rather than filling your special orders and the resulting extra cleaning your common room requires.
"All right, now I feel the twenty points is just too low. I am proud to be a Gryffindor, and I'm positive you can get them up to fifty points, can't you fellows? Aren't you proud of your house? Don't you owe it to them to recoup all the points you've lost them over the years? I'm sure Prof. McGonagall would love having the House Cup back in her possession too. You don't want her to think back to you four and see you as a bleak period for her house, do you?"
"We weren't looking to increase our punishment, Professor," James complained.
"I thought you'd boys would be up to a challenge. You already did a fine job laying the framework for it. I see I'm mistaken and you'd rather be expelled?" Dumbledore said with a cheerful look on his face.
"What about Hogsmeade tomorrow?" Sirius asked. They had to get some concession.
"Hogsmeade? Hogsmeade visitation is a priviledge. I agree with Prof. McGonagall. Only Mr. Lupin will be allowed to go, if he wishes. It will only be for tomorrow since it is rather unfair that you originally negotiated this on his behalf. For future Hogsmeade outings, you four will only be allowed to participate if you have met the conditions to no longer be serving detention, and you are not on suspension from any of your classes.
"So we're in agreement now? You prefer detention and denial of privileges over expulsion?"
Seeing as they had little choice for now, they agreed. Once this investigation into the school was cleared up, Dumbledore would back to his normal self, and probably apologize for being so unnecessarily hard on them. This was all Snape's fault again.
Remus descended the stairs to go to the Front Hall. He was absolutely against his friends' plan for him to lead their dates to meet them in the Shrieking Shack from Hogsmeade. His mates already headed over through the whomping willow entrance to clean and brighten it up and set up the fine picnic lunch they had gotten from the kitchens. They thought the Shack would be brilliant to show how daring they were to younger girls.
If they were caught, Potter, Black and Pettigrew would be in Hogsmeade, even though they got there through a secret passage. Secondly, Remus did not like the Shrieking Shack. He did not want to do anything with a girl in the building purposely allocated for his use during his werewolf transformation, even if all he planned to do was eat lunch with them.
Remus wasn't even sure who was his date. They had practically asked every female in the school from third to seventh year to go with them. Sirius was sure it was some fourth years, but he couldn't even remember what house they were in. Maybe he should just wait here elevated on the bottom step, and see which group of girls approached him.
It didn't take long for some young girls to come over.
Pointing at the girl next to her, one said, "Tell her, I'm Sirius Black's date."
"No, I am."
"I am, you whore."
"No, he asked me on Monday."
"I don't care. I'm going with Potter. He promised to give me a ride on his Nimbus."
"No, I am."
"Aw hell no. We're having a picnic over on the quidditch pitch, then he's going to fly me down to Hogsmeade. Potter and I are going to Zonko's, Honeydukes, and then having a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks."
"Settle down over there," yelled Prof. McGonagall to be heard over the din of arguing girls.
"There must be some mistake," Remus said. He wished Sirius and James were here. They would sort this with a couple words and smiles.
"Where are they, Lupin?"
"Uh … well, they wanted me to take you to meet them, but uh … they didn't give me names."
"They surely said mine, didn't they?"
"What about me?"
"No, me!"
"Black kissed me. I'm definitely his date."
"Potter kissed me."
"When was that? He kissed me on Tuesday."
"He kissed me yesterday."
As the noise rose again, even though other students had left, leaving Remus with over thirty third and fourth years all clamoring that they were either James Potter's or Sirius Black's date for the day, Prof. McGonagall yelled, "Quiet!"
Mr. Filch shuffled over and was wearing a grin as he asked, "What's your problem now, Lupin?"
"Uh, no problem, Mr. Filch, I was uh … just waiting for someone."
"Maybe you should wait outside? The acoustics of the stone in here echo all the higher pitched voices."
"Uh yeah, you're right."
Not giving up, the young ladies followed, all trying to get his attention to clarify who was here to wait for Potter and Black and who should get lost because they were wasting their time.
When Prof. McGonagall caught wind of the altercation, she rectified the matter. "Potter, Pettigrew, and Sirius Black are not going to Hogsmeade today."
There was a massive outcry and many expressed outrage that they could have found dates if they hadn't been asked by these nasty pranksters who had no intention of going to Hogsmeade with any of them. Their tune quickly changed, and when the objects of their anger did not appear, the girls turned on their buddy, Lupin.
Remus had been considering going through the secret entrance to the Shrieking Shack to tell the others that the dates were off, but with twenty angry young female teens circling him, he had no choice but to continue down the road to Hogsmeade, unless he decided to go back in the castle. However, someone might realize that the other three Marauders were not at Hogwarts, if he didn't join them inside.
Lily sat on a bench next to Severus outside Scrivenshaft's in Hogsmeade. She attempted to make her mind become as numb as her body. It just wouldn't slow down though. Lily was sure what they had done in the Hog's Head was bad because it had felt so bloody brilliant.
She should have listened to Severus when he first suggested they go after lunch, but she was an idiot and insisted on staying a while longer. It could have been the mead. Everyone but Severus had been drinking it. There had been plenty, and it tasted really good. Sev had said it was too sweet for him when Lily tried to get him to try it. That should have been the first sign of danger when she was trying to get Severus to drink alcohol.
Without Severus, Lily would probably be giggling and laying on the table too. She couldn't believe she started unbuttoning her blouse when Mary's was suddenly open, and Malcolm's hands and mouth were … well, whatever it was, Lily wanted that too, but Severus whispered in her ear something about not wanting to share the sight of her with anyone else. That might have been when she ended up in his lap, but still facing the table, unlike Mary. Severus had refastened her blouse. Lily was sure it hadn't been her.
When she refused his suggestion that they go again, she pleaded for what? Lily couldn't remember. Severus whispered some questions to her, and Lily said 'yes' to everything, except leaving. It wasn't until after Severus did something with his fingers, but he didn't even put them inside her clothes. Isn't that when things like what happened … well, she was obviously wrong. Very wrong. Her bones melted away, and her body and mind exploded into what seemed like a million pieces.
Lily had been trying to inventory her body to make sure it was still here and existed today, when Severus asked her if she'd like to take a walk and get some air. She remembered she told him that she'd like to, but her legs wouldn't work. Then they were out here with Lily trying to get her mind to stop. Just stop.
Severus had been holding her hand this whole time and watching her. Was Lily mad at him? She never made sense at times. Lily wanted to be there, and was carrying on that she wanted him to make her a woman and some other nonsense because she wasn't used to drinking mead, and now she was not speaking to him and staring into space. Probably taking the time to rehearse her rant in her head so she didn't end up spewing out some drunken slurs that made absolutely no sense. If she had any wits left to her, she'd realize that screwing on a table in the Hog's Head while lying next to an equally drunk Helen Parkin who was doing the same thing was not absolute genius.
"Oi Snivellus! Got yourself an ugly green girlfriend?"
Two younger Gryffindor boys thought they were amusing till their first jinx did nothing against Severus's shield charm. They hadn't even seen him cast it. Sneaky Slytherin ruining their fun by casting an unfair spell like that.
"Oooh, I've been waiting for this all day," Lily said, flicking her wand. The boys were now green, and their orange hair had been charmed to stand on end.
"They're missing something."
Lily didn't see any change until they turned to run off and tell. One of them had a parchment that said 'kick me' on his back, and the other's said 'kiss me'.
"That's so first year, Sev."
"Didn't want to intimidate the little cherubs. After all, haven't you told me it's only words, Lily?"
"Maybe I'm tired of hearing them. They were pretty dumb. Don't they think a prefect from their own house knows their names? Even they have to know there are only two green students at the whole school."
"You are giving them too much credit."
"Hmmm. Did you already get your parchment?"
"I would have to physically enter the store to make a purchase, Lily."
"Oh well, that's awfully old fashioned and inefficient. Much like quills and bottles of ink. We're going to have to give the wizarding world a kick in the pants when we graduate. I think ballpoint pens would knock them ass over tea kettle."
"I see you've been giving the blurb for your chocolate frog card some thought then," Severus commented as he opened the door for her.
"Well yeah, Sev. I need a card to keep yours company."
"You'd come between me and Uric the Oddball?"
"Sure would. Wasn't that the bloke with forty pet augureys?"
"It may have been fifty, but either number is surely exaggerated."
"I agree. Either would be quite a mess. Do you need that much parchment?"
"I have some ideas I want to work on."
"Where do you find the time?"
"I don't sleep much."
"You'll get sick, Sev."
"Lucky for me, you plan on being a healer."
"I don't want to make a career of taking care of you."
"I wouldn't mind spending my life taking care of you, Lily."
"Don't try to change the subject, Sev."
He shrugged and set his items down on the counter. Lily had picked up some new quills and ink too.
Lily asked as they exited the quill shop, "Back to Hogwarts?"
"All right."
They were walking quietly, hand in hand, when Lily suggested, "It's not crowded in Honeydukes now."
Severus had remained outside while the other five browsed earlier. None of them actually purchased anything because he had been right. The place had been packed shoulder to shoulder with younger years who were just absolute gluttons and kept the shop help hopping and climbing with their requests. More students had been flowing in faster than orders were being filled.
"If you want to stop, that's fine," Severus replied with no enthusiasm.
As they went in, Lily asked, "What do you like best?"
"I don't want anything," he muttered. Severus was desperate to make money, not spend it. He only heard in the past week that the Ministry charged a fee for the apparition course, in addition to the license fee. More galleons to pay the salaries of people who did nothing for him.
Lily looked around for something not so bright and cheerful. "Pepper imps?"
"I've been fooled by one of them before. They don't taste like pepper."
"Well no, they taste like peppermint."
"I know that now."
"You want something spicy? An acid pop?"
"There's a difference between pepper and burning a hole in my tongue. Just worry about getting what you want. There's plenty left, even after that plague of locusts swept through."
Lily felt she was under a little pressure now. Would Severus judge her by what she chose? There was nothing wrong with peppermint, so she chose a package of the pepper imps and a bar of Honeydukes best chocolate.
After she paid, she asked him, "Well?"
"I'm ready to go," he answered and opened the door for her.
She walked out, knowing she shouldn't be annoyed at him. Lily was aware he didn't like candy before today.
On the walk back, Lily was trying to think of something to say. They had done a lot of homework before they went to Hogsmeade, but now she wasn't comfortable with her plan to go up to that dark storage room with Severus. Would he do whatever that was to her again? Or would she have to do something like that to him? Or would they shag now that no one else would see her? Severus told her yesterday that it was all right if she said 'no' to him.
"Maybe we can go sit in that window of yours up by Ravenclaw, Sev."
"If you want."
Other students were already back to school, but they weren't hanging in the halls or on the stairways.
"View of the mountains?" Severus suggested at the first window.
"Sure, and this time let's sit a bit different. Um yeah, you can put your legs up again, like before against the window," Lily directed. She sat next to Severus, but with her legs hanging into the hallway, rather than up on the sill.
"You are facing the wrong way to look out the window," he mentioned.
With an annoyed sigh, Lily rearranged herself by turning towards Severus and bringing her legs up and then in addition to making sure her legs were together and her skirt was in place, tucked her cloak firmly around everything from her waist to her calves.
"Better?"
Severus glanced into the hall then out the window, and replied, "I thought you'd might like the sight of the mountains better than a stone corridor. You didn't have to move, if you didn't want to."
Lily looked out and agreed, "It is lovely."
They sat together, and Lily noticed that although they were both facing the window, both of them were sneaking glances out of the corners of their eyes at each other. She wasn't going to find out what Severus was thinking unless they started talking.
She looked at him and began, "Earlier … in the uh … Hog's Head ..."
Severus's dark eyes met hers. "I didn't do what you requested."
"Right," Lily said back to encourage him to go on. She was relieved he didn't do more when he could have, but knowing why was important to her. Was it because she was green and ugly now? Severus was green too.
His eyes unfocused for a moment in thought before he gazed at her again to explain. "I spend time thinking about us together. Trying to figure out what might be better for us, than other … stuff. I'm used to not having much, but I know you aren't so I think about what would make you happy, Lily.
"In all that, I also consider us being married and intimate. I believe that you are special, Lily, and I should treat you in a way to show you how I feel. I'm not forming any specific plans, but analyzing what would be extraordinary for the two of us, rather than following the steps Pomfrey gave us last week."
Lily didn't take her eyes away from his. If Severus spent time thinking about these things, no wonder why he couldn't sleep. Her friend analyzed everything. How many factors were there in considering how to make her happy? Lily didn't even know how to do it for herself.
Seeing that she didn't look confused or disgusted, Severus took a breath and continued, "I began thinking about us a while back so that was before we had dragonpox. So in my thoughts about how our first time would need to be memorable for the two of us, I didn't imagine us still recovering from dragonpox. Even after our condition became fact, and part of something I thought about, I was thinking that by spring, it'd be mostly cleared up.
"Although I am open to the possibility that something spontaneous could happen. Being green is something minor, if it was just that, I would have done what you asked, but there were others in the room, and that detracted from the possible experience, and it was the Hog's Head. Not even a bed, but on a bench or table? I think too highly of you to want that to be our memory of when we first made love. There would be plenty of times after, but there's only one first time."
Her mixed-up friend continued to perplex Lily. From what she thought she knew, wasn't he sounding more like a girl? Well, obviously not like a Gryffindor girl, if Lily was to go by Helen and Mary's examples. What if they stayed with Wilkes and Rosier, Lily hoped they would now that they had gone this far, but would they be disappointed when they thought back to what they did in the Hog's Head?
"You're right, Severus. I'd like something more … romantic than a table at the Hog's Head. It doesn't have to be elaborate, but the two of us alone would definitely be advisable. Even though I agree that planning may take away from the experience, perhaps we can discuss … uh, things, rather than you being burdened with all this. I mean uh … I know you are good at um, thinking, but you might be overdoing it a bit because we haven't uh … I mean I haven't agreed to when … or even if, yes if, I'd agree to marry you."
"You've changed your mind?"
"No, I haven't changed anything, Sev. I just haven't made up my mind. I never said I would."
"Lily," Severus stopped and changed what he was going to say. "Lily, why did you ask me to have sex with you today, if you don't know?"
"It was … it was a mistake."
"Yours or mine?"
"What?"
"What if you make up your mind, and that turns out to be my one chance of being with you?"
"Severus, why does every conversation I have with you … turn so mental?"
"Perhaps it's you, Lily."
"I don't think so."
"You've admitted you don't know what you want. How should I react to that?"
"I need time to think about it. And even if my answer is yes, I don't want to be rushed."
"Why do you claim I'm rushing you? We've already discussed that I'm not rushing you to do anything. You ask for kissing and want to do things with your tongue in my mouth, and today when you said you wanted to shag, and it was me that convinced you that it was not the right time yet."
"You're mixing everything up, Sev."
"I think you are."
"I don't want to argue."
"Neither do I. However, I want to be clear. I think I have been, and you respond with physical affections that we did not share before. Perhaps that is what you really want from me? Am I a friend that you do homework with, but also snog and want to shag? You have no intention of making a permanent commitment with me? It's just a bout of teenage humping for a bit of fun, and then you'll be done with me when you graduate?"
"Severus, why do you need to be so negative?"
"Why shouldn't I be interested in what awaits me? You're telling me all I have is a maybe to look forward to."
"You have lots to look forward to."
"Without you, there isn't. I feel hollow and alone inside without you, Lily."
"That's why you need to be more outgoing."
"Why? If this is it, then why would I waste my time?"
"Is this is what?"
"If it means so little to you."
"I didn't say that."
"You're not saying much of anything."
"I am."
"What, that I'm negative and mental? That's what you tell me when I won't do exactly as you say? I'm not a mindless slave, Lily. If you want that, marry into a family with house elves."
"I don't treat you like that, and I already said you were right earlier, Sev."
"Then what is all this about?"
"How do I know? I'm confused, Sev. I never felt anything like what you did to me earlier today. I don't even know for sure what you did other than just touch me down there. When there's so much I don't know, how can I be sure of what I want? And if I think I know what I want, is it right?"
"If you didn't like it, I won't do that sort of thing to you. You seemed to want something more than what we've done in the past."
"I … I … that's just it. I felt so helpless, but I was with you. And the way it felt was so unexpected. Till then, everything I do with you felt wonderful, but now, there's this thing you did that's so much more than wonderful. It sort of scares me."
"That wasn't my intent."
"I know."
"If it was too much, then I won't. If you want to try something like that again, you can let me know when you are ready. As I said, I'm not rushing you and it's all right if you say 'no'. It won't feel amazing unless you are part of it, Lily."
"I don't want to turn into drooling and quivering mass of jelly, Sev."
"I'm not in the mood for joking around right now, Lily."
"The more I talk, the worse I am making this, Sev," Lily said as she leaned forward to hold him.
"I want to hear what you think, Lily," he said before sighing and putting his arms around her, allowing Lily to rest her head on his shoulder.
"I don't know what I think."
At detention, they were still talking about how much fun it would have been to have all those girls following them around Hogsmeade. They would have taken over Zonko's, Honeydukes, and taken up every table in the Three Broomsticks. They would have been talking for years about the Marauders down in Hogsmeade.
When it came right down to it, after hours of discussion, they could only agree (ignoring Lupin's slight protests to the contrary) that this was all Snape's fault. He even had Dumbledore thinking badly of them. Their lying, scheming, slimy, dark arts-using, junior death eater nemesis who the whole school hated had raised the bar by somehow involving Magical Law Enforcement, just like he set them up over the summer to be caught when they were just having a spot of fun while on holiday.
To fight fire with fire, they'd have to be just as cunning. Since he was a Slytherin, he'd be too dense to realize that Gryffindors had brains too. They may have to wait a while, but they would settle for nothing less than getting Snivellus expelled this time.
Since Remus seemed the chummiest with him, his assignment, which would require more bravery and fortitude that they could rightly ask for the sake of friendship, was to be amicable to him in Ancient Runes and Herbology, and dig the dirt. Being absolutely friendless, Snivelly would be dying to tell all his secrets to someone now that he had a best mate.
When Remus tried to tell the others that Snape already had Evans as a best mate. They had a good laugh. A girl can't be a best mate, and besides James was still willing to give her another chance, in spite of Sirius and Peter telling him that she wasn't worth it. Once Evans knew she still had a chance at Prongs, she'd drop Snape like a bad habit. He'd write her a note, so she'd have written proof unlike all those silly girls earlier today, letting Evans know that he wasn't angry at her, and next Hogsmeade weekend, she'd be his date, even if she still was green. Now that would show some commitment and she'd finally take Potter seriously.
Lily returned to her dorm room still shaking her head. There was stupidity, but then there was real stupidity. Why would all these girls think they had a date with Sirius Black and James Potter? The pranksters probably got themselves intentionally banned from Hogsmeade so they could watch the mayhem down in the Front Hall when the girls were finally told. They were probably up on one of the higher staircases watching, laughing so much they pissed their pants.
There was a lot of third-year girls that had been sucked in by their joke, and they went and ruined their first Hogsmeade outing. Cruel toerags.
Helen and Mary were already upstairs and lounging in their nightgowns. They didn't look any different to Lily. There wasn't anything written across their faces, but they appeared … smug?
"Lily, hurry up and get changed, we're going to celebrate."
"Huh?"
"If you're still sore, I've got something you could take."
"Why would I be sore?"
"Uh, you don't have to be, just thought that maybe … you know."
"What are we celebrating?"
"The three of us, silly. All together on the same afternoon no longer being burdened with virginity."
Lily's mouth dropped open. They were going to celebrate, and they thought she … she … she did that too? "I … I mean we didn't … do that."
Helen said, "I thought as much. Even for Snape, he was being too quiet."
"How could I hear anything with Lily yelling his name, like she wanted to let all of Hogsmeade know?"
"I was not," Lily protested. She may have said it a couple times, but definitely did not yell it.
"You threw Evan off his game. He cast a silencing spell so no one came up to break down the door," Helen complained.
"I think they hear that sort of thing in the Hog's Head all the time," Mary kidded.
"Not that." In what Helen thought was a good imitation, she started breathing heavy and moaned, "Oh Sev … Oh Sev … no more, no oh Sev … but a lot louder. I'm keeping it down so the rest of Gryffindor tower doesn't hear."
"And then you screamed his whole name for a full minute at the end."
"I did not."
"It's all right, Lily. We hadn't realized that you and uh, Severus were … or had something special."
"You always said he was your friend from home."
"Yeah, don't think that we'd think you'd scream any bloke's name like that, Lily."
"Oh no, no, we know you're not that sort."
Lily was waiting for them to break out in giggles. They were kidding, right? As the silence grew, Lily explained, "Severus and I aren't … all he did was touch me a bit, he didn't, or he's never …"
"Well, we kind of thought he had to touch you if he wasn't giving you a ride on his broom, but what did you have to do in return … if you don't mind me asking?"
"Was it messy? Did you have to taste it?"
"What?"
"What did you do to take care of Severus?"
"Take care of him?"
"Yeah. He had you screaming out in ecstasy and trying to claw at the ceiling, and you in return … did what?"
"We went to buy parchment."
Helen and Mary looked at each other, Lily was hiding something.
"You may not have suspected but we were talking about you two ..."
"Well, more like asking Evan and Malcolm about Severus after you had left."
"You were talking about Severus while …?" Lily stopped.
"No. In between, silly."
"Yeah, we are trying to revise our opinion of him."
"For your sake, Lily. We're willing to admit that maybe you two together is the way it is."
"The way what is?" Lily asked. What happened to Severus being 'not good enough'?
"Serious between you. If he can make you feel like that by just touching you, I mean, he'd have to really mess up somewhere else for you to just throw that away."
"We know to most people he's just someone brooding in the back, but he does talk to you, and that's what's important."
"Yeah, Malcolm and Evan say he doesn't talk much, but when he does it's about schoolwork."
"They can only suspect how much hardship he's gone through with having practically nothing and being injured."
"He doesn't flaunt it, so even if you are one of the few who's seen it, Lily, no one's going to judge you because he's not … um, not perfect."
"No one's perfect," Lily muttered. Who were they to even talk about judging Severus or her? She didn't give a flying fig what other people thought.
"We hadn't even noticed back when uh, Black took away all his clothes."
"And now we realize how much crueler that was … they probably found out from doing that to him before, and then were just waiting to undress him again in public."
Lily was baffled. Even with his clothes on, Severus was not a portrait of physical well-being. Why would anyone be surprised that he was skeletally thin?
Before she could ask what exactly they meant, her roommates continued to ramble on with their half-baked acceptance. "So even if he asks you to do something that may seem odd, Lily, it's just that he feels comfortable with asking you and we can understand that living with … that, must be hard and that he's doesn't enjoy other things because he can't or he's confused."
"What are you talking about?" Lily got in. If there someone that was confused, it was her.
"We just wanted to let you know we'd understand that Severus may not care for the same things that a typical boy would want."
"Yeah, it's all right if he gets turned on by something else."
"But you did do something for him, Lily? Other than buying parchment, that is."
"No, we um, argued a bit."
"Lily! Of course he'd be upset, if you didn't want to do anything for him."
"If whatever he wanted was too much, wouldn't he settle for something else?"
"No. No. We argued about something that's been going on for months." Lily wasn't going to tell them that Sev asked her to marry him. "Uh, he didn't ask me to do … um, anything to him."
"Maybe he was embarrassed. Be a Gryffindor, and see if he likes it."
"You could start with the regular things and then if he … I don't know, if you let him fondle your breasts and then he starts licking your um, armpits instead, well, could that be so bad?"
Seeing Lily's eyebrows draw together, Helen slowly asked, "Maybe you have no idea of what to do with him?"
"Well, I … or rather Severus is all twitchy so I just can't grab him."
"I guess he would be," Helen muttered as she pulled out her broom. "I know this is going to seem like blasphemy to molest my broom, but let me show you … down below this wider section with the name, is about right I think. Like you saw last week in that slide, it's like a sleeping serpent at first. Limp and soft, but after you rub it up and down a bit, it'll firm up. If he doesn't like this motion, or wants you to do something like twist your hand about, he should say something. We may be women, but we're not mind readers."
Helen was right. Lily was shocked that she was using her broom handle to demonstrate. To be sure, Lily asked, "I should put my hand in his trousers?"
"Or take it out, if there's no one around," Mary suggested. "That way you can see it, rather than just feeling it."
"And since it sounded like you can't concentrate when he's using his talented fingers on you, try it without his hand in your knickers at the same time. You can still hold his broom while he's doing that, but if you aren't doing anything but gripping it tight and screaming his name, I don't think he'll like it much. So at least concentrate on him the first time you do this, until you know what way works for him."
"You might want to try letting him do whatever he wants to you, so you know what parts of you he likes best."
Obviously, this sort of … behavior led to shagging. Lily was not looking to follow in Mary's and Helen's footsteps and further muddle Severus with this sort of thing. "We're doing fine just on our own, thanks. I don't think Severus would want me rubbing his broom like that."
"Have you tried it?"
"Maybe he really doesn't like it. Maybe he likes something that hurts a bit? I've heard about that."
Why would they suggest Lily hurt Severus? They had to be joking.
"Or something up his bum instead?"
Lily got a couple words in because this sounded all wrong. "We're not … uh, he's … what?"
Mary shrugged, "Some don't like it. We already said it's all right, Lily, but if you've never tried it, how are you going to … pay him back?"
"Pay him back?"
"Severus may be willing to do anything for you, Lily, but you aren't going to be able to keep him happy if all you do is take, take, take."