Chapter 2 Black Knight in Shining Armor
Regulus hung around outside till the Great Hall was reset after the exams for lunch. Finally, a large group of students streamed out of the building signaling that today's written tests were over. He waited patiently for either lunch or for an opportunity to view one of the lovely lady's assets.
He was downcast as he considered the lack of ideal groupings and placement. A bunch of girls headed over to the lake, but it wouldn't do to be the only male in the vicinity. Regulus could cast it over a distance, but what was the point of that unless he had a pair of omnioculars?
Fortunately, his brother and his gang of thugs were attacking someone so a crowd was gathering.
Regulus sauntered into the spectators to see if opportunity arose.
Sirius Black and James Potter had Severus Snape on the ground choking on some sort of pink foam that was frothing out of his mouth and starting to either come out of or go up his nose. It was hard to tell, but either way it effectively stopped Snape from being able to say an incantation. Regulus knew any attack on his fellow Slytherin would have to be vicious for anyone to stand a chance against him. Snape was not liked in Slytherin for his dubious blood status, but if anyone started something, Snape was sure to finish if he was allowed to maintain a finger on his wand.
"Leave him ALONE!"
Regulus glanced at the intruder, and saw all he needed to see. What a nice, firm pair she had, and weren't they begging to see a little sun on a beautiful day such as today? Mudbloods were good for something after all.
At least Potter looked like he agreed with Regulus's assessment that this particular muggle-born was worth an effort, as he did some quick hair grooming with his fingers, and took on a much friendlier tone of voice with "All right, Evans?"
Regulus noted the position of Sirius, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin. Pettigrew and Lupin were in the background, and perfect suspects for casting sneaky jinxes and charms into the fray.
"Leave him alone. What's he done to you?"
With a subtle flick of his wand towards Evans, Regulus waited for the show.
"Well … it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean ..."
Regulus gave a steady clap with others cheering in support of someone finally having the guts to say something out loud and in public. Purebloods shouldn't be forced to take classes and live in dormitories with the filth Dumbledore allowed in.
Evans's first button went flying. After it hit Potter right in his smarmy smile, Regulus was truly in pain to continue breathing, keep the glee off his face, and the tears of delight from streaming out of his eyes.
Evans did nothing to help matters by drawing in a deep breath of open-mouthed indignation which parted her school blouse completely. Her cheeks turned red mighty quickly.
Potter weakly said, "Evans ..." His eyes widening.
Using her left hand to close her blouse was ineffectual, as Lily angrily accused Potter, "You think you're funny," her cheeks got redder as she tried to maintain her dignity as she pulled her Gryffindor robe tightly closed, "walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can -"
Potter, Sirius, Pettigrew and Lupin were all doing their personal definition of gobsmacked.
Regulus thought Evans had a nice pair, but they weren't that good, and now that she covered up, what was the point? What was worth the wait now was how Evans was going to use her wand on these four losers. Upset females could be very creative.
Speaking of creative hexes … the dopes had let Snape reach his wand. He aimed it straight at Potter, and a flash of light later, there was a bleeding gash on Potter's face.
Sirius yelled, "Oy!" as both he and James cast spells.
Snape was hung upside down in the air, and his trousers were whisked away to expose his scrawny, pale legs and well-worn underpants.
Regulus did not join in with the cheering this time because he was contemplating the implications of having that pair of spells so well-rehearsed. It seemed rather unfair to Regulus that his little jinx to expose female students would be considered more humiliating by the Hogwart's staff than this underwear exposing combo prank.
Reacting to the applause around him, Potter asked, "Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?"
Certainly not me, thought Regulus, wondering how twisted Potter was for even suggesting that this entire gathering wished to be blinded by such a sight. Snape with his clothes on was unpleasant enough. Rather than allowing his imagination to take charge, Regulus looked around for something more pleasant to show his poor tortured brain.
Lily furiously demanded, "Let him down!" Her wand now drawn, while her left hand continued to keep her robe closed over her still expanding bustline.
Potter readily agreed with a "Certainly" and flicked his wand, dropping Snape, who still struggled to see something other than his black robes, onto the ground head first.
Sirius barked out a laugh, and flicked his wand while commenting to Potter, "Give our adoring audience what they demand, Prongs."
The remainder of Snape's clothing was now gone.
Pettigrew's delighted laughter filled the awkward silence offered by the crowd as they noted scars, bruises of various age and size, a repulsive thinness, and a good flow of blood from Snape's broken nose.
Regulus sensed the shift in mood among the crowd as Potter then traded words again with Evans as he dared to ask her to go out with him, and his brother put Snape into a full body bind to prevent his interference.
Everyone here now knew that petrificus totalis did not make a lewd display out of any specific body part, however that might not be a bad thing because there was enough visual evidence supporting the old hag's tale about men with large noses. The rest of the 16-year old Snape was repugnant enough to keep most from staring directly at him.
This could be the tipping point between a boring summer and a great summer, Regulus thought, as he saw Head Girl Alice Oakby begin to work her way into the growing crowd to find out what was going on. Too bad Oakby's personal Head Boy accessory, Frank Longbottom, was not hanging off her arm, Regulus thought as he shrugged out of his robe, with the intention of making sure his brother was cast in the role of bully, pervert and all-around deviant.
"By Merlin!" exclaimed Alice, when she reached the side of Lily Evans. In disgust at the vacuity of the Hufflepuff Princess, Regulus shot his jinx at Oakby, then stepped forward and dropped his Slytherin robes over Snape's torso.
Sirius snapped at Regulus, "Get the hell out of here, you miserable toerag."
"Toerag? You'd think from Evans calling Potter that a dozen times already that he mistook it for a term of endearment. Do you mean it as lovingly, dear brother?" Regulus quipped.
"I'll show you how ..." Sirius started while realigning his wand's aim to Regulus, when Alice's cry of alarm interrupted all bickering about the merits of being a toerag.
Regulus saw the evidence of why Frank Longbottom put up with everything Alice Oakby mindlessly chattered about day and night. Frank was one lucky man! And this certainly sweetened Regulus up to his new role as the dashing hero in this little drama. It was rotten luck that Oakby was also wearing her robes over her school blouse.
With Alice Oakby now being the center of attention, Regulus cast a hopefully correctly pronounced whispered counter jinx at Snape, before boldly jumping in front of Evans and Oakby, defensively posed with his wand with his back to the two taller girls, and in his best impression of a Gryffindor (or his idiot brother), he pointed at Potter and his gang, and declared, "How can you have absolutely no respect for a prefect and our Head Girl, you swine!" Regulus hoped this would leave no doubt amongst the eyewitnesses about who jinxed the girls.
Potter started with, "I didn't …," but Sirius drowned out Potter's protest with an ill-thought snarl, "What does it matter to you?"
When all Regulus did was smirk at him, Sirius continued nastily, "You don't care a hoot about them, Regulisp. You're just another scheming, slime-sucking Slytherin."
Regulus just let his smirk turn into a smile because Snape was on his feet behind the Gryffindors with Regulus's school robe covering all his important bits.
Snape's forceful expelliarmus disarmed both Potter and Black knocking them both to the ground. Regulus followed quickly with one on Pettigrew, and Oakby shot one at Lupin for good measure. Evans spread the love with four locomotor mortis, to prevent any more girls from being jinxed.
Stupid mudblood. Regulus wanted the fight over before something humiliating happened to him, but Evans removed his brother's ability to speak. He was certain he could have goaded Sirius into saying all sorts of horrible things.
Since the winning team of Snape, R. Black, Evans and Oakby was so newly formed and with complete certainty was going to disband just as quickly, only a few young students applauded their victory. Everyone else was cautious not to be seen openly cheering since the Marauders' eyes worked just fine when they were in a full body bind. Many decided they should vacate the area quickly because Frank Longbottom was arriving on the scene, and he was in the habit of taking down the name of all present to use later as possible 'witnesses'.
Regulus did not disappear because he wanted to be in the midst of making sure his summer turned out perfect in every way. Smirking at Sirius would not be productive because Sirius was still face down on the lawn. Moving physically closer to an obviously embarrassed and barefoot Snape was not wise, but Snape's entire focus was on Evans still slowly and uncomfortably expanding from Regulus's jinx.
Her robe had reached its limit, and Evans was now using both hands to keep it closed. "... didn't hear it cast on myself or Alice."
"If it wasn't engorgio, the reversal could botch things up even more," Snape said, while considering using his wand anyway. "Did you hear the spell, Black?"
Regulus shook his head, but then suggested, "It wouldn't hurt to do the counter to engorgio since Longbottom's going to send you all to Pomfrey nonetheless."
"Why should I go?" muttered Snape, before casting the engorgioreversal at Evans.
"Your nose," Regulus replied.
A radically improved Evans chanted, "Easy, peesy, lemon, cheesy," grabbed Snape's nose, moved it a bit, and then added, "Episkey."
"I thought it was squeezy," muttered Snape to her.
"I'll give you squeezy all right, Sev," replied Evans, while giving his nose a twisting tweak before releasing it. She then quickly cast another charm to clean up the blood.
Regulus hid his disgust at the confusing display. Snape was not muggle-born, but he seemed to tolerate the mudblood nonsense Evans spouted without spewing forth his constant stream of verbal venom. She must be a top-grade shag. Snogging would not be enough for Regulus to put up with Mudblood 'lemon cheese'. Though it could be Snape allowed it because James Potter's eyeballs were about to pop out of their sockets. Regulus considered this to be a big bonus because Potter was going to be whining like a little girl to his brother. Would there be long letters covered in tear stains, or would it be a constant exchange of plans for revenge between the two all summer? Might have to waylay some owls and find out. Either way, it would be good blackmail material.
Being in the role of defender of the fairer sex, Regulus was happy to inform Longbottom of the jinx reversal method so he could aid the Head Girl. It wouldn't do for Regulus to go waving his wand around in front of Oakby, and he wanted Longbottom to regard him in a positive light prior to Regulus telling his version of this morning's events regarding his brother and his equally villainous Gryffindor cronies.