490Chapter 7: I Do What I Want
Harry laughed at Draco's shocked face. "Yes I know what you are thinking. But I didn't need it. The wand does not make the wizard. I was perfectly capable of killing Voldemort without any special wand. I didn't even kill him with my own wand. I used yours." Draco was once again stunned. Harry used his wand? His wand killed Voldemort?
Harry smirked at his facial features again. He would never get over shocking Draco. It was far better than angering him like he used to. "Which reminds me." Harry began as he reached back into his bag. He pulled out Draco's wand and handed it to him. Draco's eyes lit up and he looked at Harry with wide eyes. "I believe this is yours." Harry said gently.
"Your giving this back to me?" Draco asked thickly like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Of course Draco. It is your wand not mine. I thank you very much for it though. The couple months I had it was of good use. It worked just as well as mine did. I did not mean to steal it back there but I am grateful that I had it." Harry apologized. Draco shook away the apology. "Thank you for giving this back to me Harry. It means a lot." Draco said smiling warmly before he yanked Harry into his arms and holding him tightly.
Harry closed his eyes at the contact. He could get used to this, being in Draco's arms was so refreshing. So warm. Not even a fire ever got him this warm. He felt so safe. So protected. So cared for. He never wanted it to go away. Draco pulled away with a questioning gaze.
"So you had all three hallows? You were like a master of death or like a master of the Hallows? That is amazing." Draco said in an awed voice. Harry chuckled. "I suppose but that is not what I was after. I am happy with just the cloak though. I don't need the other two." Draco nodded in understanding.
"So the cloak is how I could never figure out what you three used to get into." Draco mused with amusement. Harry laughed. "Yes. We used the cloak to sneak out at night all the time. We used to all fit underneath it when we were younger. Now I doubt two of us could fit." Harry said with a smile.
Draco smirked. "Do you want to test that theory?" Draco breathed out quietly. The tone of his voice caused Harry to shiver slightly. Draco noticed this and his smirk grew bigger. Harry smirked back. "Maybe another time." Harry replied raising a lone eyebrow. Draco's smirk turned into a smile. "I will hold you to that Harry." He warned. Harry smiled sweetly.
Harry's smile fell as he thought about something that has been bothering him. Draco frowned, wondering what was up with the sudden mood change. "Draco can I ask you something?" Harry asked nervously. Draco nodded as he said, "Anything Harry." Harry took a deep breath.
"What if... what if I really did die?" Draco's breath hitched. "What?" Draco asked a little scared at the question and very confused. "What if what died that day wasn't the Horcrux? What if... what if I am not... good. What if all that's left is the bit of him?" Harry looked down not meeting Draco's eyes. "Oh Harry, what makes you think that?" Draco asked more calmly then he felt. On the inside his heart was breaking for the boy who lived through so much. He wasn't sure how to handle this. He was so inept at the emotional support aspect of things. What if he made it worse?
"Look at the locket. It twisted Ron's emotions and got to him after being on him for a short time. Ginny was possessed after a year of writing in the diary. Voldemort's soul was inside me for 17 years Draco. Way longer than them. What if it twisted me? What if who I am is not really me? What if the soul inside me merged with my own? Who is to say what died that day was even me? I told you how I have always had anger issues. Well I thought that was just my connection with Voldemort. But he is gone and I am still angry. So angry. All these negative feelings and thoughts that I thought would go away when he died are still here. It makes me wonder if anything that is left is still good. I am scared Draco. I don't want to be evil. I don't want to be like this." Harry said as he laid his head down on Draco's shoulder and closed his eyes. He didn't want to see what his confession did to Draco. He didn't want to see the disgust that he feared was there.
Draco sighed softly as he rubbed reassuring circles on Harry's back. "Harry you are not evil nor will you ever be evil. Your statement alone was enough that it should be obvious. Harry evil people want to be evil. You want to be good and that is exactly what you are." Harry thought about what he said and it reminded him of what Dumbledore once told him. It reassured him.
"And about the anger and negative feelings. My only piece of advice is to embrace it." Harry leaned back and looked at Draco in shock. Draco grinned at Harry's expression. "Don't look so surprised. I mean it. Harry, you have lived your whole life denying your own wants and needs to please everyone else. No wonder you are angry. I imagine a lot of what you are feeling are repressed emotions. But being angry is not a bad thing. If you control your anger as to not lash out at others, then embrace it. Get angry. Get mean. Get tough. Use those negative emotions for good." Harry tilted his head in slight confusion.
"How can negative be good? Sounds like an oxymoron to me." Draco laughed. "Harry think like a Slytherin. Use the negative to get what you want. You don't have to be bad to get your way. Use what you already have. Your anger is a part of you. Embrace it." Harry smiled at those words. No one ever told him to embrace it. Even Sirius had seemed scared when Harry mentioned his anger during his fifth year. Everyone just told him to hang in there and that it would get better. They never stopped to consider that the anger was never Voldemorts. That the anger was his own. It was a part of him. He could use this, he could control it and make it work. Draco was right. It was very Slytherin.
"Draco do you think I have been affected by being a Horcrux?" He asked sadly. Draco considered his knowledge of Horcruxes, which albeit was not a whole lot. He considered what he knew of Harry and what he knew of the Voldemort. "That is a hard question Harry. I honestly have no idea. I would love to tell you that there is no chance whatsoever that you were effected but I honestly don't know." Harry was surprised, he assumed Draco was going to tell him the same old 'everything will be fine' speech he always heard from everyone else. But he was beginning to realize that Draco was unlike anyone he had met. "From what I know of you Harry and what I have seen of you, I am inclined to say no. But there is so much that I don't know about you Harry. But I can say that if there are any side effects then embrace that as well. Whatever could be left if there is anything has been a part of you for so long. It's you now. If you don't like something about yourself then change it. Or embrace it. That's the beauty of life, it's yours to do with what you wish. Your body your rules." Harry grinned at him.
"How do you do it?" Harry asked amazed. Draco lifted an eyebrow. He had no idea what Harry was talking about. "How do you take every single one of my worries and wash them away? You make me feel like I can do anything. You shove my doubts away. I don't understand it." Harry said trying not to blush. By the heat radiating off his cheeks he knew he failed.
Draco's face lit up with his own blush at Harry's words. He had no idea he had this much of an effect on him. He was just trying to help Harry. He was so happy to find that he succeeded. To know that he a deatheater made Harry Potter feel like that, it was indescribable. Draco reached over and lifted Harry's chin so he could see those pretty eyes that he loved so much.
"By telling you the truth." He told him simply. Harry's answering smile was so beautiful it took away Draco's breath. Harry's eyes were filled with an emotion that Draco couldn't identify. Whatever it was it was memorizing, enchanting even.
Draco's words made Harry feel dizzy. It was a simple statement but it made him realize that no one had ever been so honest with him before. He used to think that Dumbledore was honest but he always kept his cards close to his chest. Draco lays it out in the open. Calls them like he sees them. It is so refreshing. Something he is not used to. Draco's silver eyes were filled with so much warmth, he could see the truth of his words clearly in those eyes. It was like a drug. One he never wanted to kick. It was beautifully sickening. Another oxymoron. Neither one could tell how long they stared into each other's eyes. It was like a spell. Neither one wanting to move for fear of breaking it.
Suddenly Draco smiled at Harry. Seeing him smile made Harry's heart start beating faster. He loved that smile. It was so much better than his smirk or his sneer. His smile was breathtaking. Harry smiled back and gently laid his head back on Draco's shoulder. Draco closed his eyes and hugged Harry to him. This was a moment he never wanted to forget. He was sure that his feelings would be returned if he acted upon them. But he was unsure if now was the proper time. Harry needed time to heal. He has waited years for this chance, he is not going to rush into anything. He would wait a life time for Harry.
"Draco will you be coming back to Hogwarts? McGonagall said that they would do a do over year for all the people who couldn't come due to the war." Harry mumbled in his neck. Draco shivered at the feeling of those lips on his neck. He had to take a moment to collect his thoughts. "My father probably wouldn't want me to." Harry picked up his head and glared at Draco. "I didn't ask what your father wanted. What do you want Draco?" He was surprised at the anger in Harry's voice. Million galleon question though. What did he want?
"I have always loved Hogwarts. It would be nice to have a normal year here. But I don't think I would be welcomed Harry. I was a deatheater. The mark is clearly on my skin. No one would want to be near me. Parents wouldn't want their children to go to school knowing ex deatheaters were there." Draco realized as he said it that he really would like to go back for another year. Harry's glare softened slightly.
"Draco Lucius Malfoy." Draco looked up startled. "Fuck them." Draco snorted. "I am serious. Who cares what they think. We both know who you are." Harry grabbed his left arm and lifted Draco's sleeve. He ignored Draco's wince. He leaned towards Draco's dark mark. Since Voldemort's death the mark had faded some. It was not a vibrant black. It was so faded it looked like a muggle tattoo that had been done many years ago. An ugly tattoo. Harry leaned down and kissed the mark gently. He looked up at Draco through his dark lashes. "This mark does not define you Draco. This mark is not who you are. You are not a deatheater. You are Draco Malfoy. An honorable, brave and amazing man who did what he thought was right to save his family." Harry kissed the mark one more time and slid the sleeve back down.
Draco was at a loss for words. When Harry lifted his sleeve, he was confused. He had no idea what Harry was planning. But the sweet gentle kiss to his mark was definitely not what he thought it was going to be. "You are amazing." Draco said with a thick voice. He was trying to hold back his emotions. Harry was literally giving him everything he had always wanted. Forgiveness. Harry was telling him that he was better than the mark. Since the moment he got the mark he lost a part of himself. Harry just gave him that little piece back. For the first time since getting the mark he felt like himself. He felt human. He felt alive. He felt safe and cared for.
Harry grinned at him. "It is about time you figured that out." Draco choked out a surprised laugh. "Oh I have always known Potter. Can't have you getting a big head on us now can we." He teased. Harry smirked. "Is that so Malfoy? Well I learned how to be conceited from watching you." Draco snorted and shook his head.
"So let me ask you once again what do you want Draco?" Draco took a deep breath. "I am coming back to Hogwarts." He gave a shaky smile to Harry who let out a victory yell. "Alright!" Draco shook his head at Harry's amusement. "Now before today I was going to tell McGonagall that I was not going to come back. But after talking to you I am going to do what I want. I am coming back with you." Draco grinned. He had hoped that Harry was going to come back. Hogwarts would not have been the same without him. "I'm glad." Draco said laying his head on Harry's shoulder.
Harry let out a content sigh. "Have you given any thoughts on what you want to do outside of Hogwarts?" Harry asked. "Well I know my father wants me to go into politics like he did." Harry let out a growl. Draco chuckled. "Okay okay I get it. But I am not sure what I want. I like potions a lot. I could always take on an apprenticeship under Severus. Or I could open up my own Apothecary shop. That would be cool too. Or maybe I could invent my own potions. Maybe travel for a bit. See what else is out there. I don't know. I am not sure what my father would say though." Harry sighed. When would Draco learn?
"Draco repeat after me. I do what I want." Draco grinned. "Oh this definitely sounds like a slytherin saying. I do what I want." Draco repeated. Harry smirked. "I didn't quite hear that, you may have to speak up." Draco grinned. "I do what I want!" He yelled as loud as he could. Harry grinned and hugged him tightly. "That's it. That is what I want to hear. You are a fully-fledged adult Draco and you will do as you damn well please. If I have to talk to your father I will." Harry offered. Draco looked up stunned. He could tell that Harry meant it. He really would talk to his father for him. "As sweet and flattering as that option is, I think it is about time I talk to my father myself. It is something I need to do." Harry smiled. "I understand."
"What about you Harry?" Draco asked. Harry tilted his head lost in thought. "I am not sure. Everyone assumes that I will become an Auror. But I don't want that. I have spent way too long chasing after Voldemort. Sure I would be good at it but it is not what I want. I wouldn't be happy. Everyone thinks they have my life planned out for me. They all assume that I will marry Ginny and have a bunch of children and become the best Auror around." Harry scowled. Draco's heart clenched. Was Harry still with the Weaslette? He hoped not.
"Harry repeat after me. I do what I want." Harry smirked as his own words were used against him. "I do what I want!" Harry yelled. Draco smiled. "And what is it you want Harry?" He asked quietly. "Well I definitely will not be marrying Ginny." Draco's heart soared. "I don't like her like that. She is more like a sister. I will not become an Auror. I like quidditch but I know that the fans would not go to see me play. They would go just to catch a glimpse of The Harry Potter. I am not into that. I haven't found something I am passionate about yet. But when I find it, I will do what I want." Draco smirked. "That's the Harry I know." Harry smiled at that.
The two of them spent quite a bit of time talking. They talked about anything and everything they could think of. To simple questions about tastes to harder questions about their families. Draco was going to ask Harry a question when he heard Harry yawn. He looked down at the boy cuddling into his chest with a look of adoration on his face. Draco's heart raced as he looked at him.
"Harry I think it is time to go to bed. I have no idea what time it is but it is defiantly in the middle of the night or early morning. We have been talking for hours." He said gently running his fingers through Harry's hair. Hmm, it was a lot softer then he thought it would be. Harry let out a small moan as Draco's long fingers caressed his hair. He loved it. It took a moment for Draco's words to invade his mind.
"I know but I don't want to go. I like this. I like talking to you. I don't want it to end." Harry whined. Draco shook his head. "It doesn't have to end. We can owl each other. Also if you would like we could spend some time together this summer. I leave tomorrow to go back to the manor. But once I am settled back in we can do whatever you want." Draco held his breath as he waited for Harry's response. He was worried about being rejected.
Harry's heart beat faster at his words. "I leave tomorrow as well. I think I will spend some time at Grimwald place. It is the only home I have. I would love spend more time with you Draco. Let me know when you are settled and I'll be there." Harry said warmly. He was so glad Draco wanted to continue this friendship. As silly as it sounded he couldn't bear to part with him. He liked him too much.
Draco almost couldn't believe that Harry agreed. Harry wanted to spend time with him. Harry Potter wanted to spend time with him... Draco Malfoy. He had to repeat that several times before his brain kicked in realizing that yes, it was indeed actually happening.
Harry yawned again. "I don't want to get up. I feel safe in your arms." Harry blushed when he realized he spoke out loud. He ducked his head into Draco's neck hiding his face. Draco chuckled. "I will always be here for you Harry, so I am glad that you feel safe. If you don't want to get up, then what do you want to do?" He asked curiously. Harry blushed again. Good question. What did he want to do? He could go back up to his bed in Gryffindor but that would mean facing Ron and Hermione and for some reason that did not sound appealing at the moment. He really wanted to stay with Draco. That is what he wanted.
"I want to stay with you tonight." Harry said still hiding his face. Draco had to blink away his shock. He pulled Harry's head away from his neck and tilted it till he could see into his eyes. "Can you repeat that?" Harry blushed hard. Draco thought it was beautiful. "I don't want to go back to Gryffindor. I want to stay with you. I like talking to you and spending time with you. I am not ready for it to end. I know we will hang out when you get settled but I am impatient." Draco smirked. "So I am taking my own advice. I do what I want. I want to stay with you tonight. And I am damn well going to." Harry said grinning at the shocked look on Draco's face.
Once he got over the shock of his words Draco threw his head back and laughed. Oh merlin Draco was arse over tits for this boy. Harry grinned at the beautiful laugh that Draco let out. "Okay Harry. You can stay with me." Harry let out a yell and wrapped his arms around Draco's neck and hugged him tightly. Draco sighed and wrapped his arms around Harry's waist. He was content to stay there all night wrapped in Harry's arms. But the chilly wind was hitting his face.
"Harry I am staying in the Slytherin dorms is that okay?" A mischievous glint was in Harry's eyes as he looked at Draco. "That is fine by me. That is the last place anyone will expect me to be. I love it." Harry said chortling. Draco snorted. He was right, no one would expect to find him there. Draco shifted slightly letting Harry know he needed to stand up. Draco groaned when he stood and stretched out muscles that hadn't been used in the cramped position he had been in for hours. Harry smirked. "Would you like me to massage your legs for you?" He asked when he saw the pain in Draco's eyes. Draco gulped. "Uh no. I think I can manage. Thank you though." Harry's smirk grew as he saw how uncomfortable he was making Draco. Despite the words, Harry could see the spark of interest in his eyes.
Draco was intrigued by Harry's smirk. It was... predatory. It gave him chills. The good kind. Oh he wanted a massage alright. But tonight, was not the night. Besides once he started he would not be able to stop and he was willing to wait till Harry was ready. Harry leaned into Draco's side till his mouth was pressed against his ear. "Maybe next time then." Draco shivered at the warm breath tickling his ear. Oh merlin Harry was killing him. He smirked. "I will hold that to you Harry." Draco warned once again. Harry laughed out loud. "I was hoping you would say that." Harry smirked. "Lead the way." Harry said before Draco could reply.
It was so dark out that Harry didn't bother with the invisibility cloak. No one was out to see them. They walked shoulder to shoulder, almost touching. Draco could feel the heat of Harry's body. He wanted to reach out and take his hand but decided against it. They reached the dungeons pretty quickly. Once inside Draco led Harry to his dorm room. No one was in there which pleased both boys. Neither one of them bothered to change their clothes, too tired. Draco laid down under the blanket and raised an eyebrow in a challenge. Harry grinned in response. He walked over to the bed and kicked off his trainers. He laid down next to Draco and turned to look into his eyes. Draco liked the feeling of another body next to him. It made it even better that it was Harry. He sighed contently.
Harry loved the look on Draco's face, it was so open, so soft and so different from the usual hard face that Draco always wore. He leaned in and kissed Draco's cheek. "Goodnight Draco." He whispered. Draco's face heated up at the kiss. He broke out into a big grin. "Goodnight Harry." He said just as quietly. Both boys fell asleep with a smile on their faces, wondering what the next day would entail.