55Chapter 21: ASTTWT 10: Dating Ronald Weasley
And so the Tables Were Turned …, part ten: Dating Ronald Weasley
"My little lamb—come to me …"
He hears her voice so clearly inside his head, and it is mild, inviting, seductive … but she is not in a good mood. Behind that mild tone hides a wrath stronger and more powerful than any human emotion ought to be. He is afraid of her—he does not want to go to her. But she calls, and he must obey. He must go to her.
"My little lamb …"
"Yes, mistress. I am coming," he says aloud, slowly moving along the corridors to the room that she has made her lair. He is shaking from head to toe, knowing what will come the moment he sets foot in that room, but he cannot control his own legs; they keep moving on her command. He is but a puppet in her sick game. And he will do as she wishes. That is what scares him the most—that he will do whatever she wants of him without even blinking. And this time, it will not be pretty.
"My little lamb … come sit with your queen. Come kiss my royal feet!" she coaxes from the dark corner in which she resides.
But he does not even reach her feet before he is hit with an electric current so strong that he falls to the floor screaming in agony. The pain … the pain … the pain … Holding his hands to his neck, he tries to bend the ring open; but it is impossible. She merely increases the voltage and laughs demonically when he thrashes on the floor, his muscles twitching in spasms caused by the strong electrical current.
Right before he passes out from the pain, he can hear her demonic voice whispering close by his ear: "I hope you understand now what happens when you disobey me, little lamb."
Third date already. Ron was experiencing some confusion and hesitancy about the feelings that he was developing for Jonathan Kelly, the med student who had walked up to him at the gay bar last week, because even though he had decided to be experimental and 'try the gay lifestyle,' he had never really expected to actually feel something! Yet here he was.
In the beginning, he did not understand why his heart raced every time Jonathan smiled at him, or why he felt so excruciatingly nervous whenever Jonathan came too close, or why he always became so happy when Jonathan called him. Harry had thought it a bit drastic of him to get a cell phone just because he had decided to 'play with Muggle boys,' but Ron had seen it as a necessity. Like Harry said, he was trying his best to get over Hermione—and had been trying to get over her for the past two years—but now he found that he did not have to try anymore. He was already over her.
Their first date had been quite embarrassing, really. Jonathan had insisted on taking him out to dinner and a movie, but Ron did not have the first clue on what a movie was, not to mention the fact that he had never gone to a Muggle restaurant before. He did not know the first thing about table manners—they had no such thing as 'table manners' at the Burrow—and of all places, Jonathan had to take him to a French restaurant. How the Hell were you supposed to know what you were ordering if you did not speak bloody French?!
Ron had just stared at his menu in sheer terror and wondered what the Hell to do until Jonathan asked him if he needed help. Apparently, he spoke French fluently. Later, when they were going to that movie thingy, Ron had a small seizure when the screen began to move and the stereo sound of automatic gunfire filled the huge theatre. Poor Jonathan had to take him out of there before the other people in the audience killed them for making such a racket.
"Gee, where did you grow up?!" Jonathan had asked him. "In a bunker?!"
"Er, I'm … I'm from the country," Ron had said apologetically, which was at least true, if not the whole truth.
"Oh, I see," Jonathan had said. "So you're not used to life in the city, then?"
"No, not quite. I've only been living here for a week, so … sorry."
"It's all right, you don't need to apologise. I should've asked you about it first. So, you've never seen a movie at a movie theatre before? Then I bet you've never been to an amusement park, either, am I right?"
"Er … no. What's that?"
"Come on, I'll show you."
And so their first date had sort of turned into their second date as well, and when Jonathan took him to Thorpe Park, Ron found himself having the time of his life. It was so easy to hang out with Jonathan, and he felt completely comfortable with him. As the night went on, he discovered that he also felt safe with him.
As Jonathan patiently taught him everything there was to know about amusement parks and attractions and arcade games, Ron discovered that he was experiencing an emotional rollercoaster not unlike the ones they rode that night. All of a sudden, he was feeling for Jonathan what he had felt for Hermione for so many years—but different somehow.
And now they were on their third date. A restaurant again, but this time Ron was a little more prepared for it. And it was a regular British restaurant. He eyed the menu in good time, but not too long, and then decided on some steak and kidney pie.
"An excellent choice," Jonathan commented with a pleasant smile, slightly leaning forward over the table. His blue eyes were glimmering as if he had stars and diamonds in them. Ron found his eyes very attractive, because they were so different from other people's eyes. They were a dark, intelligent blue, but around the pupils were small rings of light blue, as if they had halos. Ron was completely mesmerised by those eyes.
Another feature that he really liked about Jonathan's appearance was his straggling brown hair that seemed to live a life of its own. And his smile, of course. He had a warm, lovely smile and perfect white teeth.
"What?" he said now, a teasing tone in his melodious voice. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
Ron lowered his gaze, blushing. "I was just … I was just realising how good-looking you are," he finally admitted. "I've never actually thought of anyone as beautiful before, or even pretty at that, but right now I think you're beautiful." He did not dare look at Jonathan to interpret his reaction.
He felt how Jonathan put his hand on his, and gasped. Blimey. He really liked to be touched by him. "Ron, you are the sweetest man I've ever met," he said, and finally Ron found the courage to look up at him. Those stunning eyes were sparkling with warmth—and something else, something indefinable.
He wound up going to Jonathan's place that night, and he did not feel the least bit awkward about it. A crazy thought hit him: What if Harry could see me now? He almost started laughing when he imagined the shocked look on his best friend's face. But he did not get much time for thinking that night; almost as soon as they had stepped inside the apartment, Jonathan—who was slightly taller than Ron—bent down and their lips met.
A strange tingling stirred up from the pit of Ron's stomach. He dropped his jacket on the floor and threw his arms around Jonathan. He realised that he wanted him, and that he had wanted him for some time now, maybe all night. Driven by the attraction and the physical chemistry between them, they desperately let their hands travel up and down each other's bodies, hungrily exploring muscles and joints.
Ron gasped when Jonathan began to place hot, expectant kisses on his neck. A shiver travelling down his spine, he said, "I-I'm new to this."
Jonathan let his hands slide down the sides of Ron's upper body, finally resting on his hips. "I figured," he said, and gently began to pull Ron's jumper up and off him. "But don't worry, I'll be gentle." Ron's chest now bare, Jonathan began to explore it with his lips and his tongue while Ron drove his fingers through his sprawling, brown hair, making low squealing noises.
Forcing his vocal chords and his tongue to work properly again, Ron managed to say, "I don't just mean the fact that I'm a virgin … I mean this whole deal with men … I'm new to this, I've never … I've never taken an interest in blokes before, and I—"
His words died out in favour of a sudden cry of pleasure that escaped him without his control when Jonathan unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans and swiftly revealed his manhood. When Ron went to that gay bar only a week ago, he had not exactly expected to be in this position even a month or a year from then, but now he found himself naked in front of this amazing bloke—and he was having an erection!
At first, he felt embarrassed about it, and his first impulse was to cover himself up and not let Jonathan see it, but then Jonathan began to suck slowly, and even rookie Ron could tell that he was experienced at this. Suddenly consumed by a world of pleasure that he had had no idea existed up until then, Ron pressed his back to the wall, desperately clutching the doorframe beside him with one hand, and cried out when he came. Breathing fast, he leaned his head back against the wall as the tremors passed.
Jonathan rose from the floor, blotting his chin and lips on the sleeve of his wool jumper. Moving close to Ron, his cheek just lightly brushing against the redhead's, he whispered: "The first times will be real quick for you since you're so inexperienced, but if you're patient, I can teach you the art of longevity, handsome."
Ron just stood like that for a moment, catching his breath, then he nodded. Meeting Jonathan's gaze, he said, "I-I would l-love for you to teach me."
Their lips met in another hot kiss that promised many intimate moments in the time to come.
He was led to the bedroom, still naked but no longer feeling awkward about it, and once in there, Jonathan encouraged Ron to undress him. With trembling hands, Ron slowly, uncertainly pulled off Jonathan's wool jumper and dropped it down onto the floor.
Nervous and afraid that he might be doing it the wrong way, he semi-caressed, semi-massaged the firm muscles on the other man's chest and stomach, then used his tongue and his lips to explore the wonderful firmness of Jonathan's entire body. The further he went, the more confident he became in his moves, and soon he did not have to think so much about what he was doing anymore; it just came naturally to him. Feeling more confident in himself, he unzipped Jonathan and pulled the trousers off, too. But when he got to the other man's boxers, he became insecure again, hesitated.
Jonathan put his hands around his face and made him look at him. "It's okay, Ron, you don't have to be afraid, you're doing fine. You're brilliant, baby, you're brilliant."
Feeling encouraged by the other man's words, he turned to the boxers anew, and without any effort at all pulled them off. Faced by Jonathan's erection, he started to tremble anew, and he wanted to take it in his mouth, wanted so bad to make Jonathan feel what he had felt only minutes ago, but when he was just about to close his mouth around it he exploded again. With a pitiful wail, he contracted as his second orgasm ever shook him.
He looked up at Jonathan with apologetic eyes.
Jonathan was smiling at him, not angry or annoyed or disappointed at all. "That's to be expected, Ron," he assured him. "Happens to every bloke the first time. Now, come here." He patted on the spot beside him on the bed.
Ron obediently crawled up to him, lay beside him, gazing deep into those startling blue eyes. He closed his own eyes and opened his mouth in a silent plea when Jonathan began to kiss him all over again, this time moving much faster down his chest and abdomen until he reached his nether regions. Then he quickly worked his way back up, trying to make it as comfortable for Ron as possible.
Ron just tensed and steeled himself, because he knew what was to come, he knew the feeling that was rising from inside of him now, but he did not want to … did not want to … not yet …
Too late. He had ejaculated a third time. At least this time it had taken more than fifteen seconds to get there …
Jonathan was settling on top of him now. "I think you're ready now," he was saying, but Ron hardly heard him. He was still panting from his last orgasm, but he was anxious to have another one. He could not for his life understand why he had not tried anything like this before, or why Harry had not even once told him how incredibly wonderful this was.
He loved it. He absolutely loved it.
He never wanted to go back to courting girls who were oblivious of his infatuation with them—never! He wanted to stay there with Jonathan forever, because the emotions that the other man stirred up inside of him were not entirely emotions caused by the sexual satisfaction he was experiencing, but they were emotions of happiness, of love-to-be. He could love Jonathan, he really could. And, oh, how he already loved his body and his moves …
Drawing a few shallow breaths of anticipation, Ron said, "Yes, I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready …"
Jonathan carefully entered him and gently began to move inside of him. It was a weird feeling, but a good one. When he saw that Ron was still okay, Jonathan moved a bit faster and more determinedly, shifted his approach a little—and that seemed to do it for Ron. Suddenly his every nerve exploded with wonderful, intense sensations, and he cried out again. But to his surprise, he did not come immediately but managed to hold on for a moment longer.
Filled up with the tingling-sparkling-shuddering of utter pleasure, Ron unconsciously rose to receive the thrusts, his body arched and tensed beneath Jonathan. For a moment, their eyes met, and sparks of electricity seemed to shoot between them; Ron could see that even Jonathan was closing in now, and desperately tried his best to hold on so they could climax together.
Both desperate to fulfil their physical and intimate union, both high and intoxicated by the sweetness and the wonder of the first trembling stage of a new relationship, they moved ever faster. Ron could not hold on much longer now … he shouted out his pleasure in short "ah, ah, ah"-s, his eyelashes fluttering, his entire body shuddering. And just when he let go and succumbed to the orgasm, Jonathan came too, screaming out Ron's name as he stiffened and sprayed a hot stickiness into Ron.
They both collapsed in a pile of exhausted flesh, sticky with sweat, panting. Jonathan closed his arms around Ron in a tight and possessive embrace, and Ron affectionately kissed the inside of his elbow. "How are you feeling?" Jonathan asked tenderly.
A smile spread on Ron's face. "I feel bloody exhilarated," he said with honesty. "I've never before experienced anything that came even close to this wonderful. And I feel so happy just lying here with you right now … Blimey, I never thought I'd feel this way about a bloke."
He snuggled closer into the embrace.
Jonathan kissed the back of his head. "If you've never been interested in blokes, then why did you go to a gay bar?" he wondered with curiosity.
Ron thought about it for a while. "First I thought it was just to forget someone, but now I realise that it was so much more than that. You see, there was this girl that I loved for the longest time, but she never even noticed. She never cared about my emotions. And when she died … I was devastated, I didn't know what to do. It took me the longest time to get over her—I didn't even think I was over her when I met you, but you made me realise that I had already forgotten about her. Well, not 'forgotten' in the sense that I don't remember her, but …"
"I understand," Jonathan said quietly. "I'm sorry for your loss, Ron. It must have hurt so badly."
"It did. She … She was murdered."
"Murdered?"
"Yeah. But to get back to your question … You remember me telling you about my friend Harry, don't you? Well, he's been living together with his boyfriend for three years now. They've always been really close, and I've always kind of envied them for what they have. Their love is so strong. Nothing could ever break those two up. And a few weeks back, I sort of walked in on them … they weren't naked or anything, but they were getting ready to get naked, if you know what I mean …"
Jonathan laughed. "I think I can see where this is going," he said with amusement.
Ron laughed, too. "Yeah, I was actually turned on by just seeing them like that, and I thought it was really embarrassing. But I started to think, you know. What if I was into blokes, too? I couldn't deny the fact that I had been in love with Hermione for so long, but I couldn't deny the fact that I was curious about guys, either. So I went to a gay bar."
"And found me," Jonathan put in.
"More like you found me," Ron corrected. "But yeah. To be honest with you, I never expected it to go anywhere, I was just thinking of it as a sort of experiment. But my plan didn't work quite as I had thought. I actually felt something for you, even from the beginning. And now I'm certain that I'm falling for you—for real." He lay in silence for a while. Then, he said, "D'you think I'm a hypocrite?"
"A hypocrite? No, why would I think that?"
"Well, since I started dating you for all the wrong reasons and here I am thinking I might actually love you."
Jonathan pressed closer and kissed the back of his head again. "That doesn't bother me at all, Ron. You were honest and told me, and I appreciate that. And about falling for me … I'm bloody glad you are, because for me it was love at first sight. I've loved you from the very first moment, Ron. I'm so happy I got you at last." Another loving kiss.
Ron smiled to himself. The irony of his new situation soothed him. He was spooning with a guy—naked!—and he was not feeling the least bit awkward about it. He actually liked it.
When he woke up in Jonathan's arms the next morning, he felt bloody wonderful, and when he recalled last night his heart began to pound like crazy. Jonathan was already awake, and it seemed as if he had been watching him sleep for some time. Ron would have felt awkward about that had it been anyone else, but this particular man could watch him all he wanted; it was just cute. "Good morning, sleepy-head," he murmured and kissed him.
Ron sighed with happiness. "Will it be like this every morning now?"
"I sure hope so!" Jonathan said, and laughed. They kissed again. "I would like to meet this Harry that you keep talking so much about."
Ron was not the least bit surprised about that. "Sure, that should be no problem. Let me just go over to his place today and ask him about it. I'm sure he'd love to meet you when I tell him that I've actually found love for myself."
"Great. Then we can have a double date."
"Yeah, that'd be fun. I'm sure Harry and Draco could host it … Draco loves to cook, and he's bloody good at it, too."
"Your best friend's boyfriend is called Draco?"
"Yeah. Draco Malfoy—can you imagine? It's like the silliest name in the world."
"Almost, yeah. Well, if you're going to see your friend you'd better hurry—and I have studies to do. I'll meet you back here at seven, all right?" He stole a kiss. "Key's on the chest of drawers over there."
Joseph almost scared the shit out of Draco when he appeared all of a sudden out of thin air and grabbed his arm. Draco screamed in fright and jerked loose. Then he recognised the boy before him. Putting a hand on his chest in an attempt to calm his racing heart, he said, "Fuck you! How dare you scare me like that?!"
He prepared to continue through the den to the kitchen, where he had been heading before being interrupted, but the boy grabbed his arm again. Draco moaned in irritation and turned around to face him. "What now?"
He fell silent when he saw the empty expression on the blond boy's face and shivered. His green eyes were completely dead; there was no sign of emotion in them whatsoever. It was eerie, and Draco had a bad feeling about it. He was just about to ask Joseph what the Hell he was doing when he noticed that the blond boy was holding a butcher knife in his other hand—and that he was slowly, successively raising it above his head.
Draco gasped in fear and tried to get away from him, but the boy was strong. Panic rising from within, he yelled for Harry.
The boy prepared himself for the stab, and the shadow of a deranged smile temporarily distorted his face. "Say goodbye to the future, Draco," he whispered threateningly.
"Haaarryyyy! HAARRYYY!"
His lover came running in the last second, and when he saw Joseph towering over Draco he stopped dead inside the door. "Accio knife!" he yelled, and the butcher knife flew out of Joseph's hand. But the blond boy did not even blink; instead he swiftly put his hands around Draco's neck and squeezed as hard as he could. Draco did not even have time to react or duck. With fright, he felt the air being cut off from his lungs, and he started to panic for real. He looked over at Harry and tried to signal with his eyes that he wanted him to save him but spare the boy, don't hurt the boy!
Harry ran over to them and tried to pry Joseph's hands open. "What are you doing?!" he yelled. "Let go of him!"
But the boy did not seem to hear him. He was just staring at Draco, unblinking. As if he was in a trance.
Harry began to cry. "Stop it! Stop it, goddammit! You're killing him! Please, stop it … stop it …"
Draco's line of sight was swiftly being covered by a thick, oily blackness. He needed air …
Harry was now hitting Joseph on the back. "Stop it! Stop it! What the Hell are you doing, you damn brat?! Are you going to kill your father? Huh? Are you going to kill your own father?! Stop it!"
Suddenly something changed in Joseph's eyes, and it was as if he woke up from some sort of somnambulic state and saw the world around him for the first time. He blinked a few times, then he seemed to realise what he was doing and let go of Draco.
Draco fell to the floor without the strength to get back up on his own. He desperately gasped for breath, wheezing like a hissing snake.
Harry was staring at Joseph with wariness in his emerald eyes.
The boy fell down on his knees and buried his face in his hands. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," he said. "I didn't mean it, I was under her control … I'm so sorry …"
Shaken by what had just happened, Draco unsteadily got up from the floor, holding one hand to his neck. With a nervous smile, he said, "Excuse me, I just need to go wash up a bit," and left the room. He went to the third floor master bathroom for some privacy and splashed cold water onto his face. What had just happened down there? Why had Joseph tried to kill him all of a sudden? And who was this elusive 'she?' He reached for the Aspirin in the medicine cabinet—
SNAP.
—he looked at the face gazing back at him in the mirror and felt rage rising from within, like a surge of hot lava. What was his face doing on him? He touched his cheek with two fingers. Yes, it was his face alright. But how …?
The last thing he remembered was bringing Potter back to the Manor for his fake initiation ceremony, but he could not remember whether or not he had actually killed him. He guessed not, considering that he was now wearing Potter's face. For some reason he must have taken over Potter's identity, but he could not for his life understand why. He was a Death Eater—why would he want to look like Harry Potter?!
Insistent on finding out exactly what was going on, he left the bathroom—his father's private bathroom in which Draco was not allowed—and walked down the hall to his bedroom. Inside the door, he stopped. Stared at the sight that met him. The room looked exactly like he remembered it, but there was a major difference; there were evidently two people living in there nowadays. And the other person seemed to be none other than Potter.
Disgusted and furious, he stared at the pictures on the wall, all of them depicting him and Potter looking all happy and lovey-dovey. When had all that happened? How had it happened?
"I'll kill you for this, Potter," he said in a low hiss, and turned to walk out of the door—
SNAP.
—but suddenly he was not standing in the bathroom anymore, but in their bedroom, apparently on his way out of the door. Confused, he turned a few turns and tried to figure out how the Hell he had got there. Must've been the shock of the murder attempt, he thought and headed for the first floor. As he reached the bottom of the stairs, he heard voices coming out of the parlour.
"Ron, it's been a week! How can you know something like that after only a week?!" Harry was saying in an irritated tone.
"How could you know something like that after only a week?" Ron retorted.
So, they had visitors now?
Harry sighed. "It wasn't like that, and it's a completely different matter."
"Oh, it is, huh? How is my relationship different from yours?"
Relationship? Draco thought in bafflement. Ron's got a girlfriend?
He stepped into the parlour just in time to see Harry sit down on the arm of the couch. "Ron, you don't understand. I didn't know after just one week—it took a whole lot more time than that. It didn't take me just a week—it took me two years to understand who I was and what I wanted. But the point is, I knew that I was gay all along, I just didn't admit it to myself. You're not gay, Ron, no matter how much you try to make yourself believe that."
Draco looked from one to the other in confusion. "What's all this talk about being gay or not?"
Harry shot him a quick glance. "Ron claims to have a boyfriend," he explained impatiently.
Draco was drop-jawed. "What? Is this true, Ron?"
"Yeah!" Ron said violently. "I have a boyfriend! So what?"
"I'm so happy for you, Ron! What's his name? What's he like?" Draco sat down on the couch, ready for all the details like a true girl scout.
Harry glared at him incredulously. "You're not going to support him in this, are you?" he asked.
"Why not? If the bloke is happy, then let him be happy, I say. And if he's happy together with another bloke, then let him be happy together with another bloke."
Ron clapped his hands together for dramatic effect. "Thank you!"
Harry shot up from the couch. "But you're not gay! Get that into your tiny little head!"
"I know I'm not gay!" Ron shouted back. "But what's to say I'm not bisexual, huh? I've been dating Jonathan for a week only, yes, but I know what I'm feeling! He makes me feel happy, and he makes me feel good about myself! My heart jumps every time he's near me, and I can't take my eyes off him. I think of him all the time, and I dream about him when I sleep, and I bloody Hell enjoyed sleeping with him too!"
Draco gasped. "You slept with him?! Oh, Ronnie … congratulations! You're finally a man!"
"Draco, this is hardly a time to be joking!" Harry warned, his face red with anger.
"I am not joking, I'm truly happy for our 'ickle Ronniekins. If he's even slept with the bloke he must be genuinely into him. A bloke can't just fuck another bloke without feeling something for him. That if anything should be a sign that Ron isn't straight, so what are you arguing for? Can't you be happy for your best friend? I would have been euphoric if it had been Blaise delivering that news!"
"Don't bloody bring up Blaise again!"
Draco slammed his fist down onto the coffee table. "Harry! Listen to yourself! You're taking this way too personally. Now go out into the kitchen and make us all some tea, and then we can talk about this once you've calmed down. Think of the baby. Whenever you're boiling with anger, the baby's boiling with anger, too. It's not good for his health."
Harry muttered something inaudible and shuffled out to the kitchen.
Draco turned his attention to Ron again. "So, tell me. Who is he? What's he like?"
Ron sat down in the armchair opposite him. "His name's Jonathan and he's 22. He's a med student!"
Draco gasped. "No way!"
"I know, right?!" Ron said with emphasis. "And he's like the most wonderful bloke there is! He's always taking me places I've never been, and he's taught me so much about Muggles and Muggle life … But I haven't told him I'm a wizard, of course. He thinks I'm from the countryside and that's why I don't know anything about Muggle stuff. Last night we had dinner at a restaurant—"
"Oh, don't you find that just amazing, how they always do everything with their hands instead of using spells?" Draco put in.
"Yeah, I know! It seems so unnecessary, but I guess it turns them on. Anyway, Jonathan brought me back to his place and right after he'd closed the door behind us we kind of 'gave in to our desires,' if you know what I mean." They laughed knowingly. "It was crazy, but it was like we'd just been waiting for that moment all night, and when we were finally alone we could not control ourselves anymore. We did things I never would've imagined doing. He totally made me aware of what I've been missing all this time …" A dreamy smile spread across his face.
Draco was smiling, too. "Isn't it lovely?" he agreed. "Did you have a real first-time-orgy? I hear it's always quite desperate in the beginning of a relationship. Never happened to me and Harry, though. We took it quite easy in the beginning, it's only now that we've turned into rabbits." He laughed and looked up as Harry entered the room with a tray of teacups and biscuits. "Harry and I make love at least five times a day, don't we, babe?"
"Mmm, yeah, five times a day and seven times a night," Harry agreed, smiling kinkily and winking at his lover.
For the first time ever, Ron was not disgusted at hearing them discussing sex. He actually laughed and nodded. "Yeah, we were quite crazy last night … I was kind of embarrassed since I had no experience, and I—"
"Came too soon?" Draco filled in for him. "Yeah, know the feeling. At least Harry and I were both starters at the same time; I can't imagine what it would have felt like to have my debut with someone really experienced."
"Oh, Jonathan is experienced, alright!" Ron exclaimed. "He knew exactly where to touch me to make me scream! And his moves …" He did not need to say anymore. Draco made jubilant noises and winked at Ron. Did a thumbs up.
Harry looked from Ron to Draco and then back. "Am I the only one who feels embarrassed about talking about this?" he asked them uncomfortably.
Draco ignored him and skipped right to the next important question. With a sly grin, he said, "What about his package? Is he well built?"
Harry wanted to sink through the ground.
But Ron did not seem to mind the questions. He just grinned back. "Ooooh, you should see the muscles on that bloke! He goes to some kind of gum—"
"Gym," Harry corrected, "it's called a gym."
"Whatever. He works out five times a week and he still has time for his med studies! I think it's amazing that he's so dedicated to his dream, wants to become a doctor and all … I just can't believe I had the privilege of meeting him—let alone get him for my private sex teacher!"
He and Draco laughed out loud like two teenage girls, and Harry could not understand the charm in discussing one's sex lifewith other people. And he sure as Hell did not like that Draco was talking so openly about theirs.
"So, when can we meet him?" Draco asked excitedly. "I have to see this super hunk!"
"Well, actually that's what I came here to talk to you about," Ron said, turning serious. "Jonathan wants to meet you guys, too. I talk about you all the time, I guess, and he wants to see what kind of people you are. When are you free?"
"Try every single night for the rest of our lives!"
"Great. Then we'll decide on a day to come here, then," Ron stated, and made to stand up.
Draco frowned. "Here? You mean, invite him over to our place?"
"Yeah, that was the plan."
"Are you out of your mind?!" Harry exclaimed. "Are you going to bring your Muggle boyfriend to a mansion that totally lacks any kind of Muggle conveniences and is filled with magical paraphernalia? That is the stupidest idea you have ever had, Ron! Think again!"
Draco hit Harry on the head. "Is that really everything you worry about? That he's going to get suspicious because we don't have 'Muggle conveniences?' What about all the other strange things that's always going on around here! Like, oh, I don't know, the fact that this house is also inhabited by the six clones my sister accidentally created and now can't get rid of, or my real sister who always makes stuff blow up and constantly puts spells on me, or our son who has a knack for disappearing just like that, or how about the fact that you and I are in each other's bodies? Ever think of that, Harry?!"
"Don't yell at me, it was Ron's idea!" Harry defended himself.
Draco turned to Ron. "No offense, Ron, but you can't invite Jonathan over to our place. I'm not even sure he should see Harry at all at the time being."
Harry snapped. "Hey! What the fuck's that supposed to mean?!"
Draco rolled his eyes. "Duh! You're pregnant! Ever heard of male Muggles being pregnant? Because as far as I know, it's impossible. Sure, we could try to cover up your pregnancy by making you look fat, we could leave James with Ron's parents for the night, we could lock up the clones in the attic and tell Piper to stay an extra night in Japan and fuck Yousuke blue, but do you honestly think that that would help? It's no insurance of anything, Harry. Jonathan might still witness something he shouldn't. And what about Joseph? He keeps popping in now and then, so who's to say he won't pop in when Jonathan's here?"
Harry shook his head. "He won't come here anymore. Said he was too embarrassed to after that incident earlier."
Ron frowned. "Who's Joseph?"
"The baby Harry's carrying," Draco explained, "he comes to see us from the future now and then. Don't ask how and why because we don't even know."
"Okay …"
"Now, about this Jonathan business … If you want him to meet us, you have to tell him everything or else it won't happen," Draco said forthrightly. "About you and us being wizards, about the existence of magic in the world, about the body switch and the pregnancy and the clones and every other insane thing in this insane family. That's the only alternative. There are too many risks with not telling him and just crossing our fingers that nothing's gonna happen. Someone might even come in through the fire while we're having dinner, who know's?"
For a moment, Ron looked scared and uncertain, but then he collected himself and nodded. "All right. I'll tell him I'm a wizard. What happens happens, right? Nothing I can do about it. If he really loves me he'll understand, right?"
"Just remember that you have to put a Memory Charm on him in case he reacts too strongly to what you have to say," Harry pointed out.
Ron nodded again. Looked at his watch. "Listen, Jonathan won't be back until seven, and it's only three o'clock. Can I stay here for a while and prepare myself emotionally? I might need a little more encouragement and conviction before I leave."
"Certainly, mate," Draco said. "We'll encourage you all you want."
"We'll support you," Harry agreed.
Ron gave them both a smile of gratitude.