Robbin's POV
Watching the sunrise from the balcony has become the hardest thing to do. I didn't bother checking any clocks. I couldn't find myself moving from that spot, the one I've been in since I arrived back at the castle hours ago. Grey wanted me to spend some time alone while he dealt with the fears of the people. He was worried that I wasn't in the right mindset, and he was right. As much as I wanted to be there for my people, I need time to digest these last few days.
I'm pregnant. There's no denying that. Telling Xander that I'm carrying his child was one of the scariest things that ever had to do, but I'm so glad that I did. If I had chosen to keep it is secret, and he passed away during the battle, I'd never forgiven myself for not making it known. Now, he has more to fight for. Not just his country, his brother, or his mate, but his child.
The sun continued to inch its way further into the sky and finally break the horizon, peeking its head into the sky. Knowing Xander is miles away marching into battle scares me. Why does it scare me? What we have maybe simple to him, but to me, it's confusing and challenging. Dragons don't believe in mate bonds. The idea of only loving one person can't be real. Who's to say we only get one great love? Why can't we love someone even more than them?
I've never taken the time to analyze how I feel about Xander. Do I love him? Do I hate him for imprisoning me for so long? It's not fair. The circumstances just aren't fair. Not to me, Xander, or our child. I don't want him to grow up thinking that love only comes once. No, I don't believe that it does. Whatever my feelings are for Xander will never compare to the love I will have for our son.
I needed to do something. I can't sit in this castle and do nothing while thousands of lives were being lost. I took one last glance at the sky and wished nothing more than to be up there with Vision, flying my problems away, but I had a duty to my people to protect them, and I don't need to be in a battle to do that.
I left the comfort of my bedroom and headed for Vision. I knew Grey and my family would disapprove of me leaving without telling them, though I'm sure the guards would alert him soon enough, I wanted to be outside of the castle. Hiding behind people isn't my style, pregnant or not. Staying in this room will only further my paranoia and I can't risk losing my shit right now, not while I'm carrying my child.
I make sure to put on my boots before I left and walked the quiet halls of the castle. The women and children we've taken in we're staying or the South side of the palace, leaving the Royal quarters on the Northside eerily quiet. It was just me, the only remaining royal of the Northerner kingdom here, right where I needed to be. My brother and sister chose to stay we me, leaving our father to run the Westerlie kingdom. Though I was glad for the familiar comfort, I'm not sure if it'll help ease me.
Some guards found me along the way and try to escort me but I dismissed them quickly. I'm sure if everyone knew of my pregnancy, I wouldn't be allowed to roam freely, but keeping it a secret, for now, is a must. Xander and I found ourselves having trust issues after we learned the doctor's treason.
Only If I had a clean getaway. As I made my way down a grand staircase, I spotted Grey in the corner of my eye, speaking with a few guards. His heightened sense of smell must have caught a whiff of me because her eyes connected in that split second. Silently cursing to myself, I continued down the stairs, acting as if nothing was wrong with me being out of my room.
He dismissed the guards and met me halfway. "What are you doing out," he asked as if I was a sick, weak pregnant woman.
"My mind is everywhere right now, Grey. I don't want to be helpless."
"You caring the next heir of the northern kingdom is not being helpless."
"But-"
"I know the battlefield is where you think you belong, and it probably is, but for your child's safety, the kingdom's worry, and Xander's peace of mind, you belong here, so wherever you think you're running off to, don't."
"All I want to do is talk to the people. They need assurance from their queen."
Grey hesitated for a moment. He's been up all night spreading the word and getting citizens of the northern kingdom to seek shelter and safety. The battle may be at the tip of the kingdom, but we don't know how fast the fight will spread. There can be others moving in on the castle as we speak, loitering anyone in their way.
"You don't need to speak right now. They know what's going on. They are assured."
"Please, Grey. It's for my peace of mind. If it'll make you feel better, bring as many guards as you want."
I was worried for a moment that he wouldn't let me out, but a surrendering look cascaded on his face. "What were you planning to do," he asked.
"A town hall meeting?"
"It's too dangerous, Robbin. I'm sorry but I don't think it's wise to let you out of the castle, no matter how many guards or dragons go with you."
"Remaining silent will only make them think I'm weak."
"we don't need to leave for you to talk to them."
" are you talking about"?
"We'll do a live broadcast right here."
I saw his face light up with the idea. A live broadcast? Will it hold the same value as me speaking in person?
"I know it's only natural for you to want to be up there, but this is a safer way. come on." Grey held my hand and began leading me down the rest of the stairs, "We'll go to the throne room. I'll have everyone set everything up."
With every step we took, I forced my head to rid every thought of Xander, of our people fighting the Rogues up North. I can't be emotional right now, not when the entire kingdom is about to watch me speak publicly for the first time. I needed to be brave for everyone, especially for Xander.
The throne room doors flew open as we rushed inside. Grey began commanding people to bring in cameras and lights, along with many of the citizens that were residing in the castle at the moment. I suppose a live audience would give me courage, or more of a reality check but I had to remain calm right now since there were people watching me.
Women came in and brought me to a spare room to help me change into some formal attire, tidying my restless body up with subtle makeup for my eyes. Phineas and Olympia soon joined me, standing on either side of me while I sat in my chair. it's two steps below Xander's. We never sat without each other. never. I hate it. The space felt empty, no matter how many people are in the room. this space, this sacred space for only royals to be placed on means nothing right now. Is this how lonely he fell without me all those years?
"How are you feeling," Olympia asked, either referring to my nervousness about the war or my pregnancy. I told my family when I returned last night and they were excited, to say the least, though sad for the most part.
"Just going through the motions, trying to keep a clear mind."
She grabbed my hand and held it snugly. "We're here for you always, Robbin."
I smiled as Phineas grabbed my other hand. it was relieving to know I wasn't entirely alone.
I watched everyone set up surprisingly very patiently. both of my arms returned back to the armrests and my head relaxed on the back of my chair, my eyes staring straight ahead of the camera that was not placed in front of me. I watched as Grey climbed the steps to stand beside us and the cameraman countdown with his fingers.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
Just breathe.
"Citizens of the Northerner kingdom," I began, "I apologize for not speaking sooner, but as your queen and current ruler of the Northerner kingdom, I, queen Robbin Drakon-Nightwalker, will no longer leave my country in the dark. We are at war. There is no other way to phrase that. Traitorous enemies from our own kingdom have decided to go against their own country. your king, Xander Nightwalker is up north, fighting alongside his men and women, protecting his country, his people, his home. I have decided to stay behind. The Northerners need a ruler, and though I am foreign, I have never lost fate in myself or anyone else to be your queen. The war is far north, in the Caden pack territory. Many brave men and women had chosen to stay behind and fight while the rest have fled south. We encourage people to leave as well. There's no telling how far the fight will spread. So if you do leave, you're welcome here at the castle. We will turn away no one."
I ended on that note and nodded for the cameras to shut off. Finally speaking helped me like I knew it would. I could be silent, not when I had a voice that people needed to hear. I was relieved when Olympia grabbed my hand again.
"You did great."
"Do you think it helped?"
"Of course it did. The Northerners heard you. That's all it takes."
Oh, how I wished a warning was enough. Even if they did understand the danger, it wasn't a mandatory evacuation. Some, if not, many would choose to stay behind and weather the storm.
I didn't want to go back to my room. I'd go insane in solitary, so I went where most people were without leaving the castle. The south side of the castle. It was still early in the morning but breakfast was already being served. There were so many people residing with us that we had to turn all five of the ballrooms into mess halls to feed everyone. I started with the one closest to me. It was mostly children that stayed with us. Their parents needed to be out there fighting for their country, leaving their young ones with us.
Some were accompanied by one of their parents. Then, there were the elderly who couldn't fight, but that didn't mean they weren't welcome here. Everyone was. Every life in the Northerner kingdom was valuable and didn't deserve to be taken because of a war.
I sat for a while with the children. They were in awe to see me in the flesh. Their parents would thank me for the hospitality and the elders would tell me stories of past wars and rulers. I was glad to hear them all. The Northerner culture was so unique but tightly woven, spreading throughout every generation, and I loved hearing every age of it.
But, in all of the good, still lurked the evil. I couldn't rid the thoughts of Xander, no matter how hard I distracted myself all day. Where was he? Is he alive? It was unfair for me not to know, but I suppose many of the single parents and children here feel the same way. Where were their loved ones? It was a horrible thing to feel.
When nightfall came, I was happy to rest. I needed it and surprisingly doze off fast, letting the day's events tire me out. It wasn't until hours later when I was woken up. My eyes flickered open but my vision was blue. Did my dragon blood sense something?
I sat up quickly, scanning the room for something wrong but found nothing except silence. My feet quickly hit the floor and I ran to the balcony, throwing the doors open. The sky was still dark and the air chilling. I nearly called for Vision but knew it was paranoia.
Nothing was wrong.
A sigh fell from my lips and I closed the balcony doors. I took the first few steps to my bed and that's when I smelled it. Smoke.
Not from in here, but close. My head turned slowly to the bedroom door and suddenly, the floor beneath shook violently, rattling the furniture and chandelier, knocking a few hanging portraits. It was a bomb.