I smile, as I hear a child complain loudly at the unfairness of not getting a juice, but water instead. A couple is sitting in front of me, talking and smiling fondly at each other.
I smile too. My fingers find my ring sitting on my finger. I turn it around, smiling.
The bus is filled with people. Many returning home from a weekend get away in London. Just like me. A weekend get away in London, spent at The Globe watching a few Shakespeare classics, eat take away and read in my room. An early birthday gift for myself, which I enjoyed to the fullest.
The bus comes to a halt and people are getting off the bus. The child leaves too, bringing peace to the bus. It begins driving again.
My phone ring and while it was an unknown number from out of country, I still picks it up.
"Ophelia," I answers, my voice low, but light.
"It is Lionel," the male voice on the other end replies.
I allows myself a small smile. It has been a long time since I last spoke with him. "Oh, hi! How are you?"
"Ehm, listen Ophelia, I got some news for you," Lionel says, his voice low and slow.
"Yeah..." I hesitates a bit, letting my eyelids fall close I feel dread set in at the pit of my stomach. "What is it."
There is silence on the other end. I gulp nervously. The dread is slowly growing in the pit of my stomach.
"When have you last spoken with Ahmet?" Lionel asks, his voice strained. Almost as if he is holding back tears.
I feel a lump form in my throat and my eyes getting wet behind my eyelids. I hold in a sob, which threatens to escape past my lips.
"Ophelia?"
"Two days ago," I manages to let out, my voice close to breaking. I blink harshly. I try to swallow the lump, but it only grows bigger. My sight gets blurrier by every passing second.
"I am so sorry, Ophelia," Lionel says, his voice full of sorrow.
I can hear his voice break. I hear it break in that very moment. I almost feel more pity for him, than what I feel for myself. He is the bringer of the bad news.
"Is he-?" I can't force myself to say the word. The word, which I so desperately fears in the moment. The word, which makes a cold shiver run down my back. The words, that will undoubtable shatter my heart.
"I am so sorry." I hear him let out a sob.
Everything go numb. I barely hold my phone. My cheeks are getting wet. I think. I can't feel anything. My throat makes weird sounds. My heart is gone. It feels like a bleeding hole. My hand goes to my chest. I don't feel anything. My mind is blank.
"It happened Friday."
"Okay," I choke.
I get feelings in my fingers again. I wipe my wet cheeks. Tears continue to flow down. It doesn't help. The tears won't stop.
"Ophelia?"
I hang up.
I feel something heavy land in my lap. I look down. My phone. I feel it vibrating. I ignore it.
My fingers goes to my ring. I take it off. I stare down at it. Silver. Plain with a small stone in the shape of a heart on top of it.
Ahmet + Ophelia
I stare at the engraving on the inside of the ring. I clutch it close to my heart. To where the giver belongs and will always be. My heart and my everything.
A sob shakes my entire core. It sounds alien. Pained. Is it me it comes from?
The ring. Not a proposal ring. It is a ring for promise of love. For a promise for a life together in happiness. For a promise of friendship. For a promise of trust. For a promise of a better future. For a promise of a future together.
The bus comes to a halt. I stare out of the window.
Free rooms a sign says.
I put the ring back on my finger. I grab my bag. I jump off.
A dark window mirror a lifeless face. I touch it. It is me. My eyes are swollen. My eyes are red. My eyes are still leaking. My lips are dry. My throat hurts.
"Can I help you, sweetie?" a gentle voice asks.
I jump in surprise. "A room?" I asks, my voice raw and hurting. I face the stranger.
The stranger looks at me with caution. "How long?"
"Two nights. Maybe three," I answers. I fight to keep me voice even.
Memories of Ahmet fly past my eyes. The phone burns in my pocket. It continues to vibrate. I continue to ignore it.
"Follow me," the stranger tells me.
I stand still.
"Is everything alright?" the stranger asks me. A woman. The stranger is a woman.
I feel her eyes burn holes in me.
Why is everything burning? Why is everything burning holes in me?
I nod. "Yeah, bad allergies."
I don't sound convincing. She doesn't look like she believes me. I understand her. She doesn't ask me any question. It is easier.
She eyes me. She nods. She turns around and begin walking.
I follow her this time.
"Here." She has stopped in front of a door. 86 it says.
I offer her a strained smile. "Thanks."
I hurry inside. I hurry, so I can't hear her. So she can't ask questions. So she can't ask questions about my 'allergies'. Or anything else.
I throw my back on the ground. I run to the bathroom.
I need it to stop. I need the burning to stop. Everything burns. I feel like my body is on fire. I need it to stop. I can't take it anymore.
I cry out. I wail. I feel hot tears burn my cheeks.
My insides are burning. I gasp for air. My lungs are burning. They don't get air.
I fumble around. I can't see anything. Everything is blurry. More than before.
I finally turn on the water. I let it hit me. I am still in my clothes. I need the burning to stop.
It stops. The burning stops.
Almost.
My insides are still burning.
I let out a pain filled sob. I rub my chest.
My body is no longer on fire. I shiver. Like I am turning to ice. I feel my clothes cling to me. It is wet. It is dirty.
I take of the wet clothes. I discard it on the floor.
I fall down on the bed. I am wrapped in my towel.
Everything goes black.