The anticipation practically killed me during dinner. All I could think about was the tape as I shoved small bites of baked haddock into my mouth.
"So, Harper, how has school been? You never really talk about it."
My focus switched to my mother, "Uh, it's been good."
My mother took a sip of her drink, but I could tell she was just trying not to yell at me to tell her more.
"Can you give me more than that?" She asked patiently.
This was the last thing I wanted to talk about at the moment. Marissa and I were in a tough spot and it was hurting me. But maybe my mother could help?
"Well, you know that Willow and I are fighting, so math has been hard. We always used to be partners. I mean, obviously, I can be partners with Julie, but she talks so much." I took a sip of my drink to shake the quiver in my voice. "I have a lot of friends, I'm just... I guess not sure if they're real, you know?"
My mother gave me a weak smile, "I know what you're talking about, kid. But I think you choose good friends. They'll stick by you."
Something made me not so sure they would.
"Yeah, you're right mom. Maybe if I just talk with Willow things will be better? I don't think I was being mean, it's just, she told Marissa I didn't invite her to the party."
My mother seemed to be trying to choose her words carefully. I didn't see what there was to choose though. I was right and Willow was wrong.
"Honey, I think that maybe Willow was right."
"What?"
"You are purposely not inviting a girl you are friends with to your party and trying to pass the blame to Willow. Is that something somebody nice would do?"
No, it wasn't. My mother was right.
"But mom, she...she talks about books so much and it's embarrassing."
"Harper Mae Novac, I thought I raised you better than that," my mother said in a harsh whisper-tone. "I am so disappointed in you. We are not getting you those cables, instead, I am going to drive you to both Marrissa's and Willow's houses and you are going to apologize."
A slew of curses made their way through my head. I had to admit, my mother's disappointment did sting but the thought of not seeing what was on the tape gave me more motivation to fix things.
I gave my mother the best sad look I could muster.
"You're right mom. I should never have done that. I am going to invite Marissa to the party and apologize to Willow," I said half out of guilt and the other half out of selfishness. "But please still let me get the cables. I'll do anything, mom."
My mother sighed. She was always the worst at keeping her punishments in place.
"Fine, we'll get the cables, but I will call both girls' parents to make sure you apologize."
I mentally high-fived myself. I was one step closer to finding out what was on the tape. Getting my friend back would also be good, I did miss her. I don't know why it was so hard for me to just say so.
Shortly after our talk, my mother and I made our way out of the restaurant. The anticipation felt like a slap in the face as we made our way towards the store. I'm not sure why a tape that has static on it was making me so excited, but it was.
I still felt guilty though. Did my mother think I was a mean person? Was I a mean person?
"Mom," I started, hesitantly. "Do you think I'm a mean person?"
She kept her eyes on the road, "No honey. I just think some of the things you do are mean. When I was younger I didn't have many friends, so I guess it just hurts me to see you purposely exclude people."
I stayed silent. I knew that about my mother, I guess I had just never put myself in Marissa's shoes before.
Our car screeched to a halt just outside the store. My heart did jumping jacks as I thought of the possibilities.
My mother and I were able to quickly locate the cables. We paid and hopped back into the car. I was about twenty minutes away from finding out I was on the mystery tape and I was pretty sure I was radiating excitement. Just one thing didn't feel right; my mother's deafening silence.
"Mom?"
Yes."
"Are you okay?"
"Yes."
I knew what this was about. She was still mad at me.
"Mom, I'm sorry about what I did. I know it was wrong... it's just high school is hard. I'm scared of what would happen if people didn't like me. I just thought maybe people wouldn't mess with me if they saw what I would do if they did."
"I understand, honey," my mother said. "But let me make one thing abundantly clear, you will never do anything like that again."
"Okay, mom."
"I love you," she said.
"I love you too," I answered.
I didn't understand why my mother was so worked up. The problem wasn't even that big. I just shook it off as I studied the cables in my hands.
When we finally reached the house I just about flew out of the car. I shoved the car door open and specially arranged the cables.
"Come on," I muttered.
I pressed the one button and nothing came on. A groan of frustration left my lips as I flopped onto the couch. Why would the stupid thing work?
"You have them in the wrong places," my mother remarked.
She made fast work of switching around the cables. She then took the remote in her hand and pressed the button. I nearly squealed when the player and television turned on.
"Thanks, mom!"
"Of course," she said curtly. "I think I'm going to skip the viewing party tonight though."
I nodded, "That's fine, can you just help me put this tape in?"
I handed her the tape I so desperately wanted to see the contents of.
She chuckled, "Okay. There is nothing on it, but whatever."
She grabbed the tape from my hands and popped the tape in.
"I guess there's no point in rewinding it," she joked. "Would you like to do the honors."
I eagerly nodded and took the remote from her hands. I pressed down on the play button with all of my might.
A video of cute puppies playing blessed my eyes. They were fluffy golden retrievers. It wasn't amazing but it wasn't just static either.
"Wow, just static like I said," my mother said sarcastically.
What was she talking about?
"What do you mean? Can't you see the puppies?"
She rolled her eyes, "No, I actually can't. I'm done with you tonight, Harper. I am going to go to bed and hopefully tomorrow you are willing to tell me the truth about your friends and this God-forsaken tape."
"But mom, I'm telling the truth-"
"Harper, that is enough," she snapped, "Goodnight."
"Goodnight," I whispered looking back to the tape.
The puppies were playing and yipping. How could she not see this? She must be playing a joke on me or something. There's no way she couldn't see this, but dad had said the tape was static too.
"What is wrong with me?" I said out loud.
Maybe I was seeing something? I ejected the tape and dusted it off. Maybe something had gotten caught?
"That makes no sense," I reprimanded myself.
I put the tape back into the player and clicked play. This time a home video of me playing in the snow was shown.
"What the hell?"
Maybe it's because I didn't rewind it? I forced the rewind button down with my thumb and nothing happened. Okay, so not only had the tape changed completely, I didn't have to rewind anything.
"Oh, that's normal!" I whisper-yelled.
Out of confusion, I ejected the tape. How was that possible? A tape that could change videos and my mother could see? Was I going insane?
"Maybe... maybe I'm dreaming?"
I pinched my arm as hard as I could.
"Ouch!" I screeched, frantically rubbing my arm.
"Um... maybe I'm just tired," I rambled. "Yeah, maybe I just need to sleep. I'm just hallucinating because I'm tired. I'll get a good night's sleep and then everything will be normal tomorrow.
I grabbed the tape and walked up the stairs to my room. I would have to wake up earlier than I usually did to watch the tape before school. I had to prove to myself that it was just static. I could do it after school because then I'd think about the tape all day.
I picked up my phone and set my alarm for five-thirty in the morning. That time was not appealing, but I had a feeling I wouldn't be sleeping much anyway.
I changed into my pajamas and did my nighttime routine. I tried as hard as I could to not think of the tape, but I couldn't get it out of my mind. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but I knew deep down inside I wasn't hallucinating.
As I laid down in my bed I tried to clear my head.
"Think of good things," I mused to myself. "Rainbows, cookies, nail polish, shopping, puppies-"
I shook my head violent like that would get the thought of the tape out of my head. The last time I checked I wasn't one of those weird kid's toys
"Okay, so not puppies. How about kittens? Yes, kittens."
I then proceeded to imagine every type of kitten I could, until I finally fell asleep.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
My eyes flew open the second I heard my alarm go off. I hadn't slept much last night and I needed this to either make me feel better.
I grabbed the tape and quietly walked down the stairs so I would wake my mother. I clutched the tape tightly to me like it would make the tape normal.
I sat in front of the player and shoved the tape in. Closing my eyes, I pushed play. I could hear children laughing. This encouraged me to slowly open my eyes.
They weren't met with static.
Instead, they were met with a bunch of children on a playground. They were all smiling and laughing. Honestly, it made me kind of happy to see the adorable kids.
Not enough to make me forget about the situation. It wasn't like the tape had bad stuff on it, the situation was just weird. I wasn't scared, just confused and interested I guess. How was all of this possible? Maybe I could show my friends. I could invite them over after school and show them the tape.
"Perfect," I said to myself.
Then I wouldn't have to question if my parents were joking or not.
Hearing my mother's footsteps I ejected the tape and shoved it behind a pillow. I then grabbed the brush of the kitchen counter and began brushing my hair.
"You're up early," she commented.
"Yeah, I didn't sleep that well, so I decided to brush out this knot in my hair."
"Okay," she said. "Well, maybe if you take a shower the conditioner will help you get the knot out."
"Good point," I said, setting down the brush. "I'll go shower and get ready."
I ran up the stairs and into the bathroom. Today was going to be a heck of the day. Between having to apologize to Willow and Marissa and the tape I was going to be drained.
"What a day to not have slept well," I said sarcastically.
I stripped and got into the shower still contemplating the tape. Maybe the person mom had gotten it from had tampered with it. She had gotten it from a garage sale, so that wasn't out of the question. I doubted that she remembered the person's address, but asking wouldn't hurt. Then maybe I could have some answers. I'd have to be sneaky about asking about the tape though. It was clear my mother was done talking about it.
I could look at this like one of the alternate reality games I liked so much. It could be like a mystery game.
"That makes it better, kind of."
This didn't have to be such a big deal, it could even be fun. Maybe a change of attitude was just what I needed. I already felt better as I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off. This tape was a challenge and I was more than up for it.