As chagrined and dismayed as I was I knew I still had to stay focused. I hadn't known why the officer had spontaneously stopped but he said it was normal routine to run the plates when a vehicle seemed abandoned. He also said the registration hadn't been renewed. I informed him my handbag was in the trunk with my identification and that the car belonged to my father as I leaned inside fumbling with the console latch in search of insurance paperwork.
The rain was continuously falling, now faster than it had been when I'd pulled over and I was drenched. Finally he told me to get inside. I explained I was leaving New Orleans and headed toward Shreveport, he reiterated the request for the vehicle identification as well as my own before closing the driver door after I'd sat down. I told him I wasn't familiar with the car, it had been lent, his stern expression said he couldn't find a fuck to give me. Again I said my license was in the trunk while feeling the dash for a glove compartment opening. The rain was splashing against the car with each passing vehicle especially the 18 wheelers in route.
The yellow waterproof raincoat he wore hadn't protected his legs from the water being expelled from the large trucks, as water dripped from his hood he yelled inside of the window and said "U can't park here! MOVE THE CAR!"
He swiftly walked away protecting his face from the wind and rain holding his hood with both hands. The strong winds were more intense combined with the traffic on Interstate 10. Nervously I placed both wet hands on the steering wheel in an attempt to control the shaking, the water mixed with the products in my hair burned my eyes while running into my face.
It was a must that I find a restroom and didn't know exactly where I was, only that I was nearing I49 and had pulled into a fork in the interstate perilously. I'd tried to obliterate Mama's words but knew a drunk tongue spoke a sober mind. At that moment as I looked in the rearview mirror at the flashing blue lights I wished for someone, anybody. I was alone and wanted to die, if GOD didn't send someone I would die! Had Alexander set me up!? I knew I had to drive away and wondered if the officer had sensed distress in my voice, in short I wished he would just talk to me.
My foot trembled on the brake pedal as I looked in the mirror and put the car in drive in search of an exit. I removed the wet phone from the robe pocket while exiting and noticed the State Trooper's signal light behind me also preparing to take the exit.
The tension that had somewhat subsided in 3 miles had returned. I'd passed a sign that read Lafayette La and was turning into a Chevron right off the exit. So was he.
Now I was frantic. It was the day after Christmas and I was driving a Bentley in a Monogrammed bathrobe with the initials CMC on the lapel. The officer opened the drivers door against the wind and rain and ran inside of the Chevron first allowing a woman with small children exit the door. Seeing them happy irritated me.
I'd known not to drive away and decided to sit until he left. Withdrawn from my surroundings I sat while lost in deep thought, attempting to wait the officer out, I realized I had a conscience I was still crying, I always could have done things differently now I was in some shit. Knowing I had to regain control and figure out a solution I tried to breathe steady.
I knew I couldn't return to New Orleans, I'd fucked up good that time. Martin's portentous gloats rang in my head, his hyperbolized dogma, I'd listened to his patronizing disquisitions--
his overweening austerity appalled me, I often doted on whether or not Kerri had really been inculcated by his fallacious precepts. Contrary to whatever the fuck Sharon Givens claimed, I was not one of them.
I'd taken a few deep breaths and closed my eyes but when I opened them I became even more unsettled and had to pee more than before, Terrell's body on the photographs, he'd swollen in the sun---I'd seen him vividly when I closed my eyes, and when I opened them a mirage of his face in the pool of rain was above the moving windshield wipers. I jumped from the car before I'd realized it while the officer watched my disoriented actions upon exiting the gas station. I was not insane I kept telling myself as the voices toyed with my uncertainty.
Was it true? I recalled sitting in Daddy's lap and he'd shown me things in the Bible, how had I enticed him and why couldn't I remember? Did I lack empathy? Something wouldn't allow me to grieve him, even when Grandma died I'd snuck into the room and bit her cold hand to see if she was really gone.
Her room soon became ours, she was really gone. I could see the room; the old chifferobe in the corner, the bed with the yellow spread. Daddy had come inside once when I was 12 years old, something would not allow me to wake up but I felt him as always. Mama was wrong.
I could hear him apologizing and I loved him, he was my daddy. There were times I would mistaken him, and become afraid; I couldn't have been more happy when Redd came along I'd left home to never return.
Considering I was tired I blamed the image I thought I'd seen on lack of sleep and hunger before sitting back down on pins and needles, the officer put his car in reverse and backed from the parking space while I watched him until he disappeared. I had considered I could be arrested for arson and murder, also I'd missed court in one of the small towns along the highway but I had to take my chances if I wanted to be with my daughters, I hadn't held them in months.
Something hadn't set right with the car. Mama had said a mouthful but I was having a hard time absorbing her words, we were all born into sin because of Eve. As I tried to adjust the wipers from high speed I triggered the radio, this time a preacher's voice bellowed from the speakers, "When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none. Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he is come, he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished. Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first. Even so shall it be also unto this wicked generation..."
His sermon was coming from Matthew 12, I was in a different area and knew Alexander wouldn't have had the station purposely programmed. I reached for the seek button and the station changed while the numbers on the tuner went haywire. Pressing all buttons at the same time to turn it off completely I was fed up, why had Alexander given me the stupid car!?
I was afraid to leave and the rain was taunting my bladder, I felt the officer would immediately pull me over again. I considered taking a nap but decided against it. Not knowing who to call I texted Ryella before calling Nate, I was desperate for answers, my life depended on them. He answered before placing the call on hold. Unsure of what I would even say I held the phone and thought I saw a figure walking in the rain along curb, surely I was hallucinating, but I somewhat recognized them and swore it was the woman I'd assaulted.
"Hazel, u are much like your father, so impulsive. Are u safe?"
"Yes. I-I need help, the voices-- I won't make it, the noise! Please help me! What is going on, Louisa---who is she!!!?!
"Calm down, where are u?"
"IT DOESN'T MATTER! U HAVE TO HELP MEEE! TWAN WOULD HAVE HELPED MEEEEE! I WAS FINE! BUT HE CAME ! WHO AM I? He should have left me alone!
"I don't understand, just breathe---we can talk about it. I will help u...I don't know what u have done and don't want to know but u need to pray! I can only help u with God's help!"
"My mother, what did she do? WAS PERCY GIVENS MY FATHER? HAS HE EVER TOLD U ANYTHING?"
"He knew your mother had gone to Louisa, back then she made a fortune---well she was believed to have gifts and was very much in touch with Satanism. She showed your grandmother many things who reaped benefit from people coming for spiritual remedies and advice."
He cleared his throat, I wondered what her fortune had to do with anything, I was becoming angry so I asked. There was in fact a woman on the curb, I went to the bathroom for a clearer view, she remained when I returned, the looks inside had been priceless.
"Many women would see Martin and be smitten by his charm as your mother was, but his appetite for sex was demonic, Sharon was hysterical the night Percy found her but she kept mentioning Martin's eyes and said there were others in the room. He would teach us about lust powerful enough to entice dark presences and summons them, he called it dark passion and spoke about being weakened after the occurrence for days. He would prostrate himself in the midst of a circle and chant. Soon they began to come without being summoned. Your mother said there was nothing unordinary about the encounter at first but he changed and became someone else. It wasn't my business but we all knew, and also knew when he castrated himself the spirits had begun to use him against his will, they made mockery of his emotions. I mean, no one wants to go through life alone. My guess was that he somewhat cared for Sharon, things just got out of hand. She'd gone to see Louisa and taken Kerri, she immediately looked at your sister and despised her, but Sharon felt she could help her and was barren; she wanted to give Percy a child. There were stipulations she had to abide by, also it had to be done ritualistically. Almost a year later u were born June 23rd as she had said u would be. Your mother complained about hearing flowing water constantly while she carried u and could not eat anything. She was admitted in the psych hospital because she confessed to seeing them, also she claimed to be able to feel them at times. At six years old she believed u would die and kept u inside but Percy told me a story once, he knew evil was in the home---the demons had been sent, he casted them out lacking knowledge and they remained."
As he spoke I remembered them coming, but where did he think they would go? I knew I had to leave and asked what he meant by ritualistically, he said "Some things I can't tell u, but your mother can."
"She thinks I'm a demon! She even said I enticed my own father!"
Silence filled the speaker. It couldn't be true, how could I forget something so horrid if it happened.
"There is a darkness about u indeed."
I was becoming furious now! I called him for support! I had no one, fuck Nathaniel too! He couldn't help me, he thought like she did!
"Percy knew whatever was unleashed in the home had found u, he tried to protect u after u turned six but whatever possessed u was powerful. I knew he couldn't control it. Your mother knew u would be sent for and decided to have u locked away. Antwan remembered u and said he'd saved u once from the water, somehow u were drowning. Im sure he died wondering if u remembered but he said something could be seen around u in the water, that was the last time I allowed the boys to visit the orchard, the day the old man died. It was safer to cut ties with my son but we kept in touch.
No man wants to hear another man say his daughter comes onto him to the point it can't be controlled. He'd come to have a different kind of love, but it was all the work of Satan, the one who'd answered your mother's prayers."
Irritated I told Nathaniel I would speak with him later, I turned around in search of the woman I'd seen, she was gone.
I refused believe to either of them!
I just needed my children back and I would show them I could succeed. Instantly I began to have flashbacks of bits and pieces from the past, why couldn't I remember in full detail? Daddy would come inside of the room! I hadn't contributed to his disgusting fetishes, I remembered being released from the hospital and he'd come in the first night! There was no way it was true.
I looked around for the State Trooper before merging into traffic, there was not a person in sight standing in the rain.
I would not get rid of my child, I loved every one I'd conceived.
When the prison call came in I hadn't hesitated to answer it, I prayed it was my child's father but instead Mr Poindexter was on the other end. I reached for the apple and bit it as he spoke.
"Hazel---greetings. I've read a quote once, that said, 'If your eye is bad your whole body will be full of darkness,' how are u faring along dear? Hope u are yet up to par, and I'll wait patiently on your return. Blessed is the child. There was always a haughtiness about u, I mean even back then, why not give the damsel a rib---maybe they would obey this go around Adam thought by all accounts and it still hasn't proven effective!"
He laughed a wicked and soul stirring chortle and said, "U loathsome vermin, like the man who claimed to be your father, u are the odious and vile derogation of humanity, the ground beneath u abhor your footsteps hither and thither, the skies above darken with repugnance for your existence and the dominion bewail your cause. U ever considered the world in which is to come Hazel? I saw the relish, the zest for what u saw inside the home and, I, I must let u in on a little secret, Santa Claus isn't the only one who knows when u are wake! Honestly, did u think u could just beat a hasty retreat?"
I laughed this time.
"Belial---if u were complete perhaps I would have been bothered. Why did I kill your son Jermaine? He was much like u, preferred the closeness of---u know, as Denard and yourself. What do I owe u? I wondered whether Procell would forgive my debts...or maybe I could just work for him."
"Yes, yes---by all means, Jermaine had to one day concede, I blamed his mother. Sordidly u have made that palpable hitherto your enlightenment, your muddled perception of the world in which u live has always been erred. She couldn't save u."
He named Kerri---something wasn't adding up, Mama had to have gone back to him.
"Where is my sister?"
"Furthermore, the files---they will be delivered to u, I will notify u upon their arrival. I made sure u have received what u were entitled to since your father deprived u of knowing. I trust u will take good care of the Book. Once Procell asked when I was a child while in human form, where does the soul go and I couldn't answer. Your mother and I had something special in the past, she would enjoy them all, each of them and as u know from experience things can become ungovernable. Hazel until next---"
"U dickless bastard! Fuck u!"
I quivered with anger as I entered onto I49, almost back where it started. The initials on the robe had begun to bother me as well as the bodies in the home, how many lives had I taken?
"I'll continue to let u play the guessing game, give them all my regards, Nathaniel as well."
The call ended after the automated recording announced there was 60 seconds remaining.