My heart wouldn't allow me to feel I had relinquished the bond Troy and I shared, something had happened to me and I was now constantly in turmoil. I stood at the front desk check in disputing the hotel clerks claims that my debit card had declined, I only needed one more day and the strength to find the Honda. "Ma'am, I'm sorry---I really am, but I have to ask that u check out immediately."
The guests stood behind me as I attested his claim, I had more than enough money in the account I had opened. I transferred the money from accounts I controlled as well as activated the card and used it numerous times to pay for the suite. Angrily I closed the Kimono and attempted to lay the strands down in the top of my head with my hand that were visible in the upscale hotel window reflection. I walked away fumbling for the uneven belt that hung slouched and could see the police entering through the revolving doors. Where would I go? I got onto the elevator and returned to the room, I needed to call the bank, surely there was a misunderstanding of some sort. The hold time was 10 minutes and within that time frame there was a knock at the door, hotel security stood with a luggage cart and the officers who had just entered into the lobby.
After I had snatched the door open and fought to cover my shoulder with the robe they looked around in disgust. "I'M GETTING MY SHIT! I DON'T NEED---"
When considering I may have had a warrant I soon became apologetic as I focused on their badges. I grabbed the luggage cart and said I needed to get dressed, " Yes ma'am, please do so quickly, with all due---"
Furiously I slammed the door. I hadn't expected to not be able to get back inside when I'd left out, my key had been deactivated but as the housekeeper opened the suite door and peeped inside I walked up on her and tried to knock her arm off. I could tell how she patted for the walkie talkie it would be some shit. Fine! I was leaving! I wanted my man anyway.
Mama had called, fuck her. I had so many missed calls and Nathaniel had called more than once, I was furious and clueless. My heart pounded as I considered I was broke with no transportation. I had to call Martin. "Dario will arrive shortly."
I'd only asked him to pay for the suite, he'd paid when I hadn't asked, what was different?!
I stood in the lobby dressed in many colors, pregnant as hell trying to prevent the large luggage cart from rolling while pressing send on the banks phone number. I didn't know who Dario was but I waited on him impatiently, I was so embarrassed and felt out of place, even the small dogs who came in with their owners would look at me in awe. I hadn't showered or washed my hair, the puffiness around my eyes hadn't served my swollen nose any justice. I anticipated them asking me to wait outside and as I looked back at the bellhop, he looked genuinely remorseful. I pictured him looking as Boogie would have.
The valet attendant who had parked the Honda once or twice glanced at me, I'd known I looked different from how I had when I arrived. I had experienced some kind of self-inflicted trauma, I was convinced. There was no other logical explanation. I was familiar with grief, but not as I had experienced while being separated from Troy. He was just upset because he didn't understand, he would soon come around! Yep---he loved me, that couldn't have faded so suddenly, my love was stronger and I would do anything for us.
The representative answered the call with glee only to inform me my account had been frozen. I inquired about the savings account, same scenario. I didn't know what was going on but there was a notation on my accounts to step inside of a branch immediately. I was entitled to that money on all accounts and could prove it. These unforeseen circumstances had taken a toll on my sanity, there was no recovering this time, unknowingly my emotions were too deeply involved. Troy was satan sent, why had I burned inside for him as I had! I knew he needed Terrica because he could call no one else, I reprimanded my instincts and sided with his intentions. He loved me, right? If not why had he acted as he had, he wanted us, didn't he!
I ended the call in disbelief, the guests observed my actions as I spake hostile to the representative who kept reminding me the call was being monitored and recorded for quality assurance. I would get what was mine! I had no understanding and was enraged! The dizziness had returned, and as all other health issues during the pregnancy I disregarded it, I decided maybe I needed to just calm down. I began to frantically look for the driver and as I let the cart go, it rolled into a guy who was entering into the lobby. I apologized as I grabbed it to prevent it from overturning. Seemingly acceptive of my apology he straightened his blazer and asked if I was Hazel.
Ashamed I said I was while he grabbed the cart and led it through the doubled glass doors. He could kiss my ass too even though he had been sent. Dario loaded my light luggage into the G wagon and let the windows down before weaving through traffic toward Martin's home.
He could not keep me in New Orleans, I would find the Honda and leave! I had to know what was going on and decided the children should stay put. I wondered why something kept trying to lead me to the Orchard, and the sounds of distant waters had driven me insane without logic! The whole layout hadn't made sense but I had a plan, I would show them all betrayal, why I so subjected to disaster? My mother had some explaining to do. I'd known Dario was a part of his diabolical conglomerate, I didn't trust him at all. He inquired, "Do u need medical attention? My mother Kie is a nurse."
I studied him, and could smell the kush in his dreads.
Yet intrigued about why the car was towed, I asked where it would have been...I still had Kerri's car and had to get to it also I now needed the $60,000 I'd left behind in Metairie. I was closeby.
Dario seemed unobservant but asked why I was pregnant and alone. He grinned at his own blatant inquiry. Fucking errand boy, he hadn't found any thing else amusing after I reminded him of it. I quickly rearranged the lettering on the overhead signs while taking note, as the truck obeyed the imps commands. I had not yet regretted my ambition, and was determined to get to Troy. He preferred my flaws, my abnormalities. I felt disenfranchised, and my time was running out. I was morbidly weak and knew I needed to eat for the sake of my baby, how had I even survived? I'd only eaten grapes from the carts---and had no taste.
I was endowed in my confidence and no bitch had ever taken anything from me, especially a nigga...
My plan became effective to find the car as the thought occurred, What if they found Nikki's body?
Against all odds I knew I couldn't do it alone, I'd dreamt of them---and relived the power I felt while seeing them vulnerable before they had taken their last breaths. Martin hadn't even cared for a disguise, he was raw and uncut. "Your father never came around to his senses, even when it was all said and done. What had he himself to gain? I never understood, why he was so---competitive and, and good perhaps, yes---good?
I remember when I last saw him, he'd asked 'For what profits a man if HE gains the whole world but loses his own soul?' I'd seen him on the corner, he was full of iniquity by then and reeked of uncleanliness! My, my, my how his words bit him in the ass. I'd thrown him a portion of what could have been his and watched him scramble to pick it up. He'd been so sharp-witted once, it was only right I looked out for him. I told him, 'I never would have made it---without him.'
I had gotten sick at the dinner table and had to be escorted, the yoke was heavy around my neck. He triumphed over my father's misfortune and laughed at my mother's regret.
I could see the fountain as we approached the home, it flowed with toxins from his tainted land, the house nigger sat with his legs crossed in his blue shirt and red pants on its edge as he had for centuries, his concrete smile prominent and tale-telling. I watched the fountain flow down its stone aligned pathway and into the pond but could not hear the water.
As if he was pleased with his accomplishment, Dario called Martin upon our arrival. I was afraid now to enter into the home and felt I had been manipulated to come, I vowed not to stay. The burden of grief was now heavier, Troy hated me and I knew he was laid up with that bitch. I began to play on her phone to keep her occupied after I had showered and eaten. I needed money, and was helpless! I laid down and tried to sleep but my child would not allow me to rest as if I needed to be awake at all times. I called my mother, the service was horrible, I could not hear for the static. I needed help right then! I called Troy and after the 7th call he answered, I could not speak for crying. "How did u get out?" I had to know!
"They had no evidence, shit Ion know---but peep this, where u at?"
I was afraid to tell him, "Why?" I asked. "The detectives looking for u, they asking about Nikki---"
Fuck that, I would die without that nigga, point blank period. When I heard Terrica in the background I knew I had to kill that bitch, I carried his fucking child, she was being disrespectful! I loved him so much I would kill him too. He wasn't taking heed to my silent warning. I was sitting up on my knees in the bed and could see the tears streaming down my face in the glass casing on the painting, I felt I would pass out from heartache.
He talked to me like I was---nobody! I wore his scars and had allowed him to relieve his frustrations physically and abusively! The passion between us was unheard of and---SHE COULD NOT HAVE HIM!
"Yea, I gotta go though," he said before he ended the call. I died inside right then, he didn't even look forward, to my return. The heaviness in my chest disabled me, I had to die.
The police were coming at me from different angles, I refused to get caught up... I would surely die in prison! The interference in the phone came unannounced, I could no longer hear what he was saying but I could hear his sarcasm after he said he had to go, I began to text him---why had he believed I set him up?
As I texted in defense I could feel someone's presence behind the door, I sobbed and hated the day I was born. The voices taunted me louder and more aggressively by the hour. I had no understanding---I had no one to call, no one had ever given a fuck about me! Reality set in, I held my throat in an attempt to breathe. I called Pam and prayed she answered without result, I needed to hear Ryella's voice, Twalla---my sons! Why had my prayers gone unanswered so long?
My phone rang as I texted him I wanted to know if he cared for our child. It was my mother calling---I regretted even answering when it was all said and done. She informed me of divorce papers. That day I realized I too was like Eve, I had never even been given a chance.