I tried hard to figure out what had transpired while I was hospitalized, Twan had acted strange since I had been home but showered me with love. I had begun to wonder if I could trust him, I believed he still plotted to kill Christy. I knew her fate depended on the bond he had with Tobias, however Tawanna was his sister also. I considered many factors, including Christy carried Tobias' first child. He catered to me excessively, it made me suspicious. Pam had four grandchildren on the way, one the twins would have a son any day. She yet claimed Shan and Netta too, of course she didn't know. I was in a fucked up predicament, sick everyday and when the ultrasound had shown two fetuses I could have lost it right then, I actually think I did, but Twan was so happy. He claimed he just wanted to settle down and raise our children. He was ready to leave the game alone, I thought that was the best option for him.
We went to Keithville for court and I hadn't expected the series of events that had taken place. Sabrina showed up, she was his co-defendant. It was obvious she was pregnant. Twan looked pissed, I began to question why he suddenly became belligerent like he was bitter, if we were together then what difference did it make? He couldn't hide his anger. He didn't even ask about the twins which was strange. He eyed the bitch from across the courtroom so I dismissed myself, and walked outside to calm down, I was pissed. I walked toward Twan's car thinking I should have never thought his feelings for Sabrina were gone, if they weren't her pregnancy would have never been an issue with him. As I approached the car I heard a nigga call my name. I instantly knew who it was.
I picked up my pace, I hadn't wanted to have an altercation with Redd, seeing him crossed my mind but not at the courthouse, he avoided law enforcement to the fullest. I fumbled with the keys inside my handbag trying to make it to the parking lot across the intersection, he called again, this time I heard a car parked by the curb crank, it was Sabrina's car. By the time I crossed under the signal light he had driven past me and parked in the parking lot. He waited. I tried to remember if I had anything I could use for a weapon. I didn't. I noticed the security guard at the garage toll booth and kept walking. He had parked behind someone else's car directly in my path.
I searched for an alternate route, I had to walk past the nigga and he waited with a smirk. Fuck it, I thought...what would he possibly do to me, the security guard was on duty for a reason. I would explain to that nigga I just wanted peace, what the fuck did he think we still had? Our children were gone! Hadn't he known what I had went through because of him? HE LIVED A LIE! Twan had rescued me, what we had was over.
"Hazel! U ignoring me?" He asked as I approached where he parked. "And u pregnant? AGAIN! Bitch come here! Now!"
Didn't he know I knew about Sabrina?
"Why u here?" I finally asked.
"Looking for u," he said.
He held my arm outward and pressed my belly. "I'll kill u right here," he said.
I saw him put his hand in his waist where he kept his tool. I knew I had to kill him, he would never leave me alone. Was he serious? I wanted to address his undercover sexual preferences, "Baby, Hazel...I just need to talk to somebody, please, I know u still love me. I don't know what to do! The new DA is reopening the case!"
WHAT? OH GOD NO...I needed his confession. I had too much to risk, I was wiser now and I considered my children more than anything else.
"We can't go back through that Hazel... and Boogie killed himself! My son Baby, your Daddy was messing with him, Ima kill that nigga!"
"WE? I AINT KILL THAT NIGGA! TELL THEM!" I yelled. "Daddy said Boogie was being bullied!"
"Baby he lying! Ask Kerri!"
I didn't need any stress...it would trigger the voices, I hadn't taken the meds since I left the hospital.
"They don't know that. When u coming home?"
I could not believe he would and had set me up. I had to destroy that nigga like he tried to destroy me. I had to deal with him, had he thought we were going to be together again?
"I know u know about Josh, Kerri done lost her mind. She seen it, they looking for a nigga in a black Tahoe. That bitch say the nigga thought Josh was me."
I concluded right then that nigga had no heart. I questioned Twan's loyalty as well. I hadn't known how to mention the fact I knew he had a baby on the way.
"Hazel, I'll die in jail. They said I got it. U need to get tested. We will die together, I love u."
I watched his lips move and every word he said after that point was unheard. I thought back to all those blood tests they had done, I knew Ryella wasn't sick. He had to have gotten infected in prison, after he went back. I hadn't slept with him in almost 6 years.
"IM FINE REDD! Haven't u done enough to me already! I trusted u, u know what I had already been through! U were fucking him and wanted me to fuck him too!"
"Ok, listen...I was a coward, they raped me over and over in jail, I couldn't fight all them niggas! I couldn't tell u and when Rell said he would tell u I had to do something! He wanted to fuck u baby, I had to...I mean, what else was I supposed to do?! U were all I had, u made me normal! Just come back! U can fix me! The girl I fuck with don't mean nothing to me, she still fucking her baby daddy!"
Oh Lord!
"Are u using protection Redd...?!!!"
"YES! BABY, PLEASE BELIEVE ME! WE ON SOME MONEY SHIT SO I KEEP HER AROUND! I NEED U, NOT HER!"
A knife ripped through my chest, what baby daddy? I needed to know, who he was talking about. I needed him to say her name.
"What's her name Redd?!"
"Why, it don't matter! She ain't nobody!"
"I just need to know, please tell me!" I was crying at this point, he wondered why I was so upset.
"Sabrina! U don't know her!"
She was still fucking her baby's daddy? I knew who her real baby's daddy was, and I was confused which baby he meant. Was she carrying his child? Or Twan's...when had she even gotten pregnant?
I turned and ran back across the parking lot, across the intersection and to the courthouse. "Hazel! Bitch...! U can't hide! The police can't help u, u schizophrenic bitch!"
After going through the metal detector I went back inside the courtroom where I had left Twan. He was gone and so was Sabrina. They were together, they deserved each other. Die slow hoe, I wouldn't I refused to.
He hadn't called my phone, I instantly became angry and considered what Redd had just said. They were still fucking.
Nobody was loyal. That thought broke me down, right then and there. Something snapped. I was sick, I knew I was. Life for me was over, I had given it to my children...I needed to die, I hadn't deserved to live. No one loved me, I had been abused physically, sexually, mentally, and emotionally. There was nothing left. Maybe the voices had been right all along, I had shut them out. They hadn't betrayed me. My phone began to ring in my pocket and I could not even answer it, my mind had went elsewhere. I walked out of the courthouse, down the sidewalk and toward the bridge. The cars flew past me without any regards for my presence being uncommon. Their radios played, their laughters reverberated, they dodged me but did not stop. I was worthless.
Everything from that moment was a blur, except the bridge, my destination, time stood still. I could see it from a distance, high above the Red River. I marched the pavement, I became a child again in my mind. The baths daddy made me take with him surfaced first, then the molestations. The abortion, my virginity, he had deprived me of all my firsts. I would never be right again. Why had I even thought I would be normal?! The children inside of me hadn't deserved to come into the world and be subjected to any of the things I had been. We would go together, Twan could remember us through Ryella. I just couldn't take anymore. Only the voices cared. My mother, was a drunk. My sister hadn't even gave a fuck if I died in jail or not. She hadn't expected me to even get out. Her husband had died because of my failure ass. Redd had betrayed me, he had infected me with his dishonesty and secrets. Twan was still fucking Sabrina, who did I have? Christy had abandoned me for Tobias she was looking for love as well.
They said walk, and keep walking. Don't stop, climb high, and I did. I climbed, I watched my phone crack on the pavement. They yelled, "Stop her! We can talk about it!" The mascara ran down my face, I looked like the clown I was. They saw the tears of a clown. The man came behind me. "Hazel, come down!"
I climbed, who the fuck was he, why had Twan sent him, he was a coward! He didn't know me!
"Hazel! Hazel Givens! I saw u at court! Let me help u! I saw everything, I came to testify for u!"
WHAT! The man from the park? The killer! I fucked up my foot because of him!
I stepped down on the pier cap above the pillar, then to the top of the pillar and balanced myself to leap. Nothing would stop me, I could not live. Issa, Killa, Mike all said jump. Come be with us.
I could hear all the people below, "She's going to slip!"
I tried to remember the Lord's prayer. I felt my babies moving as if they battled for their spots in heaven, who would make it in first. I pictured them being yet conjoined, but I was almost 4 months. I could not remember The Lord's Prayer! I knew I had to say it right! I had a chance if I said it right, didn't I? Or was I destined for heaven regardless? Babes and Fools...
Mike said they all would die, but suffer first.
The man now stood above me, why had he climbed also? Hadn't I ran from him once?
"Im they key witness, they won't convict u. Please come down! I was in the park the night he was killed."
As he spoke I almost wondered how I had even gotten up on the decking. I became afraid. I knew I would have a seizure, I hadn't taken the Feno, it made my brain swell...
Issa spoke, "We're all happy, u can't be happy there. U see Twan doesn't love u. He loves Sabrina, Redd does too. U spared the bitch and she took your man."
I froze in fear, I would fall if I moved, my arms jerked as I held on to the arches, my feet were only on a small slab of concrete. Why hadn't I remembered the prayer, I would go to hell without the prayer like Daddy had said. "Well just kill yaself if u don't like it. This is normal, it's in the Bible. U better say The Lord's Prayer first though, u may have a chance to still get in heaven."
I always tried to remember the prayer, he would always change it and never tell me where I could find it in The Bible. I just could never remember it.
"Give me your hand! Come on Hazel, I can't have this on my conscience!"
MY BABIES! WHAT AM I DOING!? RYELLLAAAA!
"Mama come on," Boogie pleaded!
Son I can't...U have a sister now!
"Ok," I said through my tears to the man. I was so scared, the voices had suddenly led me to a bridge, after I had just blacked out, why had it gotten to that point?! I wanted to live!
Where was Twan, hadn't he loved me like he said he had?
I was afraid to reach for his hand, he stretched his arm outward, my arms trembled as I held onto a rail that connected the pillar I stood on to the bridge. The movement above on the bridge had ceased, I could see the lights flashing against the windows of the businesses surrounding me high up. Someone else had climbed up on the bridge and was holding the man's legs as he stretched out his body and reached for me.
"They won't let u jump, they are prepared to save your life so come on Hazel, don't do this. It can't be that bad. We can talk about it!"
I could not see Twan, but I heard him...screaming in the midst of all the commotion. I knew I had to let go to reach for him, but my grip was the only thing securing my balance. He reached.
"HAZEL PLEASE! JUST LET GO, I GOT U! COME ON!"
I took a deep breath and prepared to reach, but The Lord's Prayer flowed through my mind and off my lips. I was saying it! My hands were cramping they would slip any second, if they slipped I would fall, if I didn't leap I would fall straight down to the concrete beams. What had I done? My babies inside were in turmoil, I almost could hear their cries.
"Her eyes are rolling back! HAZEL CAN U HEAR ME?! I HAVE TO GRAB HER!"
"NO U WILL FALL!" The other man advised him.
"Park man" leaped and grabbed me by my wrist and snatched me toward him while someone held him by the ankles, his strength was unimaginable. "I GOT HER! SHE'S HEAVY!" he said through a strain.
I felt my wrist break.
I began to scream, my left hand had slipped from the rail and all that held me was his grip. Firefighters appeared and passed him a harness, "SHE'S PREGNANT!" He yelled. My arm was throbbing, the pain radiated to my elbow.
The concrete scraped against my chest, a firefighter and "park man" snatched me back to the deck. As I seized I saw them all, so many people who cared, so many strangers. And Twan, he angrily fought the crowd, sat down on the ground and pulled me to his lap.
"I can't let them take u! Why did u leave! U trippin, they will put u back in there!"
I bit down on his hand, he held my teeth apart. "MOVE AROUND!" He yelled at the crowd, that had increased. He picked me up, my arm dangled the tears were rolling into my hair, I could feel it was wet. "Stay with me Baby."
"HEEEEY!" The "park man" yelled.
"WE GOOD BRO! SHE GOOD!"
I managed to focus on him, his hand was in my mouth, he was crying.