Twan finally convinced me to go to the hospital. "It don't look like an emergency to me," the ghetto ass nurse had said, "Its been like this for a while, at least six weeks. Its something in it." He had been right. He hadn't waited out in the waiting room he had some shit going on with his daughters so he dropped me off and said call him when I was done. They numbed my foot, removed the glass, sterilized it and gave me crutches. I sat down in the waiting room to call Twan. I had sat beside a pregnant chic, I ear hustled the voicemails she repeatedly played over and over. She was on some spy shit. One particularly pissed her the fuck off, she got up grabbed her Hermes bag and in the process dropped some drawn out designs. They looked important, I stopped her. "U dropped something!" She ran back, "Fuck! She said...hold this!" She handed me some papers and her handbag! BITCH I COULD ROB U! Was all I could think! She wobbled swiftly toward the exit doors in time to see a Grey Audi pass the transport doors. "FUCK!" she yelled before turning back around. She came back and reached for her belongings. "Thank u," she said. "Come On...u the right size." I said "For what bitch!" She laughed. "No not that...Im pregnant," she said.
Get the fuck outta here I thought. I looked at the paperwork and saw her name was Christy Michell Creighton. Or they had misspelled Mitchell...I was digging the perfume she later said was by Beyonce. "I don't know how to walk on these crutches" I said, "Where we going?"
"Girl, stop whining...come on."
"I fight pregnant bitches too," I said.
I held on to the prescriptions and hopped behind her wobbling ass.
I had to call Twan. I knew he was waiting.
I was so hooked on his sex, I but I could not love him. I had peeped how he operated already and saw how bitches looked at him. We constantly fucked. He would wake up in the morning and pull me on top of him after he's already waken me up in the middle of the night with that hard monster he had. He would not nut until I would be begging him to stop. He would not pull out no matter how I fought, I could tell when he was almost there I could feel the chills on his back when he would be on top. We had been in every position imaginable. All we did was smoke and fucked. He was getting too attached. I tried to convince him to make it work with Sabrina, he tried to explain what they had was long dead before I even showed up and was adamant he hadn't cheated on her. He broke up with her when he packed his shit. She went and burned everything he left behind. He was at a hard place in life as I was so we consoled each other. His mama had spoiled the fuck out that nigga. Just those three words alone instantly turned me on..."I WANT IT". That was all he had to say and he knew it. I sympathized for Sabrina. She was probably near suicide. I never craved Redd like I had Twan, it would have been dangerous to tie any emotion into that lust. Thats what happened with ole girl. She was weak as fuck in the beginning. I also knew everytime we fucked he invaded part of my soul with his own characteristics. If it was left up to me though he would have slept in this pussy...every night. I hadn't slept with clothes on since I left Pam's house. He would kiss the scar on my forehead and make love to every imperfection I had on my body. I had promised myself and Boogie to never love another man again. I considered all the neglect...even though I was too young to know it was neglect. He was my man. I constantly called people. I finally called Daddy, I could smell the liquor through the phone. He answered...I dont even think he knew it was me. He blasphemously mumbled some shit and ended the call. I called back and Reverend Givens sober ass voicemail had wished all to be blessed in the name of "The Father". I knew who his father was...I'll pass. He called back as Christy and I walked to the parking garage to a BMW 760. I wasn't about to let that pregnant bitch kidnap me. "Where we going, Im stopping right here," I said.
"Im giving u a job," She said.
"I cant go to work! Bitch u crazy! My foot..."
"Just come on!"
I turned around. That bitch was crazy. Besides I was ready to get the fuck out of that country ass place.
"Ok, here...Ill pay u now!"
BITCH I DONT EVEN KNOW U! MY BODY MISSES TWAN! I NEED TO CALL HIM! BAD!
"Im good," I said.
I called his number. He didn't answer. I called again...no answer.
Something that I didnt know existed went right through my heart. Had he gotten rid of me and went home? Real voices started to speak in my mind.
She laughed. "Your ride not answering?"
I didnt respond. I knew in my heart he would call right back. He didn't. The thought occurred. Why would he rescue me to drop me off? He could have just let me leave the night Redd got out.
The Apple ringtone chimed as I stood there feeling crushed, the voices had become convincing. I was disappointed to see it was Daddy calling back. I answered.
"Hi Daddy...where's Boogie?"
I knew he would know, Kerri still fucked with his trifling ass just because...she invited him to every event and he would come sober and leave drunk. I just hoped he hadn't violated my child. After that shit with Redd I knew muthafuckas aint give a fuck one way or another.
"Oh...U out. Kerri know?" He asked.
"U haven't seen her?" I asked.
"Not since the funeral," he said.
WHAT MY MAMA HAD DIED! NO ONE TOLD ME!!!!
"WHO'S FUNERAL," I YELLED ANGRILY.
"BOOGIES," HE SAID. "I THOUGHT THEY CAME TO THE HOSPITAL AND TOLD U. I'M SORRY POOH."
THE HOSPITAL?! I HAD BEEN IN A TRANCE THE WHOLE TIME!!!!!!!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
THE MENTALLY CAPTURED PORTRAITS OF MY BABIES FACE BEGAN TO PLAY LIKE A SLIDE SHOW. ISSA'S VOICE..."U LOSE EVERYTHING WHEN U GET LOCKED UP, EVERYTHING!"
MIKE: "DIE EASY NOW, OR HARD LATER..." GOD COULDN'T EVEN HELP ME AT THAT MOMENT! HOW HAD HE ALLOWED THIS! I HAD DONE WRONG TO PLEASE EVERYBODY OUT OF IGNORANCE, HOW THE FUCK COULD I DISTINGUISH RIGHT FROM WRONG WHEN MY DADDY. THE PASTOR HAD BEEN PENETRATING ME SINCE 7! HE TOOK MY BABY! I HAD PAAAIIID!
The phone shattered on the concrete, Christy hurried toward me, her lips were moving, I heard nothing.
Brandon Lewis Jr. Born on his father's birthday.
I wanted the seizure to aggressively kill me.
I was hospitalized. I woke up that night they had given me something, I don't even think I could feel. Twan spoke to me, I had no reaction to him whatsoever. I had not even known how Boogie had died. I hadn't given a fuck. His father had killed him, point, blank...period. I found out later he had killed himself, he was being bullied.
Twan leaned forward, I felt his lips on my ear...he whispered, "Do u know u are pregnant?"