I studied the code sheet.
Another "alphabet system" had been created, I could only write him directly using that language. It had taken me 3 days to learn it fluently but we began to write. Still segregated, but certain privileges I was granted. I realized I had finally sobered up and had smoked so many blunts before I got locked up I knew exactly when the weed completely left my system.
''Givens! meds!"
The tray hatch opened and the nurse sat the cup inside. I took the meds. She bent over and peeked inside.
'U get caught, it's on u...'
She went in her pocket and handed me a note and 3 joints. I recognized the writing, it was in code.
I went to the window and answered his question. This is stupid I thought to myself.
I'd decided to write my sister, she had tried to visit a couple times but of course my visitation privileges had been revoked. Something was definitely wrong with my body, I was so weak...I force fed myself and threw up constantly. Issa said I should go to the infirmary but I was afraid they had the results back, 90 days the phlebotomist had said. We laid on in our bunks discussing our pasts and I confided a lot in her.
We'd gotten close.
Issa chopped it up with Killa and he looked out for us. He told us about a cell phone connect and Issa was a daredevil. He said he would line it up. My body kept on aching, climbing to the top bunk was unbearable. Getting down was worse. Issa offered her bunk but my communication would have been cut off with Redd, even though he said nothing.
I had climbed down to use the bathroom.
Killa yelled to Issa through the vent. The footsteps got closer. She removed the vent cover."
"Issa! Somebody coming!"
"FUCK!"
"SHAKEDOWN!" The guard yelled. GIVENS! IN THE HALL!
"The lighter," Issa whispered. She was worried about the lighter, I was worried about the weed and tobacco. He hadn't sent us any Newport but we had plenty tobacco. We'd smoked Psalms and Proverbs so fast I just knew I would never get out. The lighter laid beside the toilet inside the tissue roll on a Nutty Bar box. 10 seconds Givens! The bitch yelled with the bald fade.
"CAN I WIPE MY PUSSY! I'M BLEEDING! I NEED A PAD..."
"HURRY THE FUCK UP!"
"Mr. Shonda, can we clean our cell, they haven't..."
I had no choice but to stick the lighter in the maxi pad and stick it in my panties...the cheap cotton had separated from the plastic. I needed full protection badly. I would not get another uniform for two days.
"HURRY THE FUCK UP GIVENS!"
Bitch I was coming! What can u do lock me down?
I wondered about the weed, I tried to gain eye contact with Issa while Ms. DeeDee patted me down. She knew I had put on a pad and peeped in the toilet with her nasty ass but didn't bother that area. My body was still fucked off from the hard fall, I could barely raise my arm and lock my fingers behind my head. My blood flow was extremely heavy and bright red. It was already day 5.
Mr. Shonda flipped the mattress and ran her blue gloved hand underneath the metal bunks carefully, it seemed like the flow increased. The cramps were unbearable, and my whole ass ached...I suffered from menstrual cramps and Redd would fuck me to ease them on day one.
My legs were so weak, I need to sit down. The concrete floor...my lower back, my God!
When Mr. Shonda turned around and popped her glove like she was ready to perform a pap smear, I coulda shit myself.
"Why y'all shake us down? We ain't got nothing! And we don't show our titties, unless u wanna..."
"Givens...u reaching and this is solitary---"
"Yes sir," Issa said.
BITCH SHUT UP!
"Ok, Seg 6 is clean. Lets go...somebody got some weed and we gonna find it. CLOSE 6 TRINA!"
I wondered where Issa had put the weed and tobacco, she'd patted me thoroughly.
Issa went back to the vent.
"We good Killa!"
"Ok, Gimme a minute I'll send it back up."
Soon she pulled the string and out narcotics and tobacco had returned."
We fired up...
We sat on my bunk and talked about some real shit. I liked Issa...a lot.
I climbed down to change my pad.
I felt the blood run down my thighs, my ass felt like it had somebody's foot in it. The pain was so unbearable in my stomach, my knees buckled when my feet landed, the blood soaked my uniform. I unsnapped it and sat on the toilet, I was familiar with the pressure I felt. Lord, tell me this is not so...how?!
My vaginal canal was blocked, I was having a miscarriage. I had not known I was pregnant! I knew my cycle was always off, and I had only missed my depo shot by a week before I got locked up. I could not have gotten pregnant inside!
The fetus appeared to be 11 or 12 weeks, the conception kinda coincided with my arrest date. I had been so close to sanity. Issa had helped, this time she could not. I held the bloody tree frog like figure in the palm of my hand and I began to scream! I could not stop!
I stood with the fetus against my chest, the blood had puddled on the floor as it dripped down to my feet. My insteps were crimson and the ache inside of my chest was indescribable. Issa laid me on her bunk, she'd moved my mattress. I laid down with my baby and cried for hours. I then picked up the half pencil and paper with my bloody hands and began to write in code. Two days went by. I refused my meds and did not want to eat. Also I would not give up my uniform. I finally agreed to go the the shower at rec. The blood had dried on my legs and feet and I smelled like roadkill. The next morning the biscuits came. I wet them, made dough and mummified my baby.