Why... am I going through this again...?

Will this ever stop? It's too painful... I can't breathe... it's hurting my lungs. My head and my ribs feel like they're being crushed. I can't feel my arms nor my legs. I feel nauseous yet I can't let it out.

Can I just die instead? By then, I wouldn't be able to feel all of this.

I want to die. I have to.

I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I want to die I have to die I have to die I have to die I have to die I have to die I have to die I have to die I have to die I have to die I have to die I have to die I have to die I have to die I have to die

... but no matter how many breaths I run out of, no matter how painful it gets, no matter how much blood seeps out of my body, I'm unable to die.

Why...?