"I'm so fucking sick of you." Ade replied. I frowned, put on my sunglasses, and began to pull out of the driveway without him until he walked behind the car and stood there with his arms crossed. When I stopped the car he walked around to the passenger seat and slid in once I opened the door.
"So what if I just ran you over?" I questioned as he put on his seat belt and I started driving again.
"I wouldn't put it past your ass. You really should stop driving, you speed like a crackhead and you don't even have your license on you."
"And what about it?"
"What part of 'you are reported as kidnapped, cops are looking for you, don't you get?"
"The whole thing."
"Fuck you."
"Abeg lets not act like you don't wish you could." I snorted.
"I knew you'd lost your mind but clearly you dey find new levels of insanity today."
"Na so? Watch yourself carefully before I show you real insanity."
"You know what? You think you go vex me to distract from those theatrics you pulled in there today? You must be mad." He tapped his temple with his fingers.
"If I'm mad you must be drunk."
"Then call me Barney Gumble because you dey craze."
"Well congratulations your life is in the hands of a lunatic." I laughed, like a lunatic.
"How you gon drive when you don't know the directions?"
"You're giving me them. Duh."
"Says whom?" He side-eyed me.
"Says me. Shush and tell me where to turn."
"Right."
"Thank you. See? Wasn't that easy?" I kept driving until we arrived at the African Market and hopped out of the car. As I entered I went straight to the back, I had a taste for pepper soup and jollof rice. I waltzed around the store plucking the things I wanted and throwing them into the cart.
"Nki."
"What now?" I sighed.
"Twenty dollars per bag of goat? Does that sound logical to you?"
"You're so annoying. You're a fucking billionaire and I'm hungry! They could tell me to sell your house for one piece of goat and I'd do it."
"You're so lucky you already got your ass beat."
"No, you are, because if my back didn't hurt like a bitch we'd be two fighting motherfuckers."
"I can't with you anymore, all you do is bring wahala to my life."
"Then don't."
Ade tried to give me the silent treatment for approximately three and a half minutes before he made a fool out of himself. I collected the goat meat and continued shopping for about an hour. I bought a box of chocolate habanero peppers, tomatoes, onions, two bags of maggi cubes, garlic, ginger, a sack of rice, plantains, gari, fufu mix, three meat pies, a bag of puff puffs, sweet bread and two bags of chin chin. Ade looked at me wearily as he drew out his wallet to pay and winced as the card swiped. I glared at him and rolled my eyes.
"Tchew, Nigerian men and money." I put the bags in the cart with a smirk on my face.
"Don't start." he mumbled under his breath as he signed for the purchase.
"Fine."
"I'm driving home." he declared and began pushing the cart into the parking lot.
"No."
"I don't know how I'm unmarried with no children, yet there's still a crazy woman harassing me, spending my money, and raising my blood pressure."
"Your blood pressure can shoot itself so high it sees God himself and I'll still be driving this car." I replied.
"What have I ever done to deserve being cursed with a demon like you?"
"Nothing, because I'm an angel."
"It was a rhetorical question."
"Shut up and put the stuff in the trunk so we can go home."
"Do I look like a servant to you?"
"I'm injured."
"You weren't too injured to drive the car." he narrowed his eyes and opened the trunk.
"And so?" I cackled and snatched the keys while skipping to the drivers seat. I sat merrily choosing music on my phone until the door opened and I was hoisted over Ade's shoulder as if I weighed less than a feather. I crossed my arms as I landed gingerly in the passenger's seat and looked over at him starting the engine and suddenly felt really heated. "I swear to god you really fucking irk me!" I screamed and slammed my hand on the dashboard in front of me. He raised his eyebrows because the last time I actually raised my voice at him was the day we met. I curse a lot, but I rarely raise my voice, it requires too much energy.
"You're not the one who just lugged one hundred and thirty pounds of attitude into that seat." he kept his voice level and his face as stony as mine.
"I'm one hundred and forty, moron, and nobody asked you to fucking lift me."
"You will get us pulled over, you do not have a license, and you are reported as a missing person. I don't get how and why you don't understand this, and don't give me a smart response, you're acting childish."
"Whatever." I pressed my cheek against the window and tried to ignore the feeling I had a fork in my throat. My true personality faded more each day. So far gone was the girl who never cried. I missed her. I missed knowing myself. I couldn't even control my own emotions anymore, they just came and went as they pleased.
"No, you're irritating me. You're not an idiot, so why is it that you don't understand this? You're being more stubborn than usual."
"I- I don't know..." My eyes welled with tears and I prayed the earth would swallow me whole. Ade looked at me and I squeezed my hands so tight my nails carved flaming half moons into my skin. We sat in silence for what felt like forever before he spoke.
"I'm sorry."
"You don't need to apologize."
"Yes, I do. Expecting you to be emotionally stable was unreasonable."
"Thank you, that made me feel so much better." I deadpanned.
"You lack control in every aspect of your life now. You had relative control of your life before, yet driving was the one thing you couldn't do, and now, it's the one thing you can. It's been the only good change about your life, the only way in which you gained control, and it was stupid of me not to realize that earlier. "
"Not reading my mind doesn't make you dumb, I'm grown enough to be accountable for my actions. You're just trying to keep us safe so we can do what we need to do. How can I be mad at that?"
"You don't need to be. I'm mad at myself for you. "
"To be honest you don't get mad at anyone, you just ghost them, so don't make me feel special."
"Well I haven't ghosted you have I?"
"You would if you could."
"Well I can't." I looked at him and my frown finally broke into a smile.
"Hey, driving wasn't the only good change." I whispered as I leaned on Ade's shoulder and he leaned on my head .
"I promise, there will be more good changes."
"You can't promise me that"
"You're my best friend. I would die to give you the life you deserve, that I can promise, and when have I ever failed?"
"You want the list printed or hand written? Numbers or bullets?"
"You're annoying." he chuckled