Herb Hogsden tossed Melissa into the back of his handcart after she had passed out from her drinking.
"What a lousy goddess," Kiko mused with a huff.
She and Akira and Herb were staring down at her while she loudly snored: Her limbs and light blue spiral pigtails were sprawled out in the hay, in a most unladylike manner. Her luxurious black and gold-trimmed satin toga was stained with drink and spittle.
Her black, slightly fuzzy-looking antenna swayed in tune with her loud snoring. He noticed her light blue, near-transparent insectoid wings tucked beneath her.
"She wasn't always like this," Herb lamented. "In the early days of the beta she was well-loved by the people, traveling from village to village to spread her blessings. But nowadays, she just sits at the bar and drinks all the time, until she's had enough. It's become my duty to bring her to the temple in the evenings."
Akira felt nothing but disdain while looking upon the goddess. "I hate seeing mediocre people in positions of power," he said with scorn, then turned to Herb. "Can't she be dethroned? Replaced? …fired?"
"If only it was that simple. Some are born destined to be Gods, as others must be Farmers."
"But that's not balanced gameplay design at all!"
"I mean, I guess it's still only Closed Beta for a reason; hopefully the devs will make some changes. But in the meantime, us farmers are pretty screwed trying to meet the merchants' demands."
"Hmm." Akira took a moment to think. To consider how he might use this situation to his advantage, as a potential means to gain an alliance with an increasingly disgruntled working class—which was always good—and thereby secure some level of control in that most centrally pivotal of financial markets to be found in any economic system...the agricultural.
However, all of his plans would be contingent on this drunkard loli goddess. Which meant he first needed to whip her back into shape.
Through Melissa, the people had the power to bargain with their tyrannical employers...
And by extension, some of that power could become his.
Was he becoming too ambitious, though? Considering this was all still just taking place inside of a video game. Irregardless, ambition was built into Akira Maximilian's bones, underneath all that juicy squirrel-girl fat. As in a sick sort of way, he wanted to see just how far he could push the limits of how this world operated in order to make his fortune.
So before they'd even left the pub, Akira snatched the handles of the cart from Herb. "I'll take it from here," he said with a sly grin. "My partner Kiki, here, is a alcohol rehab specialist."
Kiki flinched. "I...am?"
Akira nudged her, and she immediately became flustered at realizing what was going on.
"OH! That's right. I use...uh, dolphins to do it. The rehab stuff...with the patients."
Herb didn't disapprove. And in fact, he appeared quite relieved. He directed Akira and Kiko to the [Pure Queen Bee Temple], a smooth ivory structure with a gold-tiled roof on a distant hill, telling them to bring her there and that they could also choose to spend the night there if they wanted to, as it would be far better than sleeping in one of the crowded bunkhouses. That there used to be an entire farmer's guild that lived there, but had mostly all since abandoned her.
Night had fallen when Akira and Kiko made it there, and found that a large brazier situated outside of the temple's tall ornately designed golden doors had already been lit.
"He did say it was 'mostly' abandoned," Kiko commented.
Akira paused as he was about to push open the door, turning to her solemnly. "Kiko…are you okay with me doing this?"
"Hmm?" She was caught off guard by the question. "Doing what? Not letting a lady inside first?"
"No." Akira's eyebrows crossed. "I mean, putting a literal God through rehab—it could be dangerous."
She gave a small shrug. "It's gonna be dangerous, either way."
"That's awfully reckless of you to say. Lazuli would definitely scold you if she was here."
Kiko smiled, tucking her chin against her neck in a way Akira found cute. "By now I trust you know what you're doing, Akira-sama. So it's better if I don't stall you with questions."
Akira smiled. "I'll try my best to not betray that trust, Kiko-chan."
She touched his hand. He blushed.
"Kiko-chan…!" he gasped. (What is this I'm feeling right now?)
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURP! Melissa suddenly sat upright, in the handcart, unleashing a huge burp!
"Ow…I fell asleep again." She said sulkily, rubbing her eyes then yawning.
Then, she noticed Akira and Kiko there: staring daggers at her.
"Eh?!" She jumped back, startled. "You're not Herbie!" She quickly looked around in all directions. "Where's Herbie? He always brings me home."
Akira cleared his throat to get her attention.
He bowed his head slightly, holding his hand against his gratuitous chest. "Goddess…my name is Akira Maximilian, and from this moment on I'll be—"
WHOOSH!
She hopped like a frog, soaring in an arc out of the wagon!
Using Akira's head as a midair stepping stone, the kick of her leg sent him to his knees with his face flying forward—straight into the hay wagon!
Kiko was laughing at the scene, while Melissa breezed through the doors into the temple.
"PFFT!" Akira spat out a mouthful of hay. "That little BITCH!"
He stormed after her, into the temple. Into a long hallway with a white brick floor draped by an orange carpet flanked on both sides by rows of statues depicting the Holy Mother's previous incarnations: all of them some variety of loli or MILF. The iron braziers hanging by chains from the ceiling were lit, swinging with loud creaks as though a strong wind had just breezed past.
At the end of the hallway was a set of steps leading up to a throne of bound sticks and twigs beneath a large golden chandelier designed like a laurel wreath.
"Hey, twerp!" Akira yelled, his voice echoing in the empty hall. "I'm only trying to help you!"
Melissa was seated upon the throne, whispering to a dark-hooded figure standing to her right: a pig-man, slouched with his ear pointed to her.
"Who's that?" Akira demanded, as Kiko was running up behind him. "What are you whispering?"
Melissa slammed her foot down, facing forward. "Be SILENT, mortal!" She commanded with an authoritative voice that defied her young appearance.
Akira tensed, and was about to speak out in anger but was stopped by Kiko grabbing his arm.
He looked back at her, and she gave him a serious nod.
He nodded back, took a deep breath to calm himself and turned back to Matcha with a wide smile. "Holy Mother, it seems you've already gotten past your hangover!"
She smirked, crossing her arms and slouching back into the throne. "I merely passed it on."
As she said this, the hooded figure at her side wobbled a bit then suddenly took a tumble onto the floor, with a befuddled moan.
"That's a pretty neat trick," Akira said, setting one foot upon the steps—
"STAY BACK!" Melissa stood up sharply, throwing her arms down to her sides. "No one is allowed here"—she pointed to the hooded guy rolling on the floor—:except my attendant!"
He barfed, as a low sobbing could be heard, continuing to roll in his own vomit.
Akira stood resolute. "It isn't fair, what you're putting these innocent people through!"
"Shut up!" She levitated into the air, her wings flapping at supersonic speeds, madly writhing in a tantrum. "SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"
"If you're truly a goddess, you should stop acting like a spoiled brat!"
A magical wind started to blow in from Melissa's back, billowing past Akira and Kiko as if she was trying to flush them out through the doors.
"You're boring!" Melissa said. "I don't like boring people, so stop bothering me!"
Damn it! Akira thought, how do I break through to her?!
Had his master plan already been foiled, before it even had the chance to begin?!
Glancing at his side, Akira saw Kiko pushing through the wind, past him and onto the stairs.
"Hey, Melissa-chan~" she playfully said. "You like games, don't you? Would you like to play a game with us before bedtime? Like tag, or hide-and-seek?"
At once, the winds…died down.
Melissa slowly floated back to the ground, beaming from cheek-to-cheek.
"I love games!"
Akira and Kiko exchanged smiles of triumph.
They had found their "in."
~~~~~~~~
Party member has enlisted: Pure Mother Bee Melissa!
~~~~~~~~
Elsewhere in the world…
While Akira and Kiko quietly celebrated their success…
Vash had ventured all the way to Acquama Town and back, in search of his star pupils.
He was tired. Lonely, and depressed. Craving the soft touch of a woman.
Moments like this, when his heart was pumping so much warm blood through his veins that he thought he could melt…
Vash needed to express his innermost feelings the best way he knew how…
By writing them out in his rap poetry journal, singing it out loud as he went along:
My heart is reeling!
Can't keep dealing, feeling all these feelings!
My baby is gone and I'm tired of concealin'
The pain and the hurt and the blood in the dirt I'm not seein'—
What it's worth to go on,
What is right, what is wrong,
It's all wrong and she's gone, all I've got is my song,
And this fire in my lung,
I breathe out like a dragon,
But my tongue is just wagging,
My notes are off key,
Here I am: it's just me, all of me,
All alone,
In this house with the wolves,
Reach my hand,
Tryin' not to miss her,
My one, my only,
My love,
My sweet Melis—
KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!
Vash sets down his quill pen and journal, hearing a sudden knock at his door.
Like a candle in the wind: the fleeting moment of passion is lost forever.
He reaches for his [Scorchbrand Slugger]. "I'm comiiiiiiing!" he announces in a shrill, high-pitched voice.
It's the same old song and dance.
He kicks down the door, and steps out into the murk.
A pack of wolves had descended like a noose around his [Homestead], providing no room for escape.
Vash…just snickered. His trusty [Slugger] at his side preemptively igniting with flames.
"Let's play ball!"