For a long time, I followed the river of life quietly. I thought the flow of the river was the only direction I needed. There were others around me but I kept my distance from them. I only ran toward the sea. Why should I desire for what already surrounded me? All I cared about was what the world could be for me.
What did it mean to be something for others?
Many nights I spent pondering this question. Why would someone sacrifice so much of themselves for someone else? Wouldn't it be better to take every opportunity for yourself and turn away the dregs that held you down? I held these opinions deeply. It didn't matter that I came off as cold. I never desired for warmth anyway.
Once I arrived at that conclusion, I stopped thinking about life. There was no use of philosophizing. I dedicated my time to living life as I was. Chasing after greatness and disregarding everything else. It exhausted me. It took every part of me to keep striving for more, more, more. And yet I ran towards the ocean. Where else was I meant to go?
I resigned myself to become a stepping stone for others if it meant becoming greater. If I were to be a pawn, so be it. It was my destiny. I was meant for this life that others failed to fulfil. Being used and being alone. I was near collapse.
You saw me in that pitiful state. I was no one to you. It would never have benefited you to spare me a second glance. Still, you stopped for my sake. You burdened yourself to show me kindness.
"Why did you bother to do that?" I asked you. Your face crinkled in surprise.
"Why wouldn't I?" was all you said.
It was a simple kindness but it lingered on my mind. That kind smile and warm aura couldn't be erased from my memory. I pondered once more. Was life more than the ocean? Was it worth experiencing the shining sunlight? The salty air? The smooth riverbed?
I wanted to become something for you. You didn't turn me away when I asked to walk along with you. It seemed so natural to be by your side. You laughed at little things and gazed at simple sights. I was enraptured by witnessing you. I knew that some lived without thinking of becoming greater but none made it seem as easy or as wonderful as you. Or perhaps you were just wonderful.
All I held in my heart was the desire to stay with you. I wanted to experience your warmth forever. My thoughts reminded me of all the promises I made in my pursuit of greatness. All these promises would keep us apart. I tore down those chains that kept me locked down to that misery. If it meant escaping the devouring cold, I would break every promise, go against every law. If it meant being with you, I would go against the world.
You took my hand as I unravelled before you. Together we ran away from fate. We laughed together as we ran with the wind in our hair and music in our ears. We made new memories. We became something new. Together.
But one can only outrun fate for so long. Some promises are stronger than time. They finally tore me away from you. My heart twisted as you suffered from my selfish broken promises. I plunged into a new darkness. Darker and colder than I ever knew. Yet I held you in my heart.
Thinking of you, I would go through whatever the worlds throw at me. If it meant keeping you safe, I would battle a thousand wars. I would toil to my last breath as long as I can see you smile once more. Suffering surrounded me but your warmth remained.
You are my eternal spring.